reality TV

by (@missmuttoo)

Pauly D Spins Off Onto His Own Show

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The motto amongst the Jersey Shore crew seems to be ‘survival of the fittest’. The Situation takes this a little too seriously with his business plan that mainly comprises muscle boosters and protein vodka. And while you’d think he was leading the pack, he’s off shaking his moneymaker on Dancing with The Stars. So the rest of the cast are crawling out of the woodwork quicker than you can say “50% off at Tanning Salon” to try and take his place.

We’re surprised to say this, but it looks like Pauly D might just have overtaken everyone else. That’s “DJ” Pauly D, who now has his own spin-off reality show and a source explains, “They have already chosen a name and of course it will be deejay-related.”

Thanks, source. The “of course” is duly noted.

If you’re like us and thinking WTF, here’s another explanation, “It’s another MTV reality show and he’ll be DJ-ing and of course doing things his fans love to watch.”

And what would that be? GTL? Activities that involve hair gel? Rubbing up against every woman within a five mile radius of him? Or all of the above? And we’re so incredibly thankful that we get to watch him on not one, but two shows now. Hallelujah. [Photo: Getty Images]

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Danielle Staub Reportedly Fired From RHONJ

As evidenced by the photo above, Danielle Staub literally and figuratively blows in so many ways. (So many ways.) Producers of the Real Housewives of New Jersey are reportedly tired of putting up with her drama and a source close to the show says “If there is a season three, Danielle will not be back.” Ding dong the witch is dead! Or at least not getting her extensions pulled out on TV anymore.

Of course, all reality show villains generally have a second life elsewhere – look no further than Omarosa from The Apprentice, Survivor‘s Jonny Fairplay and, hello, the monster that is Spencer Pratt. They’ve all outlived the shows they were on for better or for worse (okay, just for worse) but they’ve managed to turn their villainy into a career. While Staub has no immediate plans after this season of RHONJ, she told Us Magazine “I’m not even thinking about season 3 right now as I am considering many incredible options that have been presented to me.”

So in the footsteps of Bethenny Frankel before her, there just might be a Danielle Getting Therapy? or Danielle Gets A Visit From Child Services? to come. Unfortunately.

by (@hallekiefer)

JetBlue Slide-Jumper Steven Slater To Be The Next Snooki?

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First of all, let us just say: that headline was a joke. Please, like there could be another Snooki. Like we would even. As it turns out, our predictions about disgruntled flight attendant Steven Slater’s career in television weren’t very far off the mark. But instead of a Lifetime tv movie, or even a very special episode of COPS, Slater is on the verge of getting his very own reality show.

According to sources, “Stone Entertainment…is going after Slater to host a show in which various disgruntled workers quit their jobs in extravagant ways.” As much as we would love, love, love to watch this program, have people not heard of this little thing called the economy? Quitting your job at TGIFriday’s by setting fire to your flare and throwing a high chair through the front window would put something of a black mark on the ol’ resume, no? That being said, Slater himself is proof that scaring the costumers can lead to fame and fortune, or at least to eight episodes dedicated to helping Levi Johnston quit his job as mayor of Wasilla.

To aid him in turning notoriety into dollar signs, Slater has hired “crisis PR specialist” Howard Bragman, who says “I very much believe that Steven touched a nerve with the American people and am proud to be helping him tell his story at the appropriate time in the appropriate way.” We don’t know what about his client Bragman could possible describe as “appropriate”, but whatever these two come up with, it had better be good. Maybe a show where every week Slater goes insane and leaps out of a different vehicle. Cruise ship? Hovercraft? Space shuttle? The possibilities are endless. Thow in one of those Duggar kids as a side-kick, Mr. Bragman, and you and our DVR have a deal.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Aubrey O’Day Finalizes Failed Career With Reality Show

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Indulging the grandiose delusions of beautiful yet emotionally troubled people is what reality television is all about. And why shouldn’t one of those people be Aubrey O’Day, formerly of Making of the Band’s Danity Kane and various slutty photoshoots? No reason we can see!

Apparently the first season is going to focus on O’Day’s “work” in the Las Vegas burlesque review “Peepshow.” So while the show is currently named The Aubrey O’Day Project a more accurate title might be Aubrey O’Day Presents: O God, Please Look At Me, PLEASE. I’m Singing! Are you Still Looking, World? I SAID ARE YOU STILL LOOKING?!? That’s It, I’m Taking Off My Pants.

And it’s on Oxygen no less! “Young women have watched the ups and downs of Aubrey through the years, and they continue to cheer her on,” said Amy Introcaso-Davis, Senior VP Original Programming and Development at Oxygen.” “Besides,” Introcaso-Davis added, “You just KNOW she is going to be an epic train wreck. Am I right, ladies? Who’s with me?”

Okay, so she didn’t say that exactly, but do most young women really identify with someone who can’t buy paper towels without America watching? We are willing to cut O’Day miles and miles of slack, since we all plan to walk down the aisle to “Damaged” but let’s be real here. The amount of weave-yanking and elective facial surgery on this show is going to be turned up to 11. Either way, we’ll be watching.

-Halle Kiefer

[Photo: GettyImages]

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Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes Want A Reality Show To Prove How Normal They Are

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Reportedly, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are going to star in a reality show so that America can see just how “normal” these two are. The fact that they know that their image is NOT normal is challenging enough, what with the Scientology and the rumors that Tom “auditioned” Katie to be his wife and the fact that they do creepy dances for each other on film, so this could be fun.

A source explains that Tom got the idea for a show after filming some viral videos with Cameron Diaz to drum up excitement for his film Knight And Day. He was apparently so smitten with…what, being filmed? As if he hasn’t been filmed before? Whatever…that he wanted to shoot personal footage of his home life to show the world. Says the source “He’s been filming Kate and other aspects of their life for the past month. The original impetus was that he would select a few personal clips to show fans, but word has got out through his agents (CAA) and he is currently fielding offers from entertainment companies.”

Cruise wants absolute creative control over the show, however, so maybe the ploy isn’t to convince us that they’re normal, maybe it’s to brainwash what America believes “normal” is so we think family helicopter rides and couch-jumping on Oprah is typical. He’s Tom Cruise, he has the power to do that you know.

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[Photos: Getty Images]

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Fist Pumping For Love, It’s Not A Joke

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We’ve got to hand it to Spencer Pratt – he knows what will get people talking. After departing The Hills, talking smack about people on Twitter, fighting cyber-crime, and threatening lives, his next venture is an insanely-titled new reality show. Fist Pumping For Love. You read that correctly.

Pratt is teaming up with Snooki‘s not-yet-famous (but soon-to-be-infamous, we guess) ex-boyfriend, Emilio Masella to create the new show- Masella will star, Spencer will produce.  Masella dated Snooki for four months, and disses the pouf-queen, saying “I am tired of these fake Italian girls. I want a real guidette who can speak Italian, so we are prepared to take my search from Hollywood, California, to the streets of Howard Beach in Queens, N.Y.” And here we thought Howard Beach was just the exit for JFK airport. Turns out, Mama Celeste lives there with her hot daughters.

Spencer is also excited by the opportunity to become a producer, saying “It is the perfect partnership for me as a growing player in reality television.” Just when we thought we got rid of him, he returns with a show even more seedy, fake and STD-prone than The Hills could have hoped to be. Bravo, Spencer. Brav-O.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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J. Lo’s Ex Just Keeps Finding New Ways To Not Get A Real Job

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As far as we’re concerned, we would be thrilled if we never reported anything about Jennifer Lopez‘s ex-husbands, ever. Hell, we’d be thrilled never to mention her current husband either. (Although we hear he plans to capture and renovate Greyskull soon.) But Ojani Noa, the one she’s suing for trying to sell private home videos and who has no others kills besides being an ex-husband, keeps trying to cash in on her name, and we keep feeling the urge to call him out on it because, dude, it’s past creepy, now it’s just gross.

Today it was reported that Noa is shopping around a new reality show called I Owe J. Lo in order to avoid bankruptcy. Bankruptcy that he got himself into after violating a confidentiality clause when he wrote a book about his life with the singer. The show would follow him around as he tries to land “menial jobs” in order to pay off his debt. Sounds thrilling! After every minor network passes on the project, we look forward to seeing what Noa does next in the name of Lopez.

Who knew that J. Lo’s second ex,  Cris Judd, who was on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here for the love of God, would end up being the classy one?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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White House Crashers’ Dream Fulfilled, They’ll Be On Real Housewives Of D.C.

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The past year was rife with creeps who were intent on scoring roles on reality shows. While Balloon Dad Richard Heene was jailed for his premeditated stunt,  Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the White House party crashers, are being rewarded for their ass-hattery by scoring a place on the upcoming The Real Housewives of D.C.

Access Hollywood is reporting that the pair, who went to the 2009 White House State dinner as uninvited guests and had their pictures taken with Joe Biden and Rahm Emmanuel, have filmed a dozen episodes of the new series which will air in July, and even says that Bravo cameras were filming the White House stunt. So much for being punished for bad behavior. They also have a book in the works. Their literary agent Sharlene Martin explained, “People will be surprised when the truth about the Salahis is finally told.”

What she means is that people will be surprised that these two are still trying to be famous. Someone buy these clowns a watch, their 15 minutes have got to be over by now. [Photo: SplashNewsOnline]


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Sarah Palin Gets $1M Per Episode On New Reality Show

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For better or worse, Variety reports that  Sarah Palin appears ready to ink a deal with the Discovery Channel to get her own reality show. (For better: this means she’s probably giving up any thoughts of running for any type of office now. For worse: She’s going to be on TV regularly now.) Discovery is willing to shell out an unprecedented $1 million per episode for the Alaskan travel show called Sarah Palin’s Alaska. The show will be co-produced by Mark Burnett, the creator of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?, which is also a name we would have accepted for Palin’s show.

TLC, which is owned by Discovery, is one of the networks in the running to actually air the show. Sigh. Remember when that “L” in TLC stood for “Learning”?  [Photo: Getty Images]


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Simon Cowell Admits He Wants To Get Back With Paula

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We totally called it yesterday when we theorized that maybe Simon Cowell would find a way to reunite with Paula Abdul when he departs American Idol next year. Now Cowell has admitted that he does indeed want to work with Abdul again, saying “I’ve gone on record, I adore Paula. Whatever happens, I will be working with her in some capacity, because I miss her.” Now, we don’t know if this means she’ll definitely be hired for The X-Factor, but it sure sounds like it!

Funny, season 9 of Idol hasn’t even started yet (tonight, baby!) and already it feels like it’s unravelling – we sure hope all these departures don’t result in lost momentum and maximum suckage. We already went through that with this most recent season of Project Runway and we can’t handle another reality crap-fest.[Photo: Getty Images]