Rehab

by (@hallekiefer)

PETA Offers To Pay Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Bill For A Terrible Price: VEGANISM!

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PETA is up to it’s fame-whoring shenanigans again…and this time they want to take Lindsay Lohan down with them. Taking a break from covering Pam Anderson’s melons with…well, melons, or otherwise encouraging naked celebrities to wear vegetables for animal rights, PETA has offered to pay for Linday Lohan’s rehab stay if she eats vegan for a year. Lindsay claims that she cannot pay the $50,000 needed for rehab at Betty Ford, and PETA said they would pony up for a year of no meat or dairy…to the tune of $20,000. Wow, now that a drug-addicted celebrity is being forced to become a vegan for money, suddenly we want to do it too! We’ll just throw these breakfast sausages in the trash! Just kidding. We will kill a man if he touches our breakfast sausages.

A PETA rep explained, “After learning that Lindsay Lohan has fallen on tough economic times, PETA offered to help pay her rehabilitation bill as she recovers from substance addiction—that is, if she gives up one more toxic substance: meat. (In the U.S., eating animal-derived products exposes diners to antibiotics, pesticides, E. coli, fecal matter, and other potentially harmful substances.)” So the cocaine, alcohol and amphetamines, not so much worried about those? We guess they’re probably vegan…right?

Even stranger, Lindsay might actually do it! “It’s something she’s seriously considering,” says Lohan’s attorney Shawn Chapman Holley. But really, how in the name of seitan with brown rice and a side of steamed broccoli are they going to prove Lindsay doesn’t just wait until midnight to covertly wolf down a package of Slim Jims? Unless there’s a SCRAM bracelet that can detect meat sweats? A HAM bracelet, if you will. Oh, but Lindsay can just claim someone spilled a Reuben on her leg and then we’re back to square one. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Shocker! Charlie Sheen Was Apparently Coked Up When Trashing Hotel Room

Welcome to the Charlie Sheen circus! It’s been in town since Sheen drunkenly trashed his hotel room, after which he was hospitalized. As if the trashing-while-trashed wasn’t bizarro enough, he flipped his lid when he thought the woman he bad brought back to his room had taken his wallet. And his kids were in the same hotel (The Plaza in New York) with his wife Denise Richards as they were all in to the city to watch Mary Poppins on Broadway. Classy, Sheen!

Denise also ended up accompanying him to the hospital, where a source says,”After that incident, a battery of tests were run on Sheen. He tested positive for cocaine. And he’s only been out of rehab for two months.” Nice “allergic reaction,” Charlie. That was the excuse his rep gave in the wake of his behavior. Denise, on the other hand, was on Howard Stern and commented, “It’s been a very eventful trip.”

The source also adds that the actor may be heading back to rehab saying, “He may do it as an out-patient, which is what he did last time.” Not that it helped.  “He’s been getting drunk,” said the insider. “He shouldn’t be drinking at all. He was wasted at a party a little while ago and a lot of people saw him. He even went home with a hot actress. Charlie hasn’t changed. He’s been partying like he did before he went to rehab.”

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Lindsay Lohan Avoids Jail, Gets More Rehab

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Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced back to rehab until January 3rd 2011 at the earliest. Judge Elden Fox has also ordered her to receive drug testings between her release from rehab and her next court date set for February 25th. We’d say got off pretty easy, considering the D.A. was aiming to put Lindsay behind bars for 180 days. She also gets her SCRAM anklet removed this afternoon

This latest appearance is court comes as a result of her violating probation by failing two drug tests in September. Despite Michael Lohan’s assault last night, he was on hand to witness the sentencing, as was ex-wife Dina. Lindsay was understandably emotional as she read aloud a handwritten letter to the court, and by the end of the hearing she could only offer a tearful “thank you” to Judge Fox.

Although the choice between jail and rehab can’t be that difficult, we’re hoping that Lindsay’s desire to return to the Betty Ford Clinic shows that she really wants to change. We’re glad she’s going to a place where she can get the treatment she needs to heal.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

For Michael Lohan, Going On A Bender Means “I Love You”

Hallmark, it’s time to come out with a new line of cards. “Here’s a card to say I love you. Because at the moment I’m too drunk to form words with my mouth.”

In a touchingly stupid display of paternal love, Michael Lohan is threatening to go on a drinking binge in order to show his daughter how much he cares about her. Big Mike is considering getting intentionally sent to the Betty Ford Clinic in an effort to get close to Lindsay, who still refuses to see him. According to TMZ, he intends to show up at the clinic and “cause a scene” in order to gain admittance. Don’t try to follow the logic, because it isn’t there.

In what seems like a bizarre and dark Mrs. Doubtfire sequel, the elder Lohan is even willing to stage his own arrest to convince the Betty Ford doctors that he is serious. Err, we’re pretty sure that’s not how it works. But more importantly, we finally have concrete proof that Michael Lohan thinks that drinking will literally solve his problems. No wonder Lindsay’s in such a mess. If you love her, let her go, Mike. She’ll come around. Just don’t give up the cranberry juice.

[Photo: Images]

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Lilo Is Being Treated For Twitter Addiction As Well As Drugs

Now that she’s at the Betty Ford Center, Lindsay Lohan is being forced to take a good, hard look at all her addictions, and not just the drugs and booze. Page Six reports that Lindsay is required to cut down on her Twitter and internet use, too.

A source said Lindsay is “only allowed to use her phone for two hours a day, and only to keep in touch with family and close friends.” Okay, we know that our cell phone is invaluable but yikes, to have your usage reduced to two hours? She should also be treated for BlackBerry Thumb. They also said that in the past, Lilo “would repeatedly and compulsively e-mail her friends if she was ever in a situation where she felt lonely, and she would vent on Twitter.” Reducing outside distractions like Twitter and the like is a common policy at Betty Ford so that patients can focus on themselves, according to the source who sure has a lot to say about what should be a private matter in a confidential setting. Lohan hasn’t actually posted any public Tweets since entering this latest bout of rehab, so maybe it’s working already.

The paper also reports that Dina Lohan and Kris Jenner have become besties while Lindsay’s in rehab, and that Kim Kardashian is getting friendlier with Lindsay too. That’s either really sweet and kind, or one more attempt at fame whoring from all involved. We’re sort of thinking the latter.

by (@missmuttoo)

Lindsay Lohan’s Out Of Rehab

Prepare yourselves, because she’s back! Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab and has left the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital after 23 days.  C’mon, admit it, you totally missed her. All that Twitter silence was downright eerie!

Remember how Lindz was ordered to spend 90 days in treatment by Judge Marsha Revel? Well after Lindsay was released early from jail, Judge Revel excused herself from the case. Allegations had been flying around that she had contacted people involved in the case without notifying lawyers on both sides. Not considered cool, legally or otherwise. The new judge, Elden Fox, was told by doctors at UCLA that Lindsay was fit to be released, and he agreed.

Time for Lohan to start making millions doing interviews about her never-ending problems and her “recovery.” This time around, we hope she gets it right. Stay well, Lindsay. This might just be your last chance at fixing, well, everything.

by (@missmuttoo)

Charlie Sheen, The Luckiest “Inmate” Of Them All

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Raise your hands if you had completely forgotten about this. The last we remember of Charlie Sheen is that his plea deal tanked. Then he faded into the great white for a while, only to claw back on to our radars.

Sheen is going to jail, but only, for a few seconds. That’s right. He’s now the reigning champ of bulls**t celebrity sentences beating out the likes of Lindsay LohanParis Hilton and Nicole Richie . ‘Cause that’s how it’s done, kids.

Instead of hard time behind bars, he gets to spend a month at the Promises rehabilitation center. He’ll apparently “check in” and then leave…again.  The sentence reads that his time will be “administered and executed at Promises,” which directly translates to three months of  unsupervised probation. He’s going to go straight back to Two and a Half Men and resume his life. Somebody get his lawyer Yale Galanter‘s digits, because we would like this magician’s number on our speed dial.

So, no jail. And no real rehab. Maybe this was all a dream?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Joan Rivers Offers To Pay For Lindsay’s Rehab

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Joan Rivers‘ maternal side must have kicked in after she and Lindsay Lohan engaged in a Twitter fight that occurred earlier this week. Rivers appeared on The Insider last night and pleaded with Lindsay to go to rehab, even offering to pay for it herself just so Lindsay could get help, apparently remorseful about making fun of the starlet’s troubles.

Rivers said “Lindsay, I am pleading with you. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re talented. Go to rehab, you’re young…I will pay for your rehab!” and then took aim at Mama and Papa Lohan, saying “If I were Lindsay Lohan’s  parents I’d be taking her into rehab…That girl is going to be dead in 10 years if somebody doesn’t take care of her.”

Lindsay isn’t taking Rivers up on her offer but she did check herself into a sober living facility called Pickford Lofts today as a warmup to her jail time, which she begins serving next week. Lindsay’s new lawyer, Robert Shapiro, founded the facility and plans to ask the judge to keep her there instead of serving jail time.

[Photos: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Lindsay Changes Lawyers And Heads Back To Rehab To Avoid Jail

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Should this be surprising to us? News that Lindsay Lohan is broke has been swirling around for months. She apparently was down half a million in credit card debt, and owed the store Church $17,000. We get the picture… her checking account isn’t exactly overflowing.

But L.L has a sense of entitlement about her non-celebrity that just won’t go away. She’s been shopping around for a lawyer ever since her attorney  Shawn Chapman Holley quit last week. And she wants her new lawyer to represent her for free! A source revealed, “Lindsay wants her new attorney to represent her for free. Lindsay doesn’t think she should pay for a new lawyer, period. Lindsay has gone through two attorneys already.” Her financial situation is also telling, says the source, “The type of lawyers Lindsay is used to having are expensive because they are simply the best at what they do. Lindsay just doesn’t have the money that she used to pay for the best. The lawyers she is interviewing wouldn’t represent her for free, period.”

She’s now honed in on super-lawyer Robert Shapiro who is famous for repping folks like the Kardashians and O.J Simpson. Lindsay has now checked into rehab (Stint #4!) at Shapiro’s Pickford Lofts facility, which he founded after his son OD’ed in 2005. Seems a bit desperate and disingenuous, dontcha think?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Chris Klein Checks Into Rehab

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Chris Klein‘s recently unearthed Mamma Mia! audition tape has, for better or worse, boosted his profile higher than it’s been in the past couple years. And while it was fun to mock his crazy eyes and terrible singing, we feel a little bad for poking fun now that Klein has revealed that he’s entering rehab for alcohol addiction.

Klein’s rep Jaime Primak said in a statement to People magazine “After recent events, Chris was forced to take a clear look at a problem he has been trying to deal with himself for years. He understands now that he can not beat this disease alone.” Those recent events include a DUI arrest last week, which apparently was the kick he needed to get help. Klein will seek treatment at Utah’s Cirque Lodge.

[Photo: Getty Images]