When my editor Mark was like, “Hey, Kate, do you want to do a video for your Breaking Dawn review?” I was all, “Sure! I love hearing the sound of my own voice, especially when it’s saying words like ‘thrusting’ and ‘ugly wigs.’ I’ll talk for two minutes, tops.”
Er, guess who talked for six straight, gushy minutes about the movie? THIS gal. But guys — it’s because the movie is so great. Seriously. I mean this. And I’ve never raved about the previous three films. I like them enough because, you know, my brain only functions in a Twilight-loving way, but I’ve never actually been completely sucked in, onboard and moved to tears MULTIPLE times. Enter director Bill Condon and the fourth Twilight film, and all that changed. That is why I tweeted a photo of myself grinning like a clown after screening the movie — which Bill told me at the premiere he saw and loved, because it was the first reaction they had to the movie. Me, guys. I was the first Breaking Dawn reaction Bill saw, and yes, you better believe this is a full on BRAG. (Bill, call me. Let’s do lunch. My treat if it’s somewhere cheap.)
It should go without saying that this is a non-review review. We all know I’m like the conductor of the Twilight train, so I walked into the theater with a major bias already in place. But perhaps that also makes me a harsher critic. I wanted desperately for Breaking Dawn to live up to my very high expectations, and it did. I was truly surprised to find myself completely absorbed in the film; I knew the story and yet it still felt entirely new to me. So if you have six minutes to spare, my Breaking Dawn fangirl review awaits you above. And if you’re reading this, you know you’re required to tell me what you thought of the movie after you see it, right? I eagerly await your @ replies (@katespencer).
When the weather gets hot, sometimes all you want to do is hide a Cherry Coke in your purse (or man-bag; I don’t discriminate), sit down in an air-conditioned movie theater, and watch a big, flashy, over-the-top action movie. Alternately genius and goofy, carefully crafted and dripping with molten cheese, X-Men: First Class gets an A- for honoring the big budget summer movie tradition, and is worth seeing even if you don’t know Azazel from Angel Salvatore (don’t worry; I had no idea who they were either).
Let’s just cut to the chase: Bridesmaids is as good as you’d hoped it would be. Feel free to stop reading this review, slip into one of the half dozen chartreuse and/or peach numbers you’ve collected from the many weddings you’ve gotten drunk through, and proceed immediately to the nearest movie theater. Kristen Wiig’s hilarious star turn, great cast chemistry and excellent dialogue lift what could have been a perfunctory rom-com plot into a movie that’s going to have you spitting out your Cherry Coke like a sugary geyser. The only surprising thing part of all this? That anyone would find any excellent lady-lead movie surprising.
Compared to all of the superheroes in the Marvel universe, Thor has an uphill battle when it comes to connecting with an audience. Almost everyone has at least heard of Iron Man, Spider-Man, and the X-Men. Thor? Depending on how you look at it, the legendary Norse deity and his fellow Asgardians are either gods…or aliens beings worshiped by the ancient Vikings as gods. It’s a lot bigger pill to swallow than Tony Stark building himself a high-tech robo-suit to cruise around in, not to mention the fact that Iron Man has Robert Downey Jr.’s famous smirk behind it.
Luckily for the executives over at Paramount, Thor manages to introduce the comic mythology to the average moviegoer in a way that feels fresh and fun, rather than just plan silly. And believe me, the film easily could have gotten extremely silly. Let’s just say at least Tony Stark doesn’t require a rainbow bridge to traverse the universe. Despite the plot being essentially an updated version of The Sword in The Stone, Thor succeeds to due the charisma of devastatingly hunky leading man Chris Hemsworth and the beautiful visual universe created by the CGI professionals over at Marvel Studios. You don’t have to see Thor in 3D, but you certainly wouldn’t regret it if you do.
Good news for those of us who watch 27 Dresses, The Devil Wears Prada and Bride Wars over and over again on cable while hungover on the couch sitting in a sea of bagel crumbs: we’ve got a new go-to rom-com to indulge in! Clocking in at just under two hours, Something Borrowed nicely fulfills every cliche we so desire in a wedding movie. It’s a movie ripped from the pages of Rom-Com 101, and while it’s fun to watch, it’s also absolutely, utterly terrible. We loved—and hated—every second of it.
Ginnifer Goodwin (decked out in cinema’s worst wig since Bella’s horrific headpiece in Eclipse) plays Rachel, a good girl who feels bad about herself despite being a beautiful lawyer with a ROOF DECK. We all know people in NYC with roof decks have NOTHING to be sad about, right? She’s inexplicably still BFF with her childhood friend Darcy (Kate Hudson), who seems to have no job other than insulting Rachel and seeing how wide she can open her mouth. Darcy is engaged to Rachel’s law school buddy Dex (Colin Egglesfield), despite there being absolutely zero chemistry between them. Oh – in one scene we hear them having loud sex, so we guess that means they’re meant to be together forevs? Egglesfield looks like a Tom Cruise untouched by the crazy-making ways of Scientology and has the charisma of a robot whose batteries are on their last legs. Thus it’s extra confusing as to why Rachel is still in love with him and not her platonic pal Ethan, played by zing-slinging pro John Krasinski.
You know the image of a worm eating its own tail? That’s sort of a metaphor for Scream 4. The film is a remake, a sequel and a movie about a movie, all in one. And with so many sly references to its predecessors, it’s hard to figure out where all the winking at the audience ends and the movie begins. That said, Scream 4 reunites all three main cast-members from the original films, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, and David Arquette, with director Wes Craven and screenwriter Kevin Williamson, and it’s still an enjoyable movie, no matter how meta it gets.
The film takes place in Woodsboro, California, hometown of Sidney Prescott (Campbell), the former high school student terrorized by the original Ghostface killer who murdered all of her friends in 1996. All grown-up Sidney is back in Woodsboro (although her haircut hasn’t changed) on a book tour at the insistence of her pushy publicist, Rebecca, played by Alison Brie, because she’s written a self-help book based on her past. And where better to promote a book about moving on than the town you desperately moved away from?
But you know who’s not psyched to see Sid? Gale Weathers (Cox), who went from reporter of small-town murders to successful novelist of the Stab books based on said small town murders, to housewife (she married Deputy Dewey, played by Arquette, who is now Sheriff Dewey) with writers block. Dewey, however, is thrilled to see Sid, which annoys Gale, but not as much as Deputy Judy (Marley Shelton) annoys Gale. Judy has the hots for Dewey real bad and she’s not very subtle about it. That’s roughly all there is to her character, so consider this your first and last meeting with Judy in this review. Sidney plans to stay with her Aunt Kate (Mary McDonnell) and cousin Jill (Emma Roberts) while in town, but of course, as soon as Sidney arrives, teens start getting gutted by the truckload. Rounding out the impressive supporting cast are an underused Adam Brody and Anthony Anderson as cops, Hayden Panettiere as Jill’s sass-talkin’ BFF Kirby, and Rory Culkin as horror-film buff Charlie. (Not to mention cameos from Shenae Grimes, Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell.) A large percentage of the people listed here get murdered, FYI.