On the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashains Kris Humphries was shocked -shocked!- to learn that his fiancee Kim Kardashian had already been been married once before. Which is weird because he could have learned this by doing a ten-second scan of his wife-to-be’s Wikipedia page. Yes, despite all the hype around Kim’s “big day”, people seem to forget that this ain’t her first trip down the aisle. In 2000 she tied the knot with record producer Damon Thomas, which ended in divorce four years later. But apparently no one told Kris about this until after the couple were already engaged. One of Kim’s relatives evidently let it slip during a Kardashian family vacation in Bora Bora.
“You were really married? You guys are serious?” gasped a visibly shaken Humphries as they sat around the fancy dinner table. The fellow Kardashian men tried to cheer him up, with some attempts more successful than others. “Kim wasn’t really married,” Rob Kardashian offered confusingly, while Scott Disick lived up to his mega-douche title by saying, “You really thought that you were going to the first?” Charming. Kris was pretty bummed out, moaning “I didn’t see that coming, that hit me like a ton of bricks. What else will Kim break to me?” But as we all know now, he got over it and the two lived happily ever after in the land of Donk.
What we wanna know is, how did this not come up before? Come on guys, communication is key to any relationship. Maybe the K-Kult were keeping the factoid hidden until they could spring it on him while the cameras were rolling. Ratings are ratings, y’all. But seriously, we thought that knowledge of Kim’s previous marriage was just kinda…out there. So we’re not sure who to be mad at in this sitch. Let this be a lesson to couples everywhere: always remember to Google your significant other before you pop the question.
[Photo: Getty Images]
No offense, but why would Playgirl ask Rob Kardashian to pose for them? We’re flummoxed! Scratch that… why would Playgirl ask Rob to pose nekkid for them? We were hoping this was just a rumor but a rep for the magazine, Daniel Nardicio has confirmed the news, saying they’re willing to pay him $45,000 to strip off. Nardicio explained, “While most people assumed we’d be interested in Scott,Â my interest actually lies in the adorable Rob Kardashian.Â Rob is a perfect example of the classicÂ Playgirl model, and we’d be proud to have him join the ranks of other quasi celebs to strip forÂ Playgirl.”
We love the use of the term “quasi celeb” (hello, Levi Johsnton) but we’re not sure if he qualifies for that even. He’s kind of non-famous by association, showing up with the Kardashian sisters on red carpets once in a while. Right? How does that even qualify as “celeb”?
Playgirl‘s totally hellbent on getting him to pose and are even willing to invest in the buffing of his bod. Nardicio said, “I’d bring him to NYC to work with my trainer for a few weeks though, as he looks like he could use a few weeks prep before the shoot.Â If he can get wood, I’ll add another 15 thou!” Nice backhanded compliment, hah. You’re basically saying, we need to get him in shape because he’s not photograph-worthy yet, and we need to chill with airbrushing.
But considering they’re willing to fork out $60,000, do you think Rob will bite?
rnrnWell, that certainly didn’t take long! Mere hours after it was reported that Kim Kardashian dumped her latest football-playing squeeze, Miles Austin, rumors have begun to circulate that the purse-a-holic has found herself a new man. According to the highly-trafficked (but not always highly-reliable) gossip blog MediaTakeOut.com, Kim Kardashian is “dating” Chris Brown, the scumbag poster child for violence against women. rnrnNow, before you prepare to write nasty things on Kim Kardashian’s Facebook wall, here’s what’s up: According to MTO’s “snitch,” Brown hit up Kim’s little brother, Rob, for his big sister’s digits. Rob provided them, and ever since, Kardashian and Brown have been texting (sexting?) ever since. Since Kim is physically incapable of leaving her home without informing the paparazzi of her whereabouts, we are almost 100% certain that the two haven’t gone out on what any of us would call a date, let alone getting to the point where they enter the Bone Zone; if they had, we would’ve seen the pictures. Still, a rumor is a rumor is a rumor, and since rumormongering is one of our favorite pasttimes here at TheFABLife, we thought we’d pass this juicy goss your way.rnrnSo, readers, now’s your chance to weigh in. What do you think of this unholy union? If the rumors were confirmed, would you be so upset that you would stop watching Kim’s show? Or is it time to forgive Chris Brown and move on with our lives? Be sure and let us know what you think in the comment section below! [Photo Credit: Getty Images, Splash News]