Don’t envy Brad Pitt, fathers of America. Where many of you have settled into a pleasant routine of little to no sex, this poor guy has to deal with a bisexual dominatrix who only wants more, more, more! Celebitchy found a doozy of an article in InTouch Weekly, detailing the erotic burdens Angelina Jolie has put on her husband. “Brad has made a real commitment to make sure that her needs are met,” says their source, noting that previous husbands weren’t comfortable with Angelina’s love for flirting with stewardesses and traveling with an all-female team of “servers.” “She doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do anything like that when the kids are around,” the witness explains, “but itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a different story when sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s alone, or with Brad.” The horror!
Brace yourself for more examples of Angelina’s “selfish” ways: “Angelina loves to tie Brad down to a chair or to the bed and blindfold him. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s no secret…They have a grotto on their Los Feliz compound, and they go there all the time to have sex in the water…theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not violent, but Angelina likes it rough.” If that wasn’t enough, Brad has to pick out her underwear at lingerie shops, and is forced to endure “24-hour sex vacations” once a month. Once a month! Many men would have run into the arms of another, less horny woman by now, so we must commend Brad for suffering the humiliations of Angelina’s sex grotto…we’re sure it’s all for the children.
This royal wedding business is getting out of hand, in our opinion, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned about Prince William and Kate Middleton, it’s that they seem like pretty fun, typical young people. (The Royals: Just Like Us!) First of all, perhaps you’ll remember when Prince Harry wanted Snoop Dogg to perform at his brother’s bachelor party. That kinda surprised us, but at the same time, if you can afford to have Snoop at your bachelor party, why not?
And now the word is that William and Kate want Jay-Z and Beyonce to perform “Crazy In Love” at the royal wedding reception. A source says “They really wanted to make their big day even more special and what better way than by getting pop royalty to perform at the party? … They both wanted to ditch traditions and make it more personal for them. Jay-Z and Beyoncé are both in Europe at the moment while she promotes her new single ‘Girls Who Run The World.’ So it’s highly likely they have taken up the Royals’ offer.” Among other celebs on the Royal wedding guest list are Guy Ritchie, Joss Stone, Elton John, and the Beckhams. Since the royal family has announced that they’ll be broadcasting the wedding on YouTube, maybe we’ll get a glimpse of the Beyonce performance if it really happens.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Gwen Stefani must have a female heiress! While we’re sure she adores baby Zuma and little fashion plate Kingston Rossdale, it’s pretty believable that the stylish No Doubt singer would love to have a daughter for child no. 3—imagine the outfits! According to InTouch Weekly, Gwen and husband Gavin Rossdale are doing every thing they can to guarantee that their next kid is a girl. “Instead of leaving it up to fate, they’ve decided to get science involved,” says their source. “They are taking measures to better the odds.”
With No Doubt allegedly dropping their long-awaited album in the upcoming year, it’s a little surprising that Gwen would be working towards another kid now—she just called touring while pregnant “horrible” in her Elle “Women In Music” cover story. But when she does decide to drop another Rossdale, you can bet she’ll at least have her fingers crossed. Considering they named the last boy Zuma Nesta, who knows what handle a third boy might wind up with.
Are two former co-stars the paparazzi once spotted getting a meal daring to try again two years later? Sexy times! People is all aflutter over news that Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston are acknowledging each other’s existence. After all, Cooper has split with Renee Zellweger and Jennifer is so eligible magazines act like they’re worried she won’t give them grandchildren. “Jen always had a soft spot for Bradley, and she thinks he is very attractive and charming. Jen appreciates that Bradley is low-key, loves dogs and is focused on his movie career.” Hey, we like all those things about him too—that must mean we’re dating Bradley Cooper!
Sure, Bradley said she was “simply, simply, just a friend,” after they were spotted after dinner in June 2009. “She’s someone who is super, super known. If someone says hello to her, it’s given that he’s fallen in love with her. So, no. No. She’s a very, very interesting woman, but she’s simply a friend.” But if People‘s source says he “plans to spend time” with her again, he obviously must have changed his mind and realized they were meant for each other. Either that or he wants to make He’s Still Just Not That Into You.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Remember when TMZ said secret dirt in Lindsay Lohan’s probation report would “destroy” her if she doesn’t take a plea bargain? Well, if what we learned today is all that’s hiding in the vault, color us unimpressed. The site says the report has proof that she’s been drinking again—Kombucha tea, to be precise. You may recall the drama last year over whether Kombucha crosses the 0.5% alcohol content that defines whether a drink is alcoholic. The makers of LiLo’s preferred brand swears they keep it under the limit, but it’s possible a judge could look poorly on Lindsay chugging the stuff.
Then again, some think that Kombucha actually works to help alcoholics get over their addiction. We found that out in an post about Lindsay’s Kombucha craziness published last May, by…drum roll…TMZ. Can they really treat this like a smoking gun when they shot it over eight months ago? We almost hope there’s also something about a hobo-knifing in that report, because otherwise their hysteria is just embarrassing.
[Photo: Getty Images]
The Hollywood Reporter made Justin Bieber‘s night yesterday. “#NeverSayNever3D in the Oscars?!?!” Bieber tweeted, with a link to the paper’s article about Never Say Never‘s Academy Award chances in 2012. “Never Say Never right? crazy.” Crazy is right—weren’t the 2011 Oscars not even a week ago? But according to THR, there was enough buzz at the Vanity Fair Oscar Afterparty to suggest Bieb could get a crack at the podium next year. “You’d be surprised at the caliber of people who came up to Justin… most of whom had seen the movie and loved it,” says their source. “There was even talk of putting it up for an Oscar next year in the documentary category. People appreciate that it’s not just a kids’ movie.”
People should also appreciate that the Oscars just happened. Sure, everyone’s happy with the kid now, but unless 2011 is a phenomenally craptastic year for documentaries, does anyone really think the film can maintain buzz until the end of the year? Besides, it doesn’t look like Bieber’s got his schmoozing game down. While the NY Daily News was buzzing with excitement after Tom Hanks reportedly told Justin “Don’t become a jaded professional actor” (oh, like Justin could be a professional actor) and “Good luck to you” (as opposed to “watch out, you little s—, I run this town”?), the encounter obviously meant less to the teenybopper. “I don’t remember what he said, he’s just a cool guy.” Will even Justin remember this rumor in a few months?
Way to have your Robsten cake and eat it too, Ted Casablanca. The E! Online scribe is throwing doubt on the rumor that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were kissing on the dance floor at a pre-Oscar party last weekend, saying his sources didn’t even see the couple there. Plus, it’s not like these two are into public displays like that, right? But wait! Turns out Ted’s people did spot the duo getting close somewhere more private, though—a vintage clothing store in Sherman Oaks!
Yes, E! claims that RPattz and KStew were at American Vintage last Saturday, and “it was very obvious they were so in love.” Were they rutting in the dressing room or something? “Rob was a total gentleman, and was very attentive to Kristen. He also paid for everything they bought.” Well with their Twi-cash, they could have bought the damn store. So wait, Ted can’t believe they’d dance at a private Hollywood party, but he can believe they’d cuddle about a hip clothing store infinitely more likely to contain a Twi-hard or thirty? Next time try to put the contradictory logic in separate posts, dude.
Certain celebrities are known for their love of luxurious things. Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce and Jay-Z—they’ve all been known to enjoy the finer things in life, but now it seems like Mariah Carey‘s unborn children might put them all to shame. And these people are still fetuses!
Now Magazine reports that Carey and husband Nick Cannon have outfitted a luxury nursery for their babies. The room itself reportedly has “18-carat gold trim, with ivory walls, soft furnishings and walk-in wardrobes full of Petit Trésor designer clothes.” And what of the babies’ home entertainment options? Why, there will also be “a top-of-the-range sound system and they’ll each have diamond-encrusted iPods and a flatscreen TV that comes down from the ceiling.” Diamond-encrusted iPods for infants! This can’t be real, can it? But if it is real it’s the greatest thing we’ve heard all day. Oh, and we forgot to mention that Mariah also purchased a “$1 million red-crushed velvet, 24-carat gold and onyx sofa used for Michael Jackson‘s shows.” Because you gotta relax and listen to your iPod somewhere!
[Photo: Getty Images]
An integral member of Charlie Sheen‘s porn star posse, Kacey Jordan, can’t seem to stop talking about him. Although some of her spilling leads into TMI territory, like Kacey’s critique of Sheen’s sexual performance, we’re happy to hear some of the others—like that Sheen has mostly gold teeth. You heard this correctly. She told Howard Stern that he wears an “apparatus” out in the public, essentially so that no one would point and laugh. Let us repeat this: Charlie Sheen has gold teeth and wears some sort of weird-ass disguise so no one catches on. We love this town.
But we’d also like more details. Are they gold grills because Sheen in one of his party-hazes, imaged he was a rapper. Did he knock out his teeth and replace them with gold impressions? Was Kacey seeing gold while looking at Charlie’s face? Did someone else knock out his teeth, because he was behaving like a jackass? So many questions! Although the last one makes the most sense. We’d also like to add that, while searching for photographs of Charlie, we noticed that he always has this weird close-lipped smile that shows off no teeth. Is he hiding what we think he’s hiding? You GUYS.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We just copyrighted the word “ScarDeikis,” because we think it’s going to be worth something. Life & Style Magazine says that Scarlett Johansson was “getting quite cozy” with SNL’s Jason Sudeikis at Santa Monica restaurant this week. “”It definitely looked like a double date!” sighs their witness, noting that former SNLer Will Forte and another lady were present. “Scarlett and Jason were flirting and making lots of eye contact. He reached across the table twice to grab her hand.” Forget double date—maybe it was the prelude to an orgy!
The mag also “links” ScarJo to Jake Gyllenhaal and almost every man at Jeremy Renner‘s 40th birthday, including the ones allegedly flirting with Blake Lively, though not the one trying to get a wasted Christina Aguilera out of Jeremy’s bed. Sadly, Scar’s rep is dousing the buzz. “After hosting Saturday Night Live three times, they’ve all become friends.” B-b-but he touched her hand! While looking her directly in the eyes! That’s first base! Well, if you’re in the Brady Bunch…or writing for Life & Style.