This qualifies as the best story we’ve heard all week. Actually, it may be the best story we’ve heard all month. Seriously awesome. So, TMZ is reporting that sources told them about hilarious goings-on on the set of Scary Movie 5. Our first reaction was — there’s a Scary Movie 5, now? And then this happened: apparently, Lindsay Lohan flat-out refused to kiss Charlie Sheen in a scene for the movie because … it’s Charlie Sheen’s mouth. As far as she’s concerned, it could be a hot-bed of germs because who knows where that mouth’s been, right? Ha. Lindsay Lohan saying that cracks us up. Because … let’s not even start on L.L’s shenanigans all year. The word is that they were supposed to kiss at least three times, but she said hell no and — this is the best part — both parties had to eventually sign releases stating they didn’t have cold sores. Brain just exploded!
Even with said release, Lindsay still wouldn’t go for it, and the team behind the movie even tried out a body double but it just didn’t work, so they had to nix the scenes completely. And how did Charlie take it? The sources say he didn’t react badly at all. Oh, come on, Lindz. Is that some way to treat someone who gave you money just so you could pay off your taxes?
[Photo: Getty Images]
The 24-hour news cycle can be so cruel. The truth is there are certain stories that deserve to be mulled over. Savored like a fine toilet wine. Leonardo DiCaprio’s love of colonics is a great example. Today’s wonderful story is the rumor that Lindsay Lohan clogged all the toilets on the set of Scary Movie 5. All of them. All the toilets. We know stories like this fade as quickly as summer blossoms, which is a tragedy because we still have so, so many questions about it, like…
It’s days like these we’re glad we’re not police detectives. Every other day…well, it’s our biggest regret. The New York Post has the security footage from Lindsay Lohan‘s alleged hit-and-run accident Tuesday night, and it’s about as opaque as the bystanders’ tastefully obscured faces. On one hand, you do not see tourists leaping out of the way as Lindsay careens into The Dream Hotel on two wheels, nor do they, you know, act in any way like they’ve just witnessed an accident. On the other hand, you do see someone (ostensibly Jose Rodriquez, the man who claimed Lindsay struck him) hustling after the car as it drives out of frame.
We honestly don’t know what information, if any, to take away from the video, though we do know it’s not nearly as big a disaster as…
We think we’ve come to an important conclusion about Lindsay Lohan‘s career today, having read the latest Scary Movie 5 rumor about her. According to The New York Post, Lindsay allegedly “freaked out” when she realized her Scary Movie 5 cameo would involve her poking fun at her numerous past problems, a panic that lead her to skip rehearsals, avoid going to the set and, in a moment of pure divadom, claim she had “walking pneumonia.” It was then when we realized…you know what? This is Lindsay’s comeback! It’s all been Lindsay’s comeback It just doesn’t look like what we thought it would look like. We all keep waiting for some Oscar nomination or TV pilot to clear out all of Lohan’s craziness, but maybe that craziness is just always going to be there. Sure, Lindsay might still be getting into fender benders and allegedly, um, trashing Elizabeth Taylor‘s antique trailer. She also has Liz & Dick and The Canyons in the can and Scary Movie 5 in the works. At least Lilo’s getting consistent work, and that ain’t nothing!
Not that her Scary Movie cameo would do much to soothe Lohan’s nerves. “It went pretty hard at Lindsay,” their source says of the scene, adding that Lindsay had to…had to…had to kiss Charlie Sheen at one point. Our heart goes out to her. “These stories are untrue, and she is willingly fulfilling all of her obligations,” Lindsay rep scoffed. Ah, but even if the gossip is rooted in fact, we think our girl’s going to be okay.
Or at least we sure hope so.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Lindsay Lohan is currently showing us that the road to Hollywood “comeback” is a long one, fraught with made-for-TV movies and bit parts in movies with a numeral greater than 3 in the title. LiLo is apparently inches away from signing on to appear in Scary Movie 5, due out in January of 2012. According to E! News, her rep says she has not officially inked the deal yet “as of right this moment,” but producers insist that they have her nailed down. The film is supposed to be a “reboot” of the spoof series, which has been going strong since 2000. Should we take that to mean they couldn’t get Anna Faris to agree to come back?
The film is also rumored to get an extra dose of “scary” with Charlie Sheen, returning to the films even though he was violently killed off in the last installment. But hey, hookers and a drug called “Charlie Sheen” don’t pay for themselves. It’s unknown if those two will share any screen time, but if they do the amount of white powder consumption between the two (past or present) is so mindbogglingly high that it will probably cause the screen to look like this. Spooky!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Sounds like Lindsay Lohan’s still taking baby steps on her road to career recovery. With a TV-movie (Liz & Dick) under her belt and an independent production lined up (Bret Easton Ellis‘ The Canyons), her rumored next project sounds pretty low-key and logical: a starring role in the next installment of the Scary Movie spoof franchise. According to the New York Post, LiLo met with none other than Bob Weinstein last week to discuss her possible role opposite fellow Disney alum Ashley Tisdale for Scary Movie 5. The past four flicks have featured the likes of Pam Anderson and Carmen Electra, so it’s not like we’re looking for award-winning work from Lohan. And that’s kind of perfect, because as we’ve seen from her car wreck and health scare during the Liz & Dick shoot, she’s not quite ready to handle a high-pressure gig. On the other hand, this flick is co-written by Airplane! scribe David Zucker, and the franchise does quite well at the box office, so it would boost Lindsay’s profile nicely too. Let’s just hope she improves her comic timing over her Saturday Night Live performance.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Related: Lindsay Lohan’s Next Big Break: Bret Easton Ellis’ The Canyons With Porn Star James Deen