Why is Hollywood so focused on reboots and remakes when they could just be making sequels? Sequels we’d actually be psyched to see? We’re looking at you, Total Recall! (Just kidding; you know we’re seeing that ish on opening night.) Lucky for us, there are more number two’s coming out than we know what to do with, and boy, does that sentence look weird typed out. Today brought us news that 21 Jump Street 2 is set to film this fall, while Finding Nemo 2 swims its way toward a child’s heart near you, bringing the number of sequels we’re already dying to see up to 10. But you know what’s the only thing we love more than watching sequels? Trying to predict what their plots will be:
Given the sheer amount of Channing Tatum butt delivered unto us by the first Magic Mike, it’s hard to know exactly where director Steven Soderbergh would go with another one. We imagine there would be…stripping, of course. And probably….dancing? And…Alex Pettyfer? Yeah, that’s the ticket. Either way, we’re just thrilled to know there’s a sequel at all! “Yes, yes and yes!,” Channing Tatum enthusiastically told Glamour U.K. “We’re working on the concept now. We want to flip the script and make it bigger.” Flip the script…and make it bigger? We have literally no idea what that means, but it sounds amazing. We do have a lot of ideas for possible Magic Mike 2 story lines, in case Chan and the gang are hunting for plot points:
- The entire staff of Matthew McConaughey‘s Club Xquisite collectively decides to become firefighters and must respond to a huge conflagration at the baby oil factor. Meanwhile, we’re sent to jail for even writing that sentence.
- Mistaken for regular cops outside a bachelorette party, Magic Mike and Adam have to go undercover as high school students, joining forces with Jonah Hill in order to infiltrate…oh, wait a minute. Wait one minute.
- An origin story for Joe Manganiello‘s Big D— Richie. It’s a shot-by-shot remake of Wolverine, except it stars Joe instead of Hugh Jackman and no one is wearing pants.
- Just a series of gifs of Channing Tatum opening an umbrella and thrusting.
But enough about us, what do you want to see out of Magic Mike 2? If they just reused all the footage from the first Magic Mike, do you think you’d notice? If you noticed, do you think you’d mind?
Dear god! All the young adults that read the Hunger Games series’ final book Mockingjay….will be regular, old adults when the final movie comes out! Is there any fate worse than this? How could the universe be so cruel? We’re kidding, of course, but dang, the Mockingjay release dates do seem to stretch out into the infinite span of time. Deadline reports that having split the series’ final book into two films Harry Potter-style, Mockingjay Part 1 will debut November 21, 2014. Okay, sure. Seems reasonable. Mockingjay Part 2, however, doesn’t hit theaters until November 20, 2015. All we’re saying is that the world had better end in 2012 like the Mayans predicted, or we are going to straight up die of yearning between those two Novembers.
Luckily we still have Catching Fire due out November 22, 2013 to sustain us, featuring the illustrious Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jena Malone and…well, whoever is going to play Finnick. Weeds actor Hunter Parrish, Armie Hammer, and Garrett Hedlund are allegedly still in the running for the tribute/pseudo-gigolo with a heart of gold, with Hedlund in the lead. Taylor Kitsch maintains that he’s not up for the Catching Fire role, but we wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up snagging it anyway. Just like we wouldn’t be surprised if we’ve totally forgotten the plot to Mockingjay before it’s a officially a movie. Haha, just kidding. We will never forget the Mockingjay.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Seeing as how The Avengers raked in over $200.5 million dollars this weekend, we’re not surprised to hear that Disney already has Avengers 2 in development, according to Disney CEO Bob Iger. That got us thinking…sure, maybe the first Avengers was over two hours long, but what plot points or characters we want in the sequel that they couldn’t cram into the first one? Without trying to give too many spoilers, here are some things we want desperately to see in an Avengers sequel. That being said, if you want to see the movie with absolutely no knowledge of the plot…why didn’t you see it on opening weekend? Get out of here! Get!
- A Natalie Portman cameo: Guys, you cannot dangle a Chris Hemsworth/Portman romance in front of our panting faces, then not have his lady love actually appear on screen. The first Avengers film clocked in at 2 hours and 22 minutes long; Avengers 2 should be the same length, with 22 of those minutes being a passionate love-making scene.
- More female characters: We’re glad Cobie Smulders was on screen, holding it down S.H.I.E.L.D.-style while uppoing the lady quotient, but how about introducing some other Avengers women besides Scarlett Johansson‘s Black Widow? How about Mockingbird? Or Sharon Carter? We would also kill for a She-Hulk. Dare to dream, ya’ll!
- An explanation for how Thor got back to Earth: Spoiler Alert! Remember at the end of Thor when the bifrost, the passageway between Earth and Asgard, was irreparably damaged? And we thought Thor might never see Natalie Portman again and we had the hide the fact we were emotionally devastated by Thor? Well, apparently that wasn’t such a big deal, seeing as how Avengers just brushed off the whole problem with one line from Loki. You demigods have some ‘splainin’ to do!
Are there any other loose ends or inter-dimensional love affairs you want cleared up in the sequel? Or are you just glad you’ll be seeing more intergalactic butt-kicking sooner rather than later?
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Despite what the Brothers Grim might have told us, Snow White apparently has a few other options besides just living happily ever after. She can also keep on kicking ass. At least, that’s what our modern-day Snowie will probably end up doing, seeing as how Universal Pictures is already talking about a Snow White and The Huntsman sequel. According to Deadline, screenwriter David Koepp is currently “in discussions” with the studio to write the follow-up to the upcoming film. We’re not ready to move on to a gritty re-envisioning of The Little Mermaid yet? Yeah, you’re right. Save it for 2014!
Seeing as how Universal didn’t balk at releasing Snow White and The Huntsman after rival Snow White film Mirror/Mirror this year, we’re guessing they won’t hesitate that long before deciding to give us even more hardcore fairy tale action. The only question in our minds is: what would the plot of a Snow White and The Huntsman sequel even be? We’d rather be sealed in a glass coffin than see a Snow White II without Charlize Theron‘s evil queen, but having her survive the first film seems a little anticlimactic. And of course Kristen Stewart would be required return as the lead, or else we will eat this poison apple right here, right now. Oh, you think we won’t? Why else would we keep one on our desk, Mr. Koepp? Great, glad we understand each other. Just send us that first draft whenever you get a chance; we are literally dying to read it.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
First Hunger Games director Gary Ross wasn’t going to direct the film’s two sequels; now he might be back on board…maybe? While Ross’s fate is still unclear, at least one person is dead set on having him return for Catching Fire. “I think Gary’s the man,” Josh Hutcherson proclaimed at an L.A. press day for his upcoming horror comedy Detention. “Gary is in my mind is the only one that could ever direct the second one. That’s what I’m sticking to.” Good call, Josh! Plus if Gary does return for the sequels, you won’t be punished with the smallest trailer and an added tracker jacker attack sequence. Smart thinking!
As for who Josh would not want behind the camera, Detention director Joseph Kahn seems to have made the list. “I think it would be a very different movie than the first movie if Joseph directed the second Hunger Games,” Hutcherson claimed. “It would be crazy.” Hmm, but can you imagine those muttations in the hand of a crazy director…? What do you think, HG fans? Is it Ross or bust? Did you love Gary’s vision so much, you’d “eat the berries,” so to speak, if he left the franchise? And by “eat the berries,” we mean wait to see Catching Fire on DVD?
We wouldn’t say Hunger Games is a perfect movie by any means. Well…okay, we have said that. Several times. At the top of our lungs before the credits were even over. Our personal feelings aside, you would think the film’s blockbuster box office and consistently great reviews of star Jennifer Lawrence would be enough for the haters to back on off of it. Sadly, if you read the critics who claimed JLaw was too big to be a believable Panem resident, you know that isn’t entirely true. Luckily Lawrence is allegedly taking it all in stride. “Jennifer told me, ‘This is hilarious,'” a source reported to the Chicago Sun-Times. “‘First, people say how so many actresses in Hollywood look anorexic, and now they are criticizing me for looking normal.'” Haha, it is absurd Jen, but we’re glad you can brush it off. Rather than, say, shooting an arrow through somebody’s MacBook Air. She could do that, you know. She has the training.
And now The Hollywood Reporter claims that tense negotiations between Lionsgate and director Gary Ross could potentially delay the filming of HG sequel Catching Fire. Allegedly Ross is trying to up his salary from the $3 million plus 5% of profits he made to shoot the first movie. After raking in $214 million its first weekend, Hunger Games has made over $363 million! So unless Ross is asking for $362 million, we say give it to him. Haters, will you never stop hating?
Seeing as how Bridesmaids was up for Best Original Screenplay (along with co-writers Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig), it was only natural that we’d want to know how soon its sequel will be raking in the nominations. 2014? 2020? The year 2525? When Janell Snowden caught up with the film’s director Paul Feig and costar Wendi McLendon-Covey on the Oscars red carpet, however, the answer seems to come down to one very special rubber-limbed lady. “Talk to Kristen!” Feig laughed. If by “talk,” Paul means “clutch the hem of her Oscars dress and tearfully beg her to start writing it already,” then we are way, way ahead of him!
“Someone needs to think of an idea that’s as good or better, and then someone has to have time to write it. And so far, nobody does!” McLendon-Covey added. “We’re all super busy. Kristen has back-to-back projects for probably three years, at least…It’s not that nobody wants to do it, because we all do. We don’t want to do it just to do it.” Okay, let’s all just start brainstorming now! Let’s see…maybe Kristen’s character can get pregnant? Wendi and Ellie Kemper can have a torrid love affair? Melissa McCarthy‘s seven golden retriever puppies can form an all-dog baseball team? We are grasping at straws here, people!
Kenny Loggins better take the bus back from the Danger Zone, because if Tom Cruise has anything to say about it, Top Gun 2 will soon require a rocking, badass soundtrack. While promoting Mission Impossible-Ghost Protocol, Cruise told MTV News that Top Gun director and producer Tony Scott and Jerry Bruckheimer were already in talks about a second chapter to the Maverick story. “I said to Tony, I want to make another movie with him,” Cruise revealed. “Tony and I and Jerry, we never thought that we would do it again. Then they started to come to us with these ideas of where it is now. I thought, ‘Wow, that would be… what we could do now.'”
We’d still get all the jumpsuits we wanted right? Right?
But does America, nay the world, really need another Top Gun, especially one sans Goose? “If we can find a story that suits what we all want to do,” Tom said, “we all want to make a film that is in the same kind of tone as the other one and shoot it in the same way as we shot Top Gun.” What do you think? Would you slip on your aviators, gas up your minivan and head to the nearest theater for Top Gun 2?
Today we celebrate our Independence Day … sequels! Will Smith’s rap career is already cycling back around, so why shouldn’t the movie that made him an international superstar? Vulture reports that Fox has decided to move forward with Independence Day 2 and 3, both follow-ups to the 1996 sci-fi hit, even though Will Smith hasn’t technically signed on to star in them yet. OK, forget about Big Willie for a second: What about Jeff Goldblum? We need our Goldblum! You already know Bill Pullman is in. He’s just been biding his time for this exact moment and waiting … always waiting.
Smith worked most recently on Men in Black III, and has yet to commit to his next film. However, Fox Studios allegedly balked at his combined $50 million dollar pay check, as well as some of Will’s … artistic choices. “It’s complicated because of where and how [Smith] wants to shoot; he wants to be close to home, to the kids,” their source explains. “There’s also been talks about him wanting to include Jada [Pinkett Smith] and maybe even Willow [Smith] in the movie, too.” Sign. Us. Up. If world-wide hair whipping can’t subdue those extraterrestrials, then nothing will.
[Photo: Splash News Online]