We are so sorry to disappoint you guys, but apparently the alleged Chris Brown sex tape does not, in fact, feature the “Forever” singer in action. First we lose most ofÂ Chris Brown’s Twitter history, now his sexy highjinks. Why won’t the universe let us have nice things?
MediaTakeOut is claiming that an unnamed seller was willing to part ways with Brown’s tape, which allegedly co-stars Basketball Wives‘ Draya Michele, for $50,000. This wouldn’t be the first time Chris Brown got caught up in a sex tape rumor; in 2009 we heard all about his reported escapades with Rihanna, in a video that never materialized. “The report is absolutely not true,” Brown’s rep tells TMZ about the new tape. Another source close to the singer pondered, “Doesn’t it seem like a coincidence that every time Chris has a major performance or event on the horizon, some fake story like this breaks?” Well, having seen Chris Brown’s nude photo, we wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one shopping around the footage himself.Â He’s doing it for the fans!
Kim Kardashian‘s wedding brought a resurgence of her sex tape, guys. In the most unlikely of places, too. Ireland — because that’s what they love watching when they’re downing Guinness and crisps? Ã‚Â Enjoy it while you can, because if someone has their way, then Kim’ sex tape will be off the market. For good.
An anonymous buyer-good Samaritan has hired a lawyer from Tennessee who has contacted Steve Hirsch (the CEO of Vivid Entertainment) saying their client wants to drop some serious cash on Kim’s sex tape toÃ‚Â ”completely remove it from the market.” Ã‚Â An excerpt from the letter reads, “I was approached by a private party who has asked us about looking into the possibility of acquiring all rights of the Vivid, ‘Kim Kardashian Sex Tape.Ã‚Â The party we represent does not intend to distribute or broadcast the ‘tape,’ but hopes to completely remove it from the market.”
They even want all the unused footage that the DVD never showed! And because mystery person loves them some Kim, the letter also mentions, “We would purchase any other footage you may have control of that involves Ms. Kardashian.” So “someone” wants to rid the world of all things pornographically Kim, past, present and future? Who thinks it’s Kim herself trying to go all 007 and stealth-like?
Let’s face it: we wouldn’t be totally shocked by the existence of a Rihanna sex-tape. We’ve seen the pix from her recent concerts, and we can’t imagine the full on deed could be much worse. The gal ain’t afraid to be risque. Just click the “Rihanna” tag on this post and you’ll get all the evidence you need. But we raise our eyebrows at claims that Hustler productions have a Riri sex tape in their grubby hands. We feel like she’d be better at keeping it from those guys.
“Hustler are in possession of the Rihanna and J-Cole tape,” said a rep for the porn factory. J-Cole was the opening act for Rihanna on her recent Loud tour. “We have seen it and we do not know what we are going to do with it yet,” they continued. Don’t know what you’re going to do with it yet!? If they actually had something they would have splashed it all over the top magazine rack of every 7-11 in town! Rihanna’s peeps are predictably denying the story. “Rihanna is surprised because there is no sex tape,” a source told RadarOnline. That you know of they added in their minds before laughing to themselves.
[Photo: Getty Images]
In case it wasn’t clear to you, we would highly advise against messing with Jennifer Lopez. She might seems like she’s just a sweet woman with inhuman hair extensions and a wardrobe of 500 beige outfits, but one doesn’t become a millionaire and bride of the Skeleton King without some bite in those veneers. After a judge gave J.Lo’s ex Ojani Noa, permission to distribute the Jennifer Lopez sex tape through a porn site last week, another judge has granted the American Idol judge a temporary restraining order preventing us from seeing those “15-20 minutes of total nudity.” It’s probably not that Jennifer minds us seeing her naked; it’s just that she’s wearing these hideous worn-out Sketchers instead of her Louis Vuitton, and she finds that just humiliating.
Reportedly Lopez headed back to court, this time successfully, after finding out Noa was planning to sell the video to his girlfriend/producing partner Claudia Vasquez for $1 as part of a broader distribution scheme. If you though Jennifer was going to stand by while a nude video of her butt was purchased for less than it costs to ride the bus, you were tragically mistaken. Vasquez lawyer Cris Armenta confirms that his client “cannot release any portion of the home videos and does not have the right to use the footage at this time.” Knowing J.Lo, she’ll probably drop $5 million on the classiest, most elegant porno known to man and release it for free, just to her ex and lady friend how it’s really done. Projecting onto the side of their house for the rest of their lives will only be the cherry on the vengeance sundae.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Charlie Sheen may be a popular actor, but what he really wants to do is film erect. Charlie’s self-professed madam, who goes by the apt name of Felony, says that Sheen shot a kinky sex tape with her and a call girl, dreaming of starting his own porn franchise. “He goes, ‘Let’s call it Charlie’s Devils!’” said Felony, reminding us of the comic wit that has made the Two And A Half Men star a multi-millionaire. “Charlie’s got the tape. I gave it to him afterwards. He was keeping it so he could practice. He’s getting jazzed about this whole project about starting his own line of porno.” Charlie Sheen certainly knows enough of porn stars to get one off the ground!
It’s possible Charlie’s stay in rehab may cure him of his ambitions in adult entertainment. “The ladies love Charlie. He likes to explore his sexuality. He likes fetish, spanking, role play, really kinky stuff,” says Felony. But considering Sheen will be in a clinic for only one month instead of the original three, it sounds like his stay might be more of a PR move than a genuine attempt to clean up his act. Either way, you can bet every porn company’s going to be calling Charlie as soon as he’s out!
Rumors of a Nicki Minaj sex tape have been going around for more than half a year, but sellers somehow made it to the holiday season before giving the world a peep. The ace journalists at MediaTakeOut have posted a still from the video, and well…maybe the reason it’s taken so long to sell one of these things is that no one’s sure this is real.
“And according to a tipster, the below SCREENSHOT is taken from that sextape. MediaTakeOut.com spent some time REVIEWING the image. And while we can’t be certain, that crooked/fake looking nose looks EXACTLY like Nicki’s…” Well, at least they aren’t arguing that the wig proves anything. Two questions: Do you think Nicki would actually make a sex tape? And importantly, do you think these folks are actually looking at a copy?
Her mom must have just taken the child security code off the family computer, because why else would Taylor Momsen be talking about the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee sex tape so long after it happened? Didn’t that thing come out when Taylor was like, 2? Pardon us while we dry-heave over that thought. Quoth Momsen, “If it’s a good sex tape, I’ll watch it … I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites.” Ah yes, only finest sex tapes for our little Taylor!
Momsen then added: “But I will say this: That Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson video wasn’t very good. I wouldn’t f**k Tommy Lee.” Also because he is old enough to be your father, right? RIGHT? Don’t worry Taylor, we doubt Tommy Lee is crying into his pillow because you won’t hop into bed with him. Ew, actually knowing him, he probably is.
Momsen apparently didn’t get enough attention that a day, because she also blabbed about how Heidi Montag just recorded a song Taylor wrote…when she was in second grade. Said Momsen, “I wrote a pop song [called 'Blackout' when I was 8] and recorded it with a producer as a demo. Heidi Montag from ‘The Hills’ just recently sang it and put it out as her single. I’m like , OK, dude, you’re singing an 8-year-old’s words, but that’s cool.” Dislike both of them so much….struggling to decide…who to make fun of…first! Slowly…losing…consciousness. [Photo: Getty Images]
What’s that we smell in here? Oh right. Skank stank. We mean you, Brittney Jones. Also known as the bone between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.You know the story: she was obsessed with Ashton, and long story short… had sex with him on the Dashton household sofa.
Does it surprise anyone that B.J (what an appropriate acronym) also has a sex tape out? Which she made when she was 19 years old, we might add. Naturally, her boyfriend of the time is commenting on their sexy-time shenanigans saying, “She was definitely into it. We were together at the time so we made short little clips of us having sex in various positions.” And big surprise; they broke up because Brittney cheated on the dude. Who thinks she’s going to be negotiating a price with the President of Vivid soon? That’s if they’re interested, of course.
What’s actually surprising (or galling, depends on how you choose to look at it), Brittney claims that she’s friends with Demi saying, “I didn’t break up any marriage, in fact Demi and I are good friends.” She reveals this twist in a text message conversation with friends. Whether it’s the truth or not is yet to be figured out, but we have our money on “no”.
Either way, Mr and Mrs Kutcher are making a huge show of solidarity in the face of the relentless dirt being unearthed. Demi even tweeted a saccharine photograph of them celebrating their fifth anniversary typing, “Thank you for all the anniversary wishes!! Enjoying a day lounging around watching “Breaking Bad” Great show!
Keep up the optimism, guys. ‘Cause Ms. Brittney doesn’t seem like she’s even close to being done with the two of you.
[Photo via Twitter]
If you’re thinking Kim Kardashian stumbled into reality TV infamy purely by sexy accident, think again; she’s actually been planning it since grade school. In an interview with Allure, Kardashian explains what was going on in the adolescent mind of the reality TV diva, saying “in elementary school, The Real World came on and I was like, That’s it! I know I want to be on a reality show. And I was like, OK, when I’m old enough, I will make an audition tape.” Who could have predicted that audition tape would also star Ray J and an overly ornate wrought iron headboard?
Unlike us, Kim is totally over her scandalous beginnings, brushing aside questions about her sex tape while admitting, “Not my most proud moment. It was humiliating. But now let’s move on.” Move on?! From illicit nudity?! Allright, but only if we can get a super-TMI peek at your grooming habits. Says Kim, “I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal! Arms, bikini, legs, underarms…my entire body is hairless.” See, that’s one stereotype that Armenians just can’t shake: they all love lasers!
Kardashian goes on to dish about sisters Khloe and Kourtney, her love life, and her elite all-girls high school, where she was voted “Most Likely to Meet Her Husband at the Million Man March” and “Most Likely to Lie About Her Ethnicity.” That’s not a joke on our part; those were actual categories. Wow, no wonder Kim wanted to get on reality TV so bad; it probably looked like an oasis of sanity compared to her classmates. Kardashian also said she would love to explore a possible sitcom in the future, “maybe about a career woman,” perhaps not realizing that she already living in one, albeit with more butt-related story arcs. [Photo: Getty Images]
Hasn’t everyone played the game of coming up with their porn-star name? The name of your childhood pet and the street you grew up on (or, another variation would be your favorite stuffed animal and the street you grew up on.) We would be Midge Loring, after our dear departed pet bunny. We can think of one person whose life would be so much easier right about now, if only she had used a fake name. Porn star Montana Fishburne has created quite the rift with her father Laurence now that she has released a porn flick through Vivid Entertainment.
Her relationship with him, she says, is strained (ya think?). He reportedly told her “I’m not going to speak with you ’till you turn your life around.” The kicker though was when he told her “You used your last name. No one uses their real name in porn.” To that, we have to tip our hat to the elder Fishburne for summing up this entire situation so tersely and honestly. Montana has been marketing the sex tape as “An A-List Daughter Making Her XXX Debut” but we’re pretty sure that she’d sell just as many tapes going by Fluffy Runyon Canyon or whatever pet/road combination you get growing up in L.A.
[Photo: Splash News Online]