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Heidi Accuses Hills Creator Of Sexual Assault, Lauren Says Claims Are “Absurd”

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Add this to the list of things Heidi Montag is doing to stay relevant in the wake of The Hills‘ cancellation: she is considering pressing charges against the show’s creator, Adam DiVello, for inappropriate sexual behavior.

Montag claims that after she got her plastic surgeries, DiVello groped her newly scooped-out back and plumped-up ass. Meanwhile, Lauren Conrad says that Heidi’s accusations are false, telling Us magazine “I am in utter shock at the allegations made against Adam DiVello. Not only are they completely absurd, but they are 100 percent without merit. Adam is a true professional and a wonderful person to work for.”

A source told Perez Hilton that “tension on the set of The Hills has truly escalated in the last few weeks and Spencer and Heidi are very close to bringing legal action against the show,” as a result of the inappropriate behavior toward Heidi. DiVello’s unwanted touching is the reason she has started traveling with an entourage of security lately. The source, clearly someone from Team Heidi and not a neutral party, also said “Adam can get away with that with the Audrinas and Kristins of reality TV but not with Heidi! He is a pervert and a creep. The other girls dont feel they can’t defend themselves because they are afraid they will lose their job if they talk about the man’s workplace behavior. Heidi will not tolerate sexual assault in the workplace!” Not to diminish the point, but, um, they’ve already lost their jobs, right? This kind of behavior though IS creepy and unacceptable, but no charges have officially been filed against DiVello, and MTV spokesperson told Us “We have looked into this matter and the allegations made against Adam DiVello are completely false and without merit.” [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Michelle Bombshell Is Really Sorry About All This

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Michelle Bombshell McGee is really sorry about this whole “I screwed Sandra Bullock‘s husband and then told the world about it” mess. The tattooed goddess spilled all in an interview with an Australian media outlet (not sure if Bombshell is too good for American TV or American TV is too good for Bombshell) and revealed all the juicy deets about what it was like to have sex with Jesse James on the couch at West Coast Chopper – 2 or 3 times during their first in-person meeting! (They really met on Myspace, natch.)

Mich feels like Jesse played both her and Sandra, and claims he told her he and Sandy were separated. “She lives in Austin, I live here,” he apparently said. But with $30,000 in her pocket for telling her story, Michelle now feels guilty for ruining what was destined to be Sandra’s best year ever. “I’m sorry for your embarrassment,” blabs Bombshell. “I’m sorry all this is public. I’m sorry for everything.”

Rightttttt. But our favorite part of the whole piece is Michelle’s description of what she liked about Jesse (besides the dollar signs she saw): “He’s got tattoos, you know? He’s like my perfect, ideal guy. He’s funny, he’s a business owner, he’s got tattoos…”

It always comes back to the tattoos, of course.

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[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Sandra Bullock Has The Kids – For Now

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The Jesse James-Sandra Bullock situation is bizarre to say the least. The actress and her estranged husband have full custody of at least one of this three children, daughter Sunny with porn star Janine Lindemuler. However Jesse’s entire gaggle of offspring is currently holed up alongside Sandra while he deals with his mistress-f*cking issues in an Arizona sex rehab center.

The professional celebrity stalkers at TMZ report that Sandy and the kids are not staying at her Hollywood Hills home, but are somewhere together. Says their source, “It’s a positive sign about Sandra’s relationship with Jesse.” Or it’s just a sign that Sandra is a caring stepmother who doesn’t want to screw over the kids they way their dad screwed her over. And who better to comfort her as her marriage crumbles than the cheater’s sweet kids. Bizarre indeed.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Tiger Woods Is Trying Really Hard To Manipulate Us

Nike really wants us to forgive Tiger Woods (and obviously, so does Tiger) and they’re making the empathy push with this new 30 second ad. In it, Tiger gives the camera creepy eyes as a recording plays of his deceased father questioning his son’s decisions. It’s…weird, and it reeks of major manipulation on behalf of Tiger and the people for whom he makes money (and of course, vice versa).

It’s gonna take a lot more than a black and white commercial and Tiger’s “forgive me” eyes to make us like the dude again. Honestly, the more he tries to push ahead and get his career back on track, the more horrified we are by his actions. Just yesterday, Tiger’s neighbor claimed that she had sex with the star as well, bringing his affair tally up to 17 (a rough estimate). So by our count, he needs to make 16 more apologetic commercials, plus a short film making amends with his wife.

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Sandra Bullock Denies Sex Tape Rumors

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Sandra Bullock fans can relax now – the actress has broken her silence and quashed allegations that a sex tape with Jesse James will be made public because, she explains, no such tape exists. Put simply to People, Bullock said “There is no sex tape. There never has been one and there never will be one.”

We’re taking that in several ways: first, and most obviously, as a denial that she voluntarily participated in the making of a tape (which we’re inclined to believe because, uh, she’s Sandra Bullock), but also as an admission that James is never going to get a piece of that sweet action ever again. Let the divorce proceedings begin! Sandra was probably inclined to finally break her silence on the matter after hearing what the details of said sex tape included. You know, the poop and whatnot. We certainly don’t blame her.

Remember when the most scandalous thing about these two was when James’ dog Cinnabun used to run away all the time? Sigh. Now we fear that “a Cinnabun” is probably a sex act between James and his various mistresses involving Nazi turds smeared on a motorcycle. [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Sandra Bullock Sex Tape Rumor: So Absurd We Almost Want It To Be True

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When we first came across the Sandra Bullock sex tape story yesterday we laughed because it was so insane. But people keep writing about it and since we are sheep we’ll jump on board, because it’s truly the greatest fake story of all time. The rumor can be traced back to one person, Ian Halperin, who has recently written tell-all books on Angelina Jolie and Michael Jackson. While he did predict Jackson’s death (but who didn’t, honestly) the guy is mostly known for offering up a lot of salacious, unsubstantiated rumors about celebs.

Fast forward to Halperin’s recent blog post dishing on this alleged Sandra Bullock-Jesse James sex tape. He writes on his website IanUndercover.com, “IUC confirmed late last night that Jesse James has the goods on his wife. It includes James smearing feces on Bullock’s upper lip during various types of anal sex, lots of profanity hurled from both parties, and a leather clad James, sporting a Hitler moustache with brown hat with a swastika, ramming a handcuffed Bullock’s asshole with a shotgun in his left hand. This in from a close friend of the couple who has been in contact with both parties.”

According to this guy, America’s sweetheart is covered in sh*t. We could probably buy one of the tidbits list above, but the combination of the crap stache with Nazi roleplay and shotgun butt-sex just makes this one too insane to even pretend to believe. Not to be undone by himself, Halperin also claims that Sandra is allegedly “terrified” of Jesse and fearing for her life, that Jesse is guarding this tape to use in their divorce proceedings and most disturbingly,  “Jesse often gets an erection by reading women Nazi literature.”

In other news we don’t believe, Jesse James’ lawyer claims that his client loves Sandy “more than anything in his life.”

Hey, remember when Sandra Bullock won an Oscar a few weeks ago? That was cool, right?

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

The Vanilla Gorilla Escapes Sex Rehab

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Tattooed ladies beware: The Vanilla Gorilla is on the loose after ditching sex rehab. Jesse James apparently bailed on the Sierra Tuscon rehab center after Sandra Bullock refused to take his calls. Aww, poor wittle Jesse. Did somebody have a tantrum when he didn’t get his way?

Radar Online - aka the mecca for those interested in Jesse James Sex Fest 2010 – reports that Sandra has cut off communication from her man, who confessed to cheating on her with seven different women during their marriage – not Tiger numbers, but horrifying nonetheless. Sandy’s apparently getting divorce papers ready and luckily has a clause in her pre-nup which excuses her from paying Jesse a dime if he cheats on her.

Since Jesse was supposedly only doing the sex rehab thing to win Sandra back, we doubt he’ll ever step foot in the state of Arizona again. At least he has seven women whose arms he can cry in, right?

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Sandra Bullock Leaves The House, Chaos Ensues

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Sandra Bullock has Jesse James and his peen to thank for this mess. The actress – who, lest we forget, won an Oscar last month – left her Hollywood Hills home in a giant floppy blue hat in the back of a Mercedes. She ended up at the Beverly Hills home of Gabriel Brener, a super rich dude who owns a real estate investment firm and the Houston Dynamo soccer team.

Us Weekly is reporting that Sandy is set to dump Jesse, and that their conversations have been bitter and angry at best. Says a source, “When they do talk, it’s very little and very nasty. She won’t forgive him for this.” She’s also apparently looking into how to remain a part of her step-daughter Sunny’s life. Most important, however, is Us Weekly‘s allegation that Jesse “tortured young rats” as a child. Because that has so much to do with nailing skanks. Lord help us all.

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[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

The Only Person Jesse James Didn’t Bang Is Sandra Bullock

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Everyone have their barf buckets ready? The following is by far the worst tale yet to emerge in the Jesse James sex scandal. Sandra Bullock‘s beloved (heh) husband allegedly had a foursome with good ol’ Michelle Bombshell McGee, tattoo artist Eric McDougall, and his receptionist Skittles. Let’s repeat that: Jesse James banged two women at the same time, named Bombshell and Skittles, with another dude. Oh Sandy, we hope you have an infinite amount of shoulders to cry on.

Eric, who owns Ocean Beach Tattoo and Piercing in San Diego, tells Life & Style that the group met at the Ink-N-Iron tattoo festival in June 2009. While Sandra was off promoting The Proposal, Jesse, who Michelle introduced as her boyfriend, went to town nailing both ladies. Says Skittles, “Eric and I were having sex, so we switched off, and Jesse and I had sex. I had an awesome time. I think Jesse is so cute.”

Because this story can only get better, it’s also revealed that Jesse did not use a condom. [Cue vomit]

[Photos: Life& Style/Getty/Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Nazi Saluter Jesse James Hides In Sex Rehab

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First things first: yes, the “Nazi photo” of Jesse James has finally leaked, thanks to Us Magazine and The Insider, where the pic first aired back in 2004. It’s…creepy. Big time creepy. But, you know, anytime someone poses pretending to be a member of a group that committed mass genocide it gives us the heebie-jeebs.

While you’re enjoying this lovely image of Jesse Sieg Heilin’ it up, allow us to inform you of the latest on the Vanilla Gorilla’s whereabouts: Seems the guy is taking a page from the Tiger Woods’ Handbook on F*ckin’ and has checked himself into sex rehab in Arizona. News of Jesse James’ rehab stint first leaked when he was pulled over by a cop for driving with tinted windows and no front license plate, and told the cop (who does this, seriously?) that, “he was going to Arizona to try to save his marriage to Sandra Bullock.” Both Jesse’s rep and the rehab facility, Sierra Tuscon, have confirmed that he is indeed receiving treatment.

Sex rehab is getting a lot of buzz and business these days as a quick-fix solution for any and every guy who decides to stick his dick in one – or one hundred – different women behind his wife’s back. This medicalization of cheating seems like an attempt – by men, natch – to turn their panty-chasing into some sort illness or infliction. Allow us to diagnosis these idiots: they aren’t sick, they’re just selfish and horny. You don’t need rehab for that, you just need a good punch in the balls. [Photo: ONTD]