sex

by (@katespencer)

Jesse James’ Mistress Explains Her Tattoos, Amish Upbringing (Seriously)

Sandra Bullock‘s new arch nemesis, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, is a walking tattoo shop. (Check out Michelle Bombshell’s naked pics.) Jesse James inked out mistress is featured in this video for the Miss Ink Pageant in which she takes us, the rapt viewer, through her various pieces of body art, including a f*cking forehead tattoo. This chick is not messing around, and neither is Sandra, who just moved out of the home she shares with Jesse. Sandra found out about the tryst from her publicist, allegedly, the morning the story broke.

Even more interesting, Michelle grew up Amish (yes, Amish) explaining that she “left the church at 16 and never looked back.” Her parents disowned her a while ago, which is a good thing as they’d probably be doing it now, after she ruined the life of Amish Country’s sweetheart, Sandy B. (View Jesse James’ text messages to Michelle Bombshell.)

Hilariously, VH1′s own Brandi M., Rock of Love contestant, makes an appearance at the beginning of the clip.

Check out our mega-gallery of Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, including naked pics, below. NSFW, ya’ll.

View Photo Gallery

by (@katespencer)

Lady Gaga Says She’s Celibate, So Who Should She Bed?

Lady Gaga isn’t getting laid, and is it any wonder, what with the outfits she wears? Honestly, how is anyone able to get close to her vagina when she locks herself up in lace bodysuits and Halloween headdresses? Anyhoots, we thought the Lady was currently bedding her pal Matthew Williams, but apparently she’s claiming to be celibate. “I am alone and miserable … but I like to be alone,” says our heroine, adding, “I, for myself, make the choice to be single at this point in my life because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. And you know what? It’s OK. Even Lady Gaga can be celibate.”

Er, okay, except that we want Lady Gaga to make a little monster out of somebody. So here are our picks for possible suitors; vote above for who you think should next hop in the sack with the queen of…whatever she’s the queen of.

  • John Mayer: Lady Gaga is probably the only person who can teach America’s favorite douchebag a thing or two about a thing or two. One night with her would surely shut him up for good, and remind him that some girls become lovers that turn into superstars.
  • Nicki Minaj: She’s hot. She’s bi. So is, apparently, Lady Gaga. They would have LiLo and SamRon beat in the super sexy girl couple category. Please, someone make this happen?
  • Taylor Lautner: The actor needs someone to come in and turn his G-Rated world upside down. Plus it would make up for that awful stunt he pulled fake-dating Taylor Swift.
  • Kermit the Frog: Miss Piggy may have threatened to take Kermie’s head off, but Lady Gaga actually did it – and then used him as a hat and coat. So why not just up the crazy and take a puppet as a lover?
View Photo Gallery

by (@katespencer)

Dr. Jack Shephard Is Not A Cheater!

Matthew Fox

There are certain actors who we refuse to believe are anyone other than the characters they play on television. Matthew Fox is that guy; to us he was Charlie Salinger for a few years (come on guys, “Party of Five” FTW!) until he swooped into our hearts and rescued us from that crazy plane crash as Jack Shephard on “Lost.” Who cares that he’s some dude with a real life and daughters and an Italian model wife named Margherita Ronchi who he met when he was the hotness at Columbia University. In our heart of hearts he’s a noble spinal surgeon with a drinking problem, terrible tattoos and an unrequited love for a troubled, gun-slinging, baby-stealing fugitive.

So needless to say, this a-hole stripper lady is who is claiming Matthew (aka, our sweet Dr. Jack) banged her all night long after meeting her at a club in Oregon needs to back the eff up. According to Stefani Talbott, they got it on while he was in the Northwest shooting a movie and slept together on two occasions. Says the exotic dancer, “He didn’t tell me to keep it a secret or anything. He didn’t even use protection. He didn’t seem concerned at all.”

Um, excuse us – but Jack never performs surgery without first dumping airplane bottles of booze on the wound. He is all about protection (And integrity! And wincing!). Sorry Stef, but we’re not buying it. Our fictional dream man would never do such a thing. Besides, he’s too busy searching for his father’s body/ghost/John Locke the Smoke Monster to even think about sex. Next!  [Photo: GettyImages]

by

Katy Perry Is A Prisoner In Her Own Bed

17144158

No pun intended (ok, maybe a little) but we’re very hot and cold on Katy Perry. At first we thought her music was kind of shrill and bad, but then she won us over when she was a guest judge on American Idol . When she and Russell Brand started dating, we braced ourselves for obnoxiousness but soon found the pairing kind of sweet. Still, amidst the genuine affection these two seem to share, neither one of them is known for their subtlety, so we weren’t surprised to hear Katy go into too much detail about their sex life.

Perry may as well be training for the sexual Olympics, Russell keeps her just that busy working on her technique. “Can you imagine the kind of responsibility I have with his reputation?” she said, referring to Brand’s previously indiscriminate Benetton heart and c*ck, (John Mayer, take note). “I’m bedridden most of the week,”  Perry explained, not expressing much torment over being held captive by a man she later called “Jim Morrison meets Charles Manson meets Jesus meets a little bit of Elvis Presley.”  We’re not sure if she’s referring to the act of them doing it constantly, or the after effects that require bedrest to recover but either way, our mind’s eye is furiously trying to erase the visuals we’re imagining from both scenarios.

[Photo: Getty Images]

View Photo Gallery

by (@katespencer)

Gaga Homewrecking Drama: Is The Lady A Tramp?

Lady Gaga

Looks like Lady Gaga has gotten herself caught in a bad romance. Ra ra oh la la, indeed! Here’s the (alleged) scoop, in bullet points:

  • Gaga dates stylist/designer/art director type Matthew Williams for a year.
  • The couple splits. Gaga goes out with that fugly Speedy dude, Matthew falls for stylist Erin Hirsh (Google says she did Kanye West‘s Glow In The Dark Tour, so she is legit) and they have a kid together named Cairo. The kid is cute.
  • Matthew joined her on tour when Cairo was just 2 months old, and a source says, “Gaga manipulated to get him back.” Then pictures of the pair making out leaked on to the web, apparently alerting Erin that her baby daddy was playing a Love Game with her and Gaga.
  • Says a source, “Even though Matt had told her in so many words that they were through, actually seeing Gaga getting it on with the father of her child was absolutely devastating to her.”

Al the stuff Gaga sings about is a lot less when it comes true. So what do you think – is the singer screwing up another woman’s life? Video of the other woman involved awaits you below the jump.  [Photo: GettyImages]

Read more…

by (@katespencer)

Tiger Wants You To Remember How Boring He Is

Tiger Woods

You remember Tiger Woods, right? He’s that stuffy, boring ol’ golfer and family man who’s won a bunch of tournaments and stays out of the public eye. At least, that’s how his PR team wants you to remember him. We’re three days into their meticulously rolled out rehabilitation of their client’s image, and no detail is too small for this pack. In the end, they’re hoping to erase from your brain that one thing we haven’t quite forgotten – that Tiger had dirty, drity sex with a short-bus full of skanky women.

Remember that picture of Le Tigre going out for a casual, spontaneous jog this week? Yep, it was staged. And we’re guessing his golf practice yesterday outside of his home was yet another photo op intended to remind us of what the guy is really good at – besides using his man club to put in pretty (and not-so-pretty) ladies’ greens.

Today’s 11am press release is equally as controlled. He’ll only be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues, and selected journalists, and will not answer any questions. Tiger knows he can’t make the problem go away, but he’s obviously trying to control it as much as he can. We have an easier solution for those looking to repair their public image: don’t do something stupid in the first place.

Tiger heads back to another week of rehab after his “statement.” [Photos: GettyImages]

View Photo Gallery

by (@katespencer)

Pam Anderson Wears Yet Another Tasteful Outfit

Pam-Anderson

Pam Anderson has walked the catwalk in sexy bathing suits for Richie Rich A*Muse before – once in her old red Baywatch suit, and another time in a jewel-encrusted gold one-piece. But her recent jaunt down the runway is definitely her trashiest one yet. What is there to even say that hasn’t been said about this woman already? You know what, we’re gonna change our tune and say “good for her.” She is free to prance in whatever sparkly shreds of clothing she desires, and she looks amazing (we’re looking with our eyes half closed), so why not? Who cares if she has two sons sitting at home who are probably mortified by her behavior. Screw ‘em – mama’s gotta work it!  [Photo: GettyImages]

View Photo Gallery

by (@katespencer)

John Mayer Dissed By Oprah, Embraced By Pornographers

john mayer

John Mayer’s racist, sex-filled Playboy interview has the singer riding the D-List express, and once you’re on the train to Celebrity No Man’s Land, it’s hard to hop off. Normally when stars screw up they seek redemption in Oprah Winfrey‘s arms, but a source tells PopEater she’s basically banned the singer from her show. “Oprah is the smartest person on TV and will not let John use her or her show to ask for forgiveness. If John really wants to apologize for his racist and sexist comments, he should find somewhere else. The only way Oprah, who is a dear friend of Jennifer Aniston, would ever book him is if John were interested in having a much deeper conversation about race, women and fame.”

Finally, Team Aniston scores big! John hasn’t lost all his fans, however. Vivid Entertainment, a big name in the world of f*cking on film, has offered John a chance to write and direct one of their videos, after he declared in Playboy, “My biggest dream is to write pornography.”

As for our biggest dream, of John Mayer vanishing into obscurity, well…we hope he pays it forward and makes it come true. Fingers crossed! [Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Megan Fox, In Her Underwear

Simply put, this is Megan Fox – and her toe thumbsin her underwear. She’s the latest model for Armani’s lingerie line, and above is the video ad supporting their new line. But it is so much more than that. IT’S MEGAN FOX IN HER UNDERWEAR, people! Something only the dude who played David Silver on “90210″ gets to see! We should be all be taking the day off from work to full honor and appreciate this moment. Have fun clicking play on this clip over and over again!

View Photo Gallery

by

John Mayer TMI Of The Day: Sex With Jessica Simpson Was Crazy

13919252

John Mayer is possibly maybe hooking up with Taylor Swift these days, but that doesn’t stop him from talking about all his former conquests. Seriously, no one in the history of time dwells on their exes this much except for this guy. In the March issue of Playboy (but of course), Mayer opens up about ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson , saying “Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say.” Only, guess what. That’s not all he said!

Mayer said that sex with Simpson was like a drug “And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them.” Then the real diarrhea of the mouth started. “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my sh*t just to keep f*cking you.’” Um, what? Is it any wonder that Taylor Swift’s mother wants to keep this dirty old man away from her daughter?

In case that quote wasn’t delightful enough, he also said that since breaking up with Simpson he hasn’t spread his love around as much as we’d think. Asked how many women he’s bedded (because why not share that info with the world?) he replied “I’m going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number.[Is it?] So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.”  So listen up, local bands, it might seem like a dream to date an actress, but in reality, Jennifer Aniston‘s vagina will make you jump through hoops just to enter, so revel in that ass you’re getting now.

[Photo: Getty Images]