sex

by (@katespencer)

Tiger’s Mistress Scores TV Hosting Gig

Rachel Uchitel

Rachel Uchitel is finally seeing some payoff come through from her torrid affair with Tiger Woods. Who ever said banging the most famous athlete in the world was a waste of time? Apparently, producers from the show “Extra” were so blown away by an interview she did with Mario Lopez, they’re set to offer her a hosting gig on the show. Says a source, she “so impressed producers that she’s been offered a job as a special correspondent.”

Look guys, roadkill could make Mario Lopez look impressive, so we’re a bit skeptical that her chat skills are that stupendous. But she’s hot, and it’s Hollywood, and fake hair extensions and a good spray tan go a long way in La La Land. Check out Rachel’s bizarrely edited interview with A.C. Slater below and see for yourself – if she someone you’d want feeding you bland celebrity news on your TV?

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

John Mayer Solves Tiger Woods’ Sex Problems

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John Mayer knows about sex – after all he can’t play his guitar with having multiple orgasms (in the face, at least), and he’s scored with a lot of hot ladies – Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston – and broken some hearts along the way. Thus we think his real talent lies not in guitar playing (though yeah, he’s good) but in offering up advice on all things fornication. John got particularly blabby about the subject in a recent interview with The Independent, rambling about Tiger Woods‘ marriage, dirty text messages, and wearing his future wife’s ass on his head like a hat. No, really.

“Tiger Woods’ problems come from him being married. The end. It has nothing to do with control. If Tiger Woods was a single guy, what sort of angle would there be to a text message? If Tiger Woods was single, and he texted a girl and said ‘I wanna wear your ass like a hat’, why would that ever hit the news? I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I’m not married. I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls, and you’ve never seen any of them. Why? Because if a girl brought a dirty text message from me to the newspapers, they’d say ‘I don’t have an angle here. Someone wants to wear your ass like a hat? Big deal. He’s 32 years old. He’s a single guy. If John Mayer has a wife and sends dirty texts, then we got a story.’ And that’s why I won’t do that. When I get married that’s gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear?’ Yes, I do – you’re the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life.”

Se what we’re talking about? Mayer’s verbal diarrhea is more epic than his guitar solos. And now we finally know why he dumped Jennifer – he just didn’t want to wear her ass like headgear for the rest of his life. What a shame – it’s so toned!  [Photo: GettyImages]

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TMI Alert: Michael Douglas Loves Viagra

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Admittedly, we love Michael Douglas more than your average person might, due to the fact that Romancing the Stone and Fatal Attraction are two of our most favorite movies, but there are some things better left unknown when it comes to your favorite celebs. Douglas, for instance, would like the world to know that in order to keep Catherine Zeta-Jones happy, he takes boner pills. He explained their sexy times in AARP Magazine, saying “God bless her that she likes older guys. And some wonderful enhancements have happened in the last few years—Viagra, Cialis—that can make us all feel younger.” Wait, where are you going, fond memories of buff, hot Michael Douglas toting a rifle around the Columbian jungle with Kathleen Turner? Come back! And…they’re gone. See what you did, Michael? You’ve ruined your former self for us.

So you see, celebrities, perhaps it’s better not to give the tell-all interview you assume everyone wants to read, because sometimes your fans don’t want to think about you and your erection that might last up to four-hours. Swear to God, if any celebrity out there decides to come clean about their weak stream, we’re quitting this business. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

RPattz’s New Movie Is Packed With Sex Scenes. Excited?

robert-pattinson

Yes. Yes, we are 100% out of our minds excited to watch Robert Pattinson seduce a bunch of hot chicks in his new movie Bel Ami, which goes into production this winter. Who isn’t? Sure he’s awkward, but that’s what makes him sooo0 sexy (insert coo here) and we’re tired of sitting through hours of Twilight books and movies only to see him grunt out a kiss or two (yep, we’re counting the days until the Breaking Dawn movie(s) for one reason and one reason only). We want some hardcore, XXX RPattz action!

Okay, so Bel Ami isn’t a porno, but it’ll suffice. Apparently our lil’ Brit plays a shady guy who sleeps his way through every hot woman in Paris, seducing and using ‘em as he goes. Christina Ricci, Uma Thurman, and Kristen Scott Thomas are lined up to play his paramours, and Life&Style reveals that, “one of his sex romps with Christina finds both their characters surprised by the intensity of the racy encounter.” Um, yay?

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

“Jersey Shore” Stars Do What They Do Best

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The “Jersey Shore” kids showed up at Greenhouse in NYC last night to milk the last of their 15 minutes, and proved that they at least know what they’re good at: sucking face, clutching cocktails, and exercising their finger muscles.The booty shorts and hair gel were in full effect, and their artificial tans lit up the room with a glow bright enough to snap someone out of their seasonal affective disorder. Feel the magic in our gallery below.

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Sherlock Holmes Too Gay For Its Own Good?

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Both onscreen and off, Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.‘s relationship has had people buzzing. The Sherlock Holmes co-stars claim to have had instant chemistry on the set, and Downey Jr. even joked that he was sorry he and Law couldn’t be lovers in real life, saying “Disappointingly, he is entirely heterosexual.”

The film too has some pretty homoerotic undertones, and that has one important person upset. Andrea Plunket, the woman who controls the U.S. copyright to all things Sherlock Holmes, said that the gay thing doesn’t fly with her. “It would be drastic, but I would withdraw permission for more films to be made if they feel that is a theme they wish to bring out in the future,” Plunket said. “I am not hostile to homosexuals, but I am to anyone who is not true to the spirit of the books.” In a nutshell, Sherlock isn’t into guys, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Well, if they can’t make a proper sequel, at least the name makes for a punny, off-brand film title. Sherlock Homo, anyone? [Photo: GettyImages]

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EXCLUSIVE: Hef’s Twins Kick Off 2010

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2009 was quite a year for Karissa and Kristina Shannon. Hugh Hefner‘s 19-year-old twin girlfriends went from obscurity to running around town with the world’s most famous playboy, and his third girlfriend, Crystal Harris. TheFABlife’s Libby Keatinge joined the bubbly blondes as well as other playmates, former girlfriends, and celebrities as they celebrated the end of 2009 and ushered in 2010 with an exclusive bash at the Playboy Mansion. Check out our gallery for all the details on Hef’s fabulous New Year’s Eve party! [Photo: Elayne Lodge]

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by (@katespencer)

Rihanna And Matt Kemp Make Out In Mexico

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Rihanna has a new man in her life, baseball player Matt Kemp, and the couple couldn’t keep their hands off of each other while vacationing in Mexico this week. So what if the Dodgers didn’t make it to the World Series last year – scoring with RiRi is a way bigger honor. Take that, Yankees!

The pair were photographed on holiday getting busy with a little bit of kissin’ and a whole lot of butt grabbing. Ahhh, the sweet, sweet honeymoon phase of a relationship. It’s sure to get under Chris Brown‘s bitter skin, doncha think?  [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Tiger Woods Sex Tape Offered To Porn Company

Tiger Woods

Those shirtless pics of Tiger Woods in Vanity Fair may not be the only revealing, years-old footage of the golfing star to come out soon. The president of Vivid Entertainment told TMZ that a woman tried to sell him a sex tape starring Tiger two weeks ago. “We saw thirty seconds of it, and we’re working to identify if it’s actually him,” said Steven Hirsch. “We’ll know soon.” When writer Ian Halperin told Life & Style a woman tried to sell him a tape of Tiger having phone sex last month, Hirsch noted, “A Tiger sex tape could be worth $5 million, possibly as high as $10 million.” That sounds more profitable than taking hush money!

But even if someone comes forward with footage, distributors would have to get Tiger to OK its release. And as Hirsch noted, “I don’t have high hopes of that.” With Tiger’s lawyers already threatening anyone who comes forward with one, it looks like the star has farther to sink before he’d consent. But it sure sounds like one’s out there, sports fans—if not more.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Kim Kardashian, Sexy Salad Eater

Kim Kardashian‘s already made a sex tape, so this new Carl’s Junior ad, which focuses more on Kim‘s boobs than the chicken breasts in the salad they’re selling, isn’t that shocking. The whole soft porn food ad movement is reallllllly starting to get old, as is seeing every part of Kim’s body. But hey, if checking out a chick in a bathtub makes you eat a bit more healthy, who are we to stop you?