Only someone as wealthy and successful as Leonardo DiCaprio would have the cojones tan grandes necessary to actually lament the lack of ladies in his life. As DiCaprio explains to Rolling Stone, “I had better success meeting girls before Titanic.”
We imaging him saying that while sitting on his veranda on the Costa Del Sol, drinking $1,000 gin out of a hand-cut crystal glass and wishing he was making out in a bowling alley parking lot. Well, Leo, we just want to let you know that we’ve been there. And frankly, it’s not that great! DiCaprio continues, explaining, “My interactions with them didn’t have all the stigma behind it, not to mention there wasnt a perception of her talking to me for only one reason.”
So basically, what Leo is claiming is that before Titanic he was walking around draped in lovely ladies (even though he was already well known for his dramatic turn as Josh in Critters 3) and now that he is a millionaire Oscar-nominee, he spends nights on the couch alone watching Two and A Half Men and eat chili out of a can. Hmm, this does seem to be quite a pickle, Leo! You’d probably find better romantic odds if you widen your dating pool a little. For example, maybe instead of going out with only 6-foot- tall, preternaturally gorgeous blond supermodels like Bar Refaeli or Gisele Bundchen, you can go take out a brunette one. Or just a regular model. Broaden your horizons a bit, dude.
– Halle Kiefer
In the latest “O girl child, no” news, Julianne Hough recently joked that she had assumed boyfriend Ryan Seacrest was gay prior to dating him, noting, “He totally wasn’t my type … I thought he was gay.” Meanwhile, Seacrest laughed awkwardly, coughed, and then quickly deleted dozens of texts messages from his phone.
Oh boy. Where to even begin with this. You know that one girl in high school? The one who gushes about her amazing boyfriend, and how he wanted to take things really slow because he is super busy “studying” approximately 45 hours a week with the school’s running back? Well, maybe that friend grew up and became a professional dancer and singer who is currently dating Ryan Seacrest. It’s definitely a possibility, right? Anyone who has watched American Idol over the past few years has noticed Seacrest’s bizarrely stilted, oddly homophobic banter with Simon Cowell, leading everyone and their mother to suspect that Seacrest has had more beards than a lumberjack convention. Because as we all know, nothing makes you seem straighter than constantly bringing up gay people all the time.
However, if Seacrest is not trying to cover up his sexuality through sweaty, off-putting repartee, then he apparently is just a creeper. As Hough continues, “He was after me since I was 18”, which, EW. EW. EWWWWWWWWWWW.
– Halle Kiefer
We may have lost track of Tiger Woods’ various mistresses, but they refuse to fade into obscurity. It seems that someone new (or old, depends on how you look at it) keeps crawling out of the woodwork. This round goes to Number 15 on Tiger’s alleged mistress roster. Porn star Devon James had filed legal papers in Florida in June, claiming Tiger was the father of her 9-year-old son Austin Brinling. The paternity suit stated the she was trying to “establish paternity, parental responsibility, time-sharing, and/or child support of a minor child or children.” Which translates to: ka-ching! Especially since the Elin Nordegren-Tiger Woods divorce drama was reaching its zenith at the time.
Now this is where it gets gold-digger bananas. Devon’s mother, who has custody of the child, allegedly performed a DNA test in 2002, which revealed that Tiger was not the father. Miz Devon refuses to believe that her mother had DNA testing at all – to her the results don’t exist – and wants to force Tiger to go in for another test.
Tiger has filed a counter-suit, asking for the case to be thrown out and to stop this massive waste of time. Porn star mommy has results whether she likes it or not, and he isn’t the father. We have a feeling the courts will agree with Tiger, for once. And Devon? Actually, we have no words left for you.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Sometimes the road to celebrity is a rough one, with stars making mistakes and learning the ropes along the way. You know – red carpet fashion faux pas, the occasional drunk outing at a club, and that classic: letting some guy jizz all over your chest and photograph the post-coital aftermath.
After we wiped the vomit off our keyboard after viewing the pic, we actually felt kinda sad/bad for the singer. After all, there’s a picture of Ke$ha COVERED IN CUM (NSFW! Seriously!) all over the web. That’s like if Vanessa Hudgen‘s naked pics had a baby with Kim Kardashian‘s sex tape and named it The Most Mortifying Thing Ever. We’re not prudes – lord knows we’ve done some dumb things with douche bags in little to no clothing – but if you’re smart enough to rhyme “Diddy” with “city,” you’re smart enough to know when to pull out the tissues and give yourself a little clean up job (hint: before the camera comes out).
Jesus, Ke$ha. We want to have your back girl. We have tried desperately to like you and defended your SNL performance and crapola fashion choices. In fact, this is the one time we would have approved of you covered up in your cave man cape or some neon body suit before posing for the camera.
But at least from this, uh, mess, blossoms a valuable lesson that applies not just to celebrities but all women out there: That moment, when you’re splayed out on a bed with some man’s body juice all over you, is a sacred one. If the jizzer whips out a camera right after blowing his load it’s probably a good idea to knock it out of his hands and find a new titty-f**cker to bone. Do you really want to be with someone who snaps shots of his own semen?
Cristiano Ronaldo and his girlfriend Irina Shayk (we choose to ignore her) have been busy sunning themselves by NYC pools. But while they were working on their tans, her Facebook account was getting hacked. And as an cyberspace addicted young ‘un would be, she was shattered at the results. More so, than when she heard that boyfriend Ronaldo was going to be a Dad.
The Russian model was with Ronaldo and family at the Standard Grill (they headed to the Boom Boom Room later) when she heard the news. The cyber villians left a message on her FB page saying, “I am so devastated, I am at home crying right now,” referencing the surrogate babymomma news. She’s since closed her Twitter account and wiped her fan page and her rep has stated, “Any statements allegedly made by Ms. Shayk. She has not and will not in the future comment on such matters.”
Now… back to the serious activity of staring at his bronze, Gucci’d butt.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Fergie’s on the cover of Cosmopolitan UK‘s ‘Body Confidence’ issue, showing off all the magic workin’ on her fitness has done for her body. In true celebrity motor mouth fashion, she dishes about about her body and her husband, stripper-lover Josh Duhamel and offers up some pretty bizarre statements (no surprise there). When questioned about her global appeal she replied, “You know, in Italy, Catholic boys are raised to believe there are two types of women: the Madonna and the whore … And me? I’m both.” Fergie Ferg…you grew up in California. Just saying!
She also revealed that post-Nine, Josh loved her newly-curvaceous body. “When I came home from filming, he was excited. He enjoys having both: the extra meat to grab when it’s there and the tight stomach when that’s there. He always gives me compliments.” We repeat… nothing here about him allegedly getting it on with a stripper. It’s one big love-fest with those two, right from when they met. Says Ferg, “At that stage of my life, I don’t think I’d have thought that about anybody. I’d made my lists of qualities that I wanted, and you can’t find out if someone has those in a week. It was learning what he was made of that made me fall in love with him.”
Isn’t that… sweet. But hey, if Josh ever does live up to his dirty dog rep, at least Fergie will always look amazing, especially while contorting in yoga-esque poses in killer high heels.
[Photo: Cosmo UK via PopSugar]
You know what we dreamed about last night, curled up in a little ball on top of our air conditioner? Our subconscious took us to a magical place where skeezy British soccer (yes, SOCCER) stud Ashley Cole hit up the cheesiest, douchiest LA club and after a night of grinding and charming skanks with his British accent, he had a heartfelt chat with a LA club troll while her giant boobs hung out of a sliver of cloth she tried to pass off as a shirt.
And guess what?!! It happened IRL!!!
Yes, dreams really DO come true in Los Angeles, where Ashley is drinking away his sorrows over England’s lame-o showing in the World Cup and getting his Popsicle melted – Katy Perry style – by California’s most stunning crop of ladies.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Everyone’s first bone is always majorly awks. And not just the initial life-unchanging virginity stealing romp, but every first time a couple gets together in the sack. Unless, of course, you’re hammered – then it’s magical and forgettable! So it’s no surprise to hear that the first time Kendra Wilkinson straddled Hugh Hefner‘s creaky skeleton was a bit weird, but her description of consummating their “relationship” is honestly the worst first-time story we’ve ever heard – including our own. (You don’t want to know. Trust.)
Kendra is writing a book [laugh break] titled “Sliding Into Home” [second laugh break] and it in she describes the ecstatic pleasure ride that is Hugh Hefner’s gramp-peen. Take it away, Ken!
“One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef’s room. In my head I could hear my mom’s voice, ‘You know they have orgies there.’ I said ‘Okay, if I have to.’ It seemed like every other girl was going and if I didn’t it would be weird. One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him for about a minute. I studied their every move. Then it was my turn, it was very weird. I wasn’t thinking about how much older Hef was, all the body parts worked the same. I wanted to be there.”
Let’s repeat that: One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him for about a minute. The next time you cringe remembering that awkward day when you were 17 years old and sliding around in the back of your boyfriend’s Saab, allow those words to wash over you and ease the pain of your past. We just did.
Must remember Jonas Brothers’ purity ring, must remember Jonas Brothers’ purity ring. That’s probably playing in a loop in Nick Jonas‘s head. The youngest JoBro is honing his acting chops as Marius in the musical Les Miserables in London. Hit musical is a hit with ladies, it seems, because Lil Nicky’s totally playing the field.
The youngest Jonas has been on dates with both the female leads, and has all the other women cast members swooning over him too. Lucie Jones, who plays Cosette, and Samantha Barks, who is Eponine, have both been on the receiving end of Nick’s charms. A source busted him saying, “Nick is getting a reputation as a heart-breaker. He’s been out on dates with both Samantha and Lucie and they both seem quite smitten. Nick’s just having fun – but he’s causing some tension between the girls.There’s been a lot of jokes backstage because art is imitating life. In the musical Eponine fancies Marius. But he ends up with Cosette.”
Now, now Nick. Play nice with the ladies!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Hard to believe it, because when we were in high school the musical theater nerds were not synonymous with the sexually active crowd, but the cast of Glee
has been chastised for having too much sex in their trailers
Show creator Ryan Murphy said that he had to put his foot down to keep some sort of discipline on set (and besides, everyone knows that artists need to abstain from sex in order to channel their creativity and emotion into their work…even if their work includes a capella versions of Lionel Richie). Murphy told Heat Magazine “I’ve certainly dated people I’ve worked with and, you know, when you work on a set for 18 hours a day I think it’s natural. But I have a rule: don’t do it in your trailer. They’ve broken that rule on many occasions. I’m like, ‘I know you guys are young and hormonal, but don’t do it in your trailer’. I’m the dad, that’s what I say’.” It’s rumored that co-stars Jenna Ushkowitz and Kevin McHale are dating, since they’ve been spotted out together socially, but Murphy wouldn’t say who the trailer-sex culprits are. Look out, Bret Michaels, you’re being replaced by the Show Choir of Love Bus.
[Photo: Getty Images]