Breaking news! There’s been a huge development! What? No, not about the election. There’s an election today? Who has time to worry about the course of American history when Soulja Boy is out there, posting extremely NSFW naked photos to his Tumblr? Perez Hilton snagged the graphic pic this morning before the rapper deleted it and honestly…you do not see a nude pic from that angle every day. That’s all we’ll say about it. We’re not sure exactly how the “Crank That” singer blogged the photo without realizing where he was sending it, but we guess that’s the danger of keeping nude pics on your phone. Click the wrong photo and your dad is getting a lot more than a snapshot of your new gas grill in his Inbox. Just in time to make Thanksgiving super awkward for everyone, Soulja Boy!
That being said, Soulja Boy is a famous person under the age of 40. This was bound to happen at some point. Just like fellow accidental flasher actress Alison Pill, Soulja Boy quickly apologized for putting his wiener in your face, tumbling “I apologize to ever seen that, accident.” Because what else can you really say at that point? Besides “You’re welcome, everyone”? Now get back to the election! It should be 98% politics, 2% celebrities’ penis pics today!
Seriously, world, if as much effort would be put into improving renewable energy technology or feeding children in Africa as has been used to prove that the nude pics that leaked on Monday are actually of Olivia Munn, well … the world would be a very different place. (Wait, maybe Olivia Munn is a source of renewable energy? Try that one out, Science!) But the world is what it is, and the result is a number of fascinatingly detailed NSFW cases put forth on Egotastic, Gawker and WWTDD. While Munn herself denied that her phone was hacked, tweeting that if it were, people would find pics of fat babies and cats, her devoted (obsessed) fans are convinced otherwise. The Attack the Show host now just seems to want to change the subject, suggesting that we talk about the moon landing instead.
A quick recap of the evidence presented to us:
1) The pics look like Olivia, duh.
2) In one photo, she’s wearing the same bikini as she did in a 2010 Maxim shoot.
3) In another, headless shot, she’s wearing the same ring she’s been pictured with. Read more…
It’s been about eight hours or so since nude photos of a young woman that bares a striking resemblance to Scarlett Johansson were leaked online. After seeing the seismic force with which these photos hit the Internet, it’s a wonder that all of the underground tubes through which information flows to the World Wide Web—the Internet is powered by underground tubes, right???—didn’t rupture and burst. Thankfully, Al Gore had the foresight to envision the necessary precautions that needed to be undertaken in case of exactly this sort of incident back when he invented the Information Superhighway™.
We here at TheFABLife have been debating not only the authenticity of these (alleged) ScarJo nudes all day, but also the rationale for them. To that end, here are three burning questions that we demand President Obama answer in a televised address by nightfall (all of which assume that it is actually Miss Johansson who appears in these pics):
1) WHO WAS SCARLETT JOHANSSON SEXTING, ANYWAY?
That is a great question! Alas, only Scarlett, the end recipient, and probably some C.I.A. operatives with high-level security clearance* that gives them the access to wiretap anyone in the United States at will have the answer to that question for sure. However, we DID do some research to help narrow it down. According to the metadata in the pictures, these photographs were “Taken with a BlackBerry Bold 9000 Last Modified Date/Time = 20:25, Oct 12, 2010.” Hmmm, where was ScarJo on October 12 of last year? Well, internet sleuths have already determined that she was in her bedroom. Based on that, the lucky louie that she sent them to be could be: Her husband at the time, Ryan Reynolds (though they would go on to divorce just two months later); her Broadway co-star, Liev Schreiber (the gossip mill seriously churned during A View From The Bridge‘s run); or possibly even one of her We Bought A Zoo co-stars Matt Damon (who is happily married) or Thomas Haden Church (who is happily unmarried). What we DO know is that she almost certainly didn’t send them to Sean Penn, because those two didn’t hook up until March of 2011.
Some people never learn from their mistakes. Other people learn that the more half-naked sexts you send, the more hot dudes you can rake it. New steamy sexting photos of Rihanna have popped up over at MediaTakeOut, and girl looks better than ever in just undies and an asymmetrical cut. While the site won’t definitively confirm the recipient of the pics, they strongly imply the lucky guy was a “popular sports star” recently dating the flame-haired star. The hair timeline definitely lines up! They also claim the unnamed guy “exchanged” photos with the What’s My Name singer, meaning if Rihanna ever feels like it, it could be naked Matt Kemp Christmas!
Rihanna has been burning up lately, between her alleged lesbian romance and S&M photos. But let’s not forget the even steamier pics that turned up after her break-up with Chris Brown. We’re starting to suspect it could be Rihanna herself releasing these photos just to announce that her hotness is now back on the market. Which would make her a certifiable genius.
rnrnAfter months of investigation, the National Football League has decided to fine Brett Favre $50,000 for not being “candid” during the investigation as to whether or not he sent lewd pictures of his junk to New York Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger. The Minnesota Vikings quarterback and NFL legend managed to avoid a sexual harassment suspension because there was not enough forensic evidence to determine whether pictures of said junk was actually Favre’s, um, unit. However, if the pictures that Deadspin published were actually of Favre’s dong, we can rightfully determine that the NFL fined him roughly $16,667 for every inch of penis he sexted to Sterger.rnrn[Photos: Getty Images]
We all have nightmares about it, but leave it to Anna Faris to accidentally sext her dad. As the Yogi Bear star explained to Ellen DeGeneres in an interview airing next Tuesday, she used to sext husband Chris Pratt all the time…until the unthinkable happened. “But one time I was sending him a text and I accidentally sent it to my dad. I wrote, ‘I can’t wait to see you in bed tonight,'” explained Faris. NOOOOOOOOO! Faris never actually mentioned the text to her dad after that (who would?), so her apology on Ellen will be the first time she’s ever addressed it. The text was sent a year ago, so unfortunately it’s way too late to prevent Papa Faris from setting his phone on fire and throwing it into a lake.
Whispering sweet nothings into her dad’s inbox, however, isn’t the most disturbing mistake Anna’s made while texting. “There was a close call with my husband’s nephew who’s like nine years old. I know. We’ve stopped now,” Faris revealed. So is Anna just mashing her hand into the dial pad instead of dialing? In case anyone needs more evidence that fourth-graders shouldn’t have cell phones, this would have to be it. [Photo: Getty Images]
Kanye West is always good for livening up a Friday afternoon, but here’s a statement we never thought we’d write: Kanye is pissed that the media cut his dick off. *eyes begin to fill with tears of gratitude* Thank you Kanye…thank you.
The rapper went on New York’s Hot 97 radio station earlier this week and admitted that those nude picturesÃ‚Â (very NSFW) floating around the web are in fact the real thing. And he is damn proud of it! “Have you heard the first line of ‘Runaway?'” he asked DJ Funkmaster Flex. In case you haven’t heard, the line is, I sent this girl a picture of my dick. “I only rap reality. I went to the Internet. They had the link, I went to it. Man, you cannot imagine how disappointed I was that I got cut off.”
The full frontal picture was actually cut in two, with the top half showing Kanye in Mr. T-like gold chains, and the lower half showing his….errrr, “Phoenix,” if we may. Most sites only displayed the top half, for obvious reasons. While most of us would be thankful that naked pictures of ourselves aren’t flooding the media, Kanye feels offended! And as we all know, when Kanye gets offended, interview magic takes place.
“The media is scared, they’re scared of me,” he continued on Hot 97. “They’re scared of a black man with this taste level…So what they do in order to take that power away? They try to turn me into a demon. And it’s happened so many times throughout history. They knocked the nose off the Sphinx. They tried to tell you aliens built the pyramids… People need to understand, I’m not above the people. I’m of the people. I love the people.”
And there you have it. They censored Kanye’s privates for the same reason the nose fell off the Sphinx and aliens built the pyramids. But he loves the people. And he thinks they should be able to see his dick.