With April Fool’s Day behind us, we’re forced to believe that what’s going down on TIME magazine’s website is not a joke. The polls for their annual “100 Most Influential” competition opened yesterday morning, revealing the world’s perceived heavyweights in politics, technology, and entertainment. After 24 hours of voting, we have reasons to fear the final days of humanity are approaching. Here’s why:
Jersey Shore‘s Snooki not only made the list, but is currently ranked at #61, beating out Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn, AIDS philanthropist and musician Elton John, and comedic genius Kristen Wiig. By the way, is “the poof” trending? God, we hope not. Aerosol emissions will kill us all by 2011.
More causes for concern after the jump. Read more…
Proving once again that Hollywood is out of ideas, the Style Network is gearing up for the premiere of its latest series, subtly named Jerseylicious. This show, they’ll have you know, is way more “REAL” Jersey than Jersey Shore ever was. After reading an interview with one of the show’s stars, we’re not so sure.
The new show is centered on a the drama at a New Jersey hair salon – and why wouldn’t it be? After all, the most famous thing about Jersey Shore is Snooki‘s pouf hairdo. However, Olivia Blois Sharpe, an orange-skinned, black-haired ringer for Snooki and a hair stylist on the show, says “Real Jersey girls are a lot more fashion-forward. Those girls were in their sweatpants all the time, their hair wasn’t done, their makeup wasn’t done. We’re a lot more flashy.” Wait, Snooki’s hair wasn’t done? That style occurred in nature? So confused.
Sharpe also told the New York Daily News a couple other choice details about herself, saying ”If I could make a living off of fist-pumping to house music, I’d be in there,” and ”I get depressed if I don’t tan. If I’m in a bad mood, laying in a tanning bed makes me feel better.” For real, this woman’s case against Jersey Shore weakens with every (awesome, cheesy) sound bite. The ripoff show airs on Sunday night – will it be as successful as the kids at the shore, or have people had enough? [Photo: Getty Images]
“Jersey Shore’s” Snooki and J-Woww are not Italians, they just play them on TV. J-Woww’s real name is Jenni Farley, so it was not that hard to figure out that, chances are, she errs more on the Irish side of things (she told Fox this week that she’s Spanish and Irish). But we were surprised to discover that her pint-sized partner in gorilla hunting, Nicole “Snickuhs” Polizzi, is actually Chilean. Go figure.
Perhaps this is why Snooki’s reaction to Italian-Americans who found the show portrayal of their peeps insulting was, “If you don’t want to watch, don’t watch. Just shut the hell up! I’m serious… F*ck you!” Perhaps she didn’t get how it was offensive because she’s not Italian. Regardless, we were totally fooled by Snooki’s Italian last name and the fact that she looks like a much younger version of our Italian grandmother. Just goes to show you can’t judge a person by their name – or their spray tan. [Photo: GettyImages]
“Jersey Shore” dancing machine Snooki has found her juice-head. The lucky guy is named Emilio Antonio (Italian. Check.), moonlights as a bodybuilder (Gorilla. Check.), and works at the gym (G.T.L. Triple Check!). Says Snooki:
“He is just like my typical guido juicehead with like a good personality. I am really excited to like show the public who he is. He is freaking banging. We’re the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that.”
We’re thrilled for the lil’ lady that she’s locked up a Valentine’s Day date, but we’re sure she’s leaving a trailer of heartbroken suitors in her wee wake. Let’s all let out a collective “Wahhhhhhhhhh” for all the guys that could have found love with Princess Poof. Maybe Angelina is available?
Do you hear us, “Inside Edition?” Stop messing with something that’s already perfect. The tabloid TV show gave our national treasure of the moment, Snooki, a makeover, and the result is “ehhhhhhhh” at best. She looks like an extra playing the role of “sexy secretary” in a soft-core porn. We like our Snooki like we like our pickles – with flavor and bite. Also crunchy (as in hair-gel).
Below we’ve gathered some of our favorite Snook looks, that feature the “Jersey Shore” star flaunting her, uh, natural style, poof and all. [Photo: NYPost]
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi may spread her legs for the camera, but she does not spread her legs for the camera: the crotch-flashing “Jersey Shore” star denies she’s the subject of any nude photos or videos being hawked to tabloids. “Like i said before about my supposed ‘sex tape’…There are no nude pictures nor will there ever be,” she recently tweeted. “The tabloids just love Snook gossip.” That’s not stopping Radar from providing a steamy description of what they say they saw:
The stills and video leave nothing to the imagination, as she is wearing only a smile. In one photo she is in her bedroom, on her knees, with one hand on the ground and the other holding the rail of the bed frame. She is looking at the camera with her head tilted slightly. Her spot-it-anywhere fingernail polish is plainly visible. Another shot is too graphic to describe. And if it’s not Snooki in the photos then she has an identical twin!
As damning as the matching fingernail polish sounds, we wouldn’t be surprised if there were quite a few “identical twins” running around the bridge-and-tunnel crowd. With Snooki barely batting an eyelash at the rumors, it’s time for someone to put up or shut up.
Looks like we weren’t the only people who saw Katy Perry‘s engagement coming. The singer has confessed that online reports preceding Russell Brand‘s New Year’s eve wedding proposal kind of spoiled the surprise for her. “Unfortunately, I still Google myself sometimes, I saw it on Google alerts,” she said at Clive Davis‘ pre-Grammy party. “I’m going to be honest.” It sounds like the British comedian still found a way to sweep her off her feet, though. “There was an elephant involved. We were on an elephant just before it. We were in India, It was at midnight, and it is not a good idea to be on the back of an elephant during a fireworks display.” It also might not be a good idea for two sex-crazed stars to plan marriage less than six months after they started dating, but why spoil the fun?
Any disappointment about us squealers appeared long gone this weekend, with Katy and Russell living it up at Grammy pre and and post parties as Perry filled her Twitter with praise of Pink, photos of pals Adam Lambert and Rihanna, and even a shot with to Jersey Shore‘s own Snooki…who may or may not have known what was happening. See their brief encounter in the gallery below.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Here’s a story we love on so many levels: Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is too classy for Jerry Springer. Not his show mind you, she too classy to meet the man himself. When the were both hanging out at Foxwoods this past Friday (that’s the other part of this extra classy story we love), Springer saw Snooki and requested an introduction and Snook’s response was this hilarious gem: “I am way classier than that. We are not The Hills.”
Foxwoods! Classier than The Hills! Gasping! For air! This is too much! So much for the tagline “Meet me at Foxwoods.” Snooki’s only going to meet certain people there and Jerry ain’t one of them. Maybe Snooki will change her mind if she ever needs a DNA test to determine paternity. [Photo: Getty Images]
We love that the ladies of “Jersey Shore” have been very vocal about their healthy body images, so we got a bit misty-eyed when we heard our wee Snooki once starved herself down to 80 pounds in high school. “In high school, I really wouldn’t eat,” she told Us Weekly. “I would only have lunch, and I would only have salads. It got so crazy that I would only eat a cracker or a cucumber a day and I would feel full.”
Thankfully a nurse at school intervened and got Mama and Papa Snooki involved and our beloved Guidette got her weight back up to a healthier 98 pounds, which is how we like her. Where else on TV have you seen a woman speak so joyfully about scarfing down pickles and sausage? And she’s not alone – good ol’ J-Woww loves her ham, and all the girls on the show are very proud of their phsyiques, none of which are Lohan-like in their thiness. For all the screwed up sh*t that’s gone down on the Shore, you gotta high five the ladies for presenting themselves as confident, healthy, and happy with how they look, and leaving the body images issues for their gym n’ tan addicted male roommates. [Photo: Splash News Online]
The “Jersey Shore” kids showed up at Greenhouse in NYC last night to milk the last of their 15 minutes, and proved that they at least know what they’re good at: sucking face, clutching cocktails, and exercising their finger muscles.The booty shorts and hair gel were in full effect, and their artificial tans lit up the room with a glow bright enough to snap someone out of their seasonal affective disorder. Feel the magic in our gallery below.