Snooki

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Snooki Rides ‘Em, Then Flashes ‘Em

snooki_bull

So…this happened. Vowing to stay away from bars after spending a few hours behind them last week, Snooki found a new way to have fun while cruising the Jersey boardwalk with her film posse.

Enter, the mechanical bull. Ever the lady, the fun-sized Snickers approached the bucking bronco in a see-through white dress, which any cowboy will tell you is standard attire (not). Unfortunately, television magic only lasted a few short moments before Snooki was thrown to the floor of the inflatable ring. Adding insult to injury, she inadvertently flashed the crowd as she picked herself up. Never fear, as we’re sure Snooks will be back in the saddle again in no time. And hopefully a TV crew will be present. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Snooki Vows To Stop Drinking (During The Daytime, That Is)

snookidrunk

After her recent run-in with the boys in blue, Snooki has been surprisingly reflective in interviews (and no, we’re not referring to the glare of her hot dog-colored skin). Quoth the Snicks, “I just felt really bad, so I’m definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime.” Jeez Louise, why don’t you just join a nunnery while you’re at it!? Look, we don’t watch reality television to see people act responsibly and make mature decisions; we watch it to find out who is going to be the first person to throw up in the hot tub (our money’s on Ronnie!).

Snickers also admitted that her appeal doesn’t stop at the schoolhouse door:  “When I see 7 year-olds, they’re like, ‘Oh, I envy you.’ I’m like, ‘Why? You’re seeing me party.’” Why Snooki is even interacting with 7 year-olds in the first place, we may never know. We blame the schools! But seriously, the only reason a little kid would think Snooki is cool is because she is approximately the same height and size of a first-grader; they probably just confused and assumed she was their age, which is totally understandable, AND would actually make for a pretty amazing show.  It would just be the regular Jersey Shore crew and one outrageous 7-year-old with a giant poof and a Capri Sun bong. Don’t front, you know you’d watch it. [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Snooki’s Ex Attempts To Win Her Back, It’s As Pathetic As You Would Imagine

snookikissemilio

While most of us are still basking in the umber glow of last night’s amazing Jersey Shore episode, we sadly have to acknowledge that not everyone is enjoying the spectacle like they should have. Take Snooki‘s ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella for example, who continues to pine for the sweet kisses of his ex’s weird beige mouth.  Claims Emilio, “I came back to the shore because I still care about Snooki. I need a chance to really tell her how I feel.”

Aw, how sweet is that? So how exactly did Emilio express this deep love and affection for our girl Snickers? Oh, right, by wandering around the boardwalk in a t-shirt that read “Free Hugs” and creeping on random women. Wow, we cannot believe Snooki didn’t just snap this gem up on the spot. He is like the human equivalent of $395 bedazzled sunglasses.  To be fair, the scheme does seem tailor-made to appeal to Snooki; it is both completely incomprehensible and involves lots of hugs.

Unfortunately for Mr. Lonelyhearts Snooki took no notice, and even left the club with a different juiced-up gorilla, after which Emilio went home and sobbed into his product-encrusted pillow. Oh, sorry, we mean: went home and smushed with Random Girl He Hugged #312. And we were like, EMILIO! [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Snooki’s Fabulous Mugshots Show She’s Already Wearing Prison Jumpsuit-Orange

snooki-mugshot

Mugshots of hardened criminal and even harder partier Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi have popped up after her arrest on Friday for disorderly conduct, aka being a cast member on Jersey Shore. (Check out Snooki’s 20 Sexiest Photos.) The one where she can’t even be bothered to look at the camera? Priceless. Someone probably had to dangle a pickle on a string to get her attention for the other one.

Given that Snickers is small enough to sleep in a shoebox, we’re impressed that a trip to Beer Bong Island only resulted in mussed hair and smeared mascara. The littlest diva really knows how to hold her liquor, even if it does result in her landing in jail at the end of the day.

We hope JS stays on the air forever so we can hang a time line of Snooki’s arrests on our wall, to remember all the good times. Plus we’ll save a ton on wallpaper!

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[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Snooki’s Arrest Is The Best Thing To Happen To Seaside Heights, According To Mayor

The Mayor of Seaside Heights,where MTV’s Jersey Shore crew is currently filming its third season, has a message for Snooki: thank you for collectively pissing off my town’s tourists, residents and police department this past week and getting arrested. Well, more or less. When questioned about Snooki’s arrest, a very excited Mayor Ken Hershey told the New York Post yesterday, “We’re getting wonderful publicity! We couldn’t pay a half-million dollars for this!”

Please feel free to let us know if we are missing something, but Snooki gets arrested for her usual drunken disorder and get praised? Only the Queen of Guidettes would be able to pull that one off. It’s definitely not cute when Paris Hilton does it and it wasn’t even cute when that kid from The Sixth Sense, Haley Joel Osment, was arrested for drunkenly crashing his car into a mailbox back in 2006.

At first, details about Snooki’s arrest for disorderly conduct last Friday were about as fuzzy as her vision. TMZ initially reported that Snooki spent the day partying on the beach with a beer bong and doing body shots. The New York Daily News recently revealed that the arrest occurred after the MTV star became increasingly obnoxious on the beach and started trampling over beach goers. If a five second clip of Snooki “trampling” over New Jersey beach goers isn’t enough of an incentive to watch the next season of her reality show we don’t know what is. Please include this footage next season, MTV!

While there weren’t any updates to Snooki’s Twitter regarding her trip to the clink, her wing-woman and fellow Jersey Shore cast member J-Woww tweeted on Friday around 5PM, “Going to bail @Sn00ki out of jail… The things I do for this girl I swear.”


by (@unclegrambo)

Breaking: Snooki Arrested By Jersey Shore Police For Disorderly Conduct

snooki-arrested-550

In the first season of Jersey Shore, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was “Snookin’ For Love.” However, during the third season, it appears that she’ll be “Snookin’ For Bail Money” instead. The diminuitive Princess of Poughkeepsie was just arrested by New Jersey police on domestic disturbance charges. Not many details are available right now, but TMZ is reporting that she was bonging beers on the beach all afternoon long. We’ll keep you posted as we learn more.

Oh, before we go, FREE SNOOKI!

[Photo: Splash News]

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by (@unclegrambo)

Who’s Ready For More Jersey Shore?

terry-snooki-550rnrnWe are, we are! We’ve bought all of the ingredients to blend up a killer batch of Ron Ron Juice, we purchased a ten package session at our nearest tanning booth (btw, those new tanning booth new taxes suck, Obama!), and we got our last paycheck in quarters so we’d never have to run out of them at the laundry again. All in preparation for the second season of Jersey Shore, which airs tonight at 10/9 on MTV. rnrnAs a means of celebrating this momentous occasion, celebrity photographer (and probable creep) Terry Richardson released a bunch of new pics today featuring The Situation, DJ Pauly D, Snooki and the rest of the gang. So don’t put your face too close to the monitor when you’re looking at them; you never know what you might catch.rnrn[Photos: Terry Richardson's Diary]rnrn

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by (@seapeaz)

The 20 Sexiest Snooki Snapshots

UPDATE: Snooki Arrested For Disorderly Conduct On Jersey Shore

Snooki hair-bumped and fist-pumped her way into our hearts faster than a spray tan last winter. Since the end of Jersey Shore‘s first season we’ve been sitting here pitifully with a pint-sized human-shaped hole in our hearts. But fret no more FABlife friends! The Jersey Shore is back tonight and we’re heading to “Miami bitches!” ZOMG, we’re so excited we feel like we’re about to liquefy into a glass of red bull and vodka!

If you’re anything like us, you’ve probably listened to the Jersey Shore soundtrack about a hundred times and have the Season 2 trailer memorized word for word, so to tide you over we’re bringing you The 20 Sexiest Snooki Snapshots! Do we even have to explain why? The tiniest lady on the Shore knows how to party like a proper guidette while dressing to impress every time. Browse through the pics (bikini photos included!) and let us which Snooki shot is your #1.

20. Purple Perfection
19. Snookin’ For Love
18. True Blue
17. Wet And Wild
16. Get Naked!
15. You Love My Lady Lumps
14. Beach Babe
13. Glam Gal
12. Snooki To The Rescue
11. We’re In Miami Bitches!
10. Poof!
9. Sporty Snooki
8. Little Black Dress
7. I Kissed A Girl…
6. Snooki Shake
5. Nicole Snooki Pole-Izzi
4. Miami Mama
3. Snooki Smooches
2. Breath Of Fresh Air
1. Animal Instincts

Bonus: Sweet Tooth (A photo too adorable to ignore!)

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