Songs

by (@hallekiefer)

Kat Von D Records First Album, “Cheating Ex” Offers Plenty Of Material

It’s hard to imagine a Kat Von D album without a few songs about He Who Shall Not Be Named. (Just kidding, we’re talking ’bout Jesse James). After all,  the LA Ink star told E! that her upcoming record will be “more on the dark, more tragically romantic” side of thing. We imagine it’s going to be like a Taylor Swift album, except switch John Mayer for Jesse and swap bunny eyes trembling with heart-wrenching tears for knuckle tatts. Plus, if you’re Sandra Bullock, you can use it to get your heart rate up at the gym.

While her music might be about her former flame, Kat Von D’s book most definitely won’t be. “No, my next book will not be about my cheating ex. There are way too many positive and inspiring things to write about instead,” Kat Von D’s Twitter read yesterday. While it’s not completely clear if Kat is alleging Jesse James cheated on her specifically, or more generally when married to Sandy, either way it’s probably a better subject to rock out to than to read about. That way we won’t have to just imagine the screaming in our heads.

by (@hallekiefer)

John Legend Accused Of Slow Jam Thievery

John Legend: always a smooth singer, allegedly a smooth criminal. Reportedly the “Save Room” singer just got slapped with a law suit, courtesy of a songwriter accusing Legend of stealing his tune. John Legend’s song stealing debacle comes at the hands of performer Anthony Stokes, who claims that he gave his demo to Legend in 2004, but failed to get any follow-up. Cut to 2006, when Legend released a similar sounding song. Are we to believe that there are only so many bittersweet romantic ballads circulating in the universe, or is this something more sinister?

Stokes now claims that Legend’s song “Maxine’s Interlude” is clearly based on his tune “Where Are You Now?”; Stokes is seeking damages, as well as attempting to block the sale of Legend’s song. No! Then how will babies get made?!?! TMZ has the two songs side-by-side for comparison, if you want to make your own judgment. Personally we think it could go one way or the other, just as long as either way ends with someone drinking champagne in a heart-shaped Jacuzzi.

by (@hallekiefer)

Glee Creeps Us Out With Willy Wonka’s “Pure Imagination”

There’s not earthly way of knowing why Glee‘s “Pure Imagine” cover seemed like a good song to pair with Glee’s upcoming “Funeral” episode. We can’t be the only ones that associate Willy Wonka less with giddy childhood fun, and more with that nightmare boat trip through the terror tunnel. Remember that horrifying turtle thing?  No, this is the soundtrack for being screamed at by a grown man in a velvet top hat. It is not for teenage singing good-times.

EW premiered “Pure Imagination” today, and reports that the Glee’s New York season finale features an untimely passing, though of who or what, no Glee extra has leaked yet. Based on our encyclopedic knowledge of the show, however, we’re guessing Kurt’s dad Burt, or possibly Sue Sylvester’s older sister. Next thing we know, Lauren Zizes is going to get sucked into a giant tube of molten chocolate or dropped into an incinerator. We’d much prefer to kill this song with fire, thank you very much.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Beyonce Debuts New Patriotic Cover Song

In case it wasn’t clear, there ain’t no doubt she loves this land; Beyonce loves U.S. A. First came Beyonce’s workout video for Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! anti-obesity campaign. Now Beyonce debuts “God Bless the USA” on Piers Morgan tonight. Beyonce recorded a version of “God Bless The USA,” complete with soulful hand claps, around the time of the 2008 election. However, this week the singer will be releasing the patriotic song on iTunes and her website to benefit the New York Police and Fire Widows’ and Children’s Benefit Fund.

In case you didn’t get enough of that stars-and-stripes feeling the first time around, Beyonce surprised a dance troupe in NYC by jumping into their assembly performance, also as a part of Mrs. Obama’s initiative for children. Those tiny professionals don’t even stop dancing through their screams! We’ll gladly stand up next to those kids, and defend their right to hyperventilate over Beyonce still today.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Nick Cannon Raps Advice For Unborn Twins With Mariah Carey

The thing we’ve really enjoyed about Mariah Carey‘s (seemingly endless) pregnancy is how husband Nick Cannon has been downright goofy with excitement about the impending arrival of the fabulous duo, including his April Fools’ “Mariah in labor” prank. However, Nick Cannon’s song “Pearls” really takes the giddy parent cake, as well as gives the singer a head-start on embarrassing his kids in front of their (newborn) friends. Set to the Sade song “Pearls,” Cannon raps that he’s “gotta spit these pearls to my unborn, poems till they get into this world.” Some of the advice he’s giving them includes:

  • “Unless you gonna make a difference in this world, you ain’t s–t in this world.”
  • “Don’t be too religious, ’cause that’s just a business.”
  • “Your mother is one of the greats.”
  • “Lord knows that I hope you embrace my mistakes that I have yet to make.”

Dad! Jeez! You’re embarrassing the twins with your painfully heart-felt rhymes and smooth melodies! Looks like it’ll be a tie to see what will prove to be more humiliating: Cannon’s earnest fetus-poetry, or Mariah Carey’s nude pregnancy photos. Here’s hoping they both make the baby book!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Celebrate Your Inner Loser With The New Glee Original Songs

While dyed-in-Slushie Gleeksters are going to have to wait until March 8 for the entire album to drop, two of the new original Glee songs debuted this morning on Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show. Our favorite of the two? The poppy, snotty “Loser Like Me,” a tune celebrating the life of a nerd rebel.  Says Glee‘s musical director Adam Anders, “It’s a very uptempo, kind-of-summery hit.” The song was co-written by Max Martin, a producer and songwriter who also helped create such gems as Katy Perry‘s “Teenage Dream” and a string of Britney Spears‘ hits spanning from “…Baby One More Time” all the way to “Hold It Against Me.” “Loser” is just the thing to get Gleeks everywhere singing along into their hair brushes in front of the mirror after spending the weekend stuffed in a locker.

The second jam is the power ballad “Get It Right” featuring Lea Michele going it solo. While Broadway-trained Michele needs no Autotune to hit the high notes, it more resembles a moody Kelly Clarkson/ Evanescence song rather than the bombastic show-stopper we would have hoped from her. So not Rachel Berry. Now if we can only get a Jane Lynch nu-metal joint to look forward to, we’ll be first in line to snatch this album up.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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