Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb (her businessman fiance) have had a rough couple of days, what with scuffles at nightclubs and getting thrown out and all that. New Years’s Eve is serious business, and it takes work to out-high profile all the other high profile news out there. Being booted out of one of the hottest new clubs in Miami will take care of that, though. The recovery period for such shenanigans is equally important, and the affianced couple decided to do so, where else, but the beach. And if they decided to go in the opposite direction and go low profile, it ain’t working. Because Sofia in a low-cut swimsuit is not something to be ignored. The stunner took on a flimsy one-piece with a criss-cross back and wore a sheer blue maxi skirt for … modesty? That can’t be it. Either way, we are just amazed about the fact that this woman is 40-years-old. There is no body part that we can spot — and we can spot a lot — that looks anywhere close to 40. We’re against violence but can you blame Nick for turning into a jealous type around her? That was the basis for the brawl, FYI. And seeing her in a swimsuit, we can sort of understand why.
At last. We’ve been waiting our entire lives for someone to make this fashion trend happen. We should have guessed it would be Kim Kardashian who finally pulled it off. While filming for the upcoming season of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, Kardashian accessorized her white one-piece with a golden belt like she wasn’t even revolutionizing fashion as we know it (which she was). Think about it: what outfit doesn’t look better with a belt? That’s right: none of them. Plus, swimsuits are the hardest of article of clothing to wear. Isn’t it better to have the option to cinch in your waist? Oh man, someone has to tell What Not To Wear‘s Stacey and Clinton about this. This is going to change everything. For the better.
Overall, we’d say this is a way better look than the ladies’ bikini promo last week. Well, better for us normal people, we mean; Kim could wear an old box spring and still look like a statue of a Greek goddess. We’re just not sure whether to credit Kim’s new look to Kanye‘s influence or not. The golden part screams Yeezy, but girl has always known how to accentuate her teeny middle. Maybe Kanye could draw up some designs for a swim blazer? To be paired with a swim wedge and a wide-leg swim trouser? We’d all probably be dragged down into our watery graves, but wow, we sure will look good doing it!
We know that it’s pretty hard to kontain Kim Kardashian‘s kurves (sorry guys, we couldn’t help ourselves), but she really took it to the max this weekend. The photograph you see in the middle was tweeted by her — of course it was — less than a day ago, with the caption, “Good morning Miami.” Which translates into — Hello, Miami World … look at me look at me look at me! On another note, we really want those shoes. As far as swimsuit shots go, it’s pretty hot, but we’re wondering how you think it compares to that other untouched bikini shot she tweeted last week? They are both completely different vibes — one glamorous and one natural — but what side of Kim do you prefer?
The pictures on the left and the right were taken while the Kardashian babe accompanied boyfriend Kanye West to a music studio, in Miami still. Yeezy’s apparently recording with the Palestinian DJ Khaled on a music video. Now while those Christian Louboutin’s are intense and gorgeous, are they really daytime wear, Kim? A little too OTT, innit? But what really don’t understand is that outfit. Leather skirt with mesh panels? With a stringy tank-top that wouldn’t stay put and ended up flashing Kim’s mesh bra to the whole world. We don’t get it. But we do find it hilarious that the paparazzo is clearly hiding in the foliage around the studio to get these shots, because that definitely isn’t an artistic green filter in the shot on the left. Kim … it maybe time to actually cover up, girl. The mesh bra is too much, even for us. Miami really got a taste of the Kardashian-kleavage this weekend. We wonder how long it’ll take for them to recover.
We love how the Taylor Swift’s bathing suit photos manage to look like a series of a turn-of-the-century postcards, while our vacation pics always have to be immediately untagged on Facebook due to extreme sweatiness/chronic sunburn. Managing to look vintage while slathered with what is probably layers and layers of SPF, Taylor posted the pics to a specially-designation photo blog while on vacation in Charleston, South Carolina. “We’ve been on the Speak Now Tour since February, and it occurred to me a few weeks ago that it would be so incredible to take a mini-vacation!,” Swift wrote with the pics, explaining “And because your niceness is why I get to take vacations, I thought I’d share them with you.” Seriously, it’s like we’re looking back at the 1920s, except with more faux Magic Marker arm tattoos.
If this video of Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton doing the Dougie at a Clippers game last weekend had been around at the beginning of our March Celebrity Madness poll last month, she may well have beaten this year’s cover girl Irina Shayk…and given winner Chris Colfer a run for his money. While some might critique the quality of her Dougie in the above clip, it was certainly worth the attempt: she’s a lock to score next year’s SI swimsuit issue cover, unless some other aspiring model finds another dance to go viral with.