Tareq Salahi

by (@hallekiefer)

We Have Some Questions About Tareq Salahi’s Plan To Sell His Wife’s Undies

Apparently former reality star and all-around fame hog Tareq Salahi plans to sell his wife’s underwear for charity, and well, we have a couple questions about that. No, our queries don’t include things like, “Dear God, why?” or “Do you really think this is the best way to respond to your soon-to-be-ex-spouse Michaele Salahi’s affair with Journey guitarist Neal Schon?” because really, what would Tareq even say to that? Instead our inquiries include:

  1. What kind of shameless pervert would spend his or her hard-earned money on a pair of undies worn by a Real Housewife of D.C.? Jersey, we can understand, but D.C.?
  2. How much are those undies going for? We have a whole mess of student loans to pay off, and we bet we can finagle a cameo onto RHONY.
  3. According to Tareq’s ex-manager Gina Rodriguez, who quit over his unsettling plan, Salahi plans to donate 10% of his proceeds to Make A Wish Foundation and Comic Relief. Did he plan to take those organizations down with him, or is that just incidental?
  4. Doesn’t Tareq know the end of the world isn’t supposed to start until 2012? Let’s not do anything to make us wish it was sooner.

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Celebrity Fight Night Is The Epitome Of Class, Style, And Buttafuoco Blood

Ladies and gentlemen, you have just died and gone to D-List heaven. Which is more commonly known as plain old “hell”. But today we’ll call it Celebrity Fight Night, a truly surreal spectacle that even Satan himself couldn’t have conceived. Yet where else can you watch celebs you wanna pummel into submission pummel each other in to submission? Your dreams come true, and you don’t even have to get your hands dirty! It’s a beautiful thing.

All of your favorites are here, including tabloid classics like Kato Kaelin, Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fischer. The current attention-whore of the moment is soon-to-be single (hear that ladies?) Tareq Salahi, whose dog burial photo-op puts him in the running for Worst Human Ever. He’s set to duke it out with former ball player and steroid enthusiast, Jose Canseco. There’s even Michael Lohan and Nadya “Octomom” Suleman, whose combined parental skills would create the largest and most dysfunctional family this world has ever known. And the whole thing will be overseen by none-other than Kevin Federline, who will act as honorary ref. Some of the fighters threw fake punches for photo ops, but things got real when Amy Fischer’s husband Lou Ballera socked Joey Buttafuoco in the mouth for real! Check out more of the insanity in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Journey Guitarist Sends Tareq Salahi Taunting Penis Pics

There’s so much to this whole ridiculous Salahi-Journey incident that it reads like the best episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that you’ve ever seen. It’s complex, but darkly hilarious and inherently perfect. So please indulge us for a moment while we unpack it all for you and savor each and every detail. Maybe -just maybe- it’ll make you believe in karma. It’s the law of the universe: if you do something stupid like crash a White House party, a stadium rocker should send you obscene pictures.

As we told you earlier in the week, Tareq Salahi grew concerned when his wife Michaele didn’t return from a hair appointment, and became convinced that she had been kidnapped. It turns out she wasn’t kidnapped, but instead having a torrid affair with Journey guitarist, Neal Schon. Tareq was also friends with Neal, and had even filmed the rock star giving his wife a peck on the cheek over Labor Day weekend. So he understandably feels betrayed, and sought consolation from that big cuddly wad of compassion, Michael Lohan, who could never miss an opportunity to get back on TMZ.

Now Tareq has resolved to divorce his Real Housewife Of DC, but not before taking another humiliating slam at the hands of Neal Schon. In the most gorgeous display of immaturity we’ve ever seen, the Journey front-man tauntingly emailed Tareq pictures of his penis. Not only that, but he also revoked Tareq’s backstage passes to all Journey shows, banning him gigs with a series of posters at each venue! Tareq probably isn’t gonna feel the urge to rock out to ‘Don’t Stop Believing’  live anytime soon, but still. Never in the course of human history has a man be so completely and thoroughly pwned. The only way for Tareq to get the last laugh is if this whole thing is fake. In which case we say: thanks for the laughs Salahi’s! We never stopped believin’!

[Photo: Getty Images]

 

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Tareq Salahi Claims Wife Michaele Has Been Kidnapped

The Salahi’s are obviously unfamiliar with the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. The Real Housewives of DC stars have made names for themselves through absurd publicity stunts, mostly famously crashing a party at the White House in 2009. So now that Tareq Salahi is claiming that his wife Michaele has been kidnapped, forgive us for being a little skeptical. He tells TMZ that he last saw Michaele yesterday morning as she was leaving to get her hair done. Apparently she never made the appointment, and has yet to return.

But the story gets even weirder, as Tareq says he got a call from his wife last night saying that she was visiting her mother’s nearby Virginia home. Yet she allegedly made the call from a strange Oregon number, and her mother-in-law denied that she had spoken to Michaele. Tareq is certain that his wife has been abducted, saying that they have been the target of death threats in the past! The worried husband put in a call to the Warren County Sheriff’s office, who told him that Michaele had already checked in with them and claims to be safe and merely dealing with “family issues.”

But Tareq is far from satisfied. In fact he’s furious with the sheriff’s lack of action, and is convinced that his wife’s captors are forcing her to make calls saying that she is safe. He has since issued a press release saying, “We are asking the public to please be on the look out for her, and if found please contact the authorities.” What do you think of this weird tale? Is it simple family drama, PR mischief, or is Michaele in real danger?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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The Salahis’ 15 Minutes Of Fame Might Be Over – Yay!

From the first moment we heard of the White House party crashers, we were sick of them. Michaele and Tareq Salahi‘s ploys for attention have come off more like cries for help, and it was only made worse when they were given a platform for their fake fame when they were cast on The Real Housewives of D.C. The number of times we’ve questioned the couple’s truth-telling abilities have been numerous and we’re just so tired of them. Thankfully, Bravo seems tired of the Salahis too, and they have chosen not to renew the couple’s contract for the next season of RHODC.

It hasn’t actually been confirmed whether or not there will even be a second season of the series, but either way, it means we won’t be seeing these clowns on our TV anymore. (God forbid they pull a Project Runway and find a new home on Lifetime!) A source explains that Half Yard Productions and Bravo are currently looking for a “bitchy replacement” for Michaele should the series continue. We’re not opposed to these reality shows having villainous characters, but these two seem unstable. Heck, even Tim Gunn thinks they’re sociopaths. May they find peace in obscurity, only to be rediscovered when VH1 does a future episode of I Love The 00′s.

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White House Crashers’ Dream Fulfilled, They’ll Be On Real Housewives Of D.C.

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The past year was rife with creeps who were intent on scoring roles on reality shows. While Balloon Dad Richard Heene was jailed for his premeditated stunt,  Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the White House party crashers, are being rewarded for their ass-hattery by scoring a place on the upcoming The Real Housewives of D.C.

Access Hollywood is reporting that the pair, who went to the 2009 White House State dinner as uninvited guests and had their pictures taken with Joe Biden and Rahm Emmanuel, have filmed a dozen episodes of the new series which will air in July, and even says that Bravo cameras were filming the White House stunt. So much for being punished for bad behavior. They also have a book in the works. Their literary agent Sharlene Martin explained, “People will be surprised when the truth about the Salahis is finally told.”

What she means is that people will be surprised that these two are still trying to be famous. Someone buy these clowns a watch, their 15 minutes have got to be over by now. [Photo: SplashNewsOnline]