Oprah Winfrey taped her some of her last shows this week (spoiler alert: there were celebrities!) and the one requirement for appearing onstage was that each star had to do their best “Oprah having an orgasmic meltdown” impression. The roster was a who’s who of ultimate Oprah BFFs, including Maya Angelou, Tom Hanks, Will and Jada Smith, Tom Cruise and his wife-bot Katie Holmes, Madonna, Rosie O’Donnell, Halle Berry, Aretha Franklin, Michael Jordan, Maria Shriver, Patti LaBelle, Josh Groban and, randomly, Dakota Fanning.
Our favorite pics from what will surely be the world’s saddest week of TV programming, below.
Despite calling Two And A Half Men creator Chuck Lorre everything from a “turd” to an “a-hole pussy loser” (and far worse), the actor made it abundantly clear that he hoped to follow his troubled Violent Torpedo Of Truth with a triumphant return to the sitcom—something CBS initially seemed hopeful for. However, Lorre and show producers Warner Bros. (the people who’d actually have to work with Sheen) have successfully scuttled such dreams, signing Ashton Kutcher to Men for next season. Naturally, everyone’s been wondering how Charlie would respond—and the answer is eerily calm…for Charlie.
“Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer…Oh wait, so am I!!” Sheen told TMZ, “Enjoy the show America.Ã‚Â Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.” That’s it, Charlie? Just a reaffirmation you were available, that Chuck Lorre’s a dingbat, and that the ratings will drop without you? With his tour over and his “Winning” single with Snoop Dogg not exactly blowing minds, will Charlie just count his money and wait to see how his $100 million lawsuit works out, or will he try to seek TV employment elsewhere? If he does anything to smaller numbers than Men Mk II gets, it’ll be hard to hashtag him Winning.
It’s confirmed…Ashton Kutcher will be joining the cast of Two And A Half Men. “What’s the square root of 6.25?” tweeted Kutcher after the news broke. That’s really more of a Big Bang Theory joke, but since Chuck Lorre produces that show as well, it’s appropriate enough.
While Kutcher doesn’t have quite the international A-list allure of the network’s previous target Hugh Grant—which might be why he’ll reportedly make less than the million per episode Hugh would have scored—he’s already proven he can score on TV with That ’70s Show, and his movie career hasn’t been that embarrassing (even if his biggest hits were rom-coms with more popular female co-stars…and not vanity projects like Spread). As long as Kutcher keeps his survivalist tendencies in check, he shouldn’t give the producers any of the problems former lead Charlie Sheen did—hey, Ashton is against sex trafficking! Speaking of Sheen…it’s about time that guy gave his two cents on the news.
Normally we avoid baby bump speculation, but we spotted these pictures of Jenna Fischer out to dinner last night with her husband Lee Kirk and our Preggo Siren went off at full blast. There’s nothing on the web about her being knocked up, but check her out — stretchy shirt, glowing face, luscious hair and a big ol’ bump for days. And we say this not as gossip mongers but as baby bump experts (because we just got rid of ours five months ago). In March she told Redbook, “I already wanted kids, but even more so now.” Hm, was she dropping hints back then? While we wait for Jenna to confirm our suspicions on her MySpace page (she may be the last person using that site) we’ll offer our congratulations just in case we happen to be right. Way to go, Pammy B!
We’ve heard plenty of rumors about folks like Rob Lowe, Jeremy Piven and John Stamos being offered Charlie Sheen‘s place in Two And A Half Men, but Deadline just revealed that Warner Bros. has been chasing far bigger game than that. According to the site, Hugh Grantpulled out of negotiations last night after nearly accepting $1 million per episode to join the show’s cast (though there is some hope he may reconsider). It’s a pretty smooth move—Hugh’s presence on a sitcom would be a lot more novel and intriguing than the established TV actors previously listed, he didn’t party with Sheen back in the day like Stamos and Lowe did, and the payday would definitely be bigger for the actor than what he’s getting for stuff like Did You Hear About The Morgans?
The buzz around Grant underscores a previously ignored issue: that the show is popular internationally, and foreign distributors might give up on the show if the producers don’t score a big star with global appeal. With all of Hugh’s recent movies making more money abroad than in the US, he’d be a dream fit—so expect Warner Bros. to try and smooth over Hugh’s current “creative differences.” With network upfronts only a week away, it’s not like they have time to chase down other celebrities of his stature.
While few would be shocked to learn Taylor Momsen will not be coming back for Season 5 of Gossip Girl next year (she was barely in season 4), it may be a surprise to some that Jessica Szohr is leaving the show as well (though, if you’re still watching, you already know Vanessa Abrams will be studying abroad next year). Gee, with Dan Humphrey’s little sister Jenny and his alleged “best friend” Vanessa away, who will he try to make feel like crap instead? Answer: everybody else—as Blair, Serena, Chuck and Nate will remain, along with some new blood.
Momsen and Szohr—who respectively have a music and movie careers to focus on—will still be welcome to return as guest stars. While this may be good news for fans of Jenny and Vanessa, we have a feeling there are more prime-time soap fans who wish one would suffer an untimely demise…those always make for a nice season finale.
Is Justin Bieber a prima donna or just a normal teenage boy? CSI‘s Marg Helgenberger let slip in a French radio interview that Bieber pulled some diva bullhooey while shooting a guest appearance on the show. “He was kind of a brat,” she sighed. “He was very nice to me. But he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was on the cast’s table.” Ruining a crew cake? That’s even worse than when Bieber flew a toy helicopter into a manager’s head! No wonder Bieber took a bullet (or eighteen) last time he was on the show.
Possibly regretting her bean-spill, Helgenberger clearly wasn’t expecting to be asked if she thought the Biebs was a decent actor as a follow-up. “Justin Bieber wasn’t bad bad,” she offered. “But he’d never acted before…He’s better than you’d think.” Too little, too late, Marg! We’re sure the Bielebers have already put this heathen on their Enemies list.
With spin-offs for Pauly D, Snooki and J-Woww already in the mix over at MTV, we were starting to wonder if the ol’ Situation—once Jersey Shore‘s shining star—had been left out in the cold. Was it his pathetic performance at the Donald Trump roast? The fact that his priceless reaction shots would be worthless without something to react to? Well, worry no more, because the ab-wielder formerly known as Mike Sorrentino scored himself a development deal after all.
There’s no word on what his show will consist of, and no promise it will ever actually reach the air (though considering how successful Shore is, it’d be surprising if all three announced spin-offs weren’t given a shot). Maybe we could send him to different wartorn countries in the world, allowing him to deliver his classic double-takes as he reports on “The Situation” in each…and then gets wasted at the local watering hole. Call it The Situation On The Situation, or maybe The Dumbassador.
Alright, we’ll level with ya: we teared up at this wayyyy more than we did as the Royal Vows were exchanged. Steve Carell’s final episode on The Office aired last night, forcing us to say farewell to our favorite boss (to our actual bosses who are reading this, we mean “second favorite boss.”) As a tribute to Dunder Mifflin Regional Manager Michael Scott’s last ride, NBC released a short interview conducted by Carell’s co-star Angela Kinsey on the last day of filming. In it, he shares some of his favorite memories of the last seven seasons, and signs off with an honest, emotional and touching farewell to all of his fans. Safe travels, Michael. We’ll always have syndication.
Ryan Seacrest reported this week that SNL actor Jason Sudeikis will host the MTV Movie Awards, which will be held in June. Ever since 1992, the MTV Movie Awards have been the anti-award show, not only because they created new categories like Best Kiss and Best Fight, but also because of the random people they’ve chosen to host the show. And while it makes sense for Sudeikis to host since he’s one of many male comedians on the brink of movie-stardom to emcee the event, there have been some odd choices (and odder co-host pairings) throughout the years. Like Sarah Michelle Gellar co-hosting with Jack Black in 2002? That’s weird, even by Buffy standards. Or Lisa Kudrow in 1999. Yes, it made sense at the time but we’ve totally blocked it from our memory.
Check out our gallery of the other hosts of the Movie Awards in past years and let us know if you think Sudeikis will be one of the better hosts, or if he’ll be totally forgettable. Like the coupling of Jon Lovitz and Courteney Cox. Betcha didn’t remember that they co-hosted in 1995.