by (@hallekiefer)

Don’t Worry, Julia Roberts! This Red Carpet Escort’s Tell-All Reveals Only The Most Boring Scandals

Celebrity Escort Writes Tell-All

Listen up, everybody. If you write a tell-all in this day and age, you had better bring it. Heck, Kris Jenner wrote a tell-all about herself in which she exposes her own infidelities. If you aren’t exposing someone’s love child or some Mommy Dearest-level insanity in your scandalous memoir, we are not even going to check it out from the library. It’s these high standards that made us so bummed to read about the “secrets” revealed in Christopher Gaida‘s new book Arm Candy: A Celebrity Escort’s Tales From The Red Carpet. Despite having escorted celebs to red-carpet events (entirely platonically, as we were saddened to find out) for fourteen years, some of Giada’s non-revelations include:

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by (@missmuttoo)

New Tell-All Book Reveals Surprising, Alleged Angelina Jolie Romance Victim … Mick Jagger!

New Tell-All BooK: Mick Jagger's Alleged Infatuation With Angelina Jolie

After hearing about this story, Mick Jagger crooning “Angie” in the quintessential Rolling Stones song took on a whole new meaning for us. But that’s the thing about tell-all books right? The information is juicy but it’s also completely alleged. This latest book by Christopher Andersen called MICK: The Wild Life and Mad Genius of Jagger is the epitome of that. It drops quite a bombshell about Jagger, stating that he was obsessed with Angelina Jolie for two years! The New York Daily News has excerpts from the book that reveal the extent of his infatuation. The book also states that the actress’ mother, Marcheline Bertrand, felt that Angie and Mick would make a good match even though Ms. Jolie was married to Johnny Lee Miller at the time. Nutso, right?
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by (@hallekiefer)

The Weirdness Of Christian Bale Described By His Assistant’s Tell-All Just Makes Us Like Him More

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Christian Bale‘s former assistant Harrison Cheung seems like he’s out for blood with his new tell-all Christian Bale: The Inside Story of the Darkest Batman, claiming, “It only took me five years of therapy to get past my Bale years. My therapist would describe my condition as post-traumatic stress disorder.” While the details like the fact Christian refused to pay Cheung unless he signed a confidentiality agreement after Cheung started working for him seemed profoundly sketch, other bizarro specifics…actually make us like Bale more. Let’s be real, after the world heard his rant from the set of Terminator: Salvation, we all knew this guy was a little nuts. Certain anecdotes from Cheung’s tell-all, however, make Christian seem nuts in an fabulous, eccentric movie star way. For example…

  • Bales’ on-going rivalry with Leo DiCaprio: DiCaprio snapped up roles Bale wanted from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? to Romeo & Juliet to Titanic. After temporarily losing his American Psycho role to DiCaprio, Bale ranted to Cheung, “Losing this role is like having a pencil shoved through my brain.” That sentence just proves they ended up going with the right guy! Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Kardashian’s Ex-Nanny Shops Around Tell-All Book

What horrors lurk behind the curtains of the Kardashian-Jenner household? We already know Kris Jenner has that stripper pole in her bedroom, so coming in a close second are the accusations made by the Kardashian’s ex-nanny Pam Behan. According to TMZ, the family’s former caregiver is currently shopping around a tell-all about the family. However, the details that have come out so far makes us think she’s actually telling all about her own personal craziness. Some of the specifics include:

  • Behan calls Brody and Brandon Jenner “extremely spoiled and disrespectful.” Brody Jenner extremely spoiled? No! You couldn’t hear it, but our monocles just fell out and shattered on the floor.
  • Behan also almost lost her job after slapping Brandon. So…not looking for any future nannying jobs we take it? Or…any jobs in general?
  • Behan had a “love/hate” relationship with Kris Jenner. You know, like the rest of America.
  • Bruce Jenner helped Behan avoid prosecution after she received a DUI and so she favors him and we’re sorry, but does Behan have any other dirt on the Kardashians that isn’t actually about her tragic life?
  • She dangles some “intimate details” about Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, which is almost enough to make up for that whole “slapping a kid” thing. Oh no, wait. It definitely does not.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Courtney Love To Publish Tell-All To End All Tell-Alls

We thought Courtney Love already wrote a tell-all; it was just published 140 characters at a time and lead to several different lawsuits. Luckily we were wrong and Courtney Love’s memoir is headed our way in Fall 2012, a fact her daughter Frances Bean is no doubt thrilled about. Plus it’s just in time for the Apocalypse! Coincidence? We hope so.

According to HarperCollins’ imprint William Morrow, the publisher putting out the as-yet untitled book, Courtney will team up with co-writer Anthony Bozza to reportedly “set the record straight” on everything from Courtney’s marriage to Kurt Cobain, her time with band Hole, her battle with drug addiction (a section on that alleged “Kelly Osbourne OD’ing incident” would be nice) and, with any luck, her role in Man on the Moon. Hey, it was a seriously unrated film, okay?