Thanksgiving

by (@hallekiefer)

Let Us Give Thanks For A Very Gaga Thanksgiving

Ah Thanksgiving, that special time of year where we gather our families around a perfectly cooked meal and give thanks for what’s important in life: Lady Gaga. In what we can only hope will be an annual tradition, ABC announced plans for A Very Gaga Thanksgiving, a 90-minute special airing November 24 featuring eight performance by the pantless Pilgrim herself. Gaga will also give an interview with Katie Couric for the televised event, which she will direct. On the off chance she’s reading this…Gaga, can you lay off the grotesque mermaid imagery from “You And I”? We’re going to be eating, after all.

Joining in the festivities will be Gaga’s family and friends, who will serve as an intimate audience for her concert at her high school Sacred Heart Catholic School in New York. We know some of you might traditionally be watching football and slipping into a yam coma while this is on, but if you tune in to Gaga’s spectacle, you can at least place bets on whether or not we’ll see Nonna Germanotta lowered onto the stage in a Lucite cornucopia. We’d say the odds of that happening is roughly 1:1.

by (@missmuttoo)

Who Is Jennifer Aniston’s Thanksgiving Mystery Man?

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Besties Jennifer Aniston and Chelsea Handler are spending Thanksgiving basking in the sun, in Los Cabos, Mexico. Sounds like fun! While the rest of us are slaving over the turkey’s we’re so thankful for these bikini-clad duo are splashing about with mojitos, mariachi and…men?

We don’t know what Chelsea’s been up to, but check out these photos of Jen that have surfaced looking cozy with an unidentified man. As in hugging, hanging out, drinking, laughing and generally looking mucho flirtypants.

So who’s the dude? Fling or friend? What’s the deal? Have a look at the gallery below to tell us what you think’s going on. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Some Day, Somehow Beyonce Is Going To Learn To Cook, Says Tina Knowles

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Since we’re all on our way to our families’ house to celebrate Thanksgiving/get grilled about our life choices, it’s sort of reassuring to know that, yes, you could be Beyonce and your mom would still find something to make a comment about. When it comes to her daughter’s accomplishments Tina Knowles could not be more thrilled. Well, she could be a little more thrilled, since according to Tina Knowles, Beyonce can’t cook.

Says Tina, “Cooking is the one thing she hasn’t gotten into. She hasn’t mastered [it], but I’m sure she’ll be a good cook once she makes up her mind.” Yeah, once she makes up her mind to do something important for a change! We for one think Beyonce should just just keep having her personal chef make her meals; he would just be a waste of money if she didn’t. Besides, wouldn’t it be nearly impossible for Bee to cook without knocking one of her 16 Grammys into the sauce pan? Those things must be everywhere!

So is Jay-Z going to have to choke down dry turkey and bland stuffing at a Carter-Knowles dinner this year? Reveals Tina, “They’re actually out of the country, so it’s going to be different, but it’ll be good. They’re getting their own tradition – so we have to let go.” We agree with that Tina. Let go, and let Beyonce eat lasagna or pad thai or whatever other kind of food she herself did not make, in peace. [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Angelina Jolie Boycotts Thanksgiving, But It Will Probably Happen Anyway

Thanksgiving Grinch Alert! Angelina Jolie is apparently refusing to let her family take part in any Thanksgiving festivities this year, because she believes the holiday to be “a story of murder.”  So now Thursday will just be another day in Bosnia for the Jolie-Pitt clan, where Angelina is filming her directorial debut. In fact, she deliberately scheduled filming to ensure that she would be out of the country on the day.

“Angelina Jolie hates this holiday and wants no part in rewriting history like so many other Americans,” an friend told Popeater‘s Rob Shuter. “To celebrate what the white settlers did to the native Indians, the domination of one culture over another, just isn’t her style. She definitely doesn’t want to teach her multi-cultural family how to celebrate a story of murder. She gets so grossed out by Thanksgiving that she has made sure her family will not be in America this year on Thursday.”

Angie, Angie, Angie. You got it all wrong. Thanksgiving isn’t a celebration of genocide (well, maybe turkey genocide). It’s a celebration of the vast array of pies that are available in this great land! Whole families are brought together each year to exchange and compare pies. Then they will begin to argue over which flavor pie is the best, leading to fight at the dinner table about why the hell Aunt Sheila made rhubarb pie instead of pecan pie, because no one ever eats the damn rhubarb pie. And then sweet potatoes will be thrown, and you’ll remember why you only see your family once a year. It’s called tradition, Angelina!

[Photo: Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Jessica Simpson Not Happy About Carving Up The Tofurkey This Thanksgiving

This year, Jessica Simpson’s vegan Thanksgiving plans with fiance Eric Johnson mark the first Turkey Day the two will have spent together as a couple…as well as the first where Jessica didn’t get to tear into a warm, delicious turkey like a rabid raccoon. While on Jimmy Fallon’s show last night, Simpson complained, “After getting out of the NFL, [Eric] went to this healer and is very healthy. For Thanksgiving we have to make a Tofurkey! It doesn’t sound right! It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.” Jeez, Jessica, just suffer through one day of tofu and you can go back to normal, non-jiggly meat foods. Like hot dogs. Besides, there’s always vegan pie. Just eat 12 slices. We’ll be doing that anyway, and we’re not even vegan!

Simpson also explained that where she’s from, “veganism” actually translates into “bacon on the side, please.” While Jessica admits “when [Eric] cooks vegan, it’s good,” she explains,”I’m from Texas – I’d fry a steak. We eat all casseroles and giblets!” We hope the happy couple has a great holiday, but even more than that we hope Jessica enjoys her first Thanksgiving meal where one of her relatives’ hearts doesn’t burst like a water balloon from a massive giblet overdose.

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The Ladies We’re Thankful Exist

This Thanksgiving, instead of giving thanks for tired old things like a loving family (did that last year), good health (but you do have that nagging cold) and caring friends (who really just use up your phone minutes), why don’t you give thanks for the things that truly bring you joy, day in and day out: ladies. Whether they’re simply running around on a ridiculous tropical vacation or getting into some crazy hijinks, these ladies serve to brighten our otherwise dull days with vicious catfights and tons of skin.

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