The Hills

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Heidi Montag Shows Off What God Gave Her

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Reality couple Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt talked to the September issue of Playboy and dished about their hot and heavy sex life and today we bring you the sexalicious photos of Heidi from inside her Playboy issue, and her custom-made body does look super hot. In addition to discussing the 20-30 orgasms a day Spencer gives her, Speidi also talked about doing it in a plane, the truth about Lauren Conrad‘s sex tape, and her future plans for plastic surgery.

Spencer On Lauren Conrad’s Sex Tape: “Yes, I facilitated the rumor, but it was true. Lauren was acting like she was little miss perfect goody two-shoes while [her boyfriend] Jason Wahler was trying to shop the tape. That tape exists!

Speidi On The Interesting Places They Do It: Heidi: “”…it makes me happy to see you happy. Like when we do it in the car.” Spencer: “Or on the plane on New Year’s Eve. How about that? When I initiated you into the mile high club? Holy sh*t!” Heidi: That was maybe the best experience I’ve ever had in my entire life. First flying to New York on a private jet and then getting to fulfill the fantasy of all fantasies. The hardest part was, like, keeping quiet so the pilots wouldn’t come back. Honestly, I feel as if I’m just beginning to know my body with you. You’re waking me up to what’s possible, and it makes me want to try every new thing, doing it all kinds of ways – indoors, outdoors, upside down. I feel sorry for couples who aren’t as sexually satisfied as we are.”

Heidi On Her Future Plastic Surgery Plans: “I’m definitely not done with my surgical quest. I think I want to go bigger on my boobs for you. Spencer: “Awesome. How big?” Heidi: “Triple X.” [Photo: Courtesy of Playboy]

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Heidi And Spencer Give TMI On Their Sex Life

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In between fist bumps, kisses, and Spencer Pratt checking his four cell phones, the reality show couple everyone loves to hate dished to the September issue of  Playboy, where Heidi Montag appears on the cover, on their steamy sex life, nemesis Lauren Conrad, and plastic surgery.

Heidi To Spencer On Their Sex Life: “I knew what sex was, but when I met you I entered into a whole new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love. Or to experience a day with 20 to 30 orgasms. Before you, sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute of every day.

Spencer On Watching Heidi Shoot For Playboy: “Oh, it was f%&king torture! I got the biggest case of blueballs in history. I wanted to shut down production after every outfit change so I could enjoy you all to myself. I suggest they bring something like that to Guantanamo Bay, actually. Who needs waterboarding when you can have Heidi Montag posing in these outfits in front of you, in front of the ocean, and not be able to make a move on her? I’m not kidding. It was torture.”

Spencer on Heidi suggesting she enlarge her breasts more: “Don’t do it for me, Heidi. I think you have the best custom made breasts in the world right now. I don’t need you to make any changes. I’m already driving a Bugatti every day.”

Heidi On Lauren Conrad: “The millions of people waiting for season six of The Hills love us. And it’s not about Lauren Conrad, because she’s not even on the show this season. Which is fine with me.”

Check back tomorrow for photos from inside Heidi’s Playboy issue and what the truth was behind Lauren Conrad’s sex tape – and Heidi’s future plastic surgery plans. [Photo: Courtesy of Playboy]

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Mr. Montag Unaware Of Heidi’s Playboy Spread

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We have to hand it to good old gun-lovin’ cowboy Bill Montag, even he can’t be bothered to care about daughter Heidi‘s exploits. While the rest of the world seems to be unable to avoid all things Heidi and Spencer, Mr. Montag has remained blissfully unaware of his daughter’s latest media ploy – her spread in Playboy.

Though we’ve been hearing about the photos for what seems like years now and the Pratts even showed up to the G.I. Joe premiere in L.A. with copies of the magazine to shove in everyone’s faces, Heidi explained that, “I’m a big Christian girl. I kinda wanted to keep those values a little bit. I haven’t told my dad yet. I might not tell him.” On the other hand, Heidi’s mom was all for it. “My mom was so excited she was just, like, pose! God gave you that body, you show off that cute little thing.”

So funny that Heidi calls her plastic surgeon “God,” right? [Photo: GettyImages]

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Kristin Cavallari Plays On The Beach

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Hills star Kristin Cavallari films an episode of her reality show while showing off her toned physique in a teeny black bikini on the beach in Malibu, CA. Kristin took a quick break to play paddle ball with a pal, then got right back to work shooting the show. Looking good! [Photos: Splash News Online]

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Heidi Pratt Gets An Offer To Strip

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Heidi Pratt is not known for her work ethic – she couldn’t handle school on The Hills, she’s been canned by Brent Bolthouse, and she quit I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here about twelve times. But somehow she’s still getting job offers, most recently, one from Scores, one of New York’s finest gentleman’s clubs. Daily paper AMNY managed to snag a copy of the request Scores sent to Pratt. Here now is the Cliff Notes version:

“Dear Mrs. Heidi Pratt,
As the nation watched you and your husband brave the jungle on “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here” and continue to brave the ups and downs of “The Hills” and Lauren Conrad, we would like to take this time to present you with an opportunity that will allow you to be center stage-and have a lot of fun while doing so. . .SCORES would be honored to have you dance at our club on the main stage each night for five days, upon which, we will offer you a fee of $25,000.”

It makes total sense that Heidi would receive this offer – she’s posing for an upcoming issue of Playboy and generally speaking,  she kinda lives for attention and money. Wouldn’t this garner both? Alas, AMNY reported that her dear, sweet hubby Spencer was appalled at the offer that Heidi received, saying “I feel dirty they even asked.” [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

Speidi Spews Crazy Talk About Birth Control, Media

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Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have been twittering up a storm these days, praising Jesus and claiming to reject the fame they’ve so eagerly sought out. Need some examples?

  • Heidi recently wrote: “get ready for Jesus coming back! watchout for the antichrist and the mark of the beast! which is the chip they want to put in you!”
  • While Spencer says, “i have wasted so much time and energy on fame and pop culture with nothing but millions of haters to show for it!” And, “my life from here on out is the LORD, my wife, and my country!!!!! For me these are the only things worth living and dying for!”

The pair hit up a conservative radio show, hosted by Alex Jones, on Monday, to speak about something called “the New World Order,” which we think has something to do with Jesus and government conspiracy theories.  Jezebel writer Hortense was tuning in, and here’s some of the craziness she caught:

Says Heidi, “I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they’d never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it’s just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.”

Are these two for real, or is this just another attempt at generating more media attention?  [Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Audrina’s All About Bikinis, Boyfriend

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Audrina Patridge rarely has anything much to say on The Hills, and consequently we have little to say about her current Mexico beach break. She looks bangin’, obviously, though sadly international travel has done nothing to prevent her ceilings eyes.

Most interestingly, she appears to be back with her Australian ex,  BMX-er Corey Bohan. Somewhere in Los Angeles, the Justin Bobbster is hurt and drunk, and it’s all getting caught on tape.  [Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@katespencer)

Jesus-Loving Heidi Montag Poses For Playboy

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God-loving Heidi Montag has posed for the September issue of Playboy. While this seems to go against her Christian faith, it suits her image as an attention-loving, boob-job embracing reality TV trainwreck.

But not to worry! It’s like, soooooo tastefully done. “There is nudity. It’s tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it,” a source told People magazine. We’re imagining a shot of her with a can of her new dry shampoo situated between her breasts. You know, fun.  [Photo: GettyImages]

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Kristin Roots Through Heather’s Dirty Laundry

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Bad luck, Kristin Cavallari. There you were, in possession of a fierce Herve Leger dress that showed off your amazing bod to its best, plus with those paparazzi-baiting slashes that were sure to grab you headlines. All you needed to do was wear it to a glam event in L.A. (check!) and make sure that no-one else, say Heather Graham, perhaps, had worn it the day before you, and already garnered those ‘OMG look at her dress!’ headlines. Oh. Whoops!  [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Heidi And Spencer Try To Quit I’m A Celebrity

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Heidi and Spencer Pratt were noticeably absent from last night’s MTV Movie Awards, because the couple was busy doing something a bit more, uh, exotic. The painful pair is starring on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here (which debuts tonight on NBC at 8PM) and their second reality TV stint appears to be a total disaster.

The couple apparently didn’t realize they were going to be dropped in the jungle and forced to compete in various audience-picked challenges. “They wanted to be treated like stars,” a source revealed to Ryan Seacrest and E! News. “[Spencer] literally thought he and Heidi were staying in a Four Seasons, working out and getting a tan.”

They were also dissatisfied with the caliber of celebrities on the show, calling the crew – which includes the comedy duo Frangela and Janice Dickenson - “not famous” and “nobodies.”  An NBC vice president flew down to Costa Rica to personally ask the couple to stay and they’ve apparently obliged – for now. Ryan even reports that the pair spent their Sunday eating bugs like the good little reality TV stars celebrities that they are. Guess Spencer and Heidi finally remembered what keeps the bank account alive.  [Photo: GettyImages]