Somehow, rapping the theme song for a gang of mutated reptile ninjas in TMNT II: Secret Of The Ooze was not the most bizarre moment in the Ice Ice Baby rapper’s career. Reportedly Vanilla Ice’s Captain Hook will premiere at the Kent Central Theatre in England next December. Is a heavily tattooed one-hit-wonder playing a pirate from a children’s story not random enough for you? How about if the show was done entirely in pantomime? And Captain Hook rushes to the top of the WTF list!
Playing a mime villain definitely trumps Ice on Dancing On Ice, as well as his role as Heckler #3 in 2010’s Big Money Rustlas, the plot description of which reads, “In the Wild West town of Mudbug, Sheriff Sugar Wolf arrives to confront an over-the-top villain, Big Baby Chips.” We wish we were joking. “He has never performed in a pantomime before, but I am sure he will go down as a hit,” Kent manager Tony Hill thinks for some reason. “Ice is a huge name who I am sure will be a real draw for parents and children alike.” Hmm, this seems like Ice is intentionally messing with us. That’s fine; we can roll with that. We look forward to his collaboration with Bjork and forays into kabuki theater next spring.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
This will teach us to watch reruns of Reba on the couch rather than take in a play. In an interview with Elle, Keira Knightley compares theatre to orgasmic sex. “Oh, God, the only thing that’s going through my head to describe it is, it’s like sex with an orgasm at the end of it!” Knightley swoons. “Whereas film is like you have sex but you never get the orgasm. A lot of stopping and starting but… oh, I wish I hadn’t said that.” Lady, you don’t have to apologize for what turns you on! You just have to write us a great recommendation for our application to the American Repertory Theatre.
While Knightley will take the stage February in London to star in the play The Children’s Hour, later this spring she’ll have to star in the boner-killing film Cosmopolis with Robert Pattinson, unless she suddenly develops a terrible chronic headache. “You go on stage, and you don’t know what character the audience is going to have, and it’s almost like improvising with a new person every single night. Film, you’re second-guessing an audience because they’re not there,” Knightley gushes. You don’t have to sell us on the idea anymore, Keira; we already have our tickets purchased! And if we like the play a little too much, it certainly won’t be the first time we’ve gotten kicked out of Jersey Boys…or the last.
Must remember Jonas Brothers’ purity ring, must remember Jonas Brothers’ purity ring. That’s probably playing in a loop in Nick Jonas‘s head. The youngest JoBro is honing his acting chops as Marius in the musical Les Miserables in London. Hit musical is a hit with ladies, it seems, because Lil Nicky’s totally playing the field.
The youngest Jonas has been on dates with both the female leads, and has all the other women cast members swooning over him too. Lucie Jones, who plays Cosette, and Samantha Barks, who is Eponine, have both been on the receiving end of Nick’s charms. A source busted him saying, “Nick is getting a reputation as a heart-breaker. He’s been out on dates with both Samantha and Lucie and they both seem quite smitten. Nick’s just having fun – but he’s causing some tension between the girls.There’s been a lot of jokes backstage because art is imitating life. In the musical Eponine fancies Marius. But he ends up with Cosette.”
Now, now Nick. Play nice with the ladies!
[Photo: Getty Images]