tom cruise

by (@missmuttoo)

Tom Cruise To Mortify Katie And Suri With Les Grossman Movie

17288172

Get ready for some more Les Grossman! Tom Cruise reprised that unforgettable role from 2008′s Tropic Thunder at the MTV Movie Awards last week, where he randomly had a dance off with Jennifer Lopez. Now Paramount and MTV Films confirm that they are developing a movie around Les Grossman, who is an f-bomb dropping, expletive spewing, super raunchy producer. Cruise will star in and produce the movie, along with his Tropic co-star and director Ben Stiller.

Paramount issued a facetious release saying they have “secured the life rights to Grossman,” who is described as having “recently mentored talents such as Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner.” Adam Goodman, Paramount Film Group President added, “Everything I learned in this business, I’ve learned from Les. I started out as his assistant, and from the first day he threw his desk at me when I got his lunch order wrong, I have loved him like a father.”

Not one to be left behind, Stiller released his own statement saying, “Les Grossman’s life story is an inspiring tale of the human class struggle to achieve greatness against all odds. He has assured me he plans to quote ‘F**king kill the sh*t out of this movie and make Citizen f**king Kane look like a piece of crap home movie by the time we are done.’ I am honored to be working with him.”

The Paramount press release also included a “statement” from Grossman. “He” was asked about the screenplay details and replied, “To quote my great friend Kirk Lazarus, `I don’t read the script, the script reads me.”’ Lazarus was a character in Tropic Thunder magnificently portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. As Les might say, this is going to be f**king brilliant!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

Suri Cruise’s Toy Car Worth More Than Anything We Own

58988416

Suri Cruise may not know what kind of crazy celebrity life she was born (nay, thrust) into, but Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sure aren’t trying to reinforce any “down-to-earth” or “normal” childhood stereotypes with her either. Her jet-setting, ballroom-dancing-shoe-filled lifestyle is now going to be complemented by Suri’s very own custom-made car worth over $30,000.

Suri, a source explains, has a new favorite show to watch on TV: auto racing. “Suri has been mesmerized by auto racing on TV so he thought it would be fun for her to have her own little car to ride in. If Suri truly takes to the sport, Tom plans on having a little race track installed at his L.A. property.” Of course he does. Because who else will star in Days Of Thunder 2: This Time It’s A Hybrid? Look for it in theaters in 2025, folks. But honestly, we understand providing for your kids, but we sure learned a lesson or two from having our parents say “No” once in a while. Maybe the Holmes-Cruises should look into that. [Photo: GettyImages]

by

David Beckham Snubbed By “The Simpsons”

59069098David Beckham is athletic, beautiful to look at, a style icon, happily married with adorable children, blah blah blah. It would seem that he has it all, but there’s one special famous-person privilege he is being denied: he won’t be voicing a guest role on “The Simpsons” any time soon.

Insanely, the soccer star was deemed not famous enough by the producers to warrant a guest spot on the show, despite engaging in discussions. Executive producer Al Jean said, “I had to phone David Beckham to tell him sorry. I didn’t think he was a big enough star for an American audience. I get a lot of grief about that.” Beckham has had movies named after him and is besties with Tom Cruise, what else do  “The Simpsons” want?? Actually, now that we think of it, we’ve heard the man talk and his voice is not his finest attribute. Good call. [Photo: GettyImages]