Two different premieres in two different countries. Two Jessica’s. Two very awesome looks. We’ll start with the lovely lady on the left. Jessica Biel really brought to the Total Recall Berlin premiere last night, in a completely different way that she did to the L.A event two weeks ago. This time around, she wore a black, backless, fully-embellished, semi-sheer, halter-necked Elie Saab Fall 2012 gown that clung to her like a second skin. An oversized black Fendi clutch completed the look. She looks so fabulous that we’re totally ignoring those bangs which normally irk us. The makeup is ace too. Do we spot matte, pale almost-coral lips? Way to go, Jessica! Giving her competition is her namesake — Jessica Chastain, on the right. We’re loving the flirty, black vintage YSL frock worn to the Lawless premiere in New York last night as well. With the gathers and the oversized bow at the hip, it’s got this sexy, almost flamenco feel to it, and it’s working on her like a dream. She wore Black YSL Tribute Mary Jane pumps along with the dress, paired with blue nails (which, as you all know, are a seasonal trend right now) and masses of colorful Tom Binns bracelets. She was smart to add the sideswept hair and the pop of bright pink lipstick too. The two actresses looked better than we’ve ever seen them and we’re having a hard time choosing who look best. Want to help us make a decision?
As is pretty inevitable with any remake, this week’s hot new release Total Recall is currently undergoing a million and a half comparisons to the 1990 original. Both movies, based on a Philip K. Dick story called “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale,” concern a man named Douglas Quaid who is plagued by disturbing nightmares and visits a service called Rekall that promises to improve your life by implanting new memories into your brain. Both movies also star an incredibly good-looking cast that make us look forward to a future in which everyone’s bodies will be perfectly toned. Since we’ve yet to catch the new flick, we here at VH1 Celebrity are going to tackle this comparison a little differently: by superficially comparing stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone and Rachel Ticotin to Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel. Oh, and we haven’t forgotten baddies Ronny Cox and Bryan Cranston, and all-important three-breasted women Lycia Naff and Kaitlyn Neeb.
This could be your most important decision of the day, so examine these photos closely and then tell us…
Sorry, Snow White. Nothing personal, Thor. Of course we still love you, the Batman. We always will. It’s just that when it comes to summer movies, we love a glowering villain as much as we love a virtuous hero. Maybe a little more. Maybe … a lot more.
Luckily for us (and you!), this summer’s films are jam-packed with some of the most malevolent evil characters imaginable, ready to face off against the hottest heroes and heroines from May to August. Tom Hiddleston reprises his Thor role as power-hungry extraterrestrial Loki in this week’s The Avengers, while Flight of the Concords’Jemaine Clement breaks Will Smith‘s stride as an easy-riding alien by the name of Boris in Men in Black III. Closer to home (and to your childhood nightmares), Queen Charlize Theron goes after Kristen Stewart‘s heart (not in the romantic way) in Snow White and the Huntsman, while Eva Green does the same to Johnny Depp (in both the romantic and evil way?) as smitten witch Angelique Bouchard in Dark Shadows.
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Of course, not every memorable villain has to be from another planet or or the fairy-tale realm. Some of them can be regular ol’ criminal masterminds, like Salma Hayek‘s drug kingpin Elena in Savages, Faran Tahir‘s Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Bryan Cranston‘s Vilos Cohaagen in the Total Recall remake and Edward Norton‘s Byer in The Bourne Legacy. We are especially psyched to see Tom Hardy‘s Bane grapple the Caped Crusader in The Dark Knight Rises while Rhys Ifans takes on Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man. Because what’s an epic battle scene with out an epic villain? A 15-second slap fight?
Not that every villain has to be locked in life-or-death combat, mind you. Some of them are just maniacally vain. Sacha Baron Cohen‘s General Aladeen in The Dictator, anyone? Catherine Zeta-Jones‘ high-strung Patricia Whitmore will also be inflicting all the damage she can against the demon that is rock in Rock of Ages, while Adam Sandler only accidentally ruins his son Andy Samberg‘s wedding/marriage/life. That being said, if you somehow get your only child to throw up on his fiance’s wedding dress … yeah, you’re the bad guy.
Finally, we have to give props to those villains who don’t even come in a humanoid package. We are dying to see what the surprisingly awesome-looking Battleship aliens look like under their masks (Weird eyes? Check! Four-fingered hand? Check!), and we’re all ready to take our hats off to the Piranhas 3DD piranhas. Not only are they blood-thirsty, they are also responsible for Ving Rhames‘ character having machine gun legs. What aren’t villains good for? Which big bad has your ticket-buying hands shaking with anticipation this summer? Check out our gallery of villainy, and cast your vote. Just remember: When it comes to picking a favorite archnemesis, there is no wrong choice.
This is what we get from the Total Recall teaser trailer. Colin Farrell is back to looking like the handsome scamp he used to look like before he decided to throw away his razor. Hallelujah! Explosions. Hardcore gun-cocking. Kate Beckinsale looking like a woman on a mission and just about to kick some serious ass. With impossibly lush hair, FYI. Then there’s Jessica Biel. Whose hair we can’t see because firstly, it’s tied in a bun and secondly, we see mere flashes of her. Poor Jess. We’re guessing she’ll be as hot as the previous two, though, because this is Jessica Biel. She couldn’t look fugly if she tried. We also see her plummeting down in a car. More explosions! Dramatic music! Leaping! It’s all very exciting stuff. Our only questions is this — who gets saddled with the three boobs?