by (@hallekiefer)

Nic Cage Drops Off Face Of The Earth (No, It’s Not The Plot Of National Treasure 3)

Reportedly, Il Divo Nic Cage has not only decided to bail on his current film project Trespass, but has also chosen to drop off the face of the planet to do so. According to insiders, “Cage abruptly backed out of the film late last week and then left on vacation—apparently to the Bahamas.” Doesn’t Cage own two private islands? Just check there. That’s Nic Cage’s thing: if he’s not one multimillion dollar island, he’s on the other.

Trespass is only two weeks away from the start of its shooting schedule, leaving director Joel Schumacher and producer Avi Lerner scrambling to find a balding megalomaniac to fill the actor’s shoes. However, even before Cage fled to parts unknown he was causing issues in production. Initially cast as the husband of a kidnapped couple alongside Nicole Kidman, “within the last two weeks he switched and instead decided to play the leader of the kidnappers.”

Hmmm, as much as we would like to see an all-Nic Cage movie where Cage switches between every character using a rotating series of luscious strawberry blonde wigs and ridiculous accents, apparently that was not what the backers had in mind. Liev Schreiberwas offered the cast off role of the husband, though he has yet to accept Cage’s sloppy seconds.

UPDATE: is reporting that Cage has rejoined the cast of Trespass. All of you balding megalomaniacs out there not named Nicolas Cage can stop pestering your agents now.