Don’t get us wrong, we love the sex and twisted humor of True Blood. But every once in a while, the show gets so wrapped up in the task of squeezing 15 quirky plots and 50 blindingly beautiful actors into an hour of TV, it forgets another essential element of a show about vampires and other supernatural beings living in a swampy, remote town: the scary bits. To make up for it, apparently, Alan Ball and Co. made last night’s episode, with the deceptively innocuous title “Let’s Boot and Rally,” a full-on horror extravaganza. Here I’ll list the scariest bits, and at the end you can vote for the scene that kept you up all night.
1. Jesus’ head has a message. Poor Lafayette can’t catch a break. In answer to his prayers for help from the boyfriend he murdered, both Lafayette and his crazy mom are visited by the Dia de los Muertos version of Jesus (pictured above).
2. Rats eat Russell Edgington’s leftovers in the spooky abandoned mental hospital. Love how Sookie fully acknowledges that they’re about to enact the oldest horror-movie scene in the book, but still, we were wimpering right along with Alcide’s employee Doug. Everyone else was just too jaded by life in Bon Temps to flinch. Read more…
Happy Magic Mike day, everyone! While Joe Manganiello has been doing nonstop press to promote his role as Big Dick Richie and the new season of True Blood, we noticed a little tweet of his yesterday that means even more to us than his body roll demonstration on Today. It was a link to the above video of him onstage at a Laguna Beach club with ’80s cover band Flashback Heart Attack singing Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf.” From what we can tell, this happened a few weeks ago, and Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was also in attendance (hence Joe’s “Go Steelers!” at the end). But we think it’s perfect that the video is just surfacing this week. Here’s why:
It’s a sign to the producers of the proposed Magic Mike Broadway musical that he’s a possible candidate for the stage version. Sure, Joe’s off-key and probably drunk as he leans in to sing the chorus, but he’s certainly showing his potential … and willingness.
True Blood fan confession time: When I got my copy of Entertainment Weekly a couple of weeks ago, and it turned out that of 11 possible covers, I got the Christopher Meloni one, I was bummed. Why would I some crusty old Vampire Authority guy from Law & Order: SVU when I could have had Joe Manganiello or Alexander Skarsgard? This is obviously because I’ve never really watched SVU, nor did I catch Meloni as the bisexual sociopathic murderer on Oz. Because now that we’ve gotten over the tedious politics and religion of his debut as Roman on last week’s episode and returned to what we love about True Blood (sex and violence), I am please to report that I totally get it.
It almost would have been enough to see Roman’s nuanced handling of Eric and Bill’s betrayal and pledge to find Russell Edgington, nor his sexy bossman order to Steve Newlin. But it was the fact it is basically impossible to imagine Salome (Valentina Servi) wanting to get it on with a third partner after seducing both Bill and Eric. Who could live up to such a task? But yet, as Roman started to strip off his perfectly tailored suit and undo his cufflinks, while talking passionately of his mainstreaming movement, it was easy enough to get the picture. This guy might even be able to go pec for pec up against Alcide. We screencapped his sexiest looks from the “Whatever I Am, You Made Me” episode — with bonus Andy and Eric butt shots, for good measure, in the gallery below.
Demi, Demi, Demi. We seem to remember having this conversation with you before: Getting back together with your ex when you’re in this still-fragile, post-rehab state, is a terrible idea. Even though you’re looking sooo much healthier, and you’re doing an awesome job as the producer of Amanda De Cadenet’s The Conversation, we still think this rumor we heard from Grazia magazine (via ContactMusic) this morning, points to disaster: According to an unnamed source, estranged spouses Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are going on a “sex-free” retreat on the advice of Rabbi Yehuda Berg, their Kabbalah teacher. They’ll be staying in separate rooms and monitored by Berg, the source says.
This is all, of course, still in the realm of gossip and we have no idea if it’s true — but they did go on that camping trip to patch things up before, and they haven’t filed for divorce yet, so it’s within the realm of possibility. But we rather prefer this other possibility, courtesy of Heat magazine (via the Daily Mail): Demi, 49, was getting cozy with our favorite werewolf stripper Joe Manganiello, 35, at the afterparty for the premiere of That’s My Boy earlier this month. No one is saying they hooked up just yet, just that they had “amazing chemistry.” They apparently met back when Moore set to appear in Magic Mike, and stayed in touch even though she dropped out of the project. Coincidentally, Joe split with fiancee Audra Marie last September. So, A) he knows what Demi’s going through, kinda; and B) he looks like Joe Manganiello. Sounds like the perfect rebound to us!
Oh, thank you, HBO. For bringing True Blood back so quickly for season five after a too short season four, and for proving time and time again that any story worth telling is a story worth telling with at least one fully nude character in the scene. Last night’s season premiere had, by our count seven actors naked or mostly naked — and the sheer variety of situations that called for them to shed their clothing was quite impressive. The only downside: For some reason Joe Manganiello’s Alcide remained clothed for his two scenes. Maybe, with Magic Mike coming in a few weeks, he feared over-exposure of his abs? Joe, let assure you that this is impossible. Anyway, we thought all those nekkid bodies would provide an excellent framework for discussing the episode:
1. Jason Stackhouse answers the door to Reverend Newland completely naked, for no apparent reason. It did nicely contrast how confident he is with his looks, even after everything that’s happened to him, with how completely vulnerable he was once the just-turned vampire Newland glamoured him into inviting him in and then confessed his love. Then, adorably, covered in what looks like his grandma’s blanket, he tells the former anti-vampire crusader: “This dog don’t bark that way.”
2. A female werewolf changes into her (naked) human form to confront Sam about killing her pack master Marcus. She’s just as threatening as when she’s covered in fur. Sam chooses this odd moment to be ignorant of werewolf politics and takes the blame for Alcide.
3. After flying off as an owl, Sam arrives at Luna’s house and, of course is naked as he meets Emma and Luna on their doorstep. Inappropriate!
We interrupt these nude scenes for one opposite of nude scene: Pam in a Walmart sweatsuit. For all her bravado, the fact that she was willing to don that thing to be buried alive and turn Tara says so much about her love for Eric.
4. How many times on this show have we seen Sookie take a shower? A lot of times. This time was a real tear-jerker as she flashed back to young Tara saving her from school bullies. Sookie says she’s tired of supes interfering in her life, but man, she is hazardous to all the mortals in her life, too. This was a good way to remind us that, though to us she may have been a whiny, treacherous and super-annoying character whose death we maybe hoped for a little too hard, she apparently once had some redeeming qualities to make her deserving of Sookie’s and Lafayette’s love. Read more…
When VH1 sat down with Ice-T at a screening of his film Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap, we did not expect the conversation to go the way of zombie vampires … in space. Ever the awesome interviewee, Ice humored our vampire-obsessed tendencies and fielded some very important questions.
After 12 years, Ice’s Law & Order: SVU co-star Christopher Meloni left the series last year presumably to pursue a film career and obviously for his four-episode stint as Roman on True Blood. As a 500-year-old leader of the Vampire Authority, one could say he traded one form of Law & Order for another, much more undead one. On the departure of Detective Elliot Stabler, Ice said “I’m happy for Chris. At some point, you gotta make your exit… If it’s up to me, [Law & Order] will be on for 20 years.” Hilariously Ice added, “He’s going to the best vampire they’ve ever seen because the man’s crazy – he’s got beady eyes.”
Naturally our imaginations wandered and we had to ask about he and wife Coco‘s vampire potential. “We’d be the best vampires in the history of the world,” Ice-T confidently declared. “But I think we need to be a different kind of vampire… like vampire zombies. [Laughs] The next generation – space zombies or something.”
Full interview below, wherein Ice describes Coco’s undercover love for hard-core gore flicks.
Your work day is over: time to kick back, relax and enjoy a piping hot bowls of hunks. Hunks like Tom Cruise, Mark Wahlberg and Christopher Meloni, to be exact. Now, clearly all these hunks deserve their own post, but to achieve critical hunk mass we fused them together into one super hunk post. It’s sort of like the end of David Cronenberg‘s The Fly, but not gross and with more hunks! Man, now we wish Jeff Goldblum was in this hunk round-up. Maybe next time!
Tom Cruise posed for this month’s W Magazine while channeling his Rock of Ages character, hair metal singer Stacee Jaxx. Now, we know some of those abs have to be Photoshopped (please compare to Tom’s other shirtless Staceee Jaxx photo immediately. Immediately.) and of course those tattoos aren’t real and, yes, maybe something weird is going on in his brow area, but still…the man is turning 50 this year and looks like he was carved out of well-moisturized granite. Even if it might make you uncomfortable to admit it, Tom Cruise is still a bona fide hunk. Accept him. Embrace him as you would any other hunk.
Remember in the early ’90s when Mark Wahlberg used to model underwear for a living? Now he’s hanging out in Miami filming Michael Bay‘s Pain and Gain and, well, basically modeling underwear for a living. If we knew what brand those were, we’d buy some and keep them on us at all times in case we met a worthy hunk. We would tell you to say hello to your mother for him, but she’s already seen these photos and she knows. She knows he says hello.
This baby is going to be supernaturally adorable considering his or her mother is a telepath and daddy’s a vampire. OK, maybe we’ll just focus on mom’s cool powers for this one! Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are expecting their first child! This news has been confirmed by Moyer’s spokesperson, so it’s absolutely certain. The fab and very low-key True Blood couple have been married for two years, having got hitched in Malibu in August 2010. While this is Anna’s first baby, it’s the third for Stephen. He already has a son named Billy and a daughter, Lilac, from previous relationships. So, we guess he’ll be on diaper patrol because he’s had practice. Mazel tov, you two!
Since we listed our 25 favorite vampires of 2011 last week and asked you to vote for your own, the polls have been HOT. Edward and Damon are neck and neck, but Bones is coming up from behind, as book fans seem to have caught onto the race. It’s exciting to watch on our end (Vampire Academy fans from Russia are a force to be reckoned with!), so we decided to leave polls open until 11 p.m. on New Year’s Eve. In the meantime, let’s look back at who this unusual collection of celebrities would name Vampire of the Year for 2011.
“Anyone from True Blood. They’re all brilliant and fabulous,” Heather Matarazzo told us. And her sentiments were echoed by True Blood werewolf Joe Manganiello: “It would probably be a tie between Stephen Moyer and Alex Skarsgard. I really can’t pick one or the other.”
Alexander Skarsgard’s dad obviously is a big Eric Northman fan as well. “It’s my vampire genes!” Stellan Skarsgard told us.
“Bella Swan!” Elizabeth Reaser said, choosing her on-screen daughter-in-law over her own adoptive “children.”
David Cook went old school, ignoring the “of 2011″ part of the title and choosing Brad Pitt’s Louis de Ponte du Lac from Interview With a Vampire.
Then there were the even less-obvious choices. Questlove nominated Count Chocula. “Hands down, he’s been vampire of the year for me for the last couple of decades.” Read more…
We’re not shy about our vampire obsession around here. And even as angels and werewolves and dystopian battlefields take over the screens and bookshelves, it doesn’t look like sexy bloodsuckers are going anywhere. Sure, they experience a bit of boom and bust, but a look back at the last 100 years in pop culture proves their undying staying power. In 2011, our blood was stirred by a nice crop of undead seducers, from Eric and Bill on True Blood to Damon and Stefan on The Vampire Diaries to the entire morally upstanding Cullen family. There were others who leapt from the pages of books whose racy covers we sometimes had to keep hidden — Bloodlines, the spinoff of YA series Vampire Academy, made its debut; Jeaniene Frost’s Night Huntress series is still going strong, and in City of Fallen Angels, the latest from Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series, vampire Simon went from best friend to hot commodity. There were even a couple of “nonfiction” vamps who made it onto our 2011 list.
Before you check out our 25 faves, watch who such celebrity vampire experts as True Blood’s Joe Manganiello and Twilight’s Elizabeth Reaser, and non-experts like Andrew W.K., Robin Thicke and Questlove would nominate for Vampire of the Year. Because we just declared that a thing.