Do you prefer more caps lock and shout outs in your internet browsing? You’re in luck - Kanye West started a Twitter account. His first ever Tweet mentioned that he was taking some morning meetings in Silicon Valley – not something we’d normally pay attention to, except that said meetings were at the Facebook offices, and Kanye performed while standing on top of a conference table for a bunch of Facebook employees (how dare they get rewarded after making our lives miserable with all those site redesigns!). Lucky for us, the performances were posted on YouTube.
Kanye performed several songs off his upcoming album (which was going to be called Good Ass Job, but now according to his Twitter, will be renamed) without any backing tracks. They sound pretty good on their own – please, Kanye, please don’t AutoTune the crap out of them! Take a listen to all of them after the jump. Our favorite new lyric? “If you fall on the concrete, that’s your ass fault.”
“Rise and Shine, I’m blessing u with a nice morning view. Rolling out of bed is hard.” Thus spoke Coco, wife of Ice-T and owner of one of the most flaunted backsides of our generation, first thing yesterday morning when she greeted the world with a Twitter picture of her bare bottom. Poetry, no?
Coco has never been shy about showing off her ass(ets), and we’ve certainly never been shy about loving her for that, but this is certainly the most bare-naked view we’ve gotten. So, in honor of Coco’s way with words and her way with squats, we would like to present a haiku and retrospective look at some of her finest work, call it a “Rear In Review” if you will. It’s all for you, Coco.
My name isÃ‚Â Angelina Jolie. You may know me because of my brood of children-of-the-world. Or my ridiculously-hot-again partner, Brad Pitt (Photos). Just kidding, you know me because you love me. You see, I doÃ‚Â good,Ã‚Â people. I travel the world, meet refugees, give my money away to charity, and manage to look fantastic in every photo ever clicked of me. I don’t say this to make you feel bad. I would never do anything like that. It just is what it is. I am perfect. But I have decided to smile more, and not rub my genetics and superior demeanor in your face.
*Burst of maniacal laughter* Fooled you! Did you think I would make it that easy? Did you think you could just TWEET your 140-character babble to ME? Wrong, pets. @AngelinaJolie is locked. I’m not following anyone (as if!) and no one is following me (even though you’re dying to). I just wanted the name all to myself. You.Can’t.Have.It. And even if I do decide to “tweet” later in the year, when I possibly have the time, it’ll be all about charity and NGO’s and refugees. Got it?
It’s okay guys; it’s all going to be OKAY. Amanda Bynes is not actually retiring after all. Just a short month ago, Bynes tweeted that she was quitting the business of show, writing “I don’t love acting anymore, so I’ve stopped doing it.” She also stated the obvious, saying “I know 24 is a young age to retire.”
You think so? Was it that you were the youngest person to buy a condo at Del Boca Vista that tipped you off? Now though, Bynes has changed her mind (again, she turned to the PR firm of Twitty And Fail-Whale to get the message out), writing “I’ve unretired.” By her standards anyone who has taken a honeymoon or a sabbatical has retired and then “unretired,” but okay. Fine.
So did she get super bored, the way our dad is now that he’s retired and has taken up guitar, harmonica and bass so that he can start a one-man band because he can’t sit around idly waiting for Oprah to come on at 4pm? Or maybe she just realized that What I Like About You money was going to run out sooner or later? Whatever the reason, like Michael Jordan before her, she has decided to retire from retirement and we can respect that she’s actually putting some effort into a career. In a world where most young starlets don’t bother with the illusion that they have jobs, it’s kinda nice. (God, our standards are so low). Welcome back to the rat race, Amanda!
Tsk tsk, Ice-T. What would Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’s Detective Fin Tutuola say about you breaking the law not once, but twice in one day? According to TMZ, rapper-turned-actor Ice-T was arrested in New York City earlier today after he was pulled over for apparently driving without wearing a seatbelt. Allegedly police then arrested him when they discovered he was driving with a suspended license. TMZ reports that he was taken to the city’s 10th Precinct and shortly released.
But at least the rapper-turned actor has someone to blame! Earlier this morning Ice-T tweeted that he was up early because, “@cutespartacus has to get knee surgery today.. It’s a simple operation that common for bulldogs. Still sucks. Wish him luck….” He also tweeted hours later confirming the arrest in his own way, “Some punk b*tch rookie cop named Fisher #10026 Made the arrest of his bullsh*t career today. Arresting the Notorious Ice T for no seatbelt.”
How can you not say, “Awww!” Good luck, Spartacus! And Ice-T, you’re forgiven. Just buckle up next time!
Call it “Sh*t My Kid Says”: Tori Spelling has started a Twitter account for her three-year-old son Liam where she transcribes the funny things the child says.Ã‚Â Ã‚Â The Twitter site is called LiamsWorld and so far, it contains pithy gems likeÃ‚Â ”My belly roars like a monster. It says MUST EAT LOLLIPOPS! Yum!” andÃ‚Â ”Mama, you’re Lady Gaga cause you have yellow hair and you are fancy!”
Look, it’s a well-known fact that kids really do say the darnedest things, and so far Liam’s tweets are cute, but we can’t help but feel like Twitter for a toddler is taking things too far, especially…well, especially when you’re Tori Spelling and already have books and reality shows about your life and now you’re taking even more privacy away from your defenseless kid. Little Liam is going to grow up thinking it’s expectedÃ‚Â that he write books with his name punnily inserted into the title (What would make a better first memoir? “One In A MillLIAM”, “LIAM La Vida Loca” or “LIAM? I Don’t Even Know Him!”) and that just by being an heir to the Spelling name, he has to stay in the spotlight or feud with his family to maintain his fame.
Wait, hang on. We thought of a few more titles for Liam’s possible autobiographies, guys. We can’t help it, it’s like Tori is willing this to happen. “iamLIAM”. “LIAM Me Alone!” “LIAM On Me, When You’re Not Strong” (obvs, a self-help guide) and the title he can use in case he gets involved with drugs “Somebody Hand Me My vaLIAM”. Of course, maybe we’re exaggerating just a little, but the kid already has 19,000 Twitter followers, so there’s clearly an audience for the tiny wordsmith.
That husband and wife duo have steadily been live-tweeting his recovery progress. We knew that he was out of the danger zone when Tori wrote on Twitter, “I said to @deanracer “Babe do u want anything?” He said ‘Oreo McFlurry! So his spirits are up despite all the pain.” We also know what Twilight team she’s on too, thanks to this tweet, “Rented New Moon for 2nite. Lonely w/o @deanracer. Just got home from hospital. Taco Bell and Team Edward!”
While it’s wonderful how the world is connected on the interwebs and all, there is something called Too. Much. Information. Dean wasn’t tweeting as much as much as his twittering wife, even while lying on a hospital bed… in pain. He tweeted, “OMG !!!!! My catheter is stuck and won’t come out. I’m waiting for the Doctor to get here and give it a try. Gotta be honest, I’m scared !!” followed by, “I had the worst night. Catheter cut me up coming out. Unbelievable pain. I got a fever of 104 and was throwing up. Fun, WOW !!!”
Memo to over-sharing celebs: forget Twitter, forget telling the world about your creepy private business and just focus on getting better.
Trace Cyrus has been our favorite member of the Cyrus family ever since we first saw him on the red carpet, posing with his family. Miley‘s older brother clearly marches to the beat of his own drum and doesn’t care about starting beefs with anyone, not even if they’re part of the same Disney family that gave Miley her start.
Trace appears to be in a feud with High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale, as evidence by a couple of harsh tweets he posted about the actress. He wrote yesterday “I’ve met and know a bunch of celebrities. By for the worst person I’ve met in my life is Ashley Tisdale. I’ve never had someone who dosnt know me AT ALL make up so many rumors and bullshit about me. You don’t even know me b*tch.” The tweets appear to be unprovoked as we can’t find any quotes, fake or real, from Ashley about Trace. We’re wondering what could have gotten Trace so riled up, and anxiously await Tisdale’s response. Trace’s Twitter is fairly entertaining though regardless of the feuds he’s engaged in. He talks about celebrities, UFO’s and daily affirmations – in a way he’s like a more clear-headed Spencer Pratt – enjoyable to read but without the spiritual crystals and violent outbursts.
Emma Roberts has learned a valuable lesson this week: Don’t mess with Twi-hards, especially those on Team Edward. Don’t taunt them, don’t antagonize them, and especially don’t do it while seated next to Robert Pattinson. See, earlier this week, Roberts and Pattinson appeared as guests on The Tonight Show, and when Jay Leno asked Roberts her preference between Edward or Jacob, Roberts responded that she was Team Jacob. Pattinson jokingly responded back “You’ve just revealed yourself to have absolutely no taste,” cue a few more playful barbs back and forth, end of story, right? Eh, not so much.
Roberts Tweeted about Pattinson later, writing “Rob Pattinson is so nice! I was slightly disappointed his skin wasn’t glittering & the song ‘Wild Thing’ didn’t start when he shook my hand,” and she was eventually mobbed with hateful Tweets from fans who were clearly on Team Edward and were upset at her for expressing her opinion. The influx of taunts from people upset by her Jacob loyalty got so bad that Roberts shut down her Twitter account. We can’t believe people take this stuff so seriously! Yikes. (But even more unbelievable is that so many people were even watching The Tonight Show.)
Adding fuel to the Team Edward fans’ fire is the rumor that Roberts is actually dating her Homework co-star Michael Angarano, who just happens to be Kristen Stewart‘s ex. Stewart reportedly dated Angarano just before RPattz stole her heart on the set of Twilight, and Edward fans seem just nutty enough to take that as some sort of sign that there’s some real life drama between Emma and Robsten. If so, this is quite the lover’s quadrangle, and it makes Pattinson’s retort to Roberts on-air seem like it wasn’t so playful, and makes her Tweet seem like it could have been draped in sarcasm after all. Do we think there was some real tension between the two, or was it all in good fun? The only thing we can be sure of is that, as with every major pop culture drama of 2010, Jay Leno is to blame.