Paris Hilton had a frightening morning today. The starlet Tweeted earlier “So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. Cops are here arresting him” and posted the photo seen here. You can clearly see a bunch of policemen at her home, apparently taking turns sitting in her driveway armchair discussing perps and donuts.
So, look, we know that Twitter is Twitter and people make grammar mistakes all the time and we’re certainly not perfect, but it made us sad to see that Paris actually wrote “2 big knifes” in her tweet. We’re glad she’s okay (wait, are we?) but we kind of have a feeling that this isn’t poor grammar, Paris just thinks the plural of knife is knifes. She’s not known for her smarts, is the thing. It’s sad to think that all those millions of dollars at her disposal were spent at Kitson instead of kollege. Sorry, we mean collage. Whatever. Hey, let’s go tanning!
She wrote: “Just had a lovely experience at the local Sherman oaks hospital. Was hit from behind pretty dang hard. My one regret was not wearing…” she continued in a second tweet, “Makeup today because all the fireman & policeman were sooooo hott! And sweet! I will be ok. Soar [sic] but ok.”
Nothing like some hot TLC to make you feel better.
Sorry, Britney Spears, but Lady Gaga has you beat once again. Gaga now holds the title of most-followed person on Twitter with over 5.7 million fans following her. Gaga usurped the title from Britney this weekend – guess even an appearance on Glee couldn’t boost her Twitter love. Gaga posted a hilarious “inaugural message” to her account on Saturday night addressing all her little monster-followers from her dressing room and wishing us well as she waved a magic Twitter-wand.
Remember the days when Ashton Kutcher was the most famous Twitter user? Back then, Gaga was barely a glimmer in anyone’s eye. Amazing how two years can change everything. Congratulations, Queen Gaga, on getting one step closer to being the next Oprah and making Ashton more obsolete than ever!
Joan Rivers is old. This is a fact. And no amount of plastic surgery can conceal this. A rather telling sign of age is memory loss, which is what the comedienne is apparently going. Remember her Twitter battle with Lindsay Lohan? The claws really came out in that one and Joan even offered to pay Lohan’s rehab bill. Which, FYI, we totally wish Lindsay had accepted because it would have been so much fun watching Joan backpedal out of that one.
Joan, like before, has taken to her Twitter account to push some old, tired Lindsay Lohan ‘jokes’. She’s trying desperately to be funny tweeting, ” ATTENTION!!! Lindsay Lohan cannot tweet from rehab, but (don’t ask me how) she sends me secret messages, which I will tweet for all of you!”
And then she went on a roll with classics like:
“J-Ro: Plan to be outta here soon. Gonna shop, party and sleep in my own bed…as soon as I get this last bar off the window. Xo LL”
“J-Ro: SHHHH! I just paid $7000 for a Vicodin. But I dropped it and can’t find it. I’m really upset as I got it below market price here. LiLo “
“J-Ro: This rehab is a lot worse than the other seven I’ve been in. You can’t get ANY drugs here! Can you believe it? Suck-o! Lilo”
Kim Kardashian is arguably one of the most active and most popular celebs on Twitter with over four million followers. One follower, however, is not like the rest. Nope, it’s not one of the hormonal 13-year-old Justin Bieber fans that tweet death threats to Kim because of her friendship with Justin; the reality show starlet just takes those in stride. He’s a stalker, who Fox News reports is currently making it impossible for not only Kim to ignore, but her new boyfriendMiles Austin and sister Khloe Kardashian.
According to E! Online, Kim obtained a restraining order against Dennis Shaun Bowman six months ago. The restraining order document that Kim and her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley (yup, that’s Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer too!) put together last February stated that this creep cannot contact her in any way until 2013. Evidently, he did not comprehend that one simple detail in a restraining order that says NO contact because he has been incessantly tweeting to Kim, Miles and Khloe.
Not that we expect anything different, but what a stupid stalker!Ã‚Â Shawn and Kim are thankfully taking this situation very seriously. Shawn recently told E! News, “Law enforcement has been very involved in this matter from the start and we are speaking with the detective familiar with the case to determine appropriate next steps.”
Stop trying to Ã‚Â get in touch withÃ‚Â Steven Holmes, okay? He’s going off the grid,Ã‚Â tweeting, “I won’t be speaking to anybody else, surprisingly not everyone wants to be famous. That’s all I’m saying – peace out x.” Do not pester him for anymore interviews either, because his Twitter announced with great finality, “Just to clarify, I mean I won’t be speaking to any more press/journalists.” We’re hurt, but point taken.
Who the f**k is Steven Holmes and why’s he throwing such major ‘tude?
Steven Holmes was your average, everyday lad from Coventry, England. He woke up one day and found out thatÃ‚Â Kanye West was on Twitter. “Blimey, right on!” he thought, and added himself to ‘Nye’s many thousand followers.
And that’s when West bestowed the greatest gift and the biggest curse alike on his Holm-ie. He followed him right back.
Random dude from Queen Lizzie’s land is the only person Kanye West follows on his Twitter, which apparently ruined his life (well, at least his cyber life). Holmes became the target of so much instant attention, that the wee bloke wailed to the Coventry Telegraph, “I was like, ‘Oh my God!’ but about 20 seconds later I had 20 messages from people I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even know and my phone wouldn’t stop bleeping.” He’s had to duck out of Twitter, and has even deleted the app on his iPhone because the whole world and its grandma wants a piece of him.
Here’s a hash tag just for Kanye: #RandomlyMadeSomeoneMiserableTodayYay.
They are if you believe a report in today’s edition of The Sun! The paper claims that the pair, who have dated since March, plan to wed next January on a rooftop in New York. However, according to Eli Roth‘s Twitter feed, he knows nothing about an engagement, writing “It’s a good thing I follow myself on Twitter or I’d have never known I was engaged. I had no idea. Congrats?” So…maybe the rumors aren’t to be believed. Especially the part about a rooftop ceremony in New York in January. Hello, frozen Peaches!
Geldof is 21 and has already been married before – she and Max Drummey who is, hilariously, a drummer, got hitched when she was 19 and it lasted seven months. Roth, who has made films like Cabin Fever and Hostel is 38 and has never been married. And has no plans to be, it seems.
Do you prefer more caps lock and shout outs in your internet browsing? You’re in luck - Kanye West started a Twitter account. His first ever Tweet mentioned that he was taking some morning meetings in Silicon Valley – not something we’d normally pay attention to, except that said meetings were at the Facebook offices, and Kanye performed while standing on top of a conference table for a bunch of Facebook employees (how dare they get rewarded after making our lives miserable with all those site redesigns!). Lucky for us, the performances were posted on YouTube.
Kanye performed several songs off his upcoming album (which was going to be called Good Ass Job, but now according to his Twitter, will be renamed) without any backing tracks. They sound pretty good on their own – please, Kanye, please don’t AutoTune the crap out of them! Take a listen to all of them after the jump. Our favorite new lyric? “If you fall on the concrete, that’s your ass fault.”
“Rise and Shine, I’m blessing u with a nice morning view. Rolling out of bed is hard.” Thus spoke Coco, wife of Ice-T and owner of one of the most flaunted backsides of our generation, first thing yesterday morning when she greeted the world with a Twitter picture of her bare bottom. Poetry, no?
Coco has never been shy about showing off her ass(ets), and we’ve certainly never been shy about loving her for that, but this is certainly the most bare-naked view we’ve gotten. So, in honor of Coco’s way with words and her way with squats, we would like to present a haiku and retrospective look at some of her finest work, call it a “Rear In Review” if you will. It’s all for you, Coco.