We’ve heard the prosecution’s case against Heidi Montag‘s plastic surgery binge…now it’s time for the defense. Spencer Pratt interrupted his praise for God and our nation’s troops to tweet hard at Audrina Patridge after she factually described her Hills co-star’s new body on Lopez Tonight, admitting Heidi “has changed a bit” (oh no, you didn’t!!!).
I would like to make it CLEAR! My wife and Audrina have severed all ties! We no longer deal with that fake world and fake people like her./ Audrina – Don’t hate because your nasty Tijuana plastic surgery got you no press… and my wife is #1 story on people – 5 days in a row!/ Who elected you to gage cool – B—-! Why don’t u and ur played out 90s singer Cabrera go into a bathroom stall and do what u do best…/ Oh the truth is coming… I’m not playing anymore. Everyone stay tuned… its all coming out!/ Audrina – you want press? Leak another 50 naked photos of yourself like u did to get relevant to in the first place./So glad my wife gets her surgery in bev hills and not where Jwow and audrina go. We love american doctors!
You hear that people, Heidi’s body is home grown! That scooped-out back you recoil from is a tribute to our country! Say anything other than “Heidi Montag looks more gorgeous with every passing day” and her husband will bring it down on you, because that’s what love is. At least that’s what ridiculous, fame-obsessed, borderline psychotic love is.
See photos of Audrina and Kristin Cavallari shopping on “the set” of The Hills yesterday in the gallery below.
[Photos: Getty Images]
The next time you hop on your iPad (what you don’t have one yet?) to Twitter some clever crap about Ice-T‘s crappy acting or his wife’ camel-toe prone vagina, think again. The dude will take you to task for what you write, and if you’re like Aimee Mann or Nicole Richie, you’ll end up with your tail between your tweeting legs.
Last week singer Aimee Mann wrote, “Christ, there is no reason in the world anyone should ever have cast Ice T in a television show,” to which Ice-T replied: “stop worrying about my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music.” Instead of standing her ground (she does kinda have a point, right?) Aimee apologized profusely and let Ice-T win the Twitter war.
Then Nicole Richie decided to get in on the action with this little number today (in which she quotes a friend): “Don’t fuck with Coco IceT. That camel-toe will swallow you up!” Ohhhhh brother. Ice immediately got in on the action, writing, “Why do people say dumb shit about us and think it’s all good??? Was that suppose to be funny? Remember… I don’t start this shit…”
Nicole remembered and immediately begged for forgiveness. And people think Twitter is a free for all? Not with Ice-T around!
We’re of two minds about Jim Carrey‘s Twitter addiction—not unlike Jim himself. The comedian has been burning up the net since splitting with Jenny McCarthy, following a discussion about celebrity infidelity announcing “Jim Carrey’s ambassador to the world is dead!He is survived by me, the actual Jim Carrey, who has opinions about stuff….I have freed Truman, at long last!” Since that missive, we’ve been treated to ever more complicated emoticons and jokes like “Sometimes I make an ASS of myself, yet I’m anything BUTT! Thankyou g’night! (Hold for applause…wait for it…aaaaand fade to black).”
Some fans are worried his tweets are signs of increasing anxiety, but—considering how eccentric he’s always been—-it’s possible Ace Ventura just hasn’t a platform to express his manic episodes minute-by-minute until now. And there’s always the possibility Andy Kaufman‘s Biggest Fan is just pulling our leg (“Don’t worry folks. i didn’t slip over the edge. i’m just movin’ the boundaries for the rest of you nuts! %^}”). Do you think Jim’s going bonkers or just bringing us deeper into the wacky world he’s always wandered through? Let us know in our TheFABLife poll after taking a walk down memory lane in Jim’s goofy gallery below.
It’s time once again for “Updates On A Sweaty Rich Dude,” the feature in which we bring you the latest news on oil heir, starf*cker, and sweat-machine extraordinaire, Brandon Davis. When last we met our hero, he had taken to his Twitter account to attack Mischa Barton, who he called “one of the fattest people on the planet.” Davis denies authoring the Tweet, however, telling InTouch, “I would never say anything nasty about Mischa, especially about her weight. I am pissed that someone stole my identity and started Twittering things.”
The author of the Twitter account, if it is not actually Davis, also denied writing it , placing blame on that other guy we know and love for his classy ways, Rick Solomon, who is a starf*cker himself, and star of several sex tapes and short-lived marriages. A later tweet explains “With rick soloman. He stole my phone and wrote the mischa comment. Would never speak that way about an ex.” So…not only does Davis himself deny having a Twitter account, but his identity was stolen by someone with a conscience (who hangs out with dirtbags like Solomon) who also feels bad about the Mischa insults? This all seems very shady, but we’ve come to expect nothing less from Davis.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Even in our wacky world of celebrity romance, some news is too crazy to be true. Elizabeth Taylor resurrected her Twitter (last used to call out haters of Kathy Ireland‘s Pre-Oscar show: “When is someone going to stop the yellow press from lashing out at people who no more deserve it than the Dalai Lama!”) to dismiss rumors that she was marrying manager Jason Winters. “The rumors regarding my engagement simply aren’t true,” Dame Liz tweeted, “Jason is my manager and dearest friend. I love him with all my heart.”
While Taylor’s list of ex-husbands is legendary (Winters would have been her eighth—ninth, if you count Richard Burton twice), it was hard to believe the wheelchair-bound 78-year-old was really planning to make it official, especially since she’d already dismissed the idea with a legendary “noooooooooooo!” in 2007. Besides, who could hope to follow her last husband, construction worker Larry Fortensky! Once you’ve had Fortensky, you know that’s the end-sky.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Looks like FOX won’t be entering the late night wars after all—at least not with Conan O’Brien. The former Tonight Show host announced today that he’ll be hosting a late night show on TBS in November. “In three months, I’ve gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theaters, and now I’m headed to basic cable.” Coco said in a statement. “My plan is working perfectly.”
While O’Brien will be bumping George Lopez from his current 11pm slot on TBS to 12am, the Lopez Tonight show host doesn’t feel slighted—in fact, Lopez courted O’Brien for TBS with a personal phone call. Said Lopez, “I can’t think of anything better than doing my show with Conan as my lead-in…It’s the beginning of a new era in late-night comedy.” It’s also certain to be a brand new era for the network, who were barely acknowledged as a possible new home for Conan, in part due to their recent hiring of Lopez. Can cable hope to compete with the major networks in late night, or will Conan no longer pose a threat to the aging Leno-Letterman kingdom? Even if the move makes him negligible, he’ll surely be one of the richest negligible talk show hosts in history.
If you thought Nicolas Cage’s blond hair was scary, wait till you get a load of Tila. Miss Tequila took time out of her busy tweeting schedule to attend a Faith Evans show earlier this week and show off her bright new do. Said Tequila on her blog, “DAYAM LOVIN MY NEW COLOR AND CUT! SHAVED ALL IN THE BACK! DONE BY WORLD FAMOUS CELEBRITY HAIRDRESSER, KIM VO!!!! HOTTNESSS! POW! KEEP HATIN BITCHES, KEEP HATIN!” Somehow, we think they will.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Brandon Davis isn’t going to lose his reputation as a giant tool any time soon. The oil heir, best known for repeatedly calling Lindsay Lohan a “firecrotch” in 2006, attended Wednesday’s NYLON party in LA, where Miss Lohan just happened to partying with his ex, Mischa Barton. An argument reportedly broke out over god-knows-what, forcing Mr. Davis to take to his Twitter in a desperate attempt to strike back.
Just saw [overweight comedian] @jeffbeacher and I thought it was Mischa/ OMG just realized my ex turned into 1 of the fattest people on the planet. I’m gonna start dating plus sized models. Not! Mischa the Hefer.
That’s “heifer,” tool, and no one’s impressed. Davis has deleted the “fattest people” tweet, but left up the Jeff Beacher crack and later asked Kim Kardashian if her perfume smells like “stinky Armenian food.” Too bad they can’t make cars that run on hatorade. See photos of “1 of the fattest people on the planet” from the NYLON party in the gallery below.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Over the weekend, Nicole “Coco” Austin gracefully segued into her 31st (says Wikipedia) year of life by French-kissing a vanilla cupcake, tongue piercing and all. She celebrated at the Hudson Eatery in NYC whilst wearing what else but a skintight, low-cut, high-hemmed get-up. She flaunted her out-of-this-world curves on the red carpet with plenty of va-va-voom poses alongside hubby Ice-T.
Coco’s hodge podge of friends at the party included New Orleans Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey and an exhausted-looking DJ Spinderella. Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub also seized the opp to ham it up for the paps. More pics below. [Photos: Getty Images]
After the jump, see how Coco rev’d up her engine for the b-day bash. Read more…
It’s seems Lindsay Lohan accidentally glued her fingers onto her Blackberry, because girlfriend cannot stop Twittering. Sadly, her brain isn’t able to keep up with her fingers, so the crap she keeps churning outon her Twitter page just makes no sense. For example, last night’s unabridged version:
Security @Voyeur nightclub in LA just set me up&paid off paparazzi to not let me in the back door and come to take photos of me in the back. Just one thing-i came to PICK UP MY FRIEND @electraavellan from the back and NOT even go into the club! Yet- I get sold out By guys that I treat with respect and kindness…… They got paid off to let paparazzi make me look like I was distraught and a mess, when I was just waiting for my friend at the back door…… Worse part is, my friends who run the club were a part of the set-up as well. Why?
Tweeted like a true, uh, sober person. As usual, TMZ is obsessing once again over Lindsay’s demise, with a new claim that the former actress is straight up broke – and not just in the face (blam!) but in the bank as well. Apparently she was 2 months behind in her rent payments and was threatened with eviction until she coughed up the $23,000 she needed to stay in her apartment. However that may not be enough to help her in the long run. Lindsay doesn’t seem to work, no one will hire her, and she’s allegedly blown through all that Herbie: Fully Loaded cash. Maybe Twitter needs a spokesperson?