Twitter

by (@katespencer)

This Is Not Going To End Well

lindsay-lohan-crazy

It’s seems Lindsay Lohan accidentally glued her fingers onto her Blackberry, because girlfriend cannot stop Twittering. Sadly, her brain isn’t able to keep up with her fingers, so the crap she keeps churning outon her Twitter page just makes no sense. For example, last night’s unabridged version:

Security @Voyeur nightclub in LA just set me up&paid off paparazzi to not let me in the back door and come to take photos of me in the back. Just one thing-i came to PICK UP MY FRIEND @electraavellan from the back and NOT even go into the club! Yet- I get sold out By guys that I treat with respect and kindness…… They got paid off to let paparazzi make me look like I was distraught and a mess, when I was just waiting for my friend at the back door…… Worse part is, my friends who run the club were a part of the set-up as well. Why?

Tweeted like a true, uh, sober person. As usual, TMZ is obsessing once again over Lindsay’s demise, with a new claim that the former actress is straight up broke – and not just in the face (blam!) but in the bank as well. Apparently she was 2 months behind in her rent payments and was threatened with eviction until she coughed up the $23,000 she needed to stay in her apartment. However that may not be enough to help her in the long run. Lindsay doesn’t seem to work, no one will hire her, and she’s allegedly blown through all that Herbie: Fully Loaded cash. Maybe Twitter needs a spokesperson?

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Nick Jonas And Selena Gomez Split Again!

Selena Gomez & Nick Jonas

Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez: it was over before it even started again. Though never officially “on again” after their 2008 dalliance, the Disney duo were spotted spending time together recently, raising more than a few eyebrows. Unfortunately, according to multiple tabloids, that time is over. “They were an item, but they are no longer together,” a source told People. Think it has something to do with Nick’s brother Joe dating Selena’s frienemy Demi Lovato? Let’s talk about it at recess!

Though E! reports Gomez has stopped following Nick on Twitter, People says the split was amicable. “It’s evident to everyone that they will always have a super strong connection.” Maybe it just hurts too much to read missives like “life is good” and “good morning!” right now, knowing the pain that lurks behind his Nick’s total banality. Check out the gallery for photos of Selena’s stiff upper lip in Paris this week.

[Photos: Splash News Online]

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Nicole Richie Pranks Fiance Joel, Kim Kardashian

Joel Madden & Nicole Richie

While April Fool’s Day is mostly a day of horror, where friends and family prey on our gullibility and bloggers recoil from the threat of falser-than-usual stories, there thankfully were a few moments of humorous sweetness to be found. Nicole Richie, quite the prankster, hijacked fiance Joel Madden‘s Twitter, sending booty calls to everyone from Ashley Tisdale (“HUBBA HUBBA”) to Dolly Parton (“I’m thirsty, got any milk in those jugs?”) after announcing “I LOVE MAN-BOOBS.” Nicole soon teamed with Khloe Kardashian to give Kim Kardashian the same treatment, pitching woo to Mr. Madden, moaning about her diarrhea and telling Khloe she’s only had a little “si-zzzuurrrrppp.”

Kim was unsurprisingly amused (“That was hands down the funniest April Fools!”), and having yet to remove Nicole’s image from her feed. Mr. Madden sounded a little more sheepish (didn’t help that she ignored Good Charlotte’s birthday!), but judging by the adorable picture of their kids he posted, he’s not holding any grudges. We wouldn’t be surprised if he gets some revenge next year, though.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Alleged Reggie Bush Mistress Denies All At Press Conference

January Gessert

As hard as it might be to believe (who could resist the Vanilla Ice eyebrow?), Reggie Bush did not cheat on Kim Kardashian with this woman. Waitress January Gessert, joined by lawyer/perennial “other woman” wrangler Gloria Allred, criticized the media for assuming the worst when she partied with the NFL star earlier this month. “I am shocked, frightened and crushed that leaving a friend’s house can be so misconstrued to turn my whole life upside down…I cannot believe the lengths the media will go to create a completely fabricated story just to boost ratings.”

Reggie Bush mocked rumors last week on Twitter, laughing “Clarification 4 the dummies aka the media, January is a long time friend of mine & has been dating my best friend for 6 months. Sorry! Lol!…ALL THE LADIES, STEP RIGHT UP! If you would like to be the next person linked to dating Reggie Bush all you gotta do is stand next to him!!!” Gessert, though, is not amused. “Meanwhile, I wake up with anxiety, afraid to answer the front door or my phone because it may mean having to respond to more false reports about me.” Is she going to sue “the media” for harassment? Why else did she need Rachel Uchitel‘s lawyer there—class by association?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@katespencer)

Lindsay Lohan Accuses Someone Of Abuse In Twitter Rant

lindsay-lohan-twitter-abuse

Lindsay Lohan‘s Twitter is in full effect this morning. When we hopped online at 6:45 AM EST the actress was in the middle of a massive Twitter meltdown, in which she claims someone she knows punched her in the stomach tonight. She then accuses this person of previous abuse and word vomits about her experiences as a child of a violent parent.

As with all things Lindsay-related, it’s both utterly sad and completely nonsensical. She uses words like “dhioner” (dishonor?) and “denituy” (uh, we have NO idea), and has already erased some of her tweets. Lucky for all of us, we caught almost all of them before she pressed the delete button. Looks like the only one we missed was the one that started off her tweeting: “Someone, who I’ve mentioned in the past, due to hitting me, punched me in the stomache tonight*i always ask myself, why? Why me?”

Lindsay was apparently at a Star Magazine party tonight (A strange place for someone who so vehemently hates the tabloids to go, but whatevs) and was later seen splayed out in the backseat of a car going through a Wendy’s drive thru at 3:30 AM (pics below). Now might be a good time for those cops to put Lindsay under a 5150 and ship her off to the psychiatric ward. Please?

Update: Lindsay has deleted all above tweets and is now Twittering about how she got a good night’s sleep – even though she was up just a couple hours ago ranting. SOS, someone.

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LL Cool J Denies Doing Sarah Palin’s Fox News Show (Knowingly)

LL Cool J & Sarah Palin

An interview is like a sex-tape: you never know where it might end up. LL Cool J took to his Twitter after it was advertised he would be appearing on Sarah Palin‘s upcoming Fox News special Real American Stories. “Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else & are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palin’s Show. WOW.” Apparently, Real American Stories was simply an unsuccessful Fox-run website back in the day, and now the interviews are being re-purposed to provide content their tea-partying new presenter. WOW, indeed!

While some have criticized Obama-supporter LL for giving right-leaning Fox News the footage in the first place, the website was originally announced as “apolitical,” a word that can hardly be used to describe the former Vice Presidential nominee. Judging from how often he’s re-posted his initial tweet in acknowledgment of confused fans, it sounds like LL’s determined not be seen as her pop-culture accomplice. The network has yet to announce whether they’ll remove him from the program, but they’ve started a Twitstorm for Mr. Smith either way.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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Lindsay Lohan’s Parents Feud After Press Conference

Michael & Dina Lohan

Michael Lohan staged a “press conference” yesterday afternoon, repeating his regular refrain that 1) daughter Lindsay Lohan is abusing drugs, 2) she’s being coddled by “enablers” and 3) if she won’t willingly go to rehab, he’ll do whatever it takes to make her go. “Extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary measures,” he said. “I’ve tried every way possible to reach out to my daughter…If Lindsay won’t sit down privately, my attorneys and I will take other measures. I just hope Lindsay is accommodating. Lindsay needs a private setting where she can detox and get individual and family therapy. That’s the program I have in place. It’s here on Long Island. I’m sick and tired of all the nonsense.”

Unsurprisingly, Dina Lohan wasn’t moved by her abusive ex-husband’s pleas. “”I have a criminal protective order against him ’til 2011. He’s 1 year behind in child support and he’s using [Lindsay] as a diversion,” she told TMZ. Lindsay is in good hands. Everything is fine. He’s trashing a child he doesn’t even see.” “Anyone else have a father that sells fake stories on them for money & dates a girl that works for tabloids? And has never paid child support?” tweeted Lindsay earlier this week. “Don’t even go there,” threatened Michael in response. “The way u and ur friends think is like a civil war compared to a nuclear one.” This conference may only be the first of many bombings to come.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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Lindsay Lohan Snaps Over George Lopez Joke

Lindsay Lohan & George Lopez

Lindsay Lohan‘s had enough of your irreverent deathwatch, thank you very much. The one-time actress lashed out on Twitter over comments George Lopez made on his show about the white clouds of powder emanating from her heels last weekend. “Thanks for the childish comment regarding baby powder in my shoes to loosen up the leather* don’t you have kids?…U wouldn’t wanna hear that about them, or would you? Act like a grown man, have some respect and dignity for yourself.” Ironically, Lopez had not made one of the countless drug jokes the bizarre image could—and did—inspire, instead suggesting she used baby powder to loosen her shoes. Could she really not think of a worse powder to be associated with?

Undoubtedly smelling a ratings coup, the talk show host offered to stop cracking wise…if Lohan would tell him to in person. “Let’s take this off twitter .. Come on the show .. I’ve met you before and don’t have anything against you,” he tweeted. “You want me to stop talking about you I will .. Come and tell me .. To my face .. I’ll stop !! Respectfully.” We wholly endorse a door-to-door campaign to keep rumors startin’—it’s not like Lindsay has anything better to do.

[Photos: Splash News Online/Getty Images]

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5 Questions You Shouldn’t Ask Adam Lambert

Adam Lambert

Adam Lambert had a minor league Twitter spazz-out yesterday, briefly buckling under the weight of redundant questions on a German press junket. “Don’t get me wrong—I actually really enjoy being interviewed. I’m not upset—just hoping that by tweeting, [these] questions will fade.” His annoyance was nothing a beer couldn’t fix, but we thought we’d pass along the verboten topics of discussion.

  • You met Madonna? (“Yes it was amazing meeting Madonna.”)
  • You Queen’s new singer, ja? (“No, I wasn’t asked to be Queen’s new frontman. :)”)
  • You are male Lady Gaga, yes? (“Lol I would never say that. I’m Adam Lambert. Of course I’m a fan and have the highest respect for her and there some theatrical sensibilities that we share—but we are different people…As much as I love her—it’s becoming tiresome. Would prefer to discuss MY art.”)
  • Did you kiss Ke$ha? (“Aaaaand yes, I kissed Kesha. It was fun.”)
  • Gay? (“And yes- GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY yay!”)

With those hot topics settled, we can just talk about Adam’s music, on-stage antics and eyeliner (“MAC eyeliner”). Oops, he’s done with that question, too.

[Photo: Lambert's TwitPic]

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India.Arie Calls Lady Gaga “Socially Irresponsible”

Oh, Twitter. Is there a celebrity online who won’t live to regret you? Grammy-winning chanteuse India.Arie recently went off on Lady Gaga‘s “Telephone” video, accusing the crazy clotheshorse of being “socially irresponsible.” Some choice quotes:

Don’t be offended this is all MY opinion… Am I the only one who thinks the “telephone” video is going a bit too far?/ I’m not referring to the abstract nature of the video … I’m talking about the IMAGERY – the unspoken back story, the language the message/ I agree gaga is being her image .. I dig her creative mind But still … Thers a such thing as socially irresponsible… I’m just sayin./ Let’s be CLEAR! I know it gaga M.O. – I don’t live under a rock. And I get that a lot of work put into it. I’m talking social responsability/ There’s an artist ever 10 years who pushes the envelope … but its bout to fall off the Table. When is it too far?/ I respect the creative mind but disagree with the “choices” as a dish meant to be served for mass consumption ..

It didn’t take long for the feedback to get ugly, with Arie doing her best to take it in stride (“Why all the disrespect? How old are you? Never say anything you wouldn’t want someone to say to your mother”) before suggesting she might need a Twitter break herself (“Aite flight taking off. don’t respond kid it’ll just fuel it. Instead send your favorite stevie wonder song or lyric. Log in in a few days”). Do you think Lady Gaga’s shock tactics are socially irresponsible…or does it even matter? Let us know in our TheFABLife poll and check out our picks for Lady Gaga’s Top 100 Hottest Outfits Of 2009 for more social irresponsibility…children could get hurt dressing like that!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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