While April Fool’s Day is mostly a day of horror, where friends and family prey on our gullibility and bloggers recoil from the threat of falser-than-usual stories, there thankfully were a few moments of humorous sweetness to be found. Nicole Richie, quite the prankster, hijacked fiance Joel Madden‘s Twitter, sending booty calls to everyone from Ashley Tisdale (“HUBBA HUBBA”) to Dolly Parton (“I’m thirsty, got any milk in those jugs?”) after announcing “I LOVE MAN-BOOBS.” Nicole soon teamed with Khloe Kardashian to give Kim Kardashian the same treatment, pitching woo to Mr. Madden, moaning about her diarrhea and telling Khloe she’s only had a little “si-zzzuurrrrppp.”
Kim was unsurprisingly amused (“That was hands down the funniest April Fools!”), and having yet to remove Nicole’s image from her feed. Mr. Madden sounded a little more sheepish (didn’t help that she ignored Good Charlotte’s birthday!), but judging by the adorable picture of their kids he posted, he’s not holding any grudges. We wouldn’t be surprised if he gets some revenge next year, though.
[Photo: Getty Images]
As hard as it might be to believe (who could resist the Vanilla Ice eyebrow?), Reggie Bush did not cheat on Kim Kardashian with this woman. Waitress January Gessert, joined by lawyer/perennial “other woman” wrangler Gloria Allred, criticized the media for assuming the worst when she partied with the NFL star earlier this month. “I am shocked, frightened and crushed that leaving a friend’s house can be so misconstrued to turn my whole life upside down…I cannot believe the lengths the media will go to create a completely fabricated story just to boost ratings.”
Reggie Bush mocked rumors last week on Twitter, laughing “Clarification 4 the dummies aka the media, January is a long time friend of mine & has been dating my best friend for 6 months. Sorry! Lol!…ALL THE LADIES, STEP RIGHT UP! If you would like to be the next person linked to dating Reggie Bush all you gotta do is stand next to him!!!” Gessert, though, is not amused. “Meanwhile, I wake up with anxiety, afraid to answer the front door or my phone because it may mean having to respond to more false reports about me.” Is she going to sue “the media” for harassment? Why else did she need Rachel Uchitel‘s lawyer there—class by association?
[Photo: Getty Images]
Lindsay Lohan‘s Twitter is in full effect this morning. When we hopped online at 6:45 AM EST the actress was in the middle of a massive Twitter meltdown, in which she claims someone she knows punched her in the stomach tonight. She then accuses this person of previous abuse and word vomits about her experiences as a child of a violent parent.
As with all things Lindsay-related, it’s both utterly sad and completely nonsensical. She uses words like “dhioner” (dishonor?) and “denituy” (uh, we have NO idea), and has already erased some of her tweets. Lucky for all of us, we caught almost all of them before she pressed the delete button. Looks like the only one we missed was the one that started off her tweeting: “Someone, who I’ve mentioned in the past, due to hitting me, punched me in the stomache tonight*i always ask myself, why? Why me?”
Lindsay was apparently at a Star Magazine party tonight (A strange place for someone who so vehemently hates the tabloids to go, but whatevs) and was later seen splayed out in the backseat of a car going through a Wendy’s drive thru at 3:30 AM (pics below). Now might be a good time for those cops to put Lindsay under a 5150 and ship her off to the psychiatric ward. Please?
Update: Lindsay has deleted all above tweets and is now Twittering about how she got a good night’s sleep – even though she was up just a couple hours ago ranting. SOS, someone.
An interview is like a sex-tape: you never know where it might end up. LL Cool J took to his Twitter after it was advertised he would be appearing on Sarah Palin‘s upcoming Fox News special Real American Stories. “Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else & are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palin’s Show. WOW.” Apparently, Real American Stories was simply an unsuccessful Fox-run website back in the day, and now the interviews are being re-purposed to provide content their tea-partying new presenter. WOW, indeed!
While some have criticized Obama-supporter LL for giving right-leaning Fox News the footage in the first place, the website was originally announced as “apolitical,” a word that can hardly be used to describe the former Vice Presidential nominee. Judging from how often he’s re-posted his initial tweet in acknowledgment of confused fans, it sounds like LL’s determined not be seen as her pop-culture accomplice. The network has yet to announce whether they’ll remove him from the program, but they’ve started a Twitstorm for Mr. Smith either way.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Michael Lohan staged a “press conference” yesterday afternoon, repeating his regular refrain that 1) daughter Lindsay Lohan is abusing drugs, 2) she’s being coddled by “enablers” and 3) if she won’t willingly go to rehab, he’ll do whatever it takes to make her go. “Extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary measures,” he said. “I’ve tried every way possible to reach out to my daughter…If Lindsay won’t sit down privately, my attorneys and I will take other measures. I just hope Lindsay is accommodating. Lindsay needs a private setting where she can detox and get individual and family therapy. That’s the program I have in place. It’s here on Long Island. I’m sick and tired of all the nonsense.”
Unsurprisingly, Dina Lohan wasn’t moved by her abusive ex-husband’s pleas. “”I have a criminal protective order against him ’til 2011. He’s 1 year behind in child support and he’s using [Lindsay] as a diversion,” she told TMZ. Lindsay is in good hands. Everything is fine. He’s trashing a child he doesn’t even see.” “Anyone else have a father that sells fake stories on them for money & dates a girl that works for tabloids? And has never paid child support?” tweeted Lindsay earlier this week. “Don’t even go there,” threatened Michael in response. “The way u and ur friends think is like a civil war compared to a nuclear one.” This conference may only be the first of many bombings to come.
[Photos: Getty Images]
Lindsay Lohan‘s had enough of your irreverent deathwatch, thank you very much. The one-time actress lashed out on Twitter over comments George Lopez made on his show about the white clouds of powder emanating from her heels last weekend. “Thanks for the childish comment regarding baby powder in my shoes to loosen up the leather* don’t you have kids?…U wouldn’t wanna hear that about them, or would you? Act like a grown man, have some respect and dignity for yourself.” Ironically, Lopez had not made one of the countless drug jokes the bizarre image could—and did—inspire, instead suggesting she used baby powder to loosen her shoes. Could she really not think of a worse powder to be associated with?
Undoubtedly smelling a ratings coup, the talk show host offered to stop cracking wise…if Lohan would tell him to in person. “Let’s take this off twitter .. Come on the show .. I’ve met you before and don’t have anything against you,” he tweeted. “You want me to stop talking about you I will .. Come and tell me .. To my face .. I’ll stop !! Respectfully.” We wholly endorse a door-to-door campaign to keep rumors startin’—it’s not like Lindsay has anything better to do.
[Photos: Splash News Online/Getty Images]
Adam Lambert had a minor league Twitter spazz-out yesterday, briefly buckling under the weight of redundant questions on a German press junket. “Don’t get me wrong—I actually really enjoy being interviewed. I’m not upset—just hoping that by tweeting, [these] questions will fade.” His annoyance was nothing a beer couldn’t fix, but we thought we’d pass along the verboten topics of discussion.
- You met Madonna? (“Yes it was amazing meeting Madonna.”)
- You Queen’s new singer, ja? (“No, I wasn’t asked to be Queen’s new frontman. ”)
- You are male Lady Gaga, yes? (“Lol I would never say that. I’m Adam Lambert. Of course I’m a fan and have the highest respect for her and there some theatrical sensibilities that we share—but we are different people…As much as I love her—it’s becoming tiresome. Would prefer to discuss MY art.”)
- Did you kiss Ke$ha? (“Aaaaand yes, I kissed Kesha. It was fun.”)
- Gay? (“And yes- GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY yay!”)
With those hot topics settled, we can just talk about Adam’s music, on-stage antics and eyeliner (“MAC eyeliner”). Oops, he’s done with that question, too.
[Photo: Lambert's TwitPic]
The Sandra Bullock/Jesse James drama is moving from tragic to ridiculous in record speed. While most celebs—including the heartbroken Oscar winner herself—are staying mum on the subject, Dennis Rodman is not your average celebrity. Asked by InTouch Weekly how he feels about the scandal, the Sober House star—who beefed with James on Celebrity Apprentice last year—was sympathetic…to a point. “With all I’ve been through with marriage, divorce and girlfriends, I’m the wrong guy to ask…I happen to like Jesse and hope this works out for them.” Fair enough. “However, should it not, with all her success and money, I’d be happy to take Sandra Bullock out for the time of her life.” While that’s a kind and generous offer, Dennis, we’re guessing she’s not looking for another tattooed badass reality star to spend her cash right now.
Tattoo model Michelle “Bombshell” McGee might be up for a night on the town, though, considering how unapologetic she’s been about cutting Sandra’s Oscar afterglow short. The fetish/tattoo model recently revived her Twitter with a succinct “suck it!!” (since deleted) followed by “thanks for all the support.” Though she tried to change the subject (“I really want some Ben and Jerrys half baked ice cream.. Yummy!!”), she’s since suggested we all “go drink some haterade” because, as she expressed via acronym, she does not give a f— (“IDGAF!”—also deleted). Don’t worry, Michelle, it won’t believe until no one else gives a f— either.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Courtney Love may be legally restricted from talking to daughter Frances Bean Cobain, but she can still talk about her. Love blamed the split—and the following restraining order—on an October fight, though she says Frances was the abusive one. “Frances came out of my room. She was hysterical,” Love told the New York Daily News. “First she was crying at my legs, saying, ‘Why was I born?’ Then she bites and scratches and pulls on my hair. She punched me…I grabbed her with both arms. That left a bruise and she took a picture of her bruise.” Wherever did Frances learn such deviousness?
Thankfully, Love says ex-boyfriend Edward Norton is serving as a mediator between the two, despite all those tweets where she accused the star of costing her six figures in shady money deals. “I feel very bad,” she confessed, now saying he actually tripled her money (math is hard, yo!). “I have the greatest respect for Edward. He could be the President of the United States. I could be his drug czar – ha, ha.” Ha. If this wasn’t enough drama for you, Love also says Frances’ lawyer may have been driven by Brit-daddy Jamie Spears to attack the Hole singer after she said one of Spears’ relatives claimed he sexually abused her (Love is pals with former Brit manager Sam Lufti, no stranger to restraining orders). If you’re a celebrity who hasn’t had a regrettable encounter with Courtney Love yet, you’re just not trying.
See photos of Love and her daughter in the gallery below.
[Photo: Getty Images]