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by (@katespencer)

Lindsay Tweet Attacks Samantha’s Family

lindsay-lohan-twitter-samantha-ronson

Forget calling Lindsay Lohan a train-wreck – the girl is officially now a tweet-wreck. The puffy-lipped Long Islander pounded out a new rant against Samantha Ronson‘s family on her Blackberry, accusing them of keeping her and the skinny DJ apart. The best part about her Tweet meltdown is that just a couple hours after freaking out, she messaged Britney Spears and referred to her kids as “beautiful munchichi’s [sic].” At least we think she was talking about Sean and Jayden. Anyhoo, here’s her eloquent and poetic plea for love justice, in it’s proper order:

“@samantharonson doesn’t respond 2me b/c her family will cut her off if she contacts me… They control the one I love & im incapable of making any sort of difference. I’m in love with her, as she is in love with me….but her loved ones – hate her brilliance & resent her happiness.”

Certainly, uber-famous fashion designer Charlotte Ronson and beloved superstar musician/producer Mark Ronson are envious of Sam’s record spinning skills. Yep, that must be it. You figured it out, LiLo! Honestly, we feel for Linds, because clearly she’s desperate to be loved, and especially desperate to be loved by her scrawny sweetheart. But we gotta high five the Ronsons for sensibly stepping in and shutting this one down – and that includes Samantha. The only stupid thing we’ve ever seen the girl do is date a leggings-addicted loony-tune, otherwise she’s a total class act with a sweet job and enviable wardrobe.

And now, a private message in 140 characters to @LindsayLohan: Hey gurl. U need a vacation, a manager, a publicist, a babysitter for your sis, new parents, and some real friends. Call us. We want 2 help.  [Photo: GettyImages]

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Miley Cyrus Raps, Blogs About Leaving Twitter

Fans like Billy Ray Cyrus may be bummed that Miley Cyrus has left Twitter, but they can’t say she’s cutting them out of her weblife entirely. The erstwhile Hannah Montana posted a rap video on the subject Friday, complete with back-up dancers. “The reasons are simple/I started tweetin’ about pimples/ I stopped living for moments/ and started living for people.” Wait, it’s wrong to live for other people now? Did Liam Hemsworth give her a copy of Atlas Shrugged?

Worried her video would be perceived as glib by slighted Twitter buddies—or unable to actually get off the damn net—Miley wrote a more serious blog post about the subject on her web page.

You all are the closest thing to my heart & it breaks my spirit to hear that some of you feel neglected since I deleted my twitter…I often complain to the ones closest to me that I don’t seem to have much of a private life any more and part of that is my fault. How can I whine about my life being to public if I am the one telling the world what I am doing? I need to be able to live and learn in private. I never want to quit entertaining it is my life, my love, and my passion but I can’t have my personal life be other peoples entertainment.

This isn’t a personal attack on Twitter is not the only thing I am cutting back on. This is not an attack against this particular site, I just think kids all over the world could maybe take a little vacation from Cyberspace.

That’s all well and fine for kids, Miley. But what about Dads worried they’re losing their daughter’s ear to some Aussie stud of a co-star? How long before Billy Ray sits in front of his web cam singing “Butterfly Kisses” as a response to your YouTube?

Related Content: Remembering Miley’s Greatest Tweets

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Billy Ray Wants Miley To Tweet Again

miley & billy ray cyrus

Billy Ray Cyrus has taken to his Twitter to hound daughter Miley about returning to the messaging service. While we obviously sympathize, there is just so much wrong about this.

Miley. You are a light in a world of darkness. You were born”Destiny Hope Cyrus” for a reason.You can’t leave everyone now.We r countin on u.

I understand “it is true one bad apple spoils the bunch”.But listen to the words of your songs “Stand… for what ya believe in”…Remember?

First off, if the issue that she’s not on Twitter anymore, so why write to her on Twitter? Does he assume she checks his page? Second, while any dad loves to embarrass his daughter, shouldn’t he be bringing up her full name and song lyrics at the kitchen table rather than on a website? And third, if your biggest beef with your kid is that she no longer wants to expose her inner thoughts online, consider yourself incredibly lucky. And shave off that damn soul patch—you’re almost 50.

Related Content: Miley’s Greatest Tweets

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Now Lily Allen Quits Twitter

First Miley Cyrus, now another of our favorite celebrity Tweeters have quit sharing with us. Lily Allen signed off on her page September 28th posting, “I am a neo-Luddite, goodbye,” and hasn’t updated since. The musician/actress/we’ve lost it now had been getting lots of abuse for her stance on illegal file-sharing and now seems to have called it a day completely.

Shame! Her apparent quitting of the site comes soon after she mentioned her boyfriend Sam didn’t like her constant updating – has Lily chosen her man over milllons of strangers hanging off her every Tweet? Chuh. She needs to get her priorities straight.

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Remembering Miley’s Greatest Tweets

miley cyrus

Say it ain’t so! Miley Cyrus has retired from Twitter, and over a stupid boy! “FYI Liam doesn’t have a Twitter and he wants ME to delete mine with good reason,” wrote the singer before deleting her page, submitting to the wishes of Liam Hemsworth, her alleged new boyfriend and definite co-star in The Last Song. Even if #mileycomeback fails to win her over, we’ll bet she’ll run crying back to the message service once this Aussie hunk is out of her system. Until then, let’s look back at some of her greatest tweets.

  • Miley, The Gay Rights Crusader: “jesus loves you AND your partner and wants you to know how much he cares! thats like a daddy not loving his lil boy cuz hes gay and that is WRONG and very sad! like i said everyone deserves to be happy.”
  • Miley, The Hater Hater: “people that are so okay with being so hateful diguist me and need to spend last time on a gossip website and more time a. reading your bible b. reading stories/articles about what happens when cyber abuse and name calling happens…oh and ps if your thighs don’t jiggle go see a doctor. thanks.”
  • Miley, The Sympathetic Dumper: “Tears are words the heart can’t express. Why does saying goodbye hurt so much? Life will go on. You will smile again…we will smile again.”
  • Miley, The Frustrated Ex: “Yeah. I love when people mistake bravery with writing a few stupid tweets trying to make it seem like they don’t care. You’re afraid to love.”
  • Miley, The REALLY Frustrated Ex: “Everything IS ok. Honestly. I can’t change you’re mind and your heart no longer belongs to me. Maybe YOU’RE the one pretending you’re fine. Why do I continue to torture myself?”
  • Miley, The Perfect Daughter: “Good morning everyone. Life is good. I am laying in bed with my mommy right now scratching her bug bites.”

And don’t forget those racy twitpics! While her rejection of self-overexposure hurts, Justin “Afraid To Love (Underage Girls Again)Gaston thankfully remains online, posting pictures of himself kissing a puppy. Hopefully, celebrity twitterers will follow his lead.

Related Content: Miley Makes Out With Hunky Co-Star Liam Hensworth

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@katespencer)

Twitterin’ Celebs React To The Kanye-Taylor Drama

Taylor-Swift-Kanye-West

We’re not the only ones gossiping about the Kanye WestTaylor Swift face-off at the MTV VMAs tonight. Here’s what celebs are typing into their Blackberries about the drama, on Twitter of course.

  • Katy Perry: F*CK U KANYE. ITS LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN.
  • Joel Madden: All i’m saying is Taylor Swift is a young chic and you just walk up and grab the mic.
  • Pink: Kanye west is the biggest piece of sh*t on earth. Quote me.
  • Pink (again): My heart goes out to taylor swift. She is a sweet and talented girl and deserved her moment. She should know we all love her.
  • Stephanie Pratt: The Hills loves Taylor swft… Congratulations babe!! We all support you! Love you!
  • Brad Goreski (“Rachel Zoe Project”): I heart you taylor swift. that was awfully rude and ungentleman like Mr Kanye West. Get some manners..
  • Lauren Conrad: i heart Taylor Swift! Congrats! Well deserved :-)
  • Lo Bosworth: WE LOOOOOVE TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!! Wow, kanye-manners? My goodness.
  • Perez Hilton: Taylor Swift deserved that award, damnit. It is what THE PEOPLE voted! My heart broke for her, she looked so sad at the end of that moment.
  • Carey Hart:@Kanyewest you are a piece of f*ckin sh*t. If @pink had won and you did that I would have beat your f*ckin ass. Sorry piece of sh*t..
  • Maria Menounos: thinking of my last image of taylor as she was finished w/her performance-tears.she waited her whole life for this moment-kanye ruined it.

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John Mayer Denies A Cavallari Hookup

John Mayer

Is Kristin Cavallari‘s body a wonderland? John Mayer claims not to know. The rumor yesterday was that Mayer and Cavallari hooked up and were secretly dating, but Mayer took to his Twitter to set the record straight.

In a series of tweets, Mayer wrote, “Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis…I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together…My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli…I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.”

How poetic. Remind us again why so many people have dated this guy? [Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Lindsay Goes Off On Sam Over Twitter (Again)

lindsay_lohan_crazytwitter
It’s that time again – Lindsay Lohan has once again started a nutty fight with girlfriend  Samantha Ronson via her Twitter account. According to Twitter, the rant began “about an hour ago” which is 7:30 AM east coast time, or 4:30 AM in L.A. Either way, Lindsay needs to get on a regular sleep schedule. Maybe that would help her avoid these sunrise meltdowns?

Even pieced together, LiLo’s rant is completely incoherent. Here it is as one giant tweet. Can you make out what the hell she is trying to say?

“can you make an attempt to not ruin ANYTHIzG positive that i have FINALLY deserved just to cry myself to sleep with your cheats, errors, and thank you…for being a friend before a sell-out……….the term “self out” was coined from ME and i gave them sooooooo much insight For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN ***FRIENDS*********** BUT YOU DID perform to her..you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i’m gross*thx”

Yep, that’s a substanisan tweet if we ever did see one. Linds, did we just use that word right? We’ve never heard of it before but trust that if you use it, it must mean something. Girl, you must kill at Scrabble!

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Lily Allen’s Boyfriend Hates Twitter

lily-allen

Lily Allen‘s compulsive — and highly entertaining — Twittering is causing friction in her new relationship. The mouthy Londoner is currently with decorator (or “civilian,” as Liz Hurley would no doubt have it) Sam Cooper, but her regular updates are starting to bug her new beau.

“My boyfriend gets really, really angry with me because he’s just like ‘I just want to spend some time with you, do we have to have one and a half million people in the room with us at one time?’ I’m like ‘Yes, shut up’,” she says.

We hope he doesn’t get his way — Lily’s one of our favorite Twitterererererers (we think that’s a word), and even her random requests for an orgasmatron brightens up our day. [Photo: Getty Images]

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Courtney Love Picks On Taylor Momsen

courtney-love-taylor-momsen

Dear Frances Bean Cobain – do you want to come live with us? Because, based on the Twitter (and all other forms of media) ranting your mother does on a daily basis, we feel like we could provide a really stable home for you. Granted you’d have to live in our closet. Ugh, seriously it is so hard to believe Courtney Love has raised a kid, because she is so (clinical diagnosis coming up) nutso.

On this day in Twitter history, Love takes aim at Taylor Momsen who has done nothing much except emulate Love’s late ’90s look. And for that, Momsen must pay. Here we show you as assortment of the vitriol Love has spewed – we’re not sure whether to call her shrink, or a copyeditor.

  • @taylorxmomson shut the F*CK up you overpriveliged bratty bitch that picked one every freak in high school mention my name again? BAM
  • ahhh and after taht im just going to go to find a friend and have a Virgin daquiri im sure @taylorxmomson your very “sweet” but idontcare
  • @taylorxmomson is that youyr name? i dont watch tv or read teen mags and gossip rags so i wouldnt know, do NOT still “like my music”please
  • aha ah so @taylorxmomson so sorry although now ive spazzed inront of alot of people i feel lame, but theres a look in the eyes icanalwaystel

Hilariously, we can’t find any evidence that Momsen said anything to start this one-sided fight, and even more hilarious, @taylorxmomson is not a real Twitter account. [Photos: GettyImages]