Zach Braff was supposed to be dead? We must have missed that rumor along with most of the world, but it’s pissed off the actor so much that he made a YouTube video to, er, prove he’s not. The Scrubs star filmed the half angry half amused tirade from the set of the hit TV show to dispel the hoax news that he’d committed suicide, which started when a Twitter feed linked to a fake CNN page.
Zach’s not-dead performance is pretty funny, as he says: “If I was going to do it myself, it do it the way that everyone else would – with pots and pans. He said I died in my 32,000 square foot home in Beverly Hills… I’m not Oprah.” Even better, it ends with Donald Faison singing an R’n’B version of Wing Beneath My Wings. Moving!
“To the douchebag that started this, you win my first ever ‘Douche of the Day’ award for making my mom upset,” Zach adds. What’s more, that “douchebag” has gone on the original page to defend his actions, explaining it was something to fool his friends back in 2007, and wasn’t meant for public consumption, only something happened with the bandwidth etc etc. He ends by optimistically reaching out to Zach via Twitter and Facebook. Got a feeling those friend requests won’t be OK’d, though!
Forget calling Lindsay Lohan a train-wreck – the girl is officially now a tweet-wreck. The puffy-lipped Long Islander pounded out a new rant againstSamantha Ronson‘s family on her Blackberry, accusing them of keeping her and the skinny DJ apart. The best part about her Tweet meltdown is that just a couple hours after freaking out, she messaged Britney Spears and referred to her kids as “beautiful munchichi’s [sic].” At least we think she was talking about Sean and Jayden. Anyhoo, here’s her eloquent and poetic plea for love justice, in it’s proper order:
“@samantharonson doesn’t respond 2me b/c her family will cut her off if she contacts me… They control the one I love & im incapable of making any sort of difference. I’m in love with her, as she is in love with me….but her loved ones – hate her brilliance & resent her happiness.”
Certainly, uber-famous fashion designer Charlotte Ronson and beloved superstar musician/producer Mark Ronson are envious of Sam’s record spinning skills. Yep, that must be it. You figured it out, LiLo! Honestly, we feel for Linds, because clearly she’s desperate to be loved, and especially desperate to be loved by her scrawny sweetheart. But we gotta high five the Ronsons for sensibly stepping in and shutting this one down – and that includes Samantha. The only stupid thing we’ve ever seen the girl do is date a leggings-addicted loony-tune, otherwise she’s a total class act with a sweet job and enviable wardrobe.
And now, a private message in 140 characters to @LindsayLohan: Hey gurl. U need a vacation, a manager, a publicist, a babysitter for your sis, new parents, and some real friends. Call us. We want 2 help. [Photo: GettyImages]
Fans like Billy Ray Cyrus may be bummed that Miley Cyrus has left Twitter, but they can’t say she’s cutting them out of her weblife entirely. The erstwhile Hannah Montana posted a rap video on the subject Friday, complete with back-up dancers. “The reasons are simple/I started tweetin’ about pimples/ I stopped living for moments/ and started living for people.” Wait, it’s wrong to live for other people now? Did Liam Hemsworth give her a copy of Atlas Shrugged?
Worried her video would be perceived as glib by slighted Twitter buddies—or unable to actually get off the damn net—Miley wrote a more serious blog post about the subject on her web page.
You all are the closest thing to my heart & it breaks my spirit to hear that some of you feel neglected since I deleted my twitter…I often complain to the ones closest to me that I don’t seem to have much of a private life any more and part of that is my fault. How can I whine about my life being to public if I am the one telling the world what I am doing? I need to be able to live and learn in private. I never want to quit entertaining it is my life, my love, and my passion but I can’t have my personal life be other peoples entertainment.
This isn’t a personal attack on Twitter is not the only thing I am cutting back on. This is not an attack against this particular site, I just think kids all over the world could maybe take a little vacation from Cyberspace.
That’s all well and fine for kids, Miley. But what about Dads worried they’re losing their daughter’s ear to some Aussie stud of a co-star? How long before Billy Ray sits in front of his web cam singing “Butterfly Kisses” as a response to your YouTube?
Billy Ray Cyrus has taken to his Twitter to hound daughter Miley about returning to the messaging service. While we obviously sympathize, there is just so much wrong about this.
Miley. You are a light in a world of darkness. You were born”Destiny Hope Cyrus” for a reason.You can’t leave everyone now.We r countin on u.
I understand “it is true one bad apple spoils the bunch”.But listen to the words of your songs “Stand… for what ya believe in”…Remember?
First off, if the issue that she’s not on Twitter anymore, so why write to her on Twitter? Does he assume she checks his page? Second, while any dad loves to embarrass his daughter, shouldn’t he be bringing up her full name and song lyrics at the kitchen table rather than on a website? And third, if your biggest beef with your kid is that she no longer wants to expose her inner thoughts online, consider yourself incredibly lucky. And shave off that damn soul patch—you’re almost 50.
First Miley Cyrus, now another of our favorite celebrity Tweeters have quit sharing with us. Lily Allen signed off on her page September 28th posting, “I am a neo-Luddite, goodbye,” and hasn’t updated since. The musician/actress/we’ve lost it now had been getting lots of abuse for her stance on illegal file-sharing and now seems to have called it a day completely.
Shame! Her apparent quitting of the site comes soon after she mentioned her boyfriend Sam didn’t like her constant updating – has Lily chosen her man over milllons of strangers hanging off her every Tweet? Chuh. She needs to get her priorities straight.
Say it ain’t so! Miley Cyrus has retired from Twitter, and over a stupid boy! “FYI Liam doesn’t have a Twitter and he wants ME to delete mine with good reason,” wrote the singer before deleting her page, submitting to the wishes of Liam Hemsworth, her alleged new boyfriend and definite co-star in The Last Song. Even if #mileycomeback fails to win her over, we’ll bet she’ll run crying back to the message service once this Aussie hunk is out of her system. Until then, let’s look back at some of her greatest tweets.
Miley, The Gay Rights Crusader: “jesus loves you AND your partner and wants you to know how much he cares! thats like a daddy not loving his lil boy cuz hes gay and that is WRONG and very sad! like i said everyone deserves to be happy.”
Miley, The Hater Hater: “people that are so okay with being so hateful diguist me and need to spend last time on a gossip website and more time a. reading your bible b. reading stories/articles about what happens when cyber abuse and name calling happens…oh and ps if your thighs don’t jiggle go see a doctor. thanks.”
Miley, The Sympathetic Dumper: “Tears are words the heart can’t express. Why does saying goodbye hurt so much? Life will go on. You will smile again…we will smile again.”
Miley, The Frustrated Ex: “Yeah. I love when people mistake bravery with writing a few stupid tweets trying to make it seem like they don’t care. You’re afraid to love.”
Miley, The REALLY Frustrated Ex: “Everything IS ok. Honestly. I can’t change you’re mind and your heart no longer belongs to me. Maybe YOU’RE the one pretending you’re fine. Why do I continue to torture myself?”
Miley, The Perfect Daughter: “Good morning everyone. Life is good. I am laying in bed with my mommy right now scratching her bug bites.”
In a series of tweets, Mayer wrote, “Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis…I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together…My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli…I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.”
How poetic. Remind us again why so many people have dated this guy? [Photo: GettyImages]
It’s that time again – Lindsay Lohan has once again started a nutty fight with girlfriend Samantha Ronson via her Twitter account. According to Twitter, the rant began “about an hour ago” which is 7:30 AM east coast time, or 4:30 AM in L.A. Either way, Lindsay needs to get on a regular sleep schedule. Maybe that would help her avoid these sunrise meltdowns?
Even pieced together, LiLo’s rant is completely incoherent. Here it is as one giant tweet. Can you make out what the hell she is trying to say?
“can you make an attempt to not ruin ANYTHIzG positive that i have FINALLY deserved just to cry myself to sleep with your cheats, errors, and thank you…for being a friend before a sell-out……….the term “self out” was coined from ME and i gave them sooooooo much insight For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN ***FRIENDS*********** BUT YOU DID perform to her..you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i’m gross*thx”
Yep, that’s a substanisan tweet if we ever did see one. Linds, did we just use that word right? We’ve never heard of it before but trust that if you use it, it must mean something. Girl, you must kill at Scrabble!
Lily Allen‘s compulsive — and highly entertaining — Twittering is causing friction in her new relationship. The mouthy Londoner is currently with decorator (or “civilian,” as Liz Hurley would no doubt have it) Sam Cooper, but her regular updates are starting to bug her new beau.
“My boyfriend gets really, really angry with me because he’s just like ‘I just want to spend some time with you, do we have to have one and a half million people in the room with us at one time?’ I’m like ‘Yes, shut up’,” she says.
We hope he doesn’t get his way — Lily’s one of our favorite Twitterererererers (we think that’s a word), and even her random requests for an orgasmatron brightens up our day. [Photo: Getty Images]