Is Kristin Cavallari‘s body a wonderland? John Mayer claims not to know. The rumor yesterday was that Mayer and Cavallari hooked up and were secretly dating, but Mayer took to his Twitter to set the record straight.
In a series of tweets, Mayer wrote, “Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis…I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together…My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli…I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.”
How poetic. Remind us again why so many people have dated this guy? [Photo: GettyImages]
It’s that time again – Lindsay Lohan has once again started a nutty fight with girlfriend Samantha Ronson via her Twitter account. According to Twitter, the rant began “about an hour ago” which is 7:30 AM east coast time, or 4:30 AM in L.A. Either way, Lindsay needs to get on a regular sleep schedule. Maybe that would help her avoid these sunrise meltdowns?
Even pieced together, LiLo’s rant is completely incoherent. Here it is as one giant tweet. Can you make out what the hell she is trying to say?
“can you make an attempt to not ruin ANYTHIzG positive that i have FINALLY deserved just to cry myself to sleep with your cheats, errors, and thank you…for being a friend before a sell-out……….the term “self out” was coined from ME and i gave them sooooooo much insight For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN ***FRIENDS*********** BUT YOU DID perform to her..you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i’m gross*thx”
Yep, that’s a substanisan tweet if we ever did see one. Linds, did we just use that word right? We’ve never heard of it before but trust that if you use it, it must mean something. Girl, you must kill at Scrabble!
Lily Allen‘s compulsive — and highly entertaining — Twittering is causing friction in her new relationship. The mouthy Londoner is currently with decorator (or “civilian,” as Liz Hurley would no doubt have it) Sam Cooper, but her regular updates are starting to bug her new beau.
“My boyfriend gets really, really angry with me because he’s just like ‘I just want to spend some time with you, do we have to have one and a half million people in the room with us at one time?’ I’m like ‘Yes, shut up’,” she says.
We hope he doesn’t get his way — Lily’s one of our favorite Twitterererererers (we think that’s a word), and even her random requests for an orgasmatron brightens up our day. [Photo: Getty Images]
Dear Frances Bean Cobain – do you want to come live with us? Because, based on the Twitter (and all other forms of media) ranting your mother does on a daily basis, we feel like we could provide a really stable home for you. Granted you’d have to live in our closet. Ugh, seriously it is so hard to believe Courtney Love has raised a kid, because she is so (clinical diagnosis coming up) nutso.
On this day in Twitter history, Love takes aim at Taylor Momsen who has done nothing much except emulate Love’s late ’90s look. And for that, Momsen must pay. Here we show you as assortment of the vitriol Love has spewed – we’re not sure whether to call her shrink, or a copyeditor.
- @taylorxmomson shut the F*CK up you overpriveliged bratty bitch that picked one every freak in high school mention my name again? BAM
- ahhh and after taht im just going to go to find a friend and have a Virgin daquiri im sure @taylorxmomson your very “sweet” but idontcare
- @taylorxmomson is that youyr name? i dont watch tv or read teen mags and gossip rags so i wouldnt know, do NOT still “like my music”please
- aha ah so @taylorxmomson so sorry although now ive spazzed inront of alot of people i feel lame, but theres a look in the eyes icanalwaystel
Hilariously, we can’t find any evidence that Momsen said anything to start this one-sided fight, and even more hilarious, @taylorxmomson is not a real Twitter account. [Photos: GettyImages]
Lest you didn’t think it was possible, there is one celebrity who is not a fan of Twitter: Kid Rock. The former Mr. Pam Anderson said of the social network, “It’s gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I’m going to tell them, ‘Twitter this sh*t, motherf*cker.’” And then, despite having – you know – said that, he continued, “I don’t have anything to say, and what I have to say is not that relevant. Anything that is relevant, I’m going to bottle it up and then squeeze it onto a record somewhere.”
We appreciate that he’s not going all Ashton and Demi on us, but since when is Kid Rock known for holding back? And considering he hates Twitter so much, we wonder if he knows that there’s someone on there posing as him. Sorry, twit-friends of “_Kid_Rock_” but that ain’t the real deal. [Photo: WireImage]
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have been twittering up a storm these days, praising Jesus and claiming to reject the fame they’ve so eagerly sought out. Need some examples?
- Heidi recently wrote: “get ready for Jesus coming back! watchout for the antichrist and the mark of the beast! which is the chip they want to put in you!”
- While Spencer says, “i have wasted so much time and energy on fame and pop culture with nothing but millions of haters to show for it!” And, “my life from here on out is the LORD, my wife, and my country!!!!! For me these are the only things worth living and dying for!”
The pair hit up a conservative radio show, hosted by Alex Jones, on Monday, to speak about something called “the New World Order,” which we think has something to do with Jesus and government conspiracy theories. Jezebel writer Hortense was tuning in, and here’s some of the craziness she caught:
Says Heidi, “I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they’d never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it’s just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.”
Are these two for real, or is this just another attempt at generating more media attention? [Photo: GettyImages]
Sometimes, you’ve just got to have that craving RIGHT NOW. And Katy Perry isn’t immune to the tasty appeal of a lovely, big, cheesy pizza. So much so that she will eat it naked, on a tray, in the bath. Oh yes. The singer posted the cheeky shot on her Twitter page, after posting loads of tweets about her favorite foods that are “luring me with sexual seduction.”
As well as the candid tub shot, hungry Katy also posted a nice pic of herself chubbed up, entitled “Future Me”, should those pizza attacks continue. We like this lady.
[Photos: Twitter, Splash News Online]
While Lil Jon may be known for sipping on CRUNK!, he apparently gets more sophisticated behind closed doors. When he’s not rapping about getting wasted, “Little Jonathan” spends his time mulling over grapes at his winery and winning awards for the product. Earlier today he tweeted:
FOR ALL YALL SUKKAS THAT WERE HATING ON MY WINE CHECK THIS OUT!! WE WINNING AWARDS TWITT!!! GET U SOME
Lil Jon’s 2006 Central Coast Chardonnay took home a Silver Medal at the 2009 Los Angeles International Wines and Spirits Competition. Interested in the prized vino? Buy some at Little Jonathan Winery’s website.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Remember a couple years back, when everyone got their underwear in a twist about Miley Cyrus‘s photoshoot for Vanity Fair where she — gasp! — exposed her back. The resulting media hysteria meant Miley was forced encouraged to release a statement saying she was “embarrassed” about the photos shot by Annie Leibovitz. Kind of sounds even more ridiculous these days, especially when you get a look at these impromptu photos of the teen star. Taken by director Adam Shankman and posted on Twitter, Miley looks pretty unembarrassed about posing for these lighthearted vampy shots to us! [Photo: Splash News Online]
There’s something so adorable about watching your parents or grandparents figure out technology. Ya know – it’s like when they leave a voicemail on your phone and end it with, “love, mom, ” like a letter. They get it, but not completely.
So it was extra precious to see that 83-year-old Hugh Hefner has signed up for Twitter and is now updating his site. Hef’s always been, uh, young at heart – what with the reality shows and the super-sexy girlfriends that travel with him like a pack of wolves. But online, the guy actually sounds his age for once!
Since joining the site yesterday, Hef has tweeted about playing dominoes and Uno with his girlfriends and his favorite Cary Grant movie. Even better, he signs off with his name at the end of every post. Grandpa Hef is gonna take the web by storm! [via Buzzfeed. Photo: GettyImages]