Money can buy you plastic surgery, but it can’t buy you eternal youth. It can wield power, but it can’t buy you the wisdom to handle that power. There has to be more than that, a supernatural force this world hasn’t quite grasped: vampirism. Read more…
Don’t get us wrong, we love the sex and twisted humor of True Blood. But every once in a while, the show gets so wrapped up in the task of squeezing 15 quirky plots and 50 blindingly beautiful actors into an hour of TV, it forgets another essential element of a show about vampires and other supernatural beings living in a swampy, remote town: the scary bits. To make up for it, apparently, Alan Ball and Co. made last night’s episode, with the deceptively innocuous title “Let’s Boot and Rally,” a full-on horror extravaganza. Here I’ll list the scariest bits, and at the end you can vote for the scene that kept you up all night.
1. Jesus’ head has a message. Poor Lafayette can’t catch a break. In answer to his prayers for help from the boyfriend he murdered, both Lafayette and his crazy mom are visited by the Dia de los Muertos version of Jesus (pictured above).
2. Rats eat Russell Edgington’s leftovers in the spooky abandoned mental hospital. Love how Sookie fully acknowledges that they’re about to enact the oldest horror-movie scene in the book, but still, we were wimpering right along with Alcide’s employee Doug. Everyone else was just too jaded by life in Bon Temps to flinch.
True Blood fan confession time: When I got my copy of Entertainment Weekly a couple of weeks ago, and it turned out that of 11 possible covers, I got the Christopher Meloni one, I was bummed. Why would I some crusty old Vampire Authority guy from Law & Order: SVU when I could have had Joe Manganiello or Alexander Skarsgard? This is obviously because I’ve never really watched SVU, nor did I catch Meloni as the bisexual sociopathic murderer on Oz. Because now that we’ve gotten over the tedious politics and religion of his debut as Roman on last week’s episode and returned to what we love about True Blood (sex and violence), I am please to report that I totally get it.
It almost would have been enough to see Roman’s nuanced handling of Eric and Bill’s betrayal and pledge to find Russell Edgington, nor his sexy bossman order to Steve Newlin. But it was the fact it is basically impossible to imagine Salome (Valentina Servi) wanting to get it on with a third partner after seducing both Bill and Eric. Who could live up to such a task? But yet, as Roman started to strip off his perfectly tailored suit and undo his cufflinks, while talking passionately of his mainstreaming movement, it was easy enough to get the picture. This guy might even be able to go pec for pec up against Alcide. We screencapped his sexiest looks from the “Whatever I Am, You Made Me” episode — with bonus Andy and Eric butt shots, for good measure, in the gallery below.
Still reeling from the reveal of Rob’s golfing hobby and the squee-tastic new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, it’s all about vampires today at VH1. Well, let’s be real. Every day is a vampire-obsessed day … so naturally when VH1 News hit the red carpet of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, we just had to know: Who does the cast think is the hottest vampire ever to grace the silver screen?
While we admittedly were fishing for answers involving a name that rhymes with Smattinson, we were shocked and awed that not a single red-carpet attendee fell into our trap. Dominic Cooper and Jimmi Simpson rep’d their generation with Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys, while director Timur Bekmambetov, writer Seth Grahame-Smith, Robin McLeavy and Abe himself Benjamin Walker went with OG vampires like Nosferatu. Erin Wasson and Mary Elizabeth Winstead left us less confused with Brad Pitt in Interview With a Vampire. Watch the interviews below and let us know in our poll who really is the hottest vampire of all-time.
This just in from the reliable news source that we call the World Wide Web: Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a time traveling she-vampire from the 1960s. We know, we were surprised too! But the evidence is pretty convincing. See for yourself in the photo above! On the right is standard issue Leo circa 1996. And on the left is a photo found by a Tumblogger in her grandmother’s vintage yearbook, depicting a woman known as Judy Zipper in 1960. The resemblance is pretty eerie. That smile, those mischievous eyes, it’s all pure DiCaprio! Or should we say, pure Zipper…? Who knows when he switched genders, but we’re guessing it was sometime in the 1980s.
This is not the first case of Hollywood celebs turning out to be time traveling swashbucklers. Nicolas Cage was famously outed as a time-traveling vampire last fall, and a photo of John Travolta in 1860 turned up on eBay around the same time. Thank god we have the internet to expose all of these era-jumping Oscar-nominated immortals! But the important question is, what do they want? Elaborate tombs for resting? The blood of masseurs? Outrageously expensive hybrid cars? We may never know. Maybe they just want a part in Twilight?
[Photo: Tumblr/Getty Images]
Oh, thank you, HBO. For bringing True Blood back so quickly for season five after a too short season four, and for proving time and time again that any story worth telling is a story worth telling with at least one fully nude character in the scene. Last night’s season premiere had, by our count seven actors naked or mostly naked — and the sheer variety of situations that called for them to shed their clothing was quite impressive. The only downside: For some reason Joe Manganiello’s Alcide remained clothed for his two scenes. Maybe, with Magic Mike coming in a few weeks, he feared over-exposure of his abs? Joe, let assure you that this is impossible. Anyway, we thought all those nekkid bodies would provide an excellent framework for discussing the episode:
1. Jason Stackhouse answers the door to Reverend Newland completely naked, for no apparent reason. It did nicely contrast how confident he is with his looks, even after everything that’s happened to him, with how completely vulnerable he was once the just-turned vampire Newland glamoured him into inviting him in and then confessed his love. Then, adorably, covered in what looks like his grandma’s blanket, he tells the former anti-vampire crusader: “This dog don’t bark that way.”
2. A female werewolf changes into her (naked) human form to confront Sam about killing her pack master Marcus. She’s just as threatening as when she’s covered in fur. Sam chooses this odd moment to be ignorant of werewolf politics and takes the blame for Alcide.
3. After flying off as an owl, Sam arrives at Luna’s house and, of course is naked as he meets Emma and Luna on their doorstep. Inappropriate!
We interrupt these nude scenes for one opposite of nude scene: Pam in a Walmart sweatsuit. For all her bravado, the fact that she was willing to don that thing to be buried alive and turn Tara says so much about her love for Eric.
4. How many times on this show have we seen Sookie take a shower? A lot of times. This time was a real tear-jerker as she flashed back to young Tara saving her from school bullies. Sookie says she’s tired of supes interfering in her life, but man, she is hazardous to all the mortals in her life, too. This was a good way to remind us that, though to us she may have been a whiny, treacherous and super-annoying character whose death we maybe hoped for a little too hard, she apparently once had some redeeming qualities to make her deserving of Sookie’s and Lafayette’s love.
When VH1 sat down with Ice-T at a screening of his film Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap, we did not expect the conversation to go the way of zombie vampires … in space. Ever the awesome interviewee, Ice humored our vampire-obsessed tendencies and fielded some very important questions.
After 12 years, Ice’s Law & Order: SVU co-star Christopher Meloni left the series last year presumably to pursue a film career and obviously for his four-episode stint as Roman on True Blood. As a 500-year-old leader of the Vampire Authority, one could say he traded one form of Law & Order for another, much more undead one. On the departure of Detective Elliot Stabler, Ice said “I’m happy for Chris. At some point, you gotta make your exit… If it’s up to me, [Law & Order] will be on for 20 years.” Hilariously Ice added, “He’s going to the best vampire they’ve ever seen because the man’s crazy – he’s got beady eyes.”
Naturally our imaginations wandered and we had to ask about he and wife Coco‘s vampire potential. “We’d be the best vampires in the history of the world,” Ice-T confidently declared. “But I think we need to be a different kind of vampire… like vampire zombies. [Laughs] The next generation – space zombies or something.”
Full interview below, wherein Ice describes Coco’s undercover love for hard-core gore flicks.
We’ll still have our Cullens, Eric Northman and the Salvatore brothers gracefully prowling across our screens for a bit longer, but I think it might soon be time for some, er, fresh blood in the vampire game. So does Hollywood, apparently. Palomar Pictures and Harlequin Teen announced today that a book that isn’t even out until next Tuesday, Julie Kagawa’s The Immortal Rules, has been optioned, along with the sequels that will follow it in the Blood of Eden series. The movie would be produced by Joni Sighvatsson, who has made a number of dark and twisty movies, such as Killer Elite, Brothers, Wild at Heart and Basquiat.
Part of the excitement for Immortal Rules stems from the immense popularity of Kagawa’s fairy series, The Iron Fey. The new novel takes place in a future when vampires rule the world and humans are kept like cattle to feed them. Allison Sekemoto was one of those humans, who dreamed of fighting back against the vampires until she was turned into one.
Incidentally, Kagawa fans, the above photo is an outtake from the Immortal Rules cover. We like how her warrior stance and the book’s whole post-apocalyptic setting is bringing the genre back to gothier territory than Twilight, TVD and True Blood (not that there’s anything wrong with vampires in the sun, too, we just like variety!).
Between Blood of Eden and the long-awaited Vampire Academy adaptation, we are holding out hope for a long future ruled by blood-sucking fiction.
Pick up the book on April 24 and come back here to play fantasy casting with us!
[Photo: Harlequin Teen]
Whether he’s in scrubs, covered in blood or in a silly ’70s costume, Being Human’s broody vampire nurse Aidan is hot. So it should come as no surprise that the actor who plays him in the SyFy version of the BBC show, Sam Witwer, isn’t too picky when it comes to his clothing. “If it’s comfortable, I wear it,” he told us when he stopped by the VH1 office before appearing on Big Morning Buzz Live today. We think his comfort deserves a second look.
Gemma ArtertonÂ is just hanging out and smoking a cigarette while completely splattered with blood. Fake blood, that is. She was taking a break on the set of her new vampire film Byzantium in Dublin, Ireland.