We imagine that Britney Spears is kinda a fragile soul, so we were a bit worried when we heard she was all nude in her new video for her single “Womanizer.” But then we saw the thing, and all our cares for BritBrit’s health flew out the window. She’s naked and sweaty and hot and thrusting her body around in some sort of sauna, and really that’s all we ever cared about anyway. If she needs a hundred frappuccinos to get there, so be it. Viva la Naked Britney!
Joe Son, best known for playing Random Task in the first Austin Powers movie and getting repeatedly punched in the nuts in UFC 4: Revenge Of The Warriors, has been arrested for multiple counts of rape and sodomy. Son’s DNA was tied to an unsolved 1990 gang rape in Orange County after he plead guilty to an unrelated vandalism charge.
After the jump is a clip reel of Son’s mixed martial arts matches, including one where Son walked into the arena carrying a giant cross. At 2:30, Joe Son’s opponent punches him in the nuts 10 times in a row.
Hilary Duff has filmed a PSA for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network that aims to fight anti-gay language by out-catting the hags who use it. In the clip, a girl in a clothing store tells her friend an outfit is totally gay. Duff interrupts to note that you “shouldn’t call something ‘gay’ when you mean something’s ‘bad.’” When the dowdily dressed homophobe fails to grasp the message, she explains what if every time something was bad, everybody said ‘that’s so girl wearing a skirt as a top’?” OH SNAP. Duff attempts to cushion the blow by complimenting her jeans (you can’t fight hate with hate, see), the closing text underlines the message. “When you say ‘that’s so gay,’ do you realize what you say? Knock it off.”
However odd it is to watch Hilary snap off on someone’s fashion, it’s an admirable sentiment that we hope is embellished further. Maybe Shia LaBeouf, as an apology to the LGB community, could tell a young dude not to use “cocksucker” as an insult, unless he wants his girlfriend—if he ever gets one—to think sucking his cock is a bad thing. Now that’s a public service announcement that’s long overdue.
More Funny or Die goodness from Paris Hilton, as she continues her fake quest to be the President of the United States. This time our fake-looking heiress elicits advice from the country’s most famous fake President, Martin Sheen. Loves it, bitches, that’s hot, etc.
Yachan, a monkey that lives in a town near Tokyo, has become so proficient in martial arts that he’s earned a black belt. He breaks wooden panels with kicks and punches. He spars with his sensei. He also delivers drinks to the customers of his owner’s bar. Some may think a karate-chopping, bartending monkey is cute and harmless. But here at Scandalist we’re skeptics.
First, we wonder about his owner’s motives. Does he make money off of Yachan’s karate skills or is it simply that a daily regimen of sit-ups and push-ups does a monkey good? We also wonder how Yachan was trained. Is he punished when he wants to skip practice to lie around and eat bananas? And, lastly, is it really a good idea to teach a monkey how to fight?
Remember the man that lost his nose and a testicle after visiting an ape in a California animal sanctuary? Chimps, of course, are bigger and more powerful than Yachan. Still, it may be best for everyone if monkeys are left out in the wild.
Tina Fey reprised her role as Sarah Palin in yet another dead-on Saturday Night Live parody. This time, SNL guest Queen Latifah joined a sketch of the VP debate as debate moderator Gwen Ifill. Joe Biden, played by Jason Sudeikis, said that John McCain was “bad at his job” and “mentally unstable” and a “dear, dear friend.” He also debunked the notion that’s he’s a “Washington insider” by proclaiming that’s he’s from Scranton, Pennsylvania — “the worse place on earth” filled with “sad and desperate people with no ambition.”
Palin, who changed the moderator’s topics to suit her pre-prepared talking points and evoked Ronald Reagan‘s name for the sake of evoking Ronald Reagan’s name, had at least three devastatingly funny one-liners, including …
- On fixing the economy: “We would ask what would a maverick do in this situation, and, then, you know, we’ll do that.”
- On the cause of global warming: We don’t know if it’s man-mad or just “a natural part of The End Of Days.”
- On her health care policy: “I’m going to ignore that question and instead talk about Israel. There’s a special place for Israel in heaven. And I know some people are going to say I’m only saying that to pander to voters in Florida. But from a very young age, my two greatest loves were always Jews and cuban food.”
Blah, blah, a new video clip to promote voting. But this one has Hayden Panettiere writhing in a tight dress and whimpering into a muzzle. Got your attention now?
The clip opens with Jessica Alba hawking a stylish muzzle for folks who don’t plan on voting. It’s all very ironic-QVC, with 90210‘s Tristan Wilds giving a personal testimony. Watching Michael from The Wire rub his cheek with a Hannibal Lecter mask is pretty odd, but the crazy stuff comes at 1:25, when Hayden Panties twitches and poses in a hot pink dress and matching mask that Alba says Hayden had “surgically implanted.” Eww!!
Hayden keeps squirming and squealing while Alba harshly describes how attractive she looks before pushing the Heroes star offstage. It’s kinda funny, but the S&M undertone will probaby make more people click away—or beat off, depending on how they feel about fem-dom—then vote. Hey, at least we’ve found out what it would look like if Saw V was made by the CW network.
Related Content: Jessica Alba Gets Masked
A lot of us were disturbed when Sarah Palin wouldn’t—or couldn’t—name a single newspaper she regularly reads (“oh, all of them!”), but none more so than Diddy, who scurried under the covers with a flashlight and recorded this Blair Witch-y vlog. “She’s worse than the boogeyman…she could be president!” With all his hyperventilating and unsettling shrieks, you’d think he could see dead people (John McCain‘s not there quite yet).
Whether not you agree with him, one needs to realize that Diddy has filmed himself whimpering. Whimpering. Diddy, the man who once stared down Godzilla himself.
To see our hero in such a state is truly cause for concern.
Meg Ryan’s ex-husband Dennis Quaid made it clear this week he’s not her greatest fan ever, and now normally mild-mannered British star Michael Parkinson has waded into the fray. The legendary chat show host had a notoriously disastrous interview with Meg in 2003, and in his new autobiography firmly lays the blame at her moody-ass door.
“She was uncooperative from the start. One reviewer said she “glided from slight frostiness to naked hostility via snooty disdain,” he writes. “There comes a point in an interview where it serves no purpose to continue. The only question left is: ‘Why did you bother turning up and then not trying?’ She seemed as if she had been beamed into the show from another universe.”
Have a look at one of the infamous clips below (and another one here) and see what you think. For the record, Meg blames Parky for her dismal reputation in the UK, saying “His chat show has a lot to answer for, the UK public loathe me thanks to him.”
Yeah. It’s all his fault, Meg. You tried, you really did!
[Photo: Getty Images]
The combination of hot and crazy works well for Elisabeth Hasselbeck. We admit, it’s gotta be tough being the only conservative in a group of equally outspoken and sassy women, but if you can’t take Whoopi and Joy’s heat, get out of the studio, tiny girlfriend! The conversation on today’s episode of The View of course swirled around everyone’s favorite flute playing Alaskan Sarah Palin, with Barbara Walter‘s egging Elisabeth on, asking her to inform America why she thinks Palin would be a great President. In typical View form, all hell breaks loose. Happy Wednesday!