by (@hallekiefer)

Olivia Wilde Claims Jonas Brothers Placed A “No Sex Hex” On Her Home

If there’s anything more unbelievable than Olivia Wilde blaming the Jonas Brothers for placing a “no sex hex” on her house, it’s the idea that any supernatural force, no matter how strong, could prevent Olivia Wilde from getting laid. Please. While promoting Cowboys And Aliens on Kimmel last night, the actress was quick to  blame the Jo Bros, former residents of her new L.A. house, for her sexual drought. “We think they placed a no sex hex on the house,” Wilde explained. “We blame the Jonas Brothers for the lack of action happening in our house. We’re like, ‘We know why.’ It’s the No sex hex, Jimmy! Can’t do anything about it.” Olivia’s right, of course; not much you can do about an anti-sex curse. Except, you know, look like Olivia Wilde.

While Olivia’s home might ostensibly be boner-free, her career hopefully won’t be. As the actress told E!, we may be seeing Olivia Wilde as Linda Lovelace, in a biopic of the same famous porn star who Lindsay Lohan, and now Malin Akerman, has been cast to play in a competing film. “It would be a tremendous honor,” Wilde said. “It’s such a cool role. She was a fascinating woman—with where she came from to Deep Throat to then working with Gloria Steinem and Nora Ephron. It’s really fascinating,” We guess those little musical virgins only have so much control over Olivia’s choices! In fact, we’re ready to declare that this house…is clean.

by (@hallekiefer)

Gaga Says First Time Was “Terrible,” Didn’t Enjoy Sex Until Two Years Ago

We’d always imagined Lady Gaga’s first time was on the back of a dragon made of glitter and flames, so we were epically disappointed that Lady Gaga says losing her virginity was terrible. “I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 17. But I have to say even then I wasn’t ready and it was an absolutely terrible experience,” the singer admitted. “It wasn’t good at all. I have never not had safe sex, I have always asked a guy to be tested and to use protection, which was always my rule. Otherwise you’re playing Russian Roulette.” See, Russian Roulette was exactly how we thought Gaga would start a romantic evening with a gentleman caller. We have so much to learn.

“I never actually enjoyed sex until two years ago,” Gaga, who debuts her new song “Judas” at the Thierry Mugler fashion show Wednesday, admitted. “It was a proper monogamous relationship in which I felt free enough to trust and I had enough self love. Sex is the ultimate expression of vulnerability and for me it was important to know that it was a proper relationship so it was sex as a source of love and nothing else.” We don’t know if Gaga’s boyfriend Luc Carl is the relationship in question, but either way we imagine a lot of eyeliner-smeared trysting on a pile of sweaty bandannas and foam rubber monster claws. We wouldn’t want to imagine it any other way.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Khloe Kardashian “Disgusted” She Lost Her V-Card At 14 To An Older Man

In case you had any lingering questions about how Khloe Kardashian lost her virginity, the Kardashian sister spilled the beans on The View yesterday, saying she lost her v-card to an 18-year-old man…when she was just 14. “Looking back, I think that’s not a normal thing,” Khloe reasoned. Um, you think? We’ve seen episodes of To Catch A Predator that were less creepy than that. Khloe even says she felt sort of “conned” by the guy. Explained Khloe, “Well, not conned, but persuaded, because he was older and I felt I wouldn’t be accepted or cool or whatever.” Seriously, where is Chris Hansen when you need him?!?!?

After the two slept together, “I felt so disgusted with myself,” Khloe admits. “I stopped talking to him and actually didn’t have sex for three years after that because I knew I was young and I knew I wasn’t ready.” We’re glad Khloe did the right thing for her. Now she’s Lamar Odom’s wife, and the other guy is probably getting offered iced tea by an actress disguised as a 13-year-old as we speak. Then BAM! Creep gets Hansen’d.