Ah, the sex gods of the World Cup. So manly, so hairless, and oh so…weepy? There may not be a lot of goals in soccer, but there sure are a hell of a lot of tears. And so, as World Cup frenzy officially comes to a close this weekend, we honor the men we’ve come to know and love (and will soon forget) with pictures of them crying like babies.
It doesn’t matter if you win or lose – as long as you cry!
With total disregard for New York’s already-melting citizens, Cristiano Ronaldo is spending the afternoon lounging at NYC’s exclusive Soho House in the world’s tiniest Gucci swim trunks, undoubtedly pushing the citywide temp over the 100-degree mark.
As we’re perpetually sweating off our makeup and gagging at the heated garbage smells, the soccer stud and new daddy is mourning Portugal’s World Cup loss while getting pap’d poolside – not that we’re complaining. Excuse us as we shut down our computers, hop into the FABlife chopper (ha!), and bellyflop into Ronaldo’s oasis. [Photo: Splash News]
You know what we dreamed about last night, curled up in a little ball on top of our air conditioner? Our subconscious took us to a magical place where skeezy British soccer (yes, SOCCER) stud Ashley Cole hit up the cheesiest, douchiest LA club and after a night of grinding and charming skanks with his British accent, he had a heartfelt chat with a LA club troll while her giant boobs hung out of a sliver of cloth she tried to pass off as a shirt.
And guess what?!! It happened IRL!!!
Yes, dreams really DO come true in Los Angeles, where Ashley is drinking away his sorrows over England’s lame-o showing in the World Cup and getting his Popsicle melted – Katy Perry style – by California’s most stunning crop of ladies.
We were hoping to see yet another modelesque mugshot of the notorious Paris Hilton (with dilated eyes this time!) since she was arrested on alleged drug charges today after the World Cup game in South Africa, but the charges were dropped after her accompanying friend took the fall.
According to several South African media outlets including News24, “Paris Hilton was arrested in Port Elizabeth on Friday for possession of marijuana, two police officers said.”
Paris’ side of the story is quite different (how shocking). She took to her Twitter page to say, “Hey guys, there’s a lot of crazy rumors going around. Just want you all to know the truth. Everything is completely fine. I was not charged or arrested, cause I didn’t do anything. I was assisting the police with the investigation and answering their questions.”
Who to believe, the numerous, credible news outlets or the devious Paris Hilton saying “cause I didn’t do anything”? Sorry Paris, it was a difficult decision, but we’re going to have to go with the more valid sources.
First it was the “1 Night in Paris” night-vision sex tape scandal, then the jail sentence after a DUI and probation violation (see that lovely mugshot above), now getting arrested on foreign soil for toking a joint. Looks like grandfather Hilton won’t be having any regrets about cutting off her inheritance because he was embarrassed about her previous antics. Way to be slick, Paris.
Of course, our headline contains a heavy dose of sarcasm. That said, if you have been keeping up with the British tabloids in the wake of England’s disappointing performance in the 2010 World Cup, you would recognize that it’s indicative of the amount of vitriol directed at England’s premier striker, Wayne Rooney. Rooney —who, not so coincidentally, did not make our list of the Top 25 soccer studs— is widely considered to be England’s best player and, as such, has been facing the lion’s share of criticism for his team’s poor effort this year. In a hilarious turn of events, the notoriously judgmental Fleet Street tabloid, the Daily Mail, is pinning the blame for Rooney’s failure to score goals and lead his team to victory not on his conditioning or mental focus, but rather on the fact that he SHAVED HIS CHEST prior to this year’s World Cup.
We haven’t seen a haircut this widely derided in the press since Felicity chopped off her signature ‘do before sophomore year! What do you think, dear readers: Is the British press being unfair to Rooney for his personal grooming habits, or do you think it’s weird that he took time away from preparing for the World Cup to spread Nair all over his pasty chest? Or do you share the opinion of the New York Post and just think that soccer is stupid, anyway?
Soccer star Landon Donovan is coming home to a lot of controversy after Team U.S.A lost to Ghana in the World Cup. A British mystery mistress claims to be carrying Landon’s love child, and is threatening to provide the details to a couple of British tabloids. Apparently the baby was conceived last winter during the 10 weeks Donovan spent playing for Everton in the English Premier League. Donovan has not denied paternity and told Sports Illustrated, “If I need to take responsibility, then I will provide the appropriate support.”
Two weeks ago, we served up a healthy dose of abs with The World Cup’s Hottest Players. If you are anything like us, you were jumping up and down in your chair when the adorable Landon Donovan scored USA’s winning goal and spent the better part of the last two weeks drooling over sexy soccer stars such as Iker Casillas and Samuel Eto’o while watching the first round of the World Cup.
This week, we’re bursting your bubble by revealing their equally hot wives and girlfriends. Some of these gorgeous couples, such as Roque Santa Cruz and Giselle Tavarelli are happily married with children. However, other soccer couples (see the complex love triangle above between English players John Terry, Wayne Bridge and French model Vanessa Perroncel) have failed to reach marital bliss. Such unfortunate news may bring us soccer secret admirers relief, causing us to either A) realize these womanizing, globe-trotting playboys wouldn’t make good husbands anyway, or B) (who are we kidding?) celebrate their newfound singledom.
We know just a few things about the Australian World Cup football team. Number one, they are nicknamed the Socceroos, which is adorable. Number two, they got creamed by Germany last weekend, losing 4-0 in their opening game. And number three, they had to endure further embarrassment when John Travolta sang “You’re The One That I Want” to the team during a meet and greet. As far as we can tell, Travolta’s only connection to the soccer team is his Aussie co-star from Grease, Olivia Newton-John, who was absent from the singalong.
Travolta and wife Kelly Preston flew their private jet to South Africa to take in some of the games and hopefully spare the rest of the teams from spontaneous versions of “Greased Lightning” and monologues from Battlefield Earth.
Traditionally Americans could give a sh*t about soccer, or as most in the world know it, “football.” As the 2010 FIFA World Cup kicks off in South Africa today, we’re giving you 25 drool-inducing reasons to tune in that don’t require knowing what a yellow card means.
All that running required of footballers produces what we think are the best bodies in sports – not overly beefy but lean, defined and gorgeous. The toned torsos of Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, Cote d’Ivoire’s Didier Drogba, and the USA’s own Landon Donovan have us clearing our calendars, hitting a pub, grabbing a pint, and anxiously awaiting the moment they rip off their shirts in celebration. How is it we’re only now discovering that soccer’s a walking, running, and kicking Calvin Klein ad? At least we have a match-packed month to bask in the ab-tastic glory. [Photo: Getty Images]
25 of the World Cup’s sexiest – and often shirtless – soccer players await you below.
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