WTF

by (@hallekiefer)

Charlize Theron Had To Have All Her Teeth Removed As A Child, Which Explains Why She’s So Awesome

Charlize Theron Didn't Have Teeth Until Age 11

Oh hey, guys? Charlize Theron didn’t have a proper set of teeth until her adult teeth grew in. We know! As if we didn’t like her enough already! “I had these fangs because I had jaundice when I was a kid and I was put on so many antibiotics that my teeth rotted. They had to cut them out,” the Snow White And The Huntsman actress admitted to the U.K.’s The Sun. “I never had [baby] teeth. That was tough, you know, being in school having photos taken while I was pretending I had teeth. It was hideous.” We thought Young Adult was the height of our affection for Charlize, and then this happens. It turns out that we can always love this woman more!

We don’t mean to be flippant about something so awful (yes, we do), but doesn’t this make a lot of sense? Haven’t you said to yourself, “How did this model-turned-actress manage to be incredibly gorgeous and cool and have a wicked sense of humor?” It’s because she had to develop an awesome personality! To make up for her lack of teeth! Now, we’re not saying that you can’t be beautiful and amazing and hilarious all on your own…but having to have all your baby teeth removed definitely couldn’t hurt. Metaphorically-speaking, of course. Those suckers probably hurt like the devil getting removed.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

What The Eff Is Up With James Franco’s Spring Breakers Gun Photo In Interview Magazine?

Look, we’ve been enjoying the non-stop parade of bikinis and peroxide and hijinks and corn-rowed James Franco from the set of Harmony Korine‘s upcoming movie Spring Breakers as much as anyone else. So why do we have to ruin the good times by seeing this photo of Franco pointing two guns at costars Ashley Benson’s and Vanessa Hudgens‘ heads in the latest issue of Interview magazine? Why? On a related note, what exactly is the message of this photo, taken by photographer Jonathan Durbin, when paired with all the florescent two-pieces and hysterical giggling in the other photos? “Woooo! Spring break! Massive head wounds are the shiznit! Jägerbombs! Tickets on sale now!” Thanks but no thanks, guys! We have to go stare at our hands and think about the nature of humanity when we could be logging onto Fandango.

Listen, we love boobs and butts and dude’s bare chests as much as the next blog. You know we do. Maybe more than anything, really. Plus, we know controversial and/or awful photos like this are usually taken for the express purpose of getting people all riled up, thus generating more buzz around a particular film. However! When it comes to gun violence, we are total prudes. Super prudes about guns being aimed at people’s heads, that’s us. Vanessa and Ashley, this is bad enough on your end, but Franco? We could not be more disappointed in you. Isn’t that shirt offensive enough?

[Photo: Interview Magazine]

by (@hallekiefer)

5 Bizarre Details About Courtney Love’s Eating Habits For Your Reading Pleasure

Courtney Love Writes Grub Street Food Diary

Courtney Love is not a foodie, you guys. She might be a rock star, a foodie, a Twitter troll and a questionably fit mother, but she is not the kind of person who is going to lie about how much potato salad she eats. “I’m not a foodie,” Love told Grub Street while writing her fascinating food diary for the site. “But I am a foodie.” The whole thing is insane/worth a read, but because we love you and value your time, we plucked the five most tender, succulent tidbits for your enjoyment. On a related note, no wonder Frances Bean is now in charge of the money earned by Kurt Cobain‘s publicity rights. Dean & Deluca pot pies every day would really add up! Boy, if we were rich…we would probably eat the exact same things.

  1. Courtney starts her day with breakfast, just like everyone else: “Every day I have my house manager, Hershey — who I stole from the Mercer Hotel with André Balazs‘s blessing — wake me up with a hot washcloth for my face, a leg rub, and a plate of toast soldiers.”
  2. Courtney learned everything know knows about baked goods from a dear friend: “One thing from living next to Paris Hilton in L.A. … she always had a fresh cake in her house. So I make sure someone gets a full, fresh new one every day, like marzipan. My house manager tries to put it in the fridge, but I don’t like refrigeration.”
  3. Courtney’s sugar cravings take a village: “When I lived at the Mercer Hotel, they literally called an admin meeting on how to make the perfect warm sugar cookie for me in the middle of the night.”
  4. Courtney is not a huge fan of chocolate: “I hate chocolate. F— chocolate. Kurt hated chocolate, too — that was one of the things we had in common. Chocolate makes it all too easy. Oooh. Woww. Chocolate. Oooh. Yum. F— that.”
  5. Rich people have secret awesome booze that none of us will ever, ever get to drink: “I’m not a big drinker, but Bono once gave me a bottle of Pétrus in France. It gets you so stoned in a really opiated way, like you’d just taken a Vicodin. A month later I found out it cost $12K! But before that, I was like, “Dude, they should get that to the junkies!”"

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Bradley Cooper Somehow Starring In The Elephant Man

Looks like Bradley Cooper can add a new category to the list of babes, hunks and good-looking bad boys he normally plays: hideously disfigured historical figures! The Limitless actor will reportedly star as John Merrick in the Williamstown Theate Festival production of the play The Elephant Man in Massachusetts this summer. Playwright Bernard Pomerace‘s 1977 play tells the story of the profoundly deformed real-life titular character as he deals with persecution in 19th London society. Ah, but does anyone know how ripped The Elephant Man was? He could potentially have had a burlap sack over his head and six-pack abs below, right? We just wanted to make sure.

Defying all logic, Cooper has already performed the play as part of his senior thesis at the Actors Studio Drama School, despite the fact that he clearly had to grow that mustache so people’s eyeballs didn’t melt out of their heads just looking at his beauty. Featuring Patricia Clarkson as Bradley’s costar, The Hollywood Reporter explains that “Pomerance’s play weaves Merrick’s inner humanity into a parable on beauty, innocence and dignity that shatters our illusions of normalcy.” It’s also going to shatter our notion of how good an actor Bradley Cooper is. Of course we like him, but to win us over without that gorgeous mug? That is some Tony Award-winning steez right there.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Stop Barfing, Everyone! Morgan Freeman Isn’t Dating His Step-Granddaughter!

Sorry, we got this posted as soon as we could; we know how exhausting it can be to never stop barfing. Luckily, your days of working, playing, sleeping and loving while constantly throwing up are over: Morgan Freeman has officially denied dating his 27-year-old step-granddaughter E’Dena Hines! “The recent reports of any pending marriage or romantic relationship of me to anyone are defamatory fabrications from the tabloid media designed to sell papers. What is even more alarming is that these fabrications are now being picked up by the legitimate press as well,” the Dark Knight Rises actor said in a statement this afternoon in response to rumors about his engagement to Hines.  Hines is the granddaughter of Morgan’s ex-wife Jeanette Adair Bradshaw, and as such is not his biological relative. If she was…well, we probably wouldn’t be able to stop barfing even when we found out this wasn’t true. We’d be too far gone.

As you may know, gossip about a relationship between the two has been swirling since at least 2009. Hines also issued a statement today, confirming “These stories about me and my grandfather are not only untrue, they are also hurtful to me and my family.” We imagine they would be. Now let us never, ever, ever speak of this rumor again, and go get something to eat. Three years of non-stop hurling will make you work up a serious appetite!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

10 Crazy New Mel Gibson Allegations, Courtesy Of His Former Screenwriter

It’s been a while since we’ve been treated to a glimpse into Mel Gibson‘s tortured psyche. Remember those leaked phone calls? Memories! The nine page letter written to Mel by screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, as posted on The Wrap, really brings us back…mostly because it references Gibson’s alleged antisemitism. Repeatedly. “I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason you won’t make The Maccabees is the ugliest possible one,” Eszterhas writes. “You hate Jews.” In case you didn’t know, Mel was allegedly working on a film about the Jewish folk hero Judah Maccabee. When those plans fell through, seems like Eszterhas was enraged enough to fire off a lengthy rant, loaded with some creepily familiar accusations.

Gibson has already responded to the letter, claiming in part, “I am not going to respond to it line by line, but I will say that the great majority of the facts as well as the statements and actions attributed to me in your letter are utter fabrications.” The letter is infinitely tl;dr, but in case you were curious what horrible new allegations could be made against Mel, we picked out the 10 most insane ones. Reader beware: some of them are downright disturbing…

  • Mel has alletedly been keeping up with his conspiracy theories: “You said most ‘gatekeepers’ of American companies were ‘H—s’ who ‘controlled their bosses.’ You said the Holocaust was ‘mostly a lot of horses—.’”
  • Mel knows his history. Well, a history, anyway: “You said that a ‘liberal Jewish conspiracy’ was responsible for the death of Pope John Paul I, Albino Luciani, a conspiracy which your father, Hutton, told me was completed when a cardinal sat on the Pope’s face and suffocated him.”

Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Those Lana Del Rey/ Axl Rose Dating Rumors Are False, Says All That Is Holy

Any way they’re just dating ironically? Rumors have been swirling about a potential Axl Rose/Lana Del Rey love match after Lana was spotted rocking out at two consecutive Guns N’ Roses concerts in L.A. recently; the pair were most recently seen climbing into the same SUV and leaving Chateau Marmont together last Friday. Um, hoo boy. Uh…maybe Axl just wanted to name of Lana’s colorist? Or to exchange deep conditioning tips? Or to make the moms of the world gasp audibly, then clutch the front of their blouses while shaking their heads in disappointment?

Luckily for us and/or our lunches, Guns N’ Roses guitarist DJ Ashba says the two singers are not bumping strawberry blond uglies. On a related note, we are so, so sorry for that mental image. “I don’t think they’re dating,” Ashba scoffed to TMZ. If you’re thinking their alleged canoodling sounds like, well, the premise of a Lana Del Rey song, you are frighteningly correct. Turns out, Del Rey had previously recorded a little ditty entitled “Axl Rose Husband,” which makes this whole thing feel something ripped from Satan’s vision board. Oh, of course the Lord of the Underworld uses The Secret; how else would these two crazy kids have even met?

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

So…Is Bobbi Kristina Engaged To Her “Adopted Brother” Nick Gordon?

If your eyebrows were already raised over the alleged relationship between Bobbi Kristina Brown and her “adopted brother” Nick Gordon before, get ready for those bad boys to rocket to the top of your forehead in about two seconds now: according to Us Weekly, Whitney Houston‘s daughter and the child the singer raised from the age of 12 are allegedly engaged. While Bobbi and Nick were spotted smooching in public last week, the magazine now has a photo of the pop star’s daughter sporting a massive rock on her ring finger, a piece of jewelry that reportedly belonged to Houston. According to the magazine’s source, the two “are living like a couple” currently. We don’t know about you, but we have have a lot of feelings about this. Like, too many feelings to process. Most of them tinged with confusion.

“Bobbi Kristina is still so vulnerable since her mother passed away,” their source continues “But Nick has become like her rock.” As we’ve explained before, Gordon is not related to Bobbi Kristina or Whitney genetically or legally. That being said, we don’t think it’d be a great idea for Bobbi Kristina to be marrying anybody so recently after her mother’s death on February 11. Forget the whole “practically family” aspect: we don’t think matrimony would be a good idea for Bobbi, period! Or maybe we’re just being overly cautious? We are glad Bobbi has someone to lean on during a dark time. Oh the other hand…yuck. What do you think? Go ahead and leave us a comment; we have to go lie down in a dark room for a few hours to process this.

[Photo: Bobbi Kristina's Twitter]

by (@hallekiefer)

Lindsay And Dina Lohan: The Transformation Is Nearly Complete!

Lindsay Lohan, your wish to transform into your mother is so close to coming true! We have to assume that’s your wish, because what else could possibly explain what’s going on in these photos from last night?

After receiving a positive review at Lindsay’s probation progress hearing with L.A. County Superior Court Judge Stephanie Sautner yesterday, Lilos Jr. and Sr. stepped out in Beverly Hill to celebrate/become mirror images of the same super being. While Lindsay gets blonder, Dina Lohan dresses younger; soon they’ll pass each other, Benjamin Button-style. Eventually they’ll have to cast Dina in that upcoming Elizabeth Taylor movie, which will actually work out great because Lindsay will be busy starring in the remake of What Every Happened To Baby Jane? The whole thing just gives us the chills! Well, the chills and the giggles. The chiggles.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

The Ever-Changing Face Of Rose McGowan

Rose McGowan has been on the scene a lot recently, and after we spotted photos of her at last night’s 40th anniversary party celebrating Charlie Chaplin‘s honorary Academy Award, we couldn’t help but notice that the Conan the Barbarian actress looks a little…different. Of course, Rose has looked a little different every time we’ve seen her for a long time, slowly transforming from a Marilyn Manson-dating girl next door to a really hot female version of Tim Curry. Don’t believe us? That proof is in the overly tight, wrinkle-free pudding, dear readers. Check out the many, many, many faces of Rose below, then watch Jawbreaker on DVD and let us know what you think:

[Photo: Getty Images]

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