by (@hallekiefer)

Christina Milian Discovers Chewed Gum In Her Food, Reacts How You’d Expect

And you thought John Mayer’s throat lesion was gross! Well, it definitely was (oh, how it was!), but almost as disgusting was Christina Milian’s chewed gum incident. Note: do not read this post if you are eating. Unless you happen to be eating a big bowl of chewed-up Orbitz. TMZ reports today that the “Dip It Low” singer was eating at a Mexicali restaurant in Los Angeles last week when she discovered a wad of already been chewed gum in her steak salad. After realizing what she had stumbled upon, Milian made a “beeline for the bathroom and threw up.” Oh wait….now this story is as gross as John Mayer’s throat lesion. And it’s only Monday!

Christina Milian later called the L.A. Department of Health to investigate, explaining to TMZ, “The most important thing to me is to make sure my health is okay. Ever since the incident I have not eaten out.” We mean, this probably isn’t a problem at the vast majority of restaurants…is it? Oh no, out of the way, we’re making a beeline!

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Nicolas Cage Chased A Naked Popsicle-Wielding Intruder Out Of His Home

Nicolas Cage brought his own special experience to his role in the upcoming film, Trespass. The Oscar-winner has been a personal victim of a intruder to his Orange County home. “I have lived through the nightmare, I have been one of those people who has been through a home invasion,” he told a Trespass press panel at the Toronto Film Festival. Although it sounds more like a really bizarre dream than a nightmare. “I was asleep with my wife, my two-year-old at the time was in another room,” he explained. “And I opened my eyes and there was a naked man in my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed.”

Considering this is the man who did shrooms with his cat, we have a feeling that Nic has woken up to worse. “It sounds funny, but it was horrifying,” he continued. “He ran into my bathroom, and I said, ‘What are you doing in my house? Get out of my house!'” What else can you say to a naked stranger eating a Fudgesicle in your bathroom? He eventually persuaded the man to leave, and police soon arrived to take the man to a mental health facility. “I didn’t press charges because I realised he wasn’t all there.” Despite the threat to his family, the ever-zen Cage didn’t go all action star on the dude. “The cops said to me, if he had broken into any other house in this neighborhood he’d have been shot…but I’m always going to try and talk you out of violence if I can.” Let it be known that Nicolas Cage is a man of peace, Fudgesicles, and the best stories in Hollywood.

by (@hallekiefer)

Madonna Goes Ballistic On Hydrangeas Once Again In Bizarre Silent Film

After watching Madonna’s hydrangea spoof video, we started to feel this warm, wonderful sensation spreading through our chests, one that we haven’t felt since A League Of Their Own came out. Is this love…love for Madonna‘s totally-out-of-left-field hilariousness? Made in response to the kerfuffle over Madonna’s hydrangea comments last week at the Venice Film Festival, Madge seems to be make a sweet, albeit odd, apology in this silent noir film she posted to Youtube…until she loses her mind. “It’s a free country! So f— you I like roses!,” Madge rages before stomping on a bouquet of her least favorite flowers. Is there any chance this might actually be documentary footage? This is pretty much how we imagine Madonna spends all of her free time: shouting silently, in sepia tone, while crushing fan presents under her boot.

by (@hallekiefer)

Lars Von Trier Tries To Explain All Those Nazi Comments He Made

You all remember those Lars von Trier Nazi comments that got the Melancholia director banned from the Cannes Film Festival this year? Publicly-made comments such as, “I understand Hitler.” and “He is not what we could call a good guy, but yeah, I understand much about him and I sympathize with him.” Hoo boy. Well, it turns out that it was all a big misunderstanding; Lars was just trying to tell everyone that we’re all, in fact, Nazis. Oh wait…whaaaaaaa?

“There was a point to this whole thing,” Trier told a Berlin audience gathered for a retrospective of his films, defending his offensive Cannes comments. “I think history shows that we are all Nazis somewhere, and there are a lot of things that can be suddenly set free, and the mechanics behind this setting-free is something we really should really investigate, and the way we do not investigate it is to make it a taboo to talk about it.” Von Trier did not explain why history wanted him to bring up Hitler in the middle of a film festival in front of a humiliated Kirsten Dunst, but we’re sure it had an excellent, completely-non-crazy reason.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

The Outlawz Confirm Rumors They Smoked Tupac’s Ashes

We know some of you are still holding out hope that Tupac Shakur might secretly be alive somewhere. If that sentence describes you in any way, you’re probably not going to want to read about how his former group The Outlawz smoked Tupac Shakur’s ashes after his death in 1996. “Yeah, it’s definitely true. I think it was the night of, we had a little memorial for him, with his mom, his family and s–t,” rapper Young Noble told VladTV this week. “And we hit the beach, do a lot of s–t he liked on the beach. Some weed, some chicken wings, he loved orange soda and all that kind of s–t. Pac loved that kind of s–t, so we were giving him our own farewell that night. That night, I forget which one of us came up with that s–t.” Yeah, that sounds like just the kind of party Tupac would have enjoyed: good food, good weather, inhaling the cremains of your friends and loved ones.

The group also explained why, exactly, they mixed their friend’s ashes with marijuana that evening. “I came up with that s–t, if you listen to ‘Black Jesus’ he says last wishes, n—-s smoke my ashes, so that was a request that he had,” band mate E.D.I. confirmed. “Now whether how serious he was about it, we took the s–t serious.” Couldn’t they have listened to “California Love” and had just a crazy awesome party instead?

Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Matthew Fox Detained By Police After Party Bus Brawl

We have to go back to the party bus, Kate! In sad, bizarre news that is not directly related to Katy Perry’s VMAs outfits (do. not. even. get. us. started.), allegedly Lost‘s Matthew Fox punched a party bus driver this past Saturday night in Cleveland. As if vomiting bachelorettes and and blow-up dolls flying out the sunroof weren’t enough of a professional hazard…

Reportedly the World War Z actor attempted to board a party bus in Cleveland driven by Heather Bormann, who informed Fox that, sadly, not every party bus is a Matthew Fox party bus. “He just kept staring at me with his mouth wide open and not saying anything,” Bormann told TMZ, who also indicated that she believed the actor had been drinking. “I told him, ‘You have to leave buddy. You are trespassing on my bus.'” Fox then allegedly “leaned in and started punching my crotch and breast.” The actor was detained by police but was not formally arrested before being released, meaning party bus drivers nation-wide can only stay on their guard…and wait.

by (@hallekiefer)

Simon Cowell Stays Healthy By Freezing His Arm And Shooting Up Vitamins

We know that celebrities all eat flax seed and dried seaweed and breezes blowing only from the west, but eventually they, too, need to step off their whole grain high horse and eat something that isn’t measured in pellets. If Simon Cowell‘s vitamin injection story in GQ is any indication, however, he is not one of those health nuts who are in any way aware of how cray-cray they sound. As The X-Factor creator explains to the magazine, one a week he freezes his arm in ice…some of you are going to want to stop reading this right now.

We told you to stop! Cowell is then treated to a half-hour session with “an intravenous drip with B12, magnesium, vitamin C, and, he says, ‘something for your liver,'” which is the most terrifyingly vague answer imaginable. Explains Cowell, “When you have it done, it’s an incredibly warm feeling. You feel all the vitamins going through you. It’s indescribable but very calming, and then it gives you energy for a good few days afterwards.” Okay…well, we guess not every hippie-dippie-sounding treatment is all bad and oh no, we spoke too soon: “It sounds odd, but when you have it, it is fantastic,” Simon tells GQ, “One girl came down and actually had two orgasms during the treatment.” Either Cowell is straight-up out of his mind, or he is about to make 100 billion dollars on the open market. You’re right; it’s probably both.

by (@hallekiefer)

Nic Cage Pees Fire In Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance Trailer

Guess that answers the question, “How’d it get burned?” Considering that we’ve seen him as a face-swapping crime boss, a weathered car thief and a scraggly-haired witchunter, it shouldn’t be that surprising to see Nic Cage in the Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance trailer as a flame-skulled biker, even if he is letting loose a flamethrowers’ worth of incendiary pee. And frankly, it’s not.

Due out February 17, 2012, the Ghost Rider sequel revisits undead superhero Johnny Blaze, portrayed once again by the man who never saw a paycheck he didn’t like. It’s good to see Cage bringing it in a new movie role, considering that most recent Nicolas Cage news has revolved around both the actor’s arrest for domestic abuse and that of his son Weston Cage. Hey, we loved ever second of Wicker Man; let’s not pretend we won’t all love this too.

by (@hallekiefer)

LiLo Shoots A “Commercial” While Under House Arrest

Does Lindsay Lohan not remember that she used to be in legitimate feature films? Did someone Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind this woman? Even I Know Who Killed Me must have had a sound guy. However, Lindsay Lohan’s commercial for internet auction site is just another sad reminder that the star of Mean Girls is now willing to appear in footage which looks to have been shot on someone’s phone. From 2003. It’s also a particularly painful reminder of Lindsay Lohan’s house arrest. Is anyone really rushing to visit that site knowing that Lohan uses it “during some of my time at home”? All she has is time at home! She literally has no time that is not spent physically in her home.

As if that wasn’t depressing enough, apparently Jackass star Steve-O and Lindsay Lohan used to do drugs together, a fate that for her ankle bracelet goes Lindsay…again.  “I’ve done a lot of drugs with Lindsay (Lohan), but everybody knows that. Lindsay was over at my house one time and she was in my bathroom probably selfishly not sharing drugs,” alleges the Jackass star in his new book Professional Idiot: A Memoir. “But while she was in there, I pulled out my camera and I got this crazy footage. And some time passed and later I go in my bathroom and I find that she left her wallet, so I sent her this text and I said Lindsay, you left your wallet in my bathroom. This was when she was in rehab and she told me to bring it to her. So I meet her in the driveway of this Wonderland Rehab that she’s in and I make her sign a release form of the footage that I have.” Somehow we have a feeling that the cinematography in that video is still better than her latest ad.

by (@hallekiefer)

Company Sells Scraps Of Michael Jackson’s Clothes As Trading Cards

Looks like Joe Jackson isn’t the only person hoping to make some money off of MJ. As if America didn’t have dozens of songs, music videos, TV appearances and ill-advised red leather jackets to remember him by, now Michael Jackson’s clothing will be sold in pieces as part of a new trading card series from Panini America, a memorabilia company that is apparently as bad as coming up with collectibles as they are with coming up with sensible company names.

According to their site, the clothes “were worn by the King of Pop himself from 1971 through 1974 during many memorable performances, including The Flip Wilson Show, American Bandstand, Soul Train, and televised specials anchored by such luminaries as Bob Hope and Diana Ross.” Using words that we ourselves would have used, except to make fun of them, two years ago the company “purchased the history-soaked pieces of sartorial splendor at auction two years ago — and cut them up.” In case you for some reason want to own 1/30 of a polyester suit coat MJ wore for 15 minutes in 1973, the Official Michael Jackson Trading Card Set will be available at Target next week. As to who you would possibly trade these cards with, that’s between you and the other fanatical collectors.

[Photo: Getty Images]