by (@hallekiefer)

James Franco Delivers His Invisible Artwork To The Masses

It looks like we’ve finally reached the point where even James Franco is starting to make fun of James Franco. Think about it: if you were writing, say, an SNL parody of the 127 Hours actor, what might you have him do? If you said, “Exchange nonexistent pieces of art for actual human money,” you might actually be Franco himself. As part of the Musuem of Non-Visible Art (already a bad sign), James will send you works “composed entirely of ideas” to raise money for his project with art team Praxis, which they claim “redefines the concept of what is real.” So, just to reiterate: there is no actual physical art involved, just Franco’s massive cojones.

A few of piece of art currently available include a nonexistent “full-scale steamboat” sculpture, a gigantic room filled with Jell-o and the “visualization of perfect peace.” In case you’re wondering if anyone would actually go in for Franco’s monkeyshines, the project has already managed to earn $11,431 through the group’s Kickstarter page, donations from supporters who apparently have no concept of the value of Earth money. We mean, at least James Franco’s album is going to have music on it. Unless….FRANCOOOOOOOOOOO!


Worst Golden Globes Party Ever


Charmaine Blake is a Hollywood publicist who threw a Golden Globes viewing party last night. You know how they say cream rises to the top? Well, if the cream in this instance is everyone who actually went to the awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, the attendees at Blake’s party were the chunky bits in the bottom of the milk bottle. You know it’s a classy affair when worst dad ever Michael Lohan canoodles happily with worst Nazi stripper ever, Bombshell McGee. Check out all the attendees at this viewing party and cringe that all of these people are “famous” enough to walk a red carpet.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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The Fact That There’s Really A Kim Kardashian MasterCard: Priceless


The Kardashians are nothing if not savvy about how to cash in on their name, and this might be the most heinous example of a Kardashian lending her name to a ridiculous product. The Kardashian Prepaid MasterCard for kids is launching this week. Yes, Kim is shilling a credit card to kids as young as 13 years old who look up to her.* The card will allow parents to monitor their kids’s spending via cellphone and is supposed to teach them how to be fiscally responsible for the money their parents give them.

A rep for Mobile Resource, the company launching the card, explained “Teens do not spend their money as their parents think they do. And, drugs are a huge problem in this country. I give my son a small amount of cash and track his spending on his card.” Ummm, this “rep” makes an awful lot of assumptions about teens, money, and drugs, maybe he needs to have a heart to heart with his son or something. And also remember that a woman famous for making a sex tape and shopping is the face of his product before he starts judging all these bad seeds out there.

We never got an allowance of any kind from our parents, we just asked for $10 when we wanted to go  to the movies. Does that make us super old, super poor, or just respectful of the fact that our parents were not an ATM?

*Wrong for so many reasons.

[Photo: Getty Images]


Out Of The Mouths Of Babe(s): Jessica Alba Doesn’t Need No Stinking Script

Well here’s a quote that’s sure to make screenwriters, no, make that all writers, a little mad. In a recent interview with ELLE Magazine, Jessica Alba said “Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” That’s so cool, we didn’t realize just how many improvised movies and TV shows there were. Wait, WHAT? This has to be wrong, right?

It seems like Alba is saying that great actors who think they’re better than the scripts they’re given just make things up as they go along? And pay no attention to the countless hours that the writers spend editing and rewriting? And also maybe instead of giving out Best Screenplay Oscars, maybe we should give out Best Lines-Made-Up-On-The-Fly Awards? We’d love some clarification on this because, Jessica, we love you, but this is insane.


Justin Bieber Wants To Give You A Mani-Pedi

You’ve seen his doll, you’ve heard about his upcoming 3-D movie, you plan to read his illustrated memoir (or do you?) — now prepare to envelope your finger and toenails in Justin Bieber‘s new nail polish line. Oh yeah, it’s a thing.

The nail polish line is called “One Less Lonely Girl”. Because nothing says “less lonely” like chip-free topcoat. The line is being released just in time for the holidays (guess we know what Jasmine Villegas is getting in her stocking!) and will be available exclusively at Walmart, but will eventually be available at additional chains like Target and Sears.

Wait a sec – this sounds too crazy to be true. We’re on to you, Justin — you’re just preemptively Punking us, aren’t you?

by (@unclegrambo)

Brangelina’s Twins Are Being Taught The Facts Of Life By Mindy Cohn

brangelina-nataliernrnQuick, name Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s most trusted confidante. Is it George Clooney? Julia Roberts? Matt Damon? Now, suppose we threw the name Mindy Cohn at you. Yes, that Mindy Cohn, the one who played Natalie on The Facts Of Life. Not someone you’d think would be besties with Brangelina, right? Wrong!rnrnAccording to a report in this week’s US Magazine, Mindy Cohn has just been revealed as the godmother (!!!) to Brad and Angelina’s two year-old twins, Knox and Vivienne. Apparently she’s tight with James Haven, who you’ll remember as possessing the other pair of lips in The World’s All-Time Most Awkward Kiss Between Siblings™, which is how she got to be in Brangelina’s inner circle. Weirdzies! We’re just going to go ahead and assume that Tootie and Blair were unavailable that day. [Photo Credit: Getty Images, NBC]


Stop Holding Your Breath, The Hootie And The Blowfish Memorial Statue Is Finally Happening!

Guys, all our hard work and grueling campaigning has paid off! We’re finally getting a Hootie statue!!

Seminal(?) ’90’s rock(?) band Hootie And The Blowfish will have a monument erected in their honor in Columbia, S.C. next month. And friends, it is enormous. The black granite sculpture is apparently 20 feet long, 10 feet wide and at least 12 feet tall. We’re talking 2,400 cubic feet of Hootie. It is scheduled to be unveiled on October 21 in the Five Points neighborhood near the University Of South Carolina, which is also where notorious nineteenth century South Carolina gangster Bill the Butcher developed his secret barbecue rub and murdered anyone who got in his way. (Who doesn’t love Gangs Of New York jokes nestled in a Hootie post? Right?)

This makes us think, if Hootie can get a statue, who else from the 90s deserves a permanent tribute? Why haven’t we seen the Semisonic “Closing Time” Shrine? The Candlebox Commemorative Plaque? A literal Temple Of The Dog? We might just have to go on a hunger strike until these ideas come to fruition.


Top 5 WTF Moments From The 2010 VMAs

Our eyes still haven’t quite adjusted after last night’s .

4. We give Lindsay Lohan a ton of credit for gamely making fun of herself during the opening segment of the show with Chelsea Handler by telling Handler, whose alcohol-monitoring anklet/Cheesecake Factory buzzer was set off, “Do you think anyone wants to work with a drunk? Take it from me, they don’t… Wake up Handler! Pull it together!” Every time we think she’s committed career suicide, she manages to win us back over somehow. She’s charming, that Lindsay. We seriously hope she keeps it together.

5. We might be the only ones who caught this (actually, someone else noticed too), but did you see when 30 Seconds To Mars was about to accept their award for Best Rock Video and the microphone girl tried to hand Jared Leo a mike to accept the award and he didn’t take it? Instead, he took one from one of the Jackass guys and, audibly, Microphone Girl, annoyed that her one and only job was rendered futile, said INTO the mike she was still holding “Well, that was retarded.” Way to go, Microphone Girl. Keepin’ it classy. Also, you’re mike is on.

[Photos: Getty Images/]

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Claire Danes Must Really Need The Money

Why else would Claire Danes shill for Latisse eyelash-growing gunk and now Valspar paint? Did her Romeo + Juliet money run out? Did she do Temple Grandin pro bono? What else could possibly explain why Danes, a talented actress who is beautiful and has a seemingly stable head on her shoulders and a solid career, keep selling out like this? For a paint company!? It makes no sense. “I can really get behind a paint that also acts as a primer. I should know. I’m Claire Danes.” Does Hugh Dancy really require this much upkeep?