Today we are saddened to addÃ‚Â Katy Perry the list of famous and gorgeous women John Mayer has allegedly hooked-up with. Seriously, where does this guy find time to make albums? Although happily married now,Ã‚Â things almost turned out very differently for new Mrs. Russell Brand according to E! Online.Ã‚Â A source says that the night before meeting Russell at the 2009 VMAs, Katy was out partying with John at a bar in New York. The pair had apparently been sending flirty texts for weeks.
“They’d never met in person, and she went to meet him there after she was at a Jay-Z concert at Madison Square Garden,” a friend told E! Online. “John thought she was so hot and fun and was into her.They were so flirty and all over each other that night at the bar, they really liked each other. Their personalities just clicked and they were flirting and dancing and it was on.” The two apparently left the bar together, which just happened to be down the street from Mr. Mayer’s apartment. Did he explore her wonderland of a body? Who knows. The flirty texts continued the next day, but then fate intervened when she bumped into VMA’s host Russell Brand. And the rest is history. It’s no wonder Katy and Russell are so deep into marital bliss. If someone rescued us from John Mayer’s clutches, we’d probably put a ring on them, too!
Call it the most perfect PR stunt for Taylor Swift’s (see her hottest outfits) new album, Speak Now. The singer, who is performing live tonight on Vh1.com, was apparently at the Saturday Night Live after-party this weekend on the arm of doe-eyed hunk Jake Gyllenhaal. According to Lainey Gossip, Taylor and Jake showed up together and awkwardly flirted and held hands. What’s more, Taylor introduced Jake to people as “her date,” and they – duh duh duh -Ã‚Â left together. While we haven’t seen photos of the new pair together, it’s entirely plausible this went down. Tay is in town for her performance tonight (and she’s also tight with this weekend’s SNL host Emma Stone) and Jakey is here promoting his new movie, Love and Other Drugs. We love that sweet, sweet circumstantial evidence!
But what makes this story wonderfully scandalous and awkward is that John Mayer was at the same party on Saturday (see pic of him arriving, above). We’ve now listened to Taylor’s song “Dear John” 10+ times, and it’s a pretty scathing take-down of the 32-year-old horndog. Did Taylor have an uncomfortable run-in with her “expert at sorry”? Did Jake protectively fend off Mayer and his hockey hair from his new woman? Or did they all just peacefully co-exist in the same room like mature adults?
[Photos: , GettyImages, Splash News Online]
Yes, we’ve heard about Taylor Swift‘s new song “Dear John,” read the lyrics and devoured web coverage of the sappy, whiny heartbreak jam. The song title and lyrics, combined with this quote in which Taylor describes the targets of her new songs as “very clear,” has lead the world to believe that “Dear John” is indeed about Mr. Sexual Napalm himself. Here’s part of the “Dear John” chorus for you to ponder:
I see it all now that you’re gone
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
I should’ve known.
It was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played
By your dark, twisted games
When I loved you so.
My mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors
Who don’t understand
And I’ll look back in regret
I ignored what they said ‘Run as fast as you can.”
But we don’t want to jump to conclusions and point fingers at Mayer without exploring other possible scenarios behind Taylor’s latest lovesick song. Let’s review some other options, shall we?
1. John, 32, performed the booty call version of a dine and ditch on 19-year-old Taylor and she wrote a song calling him out on it.
What this means: John is gross for banging a kid 13 years his junior, Taylor is gross for banging a guy gross enough to bang a girl 13 years his junior, Mama Swift was aware of the whole thing.
Clues: The song title, rumors the pair got a little too close last spring, and the fact that TSwift’s songs are painfully literal. (She has a song on her new album called “Mean,” about…someone who was mean to her. Genius.)
Bwah ha ha ha ha. There, that felt good. Yes, t’was our reaction to John Mayer‘s declaration that he closed his Twitter account to focus on creating “lasting art.” Blogs music’s most entitled bard, “no artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable.”
He adds, “Those who decide to remain offline will make better work than those online. Why? Because great ideas have to gather.” Fair enough. But isn’t it somewhat hilarious that Johnny made this declaration on his Tumblr blog, yet another social media site? He may have quit Twitter, but he’s still stuck in the social media trenches. Dare we suggest that blogging, such as John is wont to do, takes up even more of the precious time he could spend on the creation of masterpieces like “Your Body is a Wonderland?” Clearly one can only pen brilliant lyrics like, “Girls become lovers who turn into mothers” when closed off from all digital communication. So shouldn’t he shut down completely?
Not. Again. We recently gave John Mayer a pass for ripping the Huffington Post over a story about his alleged reunion with Jen, but that one Hail Mary does not wipe out his multitude of sins. Apparently his sexual napalm is still exploding, and one person who seemingly can’t get enough of it is Jennifer Aniston. These two have broken up like what… twice, already?
So question is, did he finally figure out that she’s “the Joshua Tree of vaginas”? Because they are allegedly back together again (hold your horses). Now John said HuffPo was “full of sh*t” for writing that John and Jen were back together, but RadarOnline is also now reporting that Jen hung out at John’s show last Wednesday in Atlanta, where she’s filming Wanderlust. A source reported, “She looked gorgeous and seemed to be really enjoying herself. She and John laughed a lot.”
Why does her lust keep wandering to where Johnnie is? Right, they’re just hanging out. Just friends. Happen to be in the same city… yadayadayadayada. Props to her for looking gorgeous in work out clothes and a baseball cap, because that’s what she was wearing at the show. Looks like her body really is a wonderland! Yes, we actually said that.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Looks like Anna Paquin‘s PSA has opened some doors, because now, singer Vanessa Carlton has also come out as bisexual. While Paquin’s fiance, True Blood’s Stephen Moyer has spoken and stood up for his Sookie, Carlton’s romantic history hasn’t really been reported. She apparently dated John Mayer back in 2002 but Mayer’s various girlfriends tend to be a blur to us. There’s only so much sexual napalm we can stand.
Carlton headlined Nashville Pride, which attracted 18,000 plus visitors, and announced, ” I am a proud bisexual woman.” Nicely done!
[Photo: Getty Images]
It’s only fitting that John Mayer, one of the first high-profile celebrity Twitterers, would be one of the first to decide its time has passed. “I just think twitter as a form of communication, I think it’s over to be honest with you,” he recently explained at an ASCAP conference. “I would rather see twitter be a cork board of links to other more important things, because it’s really sort of flawed from the beginning. I can’t tell you how many times I meet people or I’m having dinner with people who write stuff and they get upset they have haters now, like, `Why do I want to invent more reasons to have haters?’”
Why, indeed. Mayer has certainly learned his lesson the hard way, having blamed his break with Jennifer Aniston on his love for social networking. But with Mayer’s last tweet dropping a full week ago (and that was just to retweet Jim Carrey), it looks like Mayer may be getting over his addiction. “I might as well spend that time making a sandwich or building a model ship or something. My challenge going forward is to basically disregard the need, the obsessive need for external validation.” Big words coming from a guy on stage. But does he have a point or is he just blaming the device for his own big mouth?
[Photo: Getty Images]
We assumed that, given the very dirty details John Mayer revealed about Jessica Simpson she would be angry. (You remember, it went something like “Sexually, it was crazy. It was like. . .sexual napalm.”) We figured she, being a wholesome girl who saved herself for Nick Lachey all those years ago, would lash out, maybe deliver some kind of public reprimand and come out a sympathetic winner in this whole mess. Turns out, a reprimand isn’t necessary, Jessica is getting her revenge another way.
In her interview with Oprah Winfrey, set to air today, Simpson explained that she was definitely upset by Mayer’s comments saying “I’m a little bit angry. I guess I could have been a lot worse.” (Uh, how much worse?) However, Simpson is actually reaping some benefits from what was said about her too, telling Opes that as far as her dating life is concerned “My phone is ringing off the hook, I have to say.” Funny, we were pitying her this whole time and never even considered the up side. Work that napalm, Jess! [Photo: Getty Images]
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Oh, John Mayer. We know you’re trying to make amends with the world now, but really, you need to be quiet for like five seconds because you’re too easy a target right now.
Last night at a show at New York’s Madison Square Garden, Mayer managed to pinch out a thank you to his fans, telling the crowd “I hate to come off like an a**hole ever, and thank you guys for believing that I am not an a**hole. Never, ever in my entire life did I ever think that it would be a good idea to be an a**hole. But you know what? There’s plenty of a**holes who think the same thing, so I have to thank you… It’s a clean me now, people, clean me.” See, what we got from that was “Clean me now, people. I hate to come off. A**hole!” Granted, we’re doing a little word scramble but if you glance at the quote reallyreallyfast, you’ll see it too.
This is a man who claims to have a decent sense of humor, how could he not realize that those of us with juvenile minds would get a decent chuckle out of that? [Photo: Getty Images]
Suggesting rock may well be dead, the red carpet at last night’s NME Awards was filled with zombified corpses, trudging past the cameras in the clothes they were buried in. While comedian Noel Fielding put the most effort into his ghoulish appearance (we always wondered what the vampire son of Keith Moon and Groucho Marx would look like), the award for Zombie Prom queen still has to go to Courtney Love, whose Twitter is putting Tila Tequila‘s to shame thanks to incoherent missives to fellow NME attendees Ke$ha, Lily Allen and Slash, alleged friend Katy Perry (run, girl!), and a long rumination about “hatef—ing” John Mayer. Hope you like your sexting sloppy!
do you ever feel like spite hate f—ing @ just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !/but like say your f—ing @ totally throwing him around the room in bits and then you just BAM punch him in the face? good times/ oh dudes Mayers a little bland for me and youngish ill do young, but hes neither Yale Harvard Oxford and hes not really rock, so not for me/ hate f—ing is an art like “the pit” meaning you rape each other and then beat the s— our of each other so u can feel s—/ gentle “lovemaking” isnt really great for a grat tuetonic queen who likes to dominate and everyonece in a blue moon allows some dominance
Mayer has so far shown impressive restraint, only sharing classy black-and-white photos and brief variations on “great show, (town I just played!)” with his online followers. But you ignoring this must be a struggle.
See what Ke$ha, Allen, Agyness Deyn and others wore to the NME’s zombie jamboree in the gallery below.
[Photo: Getty Images]