Cougar-bait and occasional recording artist John Mayer is teaming up with CBS to develop a variety show, expected to air as soon as early 2009. Mayer is planning on pairing his love of adult-contemporary music and stand-up comedy (has there ever been a more terrifying combination?) to create a weekly show.
Praise be! The Cassanova of Adult-Contemporary Music has returned to his beloved blog, and he’s addressing all the questions and concerns you’ve had in his absence. That’s right! Yesterday, John Mayer returned to the blogging fold in order to make us aware of his whereabouts (which we pretty much knew about from UsWeekly) and his side project (code name: Jennifer Aniston?).
Seems John-Boy has tired of playing games with the paparazzi for his own personal gain, and from here on out is going to be laying low, “[concentrating] on keeping my heart and soul correct and then redecorat[ing] around it.” More important than anything though, Mayer is happy — and who wouldn’t be? Being hounded by the same paparazzi you invited into your life sounds great, and who could overlook the career joys of being a tabloid staple first, and a musician second?
The investigative reporters over at Star magazine refuse to believe that Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant. Her rep ‘s adamant denial of the rumors has only fueled their rumor mongering, and now the mag is insisting the America’s favorite Friend is knocked up with twins. Ohhh, how Angelina-esque of her! According to Star, Jen is eagerly downing fertility drugs, desperately trying to get John Mayer babies inside of her tiny wonderland of a body before she turns 40. She’s even supposedly engaged in “alternative medicine” to up her chances of popping out twins. A friend blabs, “Jen has also changed her diet. She’s taking a lot of folic acid and has upped her intake of milk and beef — all of which are supposed to increase your chances of having twins.”
The fact that Jen’s slim phsyique remains intact despite these alleged twins growing inside of her, leads us to wonder where they might be hiding. Could she be carrying them in her ass? Under her perfectly highlighted, honey mane? Or do they live only in the imaginations of Star reporters? [Photo: WireImage]
Wooo! Fight, fight! Pink has laid into Mr. Sex Recycling himself, John Mayer, after they had a row at a party. Apparently, John-boy reckons his conquests are a bit thick upstairs — indirectly dissing Jennifer Aniston in the intelligence stakes — and told Pink so. Which she didn’t take very kindly to, as you’d imagine.
“I got into an argument with him … He said something along the lines of ‘I only shag really stupid women.’ And I said, ‘I guess they would have to be.’ I don’t get him at all,” she told The Sun.
Touche, Alecia. Sigh. Poor Jen (again).
[Photos: Getty Images, WireImage]
Looks like we can probably put that rumor about Jennifer Aniston being engaged to John Mayer to rest — Janiston may be no more if Gerard Butler has anything to say about it.
According to Page Six, Aniston was seen out with Gerard Butler at Los Angeles’ Tower Bar just days after she’d allegedly gotten engaged to noted tomcat John Mayer. You’ll recall this isn’t the first time Jenny’s been spotted with the British actor — the two were cozy at last month’s Toronto Film Festival, and more recently, Gerard was spotted with serial MySpace updater Shanna Moakler.
“They were very affectionate to each other,” a source told the publication, who also mentioned that the pair were dining with another man in the hopes of throwing everyone off the trail of the romantic dinner. Which totally worked.
The following is an open letter to Jennifer Aniston:
Hello, beautiful and classy lady who is not yet our friend but should be! How’s it hangin’ out in sunny Los Angeles? Seen any good movies lately? We were completely mesmerized by Changeling. Does that have Oscar written all over it, or what?! Yeah, neither have we. We’re more into syndicated reruns of hit sitcoms from the 90′s instead.
So listen, the real reason we’re writing is because we heard you recently told John Mayer that he must either pick his blog or you, and we are devastated by this ultimatum. We know you’re obsessed with your privacy and all, but that’s still not the Jen we know! You’re so relaxed and chill from all that yoga and botox; this seems like something a desperate, insecure, infantile woman with six kids, a billion tattoos and an Academy Award would pull! More importantly, we love John’s blog. Even though he’s only posted once since July (is this your doing, Jenny?), we’d be lost without his Blackberry fan boy photos and his gushing posts about Pete Wentz. Don’t take that away from us. We can’t subsist on Katy Perry‘s blog alone.
Come on Jen! Be the hip, secure, rational divorcee we know you to be!
We do! We do! The Jennifer Aniston pregnancy story shows no sign of slowing down, which means it’s time for us to all jump on board and assume it’s true. Currently, these pics are floating around the web that apparently show a little baby bump blooming out of Jen’s rock hard abs. Could it be a tiny Mayer growing inside her, or is she just constipated from eating steamed salmon and spinach at every meal?
In other crazy Aniston news, Star magazine is alleging that Jen proposed to on-again boyfriend John Mayer, Britney Spears style. An insider spilled that, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed.” Would Jen really be that desperate? Only those super close to her – uh, like her unborn baby – know for sure. If any or all of this is true, we fear for our ears – John will surely go on the sappiest songwriting binge ever with a knocked up wife and a baby on the way. [Photos: WireImage, FilmMagic]
How’s that for timing?! Just as Jennifer Aniston got back together with John Mayer to celebrate his birthday in Los Angeles last night, her nemesis, husband-stealer Angelina Jolie, spoke out in an interview about falling in love with Brad Pitt while he was married. “Not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love,” she told the NY Times, referring to her kids one day watching their flick Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Nice try Angie! You get that subtle dig right in there, just enough to let Jen know that yes, you were totally banging her husband in your trailer – or at least seducing him with sexy pillow talk about fatherhood – while she was at home polishing her wedding band. Well she’s nailing a dude 8 years younger than her these days, do you really think she cares? [Photo: GettyImages]
Or maybe it’s the other way around? How can we be sure John Mayer‘s the player in this relationship? The couple reunited for a quick hello n’ fuck session in New York City this weekend, and ended up flying back to Los Angeles together, where they “were very lovey-dovey, reported a National Enquirer spy. “They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly.”
Some may say this means Jen is desperate, hurting to get married, just wants a baby, blah blah blah. We believe otherwise – our girl has every right to hate f*ck whoever she wants! If Mayer’s sensitive emails turn her on, then more power to her. And besides, she may not be knocked up with a child, but at least she’s boning one. [Photo: WireImage]
We were just listening to the Howard Stern show this morning, and guest Perez Hilton was on dishing the dirt with Howard and his clan. The most interesting tidbit? Perez alleges that John Mayer supposedly was very into anal sex with Jessica Simpson (Perez revealed he got this info from her girlfriend), and that Mayer also is apparently down with some super kinky stuff. Let’s just say if you like water sports, urine luck! This is all just according to Perez, of course, so take it with a grain or two of salt. But we gotta wonder – if this is what Mayer might be into, what does that say about our golden girl Jennifer Aniston? [Photo: WireImage]