by (@sllambe)

13 Things That Should Have Sucked In 2013 But Didn’t

thingsthatdidntsuck

As we look back on 2013, it’s easy to round up the best and worst of XYZ. But what about those things that surprised us? It’s so easy to make a snap judgement on a TV show or album before anyone has had a chance to watch or hear it. The same goes for everything on this list. From the onset, things like Pacific Rim and Sound of Music Live, sounded like awful ideas but the execution, the spectacle, even the live-tweeting somehow made it better. It turns out these things weren’t such disasters after all. In fact, they were the biggest surprises of 2013.

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by (@emilyexton)

Don Jon, James Deen, 50 Shades Of Grey And More: The Year In Sex

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As we look back on the year that was, we can’t ignore the moments that made us blush. Sex has been a thing since the start of mankind (sorry Mary and Joseph), but sex in pop culture exploded in 2013. And it wasn’t just the so-called implications of Miley Cyrus twerking. Read more…

by (@missmuttoo)

Did The Notebook Really Get R. Kelly To Divorce His Wife?

R. Kelly Blames "The Notebook" For His Divorce

How could a movie like The Notebook end a marriage? It goes against the very grain of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams‘ very existence in the film. We won’t have any of it. Not listening. Our hands are on our ears at this very moment. But R. Kelly is on a roll and won’t let us be! He’s distressing us with all this talk that the movie was responsible for his marriage to Andrea Kelly dissolving, back in 2009. We kid you not. It’s all in his new book “Soulacoaster. ” May we just repeat that name for you, because it’s really that unbelievable — Soulacoaster. Hello, attack of the giggles!

Basically, he felt that his 12-year-old marriage couldn’t ever compare to the epic romance that is at the center of The Notebook. He writes, “As the film credits started to roll, I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. People walking past me patted me on the back, trying to console me. ‘The Notebook’ was beautiful, and I was crying because its hero and heroine had died together. But I was also crying because I remembered a Valentine’s Day — when a helicopter dropped a rainfall of roses — that had come and gone … My marriage had died. And there was nothing I could do to bring it back.” Ai yi yi. That’s a bit much, isn’t it? His ex, Andrea, agrees with us, telling TMZ, “[The movie] came out in 2004 and we saw it together.  Our divorce wasn’t finalized until 2009 so it’s impossible that the movie could have been the reason for our relationship ending. We had been separated for 6 years at that point! The movie definitely did not end our relationship!” Heard that, R. Kelly? Don’t come up in here and blame The Gosling for your business!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

R. Kelly Has 32 New Chapters Of “Trapped In The Closet” Ready To Go

We all kind of suspected this but…R. Kelly really is some kind of insane musical genius, isn’t he? According to comments the singer made to TMZ this week, R. Kelly‘s epic hip hopera “Trapped In The Closet” has another 32 chapters, which will undoubtedly blow our collective mind. 32 might seem like a lot to add to such a masterpiece (particularly when the whole thing is made entirely out of the same 8 seconds of melody repeated forever), but keep in mind that the 2007 epic already contains 22 chapters. We’d say this is Kelly’s magnum opus, but then again, he also wrote “Sex Planet.” We’ll leave it for history to decide.

Anyone who recalls R.’s magnificent one-man performance of the song during the 2005 VMAs is undoubtedly waiting with baited breath to see how each of his characters will deal with their sexually-transmitted “Package.” Kelly told TMZ he’s hoping to record the additions to the already marathon-length tune, “but it costs a lot of money to do … so we’re actually looking for investors.” The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation needs to get on this immediately. If not for R., then do it for Bridget. And that midget. Midget! Midget! Midget!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Serenades You With A Little R. Kelly

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is your boyfriend. Okay, not in reality, nor even in semi-reality like Scarlett Johansson (allegedly), but you do think the 50/50 star is adorable. Willing-to-sit-through-Premium-Rush adorable, which is something. The only question remaining: is it more adorable to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt sing in French, or to hear him serenade you with R. Kelly‘s “Ignition(Remix),” which he covered while visiting OSU recently. Take some time and consider it. Forget all that other stuff that comes to mind when you think about R. Kelly. Focus on the smoothness of the jams, and the adorableness of JGL. The answer will come to you.

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by (@hallekiefer)

R. Kelly Rushed To Hospital For Emergency Throat Surgery

Despite what you might have immediately assumed, R. Kelly’s emergency hospital visit for throat surgery was not the result of “too much smoothness” building up in his esophagus. Apparently that’s not even “medically possible,” at least according to Western medicine. As clarified in a statement from the singer’s representation earlier today, the “Ignition (Remix)” singer is recovering in a Chicago hospital after having an abcess drained on his tonsils. Ugh. That’s even more disturbing than the lyrics to “Sex Planet.”

Kelly had reportedly been complaining of throat pain earlier this week, only to be rushed into surgery following a throat exam. While his rep says that Kelly is “laid up indefinitely,” we sincerely hope he recovers quickly. The longer he’s on bed rest, the more new “Trapped In The Closet” chapters are going to start piling up in his nightstand. And the world is just not ready for more.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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R. Kelly’s Seriously Creepy Pick Up Lines

r-kelly

He’s been plagued by sex-scandals for years, so you’d think that R. Kelly would work on getting some subtle chat-up lines for when he wants to hit on some unsuspecting lady. But judging from his reported behavior in London, we’re a little bit freaked. At the city’s Mo*vida club, he allegedly tried it on with a girl by pulling her hair and saying , “Do you like that? It’s pain, but it’s good pain, isn’t it?”

Um, no. It’s scary.  His other words weren’t much better, instead dripping with finest low-grade cheese: “Come back with me to my hotel. It’s only seven minutes away. I haven’t invited anybody else back. Well… maybe one or two girls… I want to make you feel good, like you never have before. I’m for real.” What girl wouldn’t be seduced by those romantic words? Oh, we’ve just been a little bit sick in our mouths. [Photo: Getty Images]

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Wayna Goes Down

In the annals of crimes levied against R&B singers (we’re thinking R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Michael Jackson and Lisa “Burn-the-House-Down” Lopes), attempting to board a flight with a 24-inch collapsible police baton doesn’t seem too memorable. Especially when said baton is used only as a stage prop while performing songs about police brutality.

But it’s notable that Wayna (real name: Woyneab Miraf Wondwossen), who was nominated at the 2009 Grammys for Best Urban/Alternative Performance, thought she could get away with sneaking a lethal weapon on a plan at a Houston airport today. These days, we fret over our shampoo bottles possibly containing more liquid than is allotted by airline regulations. Oh celebrities. Stay entitled. Stay entertaining. Charged with possession of a prohibited weapon, Wayna posted a $5,000 bond and is out of jail. [Photo: WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

R. Kelly Is Single And Ready To Mingle

Finally! R. Kelly, singer, songwriter, and alleged pedophile, has divorced his wife of 11 years. This is the first we’ve ever heard of Kelly having a wife, but apparently his ex’s name is Andrea and they have three kids together. The couple will share joint custody of their children, daughters Jaya and Joann, and son Robert Jr. We sure hope their dad wasn’t responsible for potty training them!

Acquitted of child porn charges last year, R. Kelly was married once before, to then 15-year-old Aaliyah, in 1995. Their marriage was annulled after five months cuz, ya know, she was a kid. [Photo: GettyImages]

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Birth Dating: Who’s Older? Jason Giambi Or R. Kelly?

In 2002, former American League MVP Jason Giambi left the Oakland A’s for the NY Yankees. That same year, multi-platinum R&B star R. Kelly was indicted on 21 counts of having intercourse with a minor. In 2008, Giambi signed a deal to return to the A’s and Kelly was found not guilty of all charges. Both men were born on January 8th. Click on the photo to find out who’s older.

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