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Letterman and O’Reilly Have Old Man Argument, No One Wins

David Letterman seems to get more cranky as the years go by and the comedy that results is nothing short of brilliant. If you’ve ever seen him deal with Spencer Pratt, you’d know he has no patience for self-important, unfunny people and the fact that he can cut people like Spencer down to size while making him laugh is amazing to watch. Last night Letterman had Bill O’Reilly on his show and Letterman had a hard time making O’Reilly laugh at anything, but their battle of wits was fascinating to watch because both men don’t back down off of anything.

When O’Reilly has been on the show in the past, Dave has said things like “60% of what you say is crap,” so it was no surprise that as soon as O’Reilly got to talking, Dave told him “I think of you as a goon” (watch here), and later Dave deadpanned “Yeahhh, you’re not that entertaining.” The guys discussed Rush Limbaugh’s success, with Letterman taking jabs at Limbaugh’s drug use and weight before O’Reilly, sick of having the conversation focused on someone besides himself, said, “Do you really think it’s nice to do that to Limbaugh? Why cheap shot the guy?” Our head almost exploded watching O’Reilly chastise someone for taking a cheap shot. We managed to sit through the whole thing (including O’Reilly actually wagging his finger at the audience and half-jokingly yelling at Dave to “let me finish!”) and we came out feeling kind of icky. Please Dave, have Amy Sedaris in a poofy dress on soon to wash the badness away! [Source: The Late Show]

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#80: Bill O’Reilly Loves Vibrators, Phone Sex

In October of 2004, conservative Fox News host Bill O’Reilly was sued for sexual harassment by Fox News producer Andrea Mackris. According to Mackris and her attorneys, O’Reilly’s abusive conduct included talk of vibrators, phone sex, a ménage a trois, the size of “not-so-little-Bill,” vivid sexual fantasies involving hot falafel-on-vagina action, and how the guy that runs Fox News was going to have Al Franken assassinated.

According to the lawsuit, on at least one occasion, O’Reilly used the vibrator on himself while on the phone with Mackris. It doesn’t say how exactly he used the vibrator on himself, but putting it in his butt and/or fellating it are not explicitly ruled out in the filing.

Much of the abuse detailed in the lawsuit allegedly happened after Mackris returned to Fox News after a brief stint at CNN. Mackris and her attorney never admitted to having taped any of these conversations, but based on the detail contained in the lawsuit, Fox most likely believed O’Reilly had been caught in the act. It’s doubtful that the following passage where O’Reilly gets a loufa confused with a falafel could have been made up:

“So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda’ kissing your neck from behind … and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d put it on your p*ssy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business…”

O’Reilly eventually settled out of court, agreeing to drop his own extortion suit (which was actually filed first) against Mackris and her attorneys. O’Reilly never admitted guilt and never apologized.