by (@hallekiefer)

Dane Cook Apologized For Dark Knight Shooting Joke, Should Have Learned From His Fellow Comics

Dane Cook Jokes About Dark Knight Rises Shooting

Read the room, dude! One week after the Dark Knight Rises shooting killed 12 movie goers in Aurora, Colorado, Dane Cook took the stage at L.A.’s Laugh Factory and joked, “I know that if none of that would have happened, pretty sure that somebody in that theater, about 25 minutes in, realizing it was a piece of crap, was probably like ‘ugh f—ing shoot me.’” Regardless of whether his bit even made sense (everyone liked The Dark Knight Rises, didn’t they?), Cook eventually realized his mistake, tweeting today: “I made a bad judgment call with my material last night & regret making a joke at such a sensitive time. My heart goes out to all of the families & friends of the victims.” We can’t say we’re surprised, either that Dane Cook would make a shooting joke or that he apologized for it. You think he would have learned from his fellow comedians who had to deal with a “too much/too soon” backlash to their material:

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Celeb Celtics Fans Bummed As Lakers Take It To Game 7

Peaches, Eli, Maria and Dane

While your Leos and your Jacks were certainly happy to see the Lakers tie up the NBA Championship series against the Celtics, you have to feel sorry for the celebs who risked ridicule by showing their Boston pride at the Staples Center in LA last night. Just looking at Eli Roth‘s face tells us how frustrating the pummeling must have been, and just looking at Peaches Geldof tells us how confusing she must have found the game. Ah well, at least the loss kept Dane Cook from preening. See photos of all these celebs, Christina Aguilera, Michelle Obama and many, many more in the gallery below. Think they’ll all show up for the final match-up Thursday?

[Photos: Getty Images]

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Your Next American Idol Is…

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It’s pretty awesome that a bunch of kids who auditioned for a reality show eight months ago got to share the stage with people like Janet Jackson (Miss Jackson if you’re nasty!), Chicago, Joe Cocker, and Hall and Oates tonight. Janet Jackson! I mean!

In addition to all the special guests on the American Idol finale, there was a winner, and his name is Lee DeWyze. Okay, if you didn’t feel happy for the guy as he cried his way through “Beautiful Day”, you have a heart filled with poo. It became pretty obvious from the way Lee nervously handled his microphone in the moments leading up to his coronation that he really wanted this. We still have total confidence that Crystal Bowersox will have a killer career, but there’s only one winner, and – God, all his crying! It was touching. Suck it, paint store!  We did enjoy the rest of the show more than we’ve probably enjoyed most other episodes of Idol, for our rundown of all the special surprises, read on.

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Studs Line Up To Play Captain America

Captain America, Channing Tatum, Ryan Phillippe, Chace Crawford, Dane Cook

With Ryan Reynolds and Chris Hemsworth likely to get a career boost from playing the respective titular superheroes in Green Lantern and Thor (though, as Brandon “Superman” Routh and Gabriel “The Spirit” Macht can attest, there’s no guarantee it will work), every aspiring hunk in Hollywood seems to be fighting for the chance to play World War II’s most powerful patriot in 2011′s The First Avenger: Captain America.

Though early buzz boys Matthew McConaughey and John Krasinski are presumed out of the running (were they ever really in?), there are plenty of studs left to consider. Everyone from Chace Crawford to Chris Evans to Dane Cook has reportedly auditioned, with Channing Tatum and Ryan Phillippe most recently thrown into the mix. Since Cap is scheduled to be found frozen in ice by Iron Man, the Hulk and Thor in Marvel’s 2012 superhero pile-up The Avengers, scoring this gig could set a young star up for life. Scope out all the would-bes in our super-gallery below.

[Photos: Marvel Comics/Getty Images]

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Dane Cook’s Half Brother Stole Millions From Him

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This is not funny! Comedian Dane Cook has reportedly been cheated out of millions of dollars by his half brother and former manager Darryl McCauley.

“It’s a terrible betrayal,” Dane said of the allegations that Darryl swiped his money and put it in his own bank account, while being paid $12,500 per month to work as his business manager.

Dane said he and his half brother worked together for several years until one day he “…woke up … and a lot of stuff was missing. There is a good chunk of money that is certainly not accounted for. That’s all I can say about it at this point,” he said.

Darryl is currently in jail awaiting a pre-trial conference. [Source: Us Magazine; Photo: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Dane Cook’s Brother/Manager Steals His Millions

In a feat we once thought to be impossible, someone has proven to be a bigger douchebag than Dane Cook! Of course it’s a person directly related to the unfunny, big-mouthed, Boston comedian – his brother. Darryl McCauley, the 43-year-old half-brother of the star, was arrested for larceny and forgery yesterday, and is accused of stealing millions from his baby bro while serving as his manager. How’s that for a shocker?

McCauley has been managing Cook since the 90s, but apparently began hoarding millions of the comedian’s cash back in 2007, when he started transferring it into personal accounts. He once even forged a $3 million check from his bro to himself, sticking it in his own bank account, right under Dane’s nose. Cook and McCauley are apparently extremely close, which only makes the situation more depressing and bizarre – kinda like Cook’s own asinine brand of comedy. [Boston Globe. Photo: Getty Images]

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Dane Cook Gives Up Old Apartment, Belushi’s Ghost

Dane Cook has abandoned an attempt to keep his apartment of ten years, despite moaning that the pad, once rented by John Belushi and Steve Martin, is his creative muse as well as the place he keeps a dog that no one cleans up after. According to TMZ, Cook will still pay a couple tens of Gs in shit-related damages despite losing his claim. Softening the blow is the fact that Dane Cook still owns a home worth $7 million. “The new place is perfect,” said Dane’s dog, “perfect…for me to poop on!”

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Dane Cook Begs To Keep Belushi-Haunted Apartment After Dog Doo Drama

You’ve just been given an eviction notice for not picking up your dog’s shit: how do you argue for a second chance? If you’re Dane Cook, you claim that your success depends on living in—and being inspired by—the space once rented by John Belushi and Steven Martin. You see, if you remove Dane Cook and his shit-spraying pooch from his apartment of the last ten years, his career will crumble.

From his petition (via TMZ):

The extreme hardship I will suffer [if evicted] is not directly financial; it is instead emotional and mental…John Belushi and Steve Martin are former tenants of the premises in which I have lived for the last 10 years; I especially wanted to live in this unit for exactly that reason…after moving into that unit, I felt a creative drive that I have never felt before…I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration.

Comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories’; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment.

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