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American Idol: Big Lights (And Alicia Keys) Will Inspire You

American Idol sought to inspire us with a night of Alicia Keys (who, we assume, was chosen for this particular theme because she herself has inspired legions of young folks to move to New York’s concrete jungle, hoping to be made brand new). It was maybe one of the weaker themes the Idol hopefuls have had to choose from because when the song choices veer toward “official Bill Clinton campaign theme”, as Casey James’ “Don’t Stop” did, it got a little hokey. Fortunately, despite the cheeseball aspect of some of the songs, everyone was eager to share how their songs inspired them. For instance, Siobhan Magnus‘s version of “When You Believe” inspired her to give the world’s most long-winded Idol interview ever.

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American Idol: Straight Up, Andrew And Katie Got Booted

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Oh, sorry, did someone get kicked off of American Idol? We were so distracted by Casey JamesAniston-esque hair that we failed to notice anything else during the episode. Except for when we noticed Justin Gaston’s “Antonio Banderas-circa-El Mariachi” hair. And then there was Tim Urban’s Bieber-iffic ‘do. It was quite the hair show, for real. Coiffes aside, there were two contestants booted off last night, and the results weren’t surprising.

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American Idol: The Judges’ Save Rides Again

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Hey, you know what’s awesome? When American Idol goes over by two minutes and you don’t get to hear the judges tell a contestant who just “sang for his life” whether or not he earned the Judges’ Save. Did this happen to anyone else? By now we know that despite Michael Lynche (of that favorite family singing group The Lynche Mob) being the lowest-vote-getter, the judges unanimously voted to keep him on for another week. Ironically, just before the show, we said that the top performers this season that we expected to make it furthest were Lynche, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James, so we were shocked to see Michael at the bottom (there must be some real “Eleanor Rigby” purists in America after all).
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American Idol: Lennon And McCartney And Cowell

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“Certain songs shouldn’t be changed.” So sayeth Simon Cowell, referring to the perfect pop created by John Lennon and Paul McCartney that the remaining Idol Nine had to undertake last night. And really, when you hand perfection over to not entirely capable singers, it could easily end up being a train wreck. Fortunately, there were just a couple of small missteps, no one butchered the music too badly, which was a relief. And Tim Urban didn’t suck that hard. Say whaaa?
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American Idol: This Is What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted

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Apologies to our readers – we wear our age on our sleeve because we said that the American Idol musical guest on Wednesday would be Diddy. We had no idea it would actually be Diddy-Dirty Money. There is, apparently, a difference. That difference is two additional women, an all-white costume closet, and strobe lights. In addition to DDM, we also got treated to an Auto-Tuned performance by Usher and a svelter-than-ever Ruben Studdard. Let’s hope that if the Idol hopefuls this season take a cue from anyone gracing the stage, it’s Ruben – he still sounds great and he and Clay Aiken are hitting the road together this summer! Frenemies: The Tour! Of course that was all filler, what we were waiting for was the moment when Didi Benami (a.k.a. C&C Music and Tear Factory) got kicked off. Now where will we get our fix of unprokoved weeping?
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American Idol: Ushering In The R&B

R&B night on American Idol meant Usher in sunglasses, some blah performances, some comebacks, and a fascinating backstage-cam that caught some awkward post-performance moments.  In general, no one did as we would have expected last night. Except Tim Urban. It’s just a universally agreed-upon fact at this point that he is the cockroach of this season,  managing to survive the nuclear blast that is Simon Cowell. And, awesomely, Simon told Tim to his face that somehow, no matter how bad he does, he’ll probably coast for weeks. More clips and assessments after the jump. Read more…

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American Idol: Miles To Go

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No surprises here, the bottom two contestants on American Idol on Wednesday were Paige Miles and Tim Urban. Tim seriously has some kind of angel looking out for him because there’s no other explanation for how he keeps squeaking by, ultimately he was safe and it was Paige who was booted from Season Nine and thus, from the Idol Summer Tour. Simon Cowell told her even before she “sang for her life” that there was no way they would use the Judges’ Save on her, at which point we really hoped they’d spare us from hearing her sing one last time. No such luck.

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American Idol: It’s Miley!

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Now this is what American Idol was made for – major suckage. There were so many bad performances that this show made dear Lacey Brown’s departure actually look like an error in judgment. The judges were so disappointed in so many of the performances that we’re just going to let them speak for us and write our performance reviews Zagat-style, because there are a lot of good quotes we don’t want to leave out. Miley Cyrus was on board to be the “mentor” for the show’s Billboard #1’s theme and her advice to the contestants was about as enlightening as her lyrics.
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American Idol: Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

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Two things: Number one, can there just be a moratorium on all things Kesha? Every writer forced to type her name already refuses to add the dollar sign out of spite, so can we also just agree, as a nation, that she’s awful and shouldn’t be allowed to sing anymore too? And also, who is this Orianthi person and why was she a performer on American Idol last night? Forgive us if she’s super famous and we’re one “Get off my lawn!” away from  being completely ancient and obsolete, but we have never heard of her and weren’t impressed by either performance on last night’s results show.

In other Idol news, we did find out who the first person to get kicked off was, and for once this year, the bottom three was dead on.
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