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American Idol: Lennon And McCartney And Cowell

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“Certain songs shouldn’t be changed.” So sayeth Simon Cowell, referring to the perfect pop created by John Lennon and Paul McCartney that the remaining Idol Nine had to undertake last night. And really, when you hand perfection over to not entirely capable singers, it could easily end up being a train wreck. Fortunately, there were just a couple of small missteps, no one butchered the music too badly, which was a relief. And Tim Urban didn’t suck that hard. Say whaaa?
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American Idol: This Is What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted

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Apologies to our readers – we wear our age on our sleeve because we said that the American Idol musical guest on Wednesday would be Diddy. We had no idea it would actually be Diddy-Dirty Money. There is, apparently, a difference. That difference is two additional women, an all-white costume closet, and strobe lights. In addition to DDM, we also got treated to an Auto-Tuned performance by Usher and a svelter-than-ever Ruben Studdard. Let’s hope that if the Idol hopefuls this season take a cue from anyone gracing the stage, it’s Ruben – he still sounds great and he and Clay Aiken are hitting the road together this summer! Frenemies: The Tour! Of course that was all filler, what we were waiting for was the moment when Didi Benami (a.k.a. C&C Music and Tear Factory) got kicked off. Now where will we get our fix of unprokoved weeping?
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American Idol: Ushering In The R&B

R&B night on American Idol meant Usher in sunglasses, some blah performances, some comebacks, and a fascinating backstage-cam that caught some awkward post-performance moments.  In general, no one did as we would have expected last night. Except Tim Urban. It’s just a universally agreed-upon fact at this point that he is the cockroach of this season,  managing to survive the nuclear blast that is Simon Cowell. And, awesomely, Simon told Tim to his face that somehow, no matter how bad he does, he’ll probably coast for weeks. More clips and assessments after the jump. Read more…

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American Idol: Miles To Go

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No surprises here, the bottom two contestants on American Idol on Wednesday were Paige Miles and Tim Urban. Tim seriously has some kind of angel looking out for him because there’s no other explanation for how he keeps squeaking by, ultimately he was safe and it was Paige who was booted from Season Nine and thus, from the Idol Summer Tour. Simon Cowell told her even before she “sang for her life” that there was no way they would use the Judges’ Save on her, at which point we really hoped they’d spare us from hearing her sing one last time. No such luck.

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American Idol: It’s Miley!

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Now this is what American Idol was made for – major suckage. There were so many bad performances that this show made dear Lacey Brown’s departure actually look like an error in judgment. The judges were so disappointed in so many of the performances that we’re just going to let them speak for us and write our performance reviews Zagat-style, because there are a lot of good quotes we don’t want to leave out. Miley Cyrus was on board to be the “mentor” for the show’s Billboard #1’s theme and her advice to the contestants was about as enlightening as her lyrics.
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American Idol: Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

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Two things: Number one, can there just be a moratorium on all things Kesha? Every writer forced to type her name already refuses to add the dollar sign out of spite, so can we also just agree, as a nation, that she’s awful and shouldn’t be allowed to sing anymore too? And also, who is this Orianthi person and why was she a performer on American Idol last night? Forgive us if she’s super famous and we’re one “Get off my lawn!” away from  being completely ancient and obsolete, but we have never heard of her and weren’t impressed by either performance on last night’s results show.

In other Idol news, we did find out who the first person to get kicked off was, and for once this year, the bottom three was dead on.
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“American Idol” Presents Rolling Stones Week, And It Didn’t Suck

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Overall, the contestants on American Idol – even the ones we don’t think deserve to be there – did pretty well last night. At least vocally; some of the arrangements were just plain wrong (Tim Urban singin’ de reggae, mon), but there were no real cringe-worthy moments aside from that one. Most surprisingly, the judges weren’t critical of song choices at all, and there wasn’t a single performance that they trashed (well okay, again, Tim’s was universally panned but they applauded his risk-taking). Seems like the gap between a lot of performers narrowed this week and we actually enjoyed this episode. Thank you, Rolling Stones, for inspiring some decent music last night.

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American Idol: America Is Crazy And So Is This Top 12

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Double U – Tee – Eff was up with this episode?

Before we get to it though, we just want to say right off that we re-watched parts of the Wednesday night American Idol and, on second viewing, the judges’ behavior only seemed more awkward. Kara DioGuardi’s blubbering and Ellen DeGeneres’ stage rush don’t get any less annoying or creepy with time. Moving on though to more the more pressing matters at hand,  the Thursday show. This episode revealed the names of the final twelve contestants and we just have to say, America, you are a bunch of idiots and your ears are stupid. Also, we got the return of Scott MacIntyre and Matt Giraud singing Billy Joel’s “Tell Her About It”, with “It” being the remote control – she could have used it to change the channel, that’s how infuriating the show was.

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Should Elton John Replace Simon On Idol?

Really, why do they consider anyone else? Former Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe confirmed to the Hollywood Reporter that no one is better suited to replace departing judge Simon Cowell than Elton John (“he’s absolutely it“). Though we understand the logic behind such rumored frontrunners as ex-Sony head Tommy Mottola and Madonna manager Guy Oseary, we have to agree with Nigel. Mottola and Oseary may bring industry respect, they’re mostly famous for respectively marrying Mariah Carey and letting Madonna release “American Life.” John is a trash-talking British sweetheart (we like those) who could probably use an excuse to get off the road, and his star power could keep Ellen DeGeneres from being Idol‘s Cousin Oliver. Plus he’s pals with the other judges—even Simon, as proven by their goofy photo ops in the gallery below.

Would you like to see Elton take Simon’s seat on Idol? Let us know in our TheFABLife poll.

[Poll Photo: Getty Images]

View Photo Gallery

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American Idol: Boy Zone

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This was some episode, huh? The guys on American Idol were great (give or take a couple of hiccups), but let’s be honest: the night belonged to Big Mike. Michael Lynche sealed his fate when he closed the show with a fantastic version of “This Woman’s Work” and we bet Ellen DeGeneres is sorry she wasted her hug on Tim Urban. ‘Cause you can’t be running out of your seat all the time to give hugs, Ellen.

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