Oooo, our faces are as red as our infected Spanx line! (Thank you, Tina Fey, for informing the world about that dire affliction.) As if it wasn’t enough for her to defy both gravity and cultural perceptions of beauty by becoming hotter as she enters her forties, Jennifer Lopez obviously wore a dress with butt cut-outs to the Parker premiere last night just to demonstrate how she doesn’t need the four pairs of overlapping Spanx most leading ladies wear on the red carpet. Or, uh, any underwear whatsoever. Jeez, we get it, Jennifer Lopez. Your body is its own Spanx.
It horrifies us to think that some of you kids might only know Ben Affleck as a legitimate film director, not as the male half of a celebrity mega-couple. Are we so old and Hollywood so ever-changing? That’s the first thought that popped in our heads when we read Jennifer Lopez‘s exceedingly kind words about Affleck…and their experience as a celebrity couple. “[Argo] was a great movie,” Lopez told Ellen DeGeneres today. “And, we got you know, a lot of like … They were really hard on us in the press when we dated back in the day. On movies and things like that. So it was a nice moment. It was nice to see him have that moment. I was really happy for him.” That is true. There is no arguing that Bennifer was tabloid fodder for years, but maybe it wasn’t entirely the medias fault. So much of Bennifer was such perfect celeb gossip:
If you thought that Casper Smart was Jennifer Lopez‘s hot, jacked 20-something dancer rebound following her split from Marc Anthony…well, okay, you’re probably right. But Casper isn’t just a hot, jacked 20-something rebound; he’s also so cute with JLo’s kids, we want to die. The couple was spotted hanging out by the pool at the SLS in Miami Beach yesterday with Jen’s twins. Between Casper’s abs and playing pool games with Emme and Max, we’re surprised Lopez didn’t drop to one knee and propose right then and there. Actually…we sort of want to propose to him now, too. Sure, we don’t have a ring and, yes, we’d just be talking to a computer screen, but explain to us how anyone can look at this adorableness and not squee out loud. We’re approaching Flipper-levels of squeeing over here.
Seeing as how she’s already busy touring with Enrique Iglesias, as well as working with Anthony on their singing competition show, we understand now why Jen would drop American Idol to fit more of this beauty in her life. Who knew a few photos would give us a completely new level of comprehension about JLo’s decision-making process?
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Sorry, Snoop. Mariah Carey, it’s not you. It’s us. Well, actually it’s Diddy, JLo and us if the Universe decides to be merciful. If American Idol is actually attempting to recruit P. Diddy for a judge’s spot like Page Six claims, then we demand as loyal audience members that they wrangle Jennifer Lopez back onto the show. Seeing as how the two used to date around the turn of the century, this would be the perfect reunion scenario. Two famous exes crushing young people’s dreams side by side? Their incredibly complicated relationship played out for the entire world to see? If there is anyway we can also replace Randy Jackson with Ben Affleck, we’ll hand over an Emmy to Idol right now. Right…now.
Their personal history aside for the moment, Diddy also has enough reality show experience for us to immediately sign off on this move. The man created Danity Kane on Making the Band, for pete’s sake! We wouldn’t want to live in a world where we couldn’t listened to “Damaged” ten times in a row on the elliptical. We could live in a world without O-Town, but other than that, this seems to be the best of both worlds as far as we’re concerned.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Good lord in Fugven! The wardrobe on Reese Witherspoon in Devil’s Own and Elizabeth Olsen in Very Good Girls has our eyebrows kissing the top of our heads. See, this is what can happen when they try to make the beautiful people look less beautiful: they transform a beautiful person…into a blazing hot mess. That paisley? How? What? Wha? No!
Now, fugly wardrobe is not to be confused with an actor or actress who purposely become less hot in order to transform into an actual preexisting human being (Charlize Theron in Monster, anyone?), like those Oscar nominees featured in our list of Scarily Accurate Historical Figure Portrayals. It is simply a costume that was carefully hand-selected by a film’s wardrobe department to depict a certain time period or personal style…and also happens to be very, very, very fugly. Reese and Elizabeth, you know what we’re talking about. Why does Dakota Fanning look relatively normal and Elizabeth have that monstrous shirt on? Okay, sorry. Let us do our breathing exercises for a second. You can’t see it, but we’re shaking our heads on your behalf, ladies, and on behalf of everyone else on our Fugliest Movie Wardrobe list:
[Photo: Splash News Online]
After being named #1 on Forbes’ 2012 Celebrity 100 and pulling in over $50 million last year, we can understand why Jennifer Lopez might be ready to move on from her American Idol gig. What else is there for her to accomplish sitting next to Steven Tyler? “There is just too much going on for her right now,” a source told Us Magazine. “She regrets she can’t stay on the show. It’s been an incredible experience and she is forever grateful that she did it.” JLo herself seemed to indicate the desire to vacate her judge’s chair for the next lucky butt. “Now this is my second year — I don’t know if I can go for a third year. I miss doing other things,” Lopez said on Ellen today. Other things like co-headlining a concert with Enrique Iglesias, starring in more films and piloting a personal space craft to Mars, perhaps? Okay, maybe not that last one, but it would be nice to have the option. She certainly has the money for it…
While Jennifer might be ready to leave the dream crushing to someone else, the people behind A.I. seem determined to keep her on the show. “We want her back. I want her back,” American Idol‘s executive producer Nigel Lythgoe told TMZ today. “I know how much she loves doing the show and how much she cares for the kids. It’s a business. She has to weigh everything. I know she’s gotten lots of offers to do movies and other things.” We wonder how much A.I. would be willing to fork over to have Jennifer stay. On the other hand, space exploration could really use that $50 million, JLo. We’re not trying to sway you either way, we’re just saying…give it some thought. It’s something to consider.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Happy Mother’s Day! In honor of this glorious day saluting all mothers, MILFs, and mommies-to-be, we’d like to thank the mamas who gave us Hollywood’s hottest celebs. You just know there is an amazingly awesome woman responsible for the boy who became Ryan Gosling, and she therefore deserves many, many thanks. Without these moms, we would not have Rihanna’s “Oh na na,” Ellen DeGeneres’ dance moves, or any of Justin Bieber’s swag. Today, we’re celebrating Mother’s Day with little guessing game: We’ll show you picture of a hot mama and you guess their famous son or daughter. Click the pics in order or it’s totally cheating, and your mama wouldn’t approve of that. Now let the games begin!
[Photos: Getty Images]
We love how hot Jennifer Lopez looks on the cover of the new Vogue Shape issue, but you know who probably loves it more? JLo herself. “He always told me what a beautiful voice I have,” the American Idol judge gushes about ex Marc Anthony. “He was like, ‘It’s in there; you just gotta let it out. It’s a confidence thing with you.’ Then all of a sudden one day I was like, I’m good at this!” Just in case Jenny forgot her own awesomeness for even a second, she also sports a massive diamond ring that spells out the words I Love Me. “That may sound conceited, but it’s not. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else,” Lopez exclaims. “And I think as women we really forget that.” We aren’t even going to pretend we don’t looooove that she wears that. Or that we would expect anything less of her.
We find it no surprise then that JLo attracts, in the words of her manager Benny Medina, “obsessive men,” ostensibly like current boyfriend Casper Smart. Why wouldn’t they be obsessed? Are they made of hunky stone? “The thing that I always sort of wished is that she would give herself time to just naturally meet someone,” Medina sighs, “instead of having nearly obsessive guys pursue her. The ease with which that obsession becomes a relationship I think sometimes works against her ability to have a real meaningful relationship.” Gushes Lopez about Smart, “He’s adorable. But you already see that. He really is [sweet]. He’s a good egg.” Just wait until she gives you the diamond I Love JLo ring, Casper. That’s how you know you’re in!
Jennifer Lopez has spent the last decade establishing to the world how sweet her booty looks. JLo’s near nip slip is already so Oscars 2012. What’s new body part can the American Idol judge bring to our attention? How about some of that sweet, sweet bulge? Okay, so Jennifer’s package is just the weird padding on a pair of boxing shorts, but we demand you look at her new V Magazine cover and tell us you aren’t immediately forced to glance at her crotch. It’s like a magnet for the eyes…pervert eyes!
At least V waited until today to release the magazine cover; we shudder to think of how costar Steven Tyler would have teased JLo about her new genital enhancement last night. “It was no nipple!” Lopez exclaimed on Idol Tuesday night when Tyler teased her about her revealing Academy Awards dress, yanking down his shirt into a more scandalous cut. “That was a reenactment of the Oscars,” Ryan Seacrest laughed. Okay, okay, but seriously, what body part is there left for JLo to blow out minds with? We need to start brainstorming for next year’s red carpet. How about legs? Legs are good. Feet? Arms? El…elbows?
[Photo: V Magazine]
Films, performances and songs get judged at the Oscars, as do the fashion styles and makeup. But what about the boobs, bums and other body parts that make the night unforgettable? If you ask us, the Oscars definitely need to add a category. So, tonight we’re going to change all that and give you our picks for the best body parts of the 84th Annual Academy Awards. Very appropriate, given that Angelina Jolie’s leg (@angiesrightleg) must be setting some kind of record for most Twitter followers for a limb gained in a single evening. From Jennifer Lopez’s almost wardrobe malfunction to Billy Crystal’s epic jowls, we have our list of faves from the night. Head on down to the gallery below to check ‘em out!