Machete & The Last Exorcism
The year begins with two smart twists on film genre. Machete grew out of a trailer in Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez‘s tribute to ’70s exploitation Grindhouse. As a full-length feature, it’s a sugar-addicted ADD kid on the rampage, giddily lurching from one guilty pleasure to the next, whether it’s a man playing Tarzan with someone’s entrails or Jessica Alba in the shower. Danny Trejo, his pock-marked face familiar from a hundred straight-to-DVD slam-bangers, is the Mexican superhero who takes up blades against a trio of villains that includes Don Johnson‘s sh*tkicker and an anti-immigration senator mugged furiously by Robert De Niro. To say that Stephen Seagal gives the performance of a lifetime may sound like damning with faint praise, but like everything else in this five-alarm flick, it’s something to see.
The Last Exorcism would seem like a Blair Witch wannabe if it wasn’t so smart about character. A professional exorcist hopes to expose the theatre at the heart of his profession by ridding a bayou farm girl of her “demons.” What at first seems like a confrontation between two fakers haunted by worldlier spirits turns out to be much more. The mockumentary format serves the scares well, especially when the troubled girl drags the camera into the Satanic action, and Patrick Fabian and Ashley Bell would deserve award notice if the world wasn’t so easily blinded by stuttering kings.
Extras: Machete has deleted scenes and an “audience reaction” track. Viewers will have to bring their own Tecate six-pack. The Last Exorcism includes a pair of commentary tracks, a making of featurette and an extended segment on real-life exorcisms.
- By C. Bottomley
Between Dustin Hoffman cuddling his wife and precious child co-stars running around the red carpet, Jessica Alba had some serious competition for Cutest Thing At The Little Fockers NY Premiere. But thanks to her fringe-festooned Valentino dress, she still had no problem catching everyone’s eye.Ã‚Â The glittery gold heels were probably the only reason she didn’t bust out a Charleston. See more photos of Alba and her Fockers co-stars in the gallery below.
We’re not going to lie; we may have let our inner hater show a little bit last month when Jessica Alba told Elle that “good actors never use the script, they just make stuff up as they go along.” Ugh, that just sounds so dumb! However, Alba has come forward to clarify that her so-called-quote was, well, made-up by the interviewer as she went along. “That wasn’t true. Just so it’s clear, films don’t even get made and nothing ever gets a green light unless there’s great material. That’s always a #1 thing before you can get a director, actors or a studio even interested in anything.” Thanks for the quick lesson in Film Making 101, Jessica! We’re pretty sure everyone on the planet was aware of that movies need screenplays except for, you know, you.
Alba places the blame squarely on Elle for making her sound like a complete diva. “There was an article written recently where I was completely and totally paraphrased and things were taken out of context and mushed together. It was a four-hour interview that got condensed into a page and a half for a fashion magazine.” Alright, Alba, we guess we’ll put our claws away for now. But if you think we are going to be this nice after we see Spy Kids 4: All The Time In The World, oh man, you should think again. [Photp: Getty Images]
We’ll level with you: we have never watched Yo Gabba Gabba. Not once. But after seeing all of the hip Hollywood parents who turned out to see the cast live in LA this weekend, we’re starting to think we’re missing out. Everyone wanted to be there! It looked like a Lady Gaga show for the kindergarten set. Gwen Stefani, Nicole Richie, Dave Grohl, Jessica Alba, Tori Spelling and many many other famous families got their groove on with DJ Lance Rock at LA’s Nokia Center. Hell, even the kids look cooler than we are (check out Sparrow Madden‘s curly mohawk—very early Ian MacKaye). See which tinsel town tots (and their parents) were there rocking out in the gallery below!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Maybe it’s just us, but we love new cranky Jessica Alba. First she complains about her gorgeous body, then she scoffs that “good actors never use the script,” despite having appeared in The Love Guru, which many consider to be a modern-day Casablanca, if Casablanca had been terrible. Now we find out that the world almost lost our angry gem as it’s revealed in her upcoming Elle interview that making Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer almost made Jessica Alba quit acting. Which is fitting, since that’s the film that almost made us give up on going to the movies. Or having eyeballs.
Apparently Jessica’sÃ‚Â fury was unleashed when Silver Surfer director Tim Story tried to keep her from, you know, actually acting. “[The director told me] ‘It looks too real. It looks too painful. Can you be prettier when you cry? Cry pretty, Jessica.’ He was like, ‘Don’t do that thing with your face. Just make it flat. We can CGI the tears in.” That is…deeply messed up. Here we were, thinking movie makers had to draw emotions on Jessica Alba’s face because she was a bad actress. Now she might be terrible, and we have no way of knowing it!
After that incident Alba started to doubt her whole life trajectory. “I’m like, ‘But there’s no connection to a human being.’ And then it all got me thinking: Am I not good enough? Are my instincts and my emotions not good enough? Do people hate them so much that they don’t want me to be a person? Am I not allowed to be a person in my work? And so I just said, ‘F**k it. I don’t care about this business anymore.” Thank god Jessica decided to forge ahead, despite everything. What would we have done without such gems as Good Luck Chuck, Valentine’s Day and Little Fockers? We just hope there’s no backlash against Alba for speaking out like this, or else she’ll have tears streaming down her face for sure. And it won’t take no $32 million budget and a supercomputer to put them there.
Before stepping out at the American Music Awards, Jessica Alba had a play-date with daughter Honor Warren at a playground in Beverly Hills yesterday afternoon. Momma showed baby the intricacies of swinging solo, while dressed in fabulous designer couture. It looks like she got the hang of it pretty fast. Maybe lesson two will include jumping off mid-flight! For more adorability, check the pics below!
Welcome to The Daily Hot – our round-up of the sexiest pics and stories on the interwebs. Today’s steaming pile of hotness:
1. Behold the post-baby boobs of Jessica Alba.
2. Jordana Brewster in Rio, in a bikini.
3. Kat Dennings bares all.
Well here’s a quote that’s sure to make screenwriters, no, make that all writers, a little mad. In a recent interview with ELLE Magazine, Jessica Alba said “Good actors, never use the script unless itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s amazing writing. All the good actors IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” That’s so cool, we didn’t realize just how many improvised movies and TV shows there were. Wait, WHAT? This has to be wrong, right?
It seems like Alba is saying that great actors who think they’re better than the scripts they’re given just make things up as they go along? And pay no attention to the countless hours that the writers spend editing and rewriting? And also maybe instead of giving out Best Screenplay Oscars, maybe we should give out Best Lines-Made-Up-On-The-Fly Awards? We’d love some clarification on this because, Jessica, we love you, but this is insane.
Dear God, what is wrong with this woman? Jessica Alba is not happy with her body. With her post-partum body, to be precise. For real… that’s what she told GQ UK griping, “My breasts are saggy, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got cellulite, my hips are biggerÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ every actress out there is more beautiful than me.”
Just where exactly is that cellulite, Jessica? Who is more beautiful? Give us names, a photo, a clueÃ‚Â ’cause we don’t see it. Look at this GQ cover video and tell us if you can spot any flab at all. Or large hips. You’re on the cover Jess, and it’s not because of your scintillating acting skills.
This also makes us exceedingly nervous, because if Jessica Alba is not happy with how she looks, what shot do the rest of us mere mortals have? Zero… or, you know, the size dress Jess wears.