If you thought Lindsay Lohan was going to give up her crown to Amanda Bynes so easily, we would ask you to please think again. It was weird enough when we heard Lindsay has flipped out at Clint Eastwood‘s daughter’s birthday party (we know), but now the host of an all-night Hollywood party is claiming Lohan’s friends stole “several expensive watches and some sunglasses” during the festivities. According to TMZ, Lindsay allegedly brought her brother Cody and two male buddies to the party Sunday night. When the host noticed his belongings were missing, he held the party goers, alerted authorities and told police he suspected Lilo’s friends of thievery. Yup, while Amanda is racking up car accidents at a very similar rate, Lindsay still cannot be challenged when it comes to down-right bizarre accusations.
We do want to be clear, though: it’s Lindsay’s friends who stand accused of stealing, not her. On the other hand…when’s the last time you heard about Amy Adams or Jessica Chastain paling around with the criminal element? Not never. It probably doesn’t help that Lindsay, you know, stole that jewelry last year. Bynes, you are really going to have to step up your game if you want the heavyweight hot mess belt. Luckily the belt looks amazing paired with hyper-long extensions and cut-off Daisy Dukes, so you know it’ll look fierce no matter who’s wearing it.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
It’s official: the evil demon spirit that used to inhabit the body of Lindsay Lohan is now taking over Amanda Bynes. That’s the only way to explain how the former All That star suffered yet another car accident in L.A. last night. According to TMZ, Amanda’s was rear-ended at 8 PM as she was driving her rental car through the San Fernando Valley. The other driver claims that the collusion was the result of Amanda’s wreckless driving. For those of you keeping score, this brings her personal total to 1 DUI, 3 hit-and-runs, 1 flee from police (and a partridge in a pear tree). Ouch.
But wait, you say. What if paranormal activity isn’t responsible for all of this motor mayhem? What if she just sucks at driving? We could see why you’d think that. The L.A. traffic drove us literally to the brink of tears when we tried to drive out there. But then we saw these pictures of a disheveled Bynes leaving a CVS. The leopard print, the oversized glasses, the sullen skin pale from too many days sleeping off hard nights. It reeks of Lilo! What do you want, evil spirit!? Let our former child actresses go!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Ah, but tell us how you really feel. Braxton Pope, producer on Lindsay Lohan‘s most recent film The Canyons, posted an essay about Lilo to the movie’s Facebook page today praising everything from Lindsay’s perfect fact to her “flawless” line reads to her classic style. The whole thing is so complimentary, we’d be inclined to think Lohan paid for the amazing publicity…except Braxton also zings Linday’s driving ability.”So, did I say good? She was actually great. Not that the shoot was without its challenges. Do I want to drive in a car with Lindz?,” Pope writes. “No. No I don’t. Ever.” Hmmm, that part seems to check out. We guess that means the rest of Braxton’s gushing is…true? Take a look at our favorite segments and let us know what you think:
Call us crazy, but we think we just worked out the pattern dictating Lindsay Lohan‘s life: a great thing happens, followed by a terrible thing, followed by another great thing. For example, just this year it’s been: filming Liz & Dick, fender bender, shooting The Canyons, uh…another fender bender. Since we just reported that Lilo will allegedly star in a music video from Lady Gaga’s new album, it stands to reason we would also have to report that Lohan threw a tantrum at a famous person’s birthday party. It’s just statistics at this point!
Now, we’re using the phrase “famous person” loosely as we are referring to Clint Eastwood‘s reality star daughter Francesca Eastwood, but either way sources reported that Lindsay flipped out when she spotted Francesca partying at L.A.’s Bootsy Bellows. “She was yelling ‘I’m a star, she’s a nobody, get her out of here!’” they claimed. “One poor guy came over and tried to calm [Lindsay] down and she acted aggressively. At that point the security told her to leave and it was totally embarrassing. She is acting like some bad ’80s film star, and it is hard to watch because she needs help.” Seeing as how Francesca’s party was almost certainly being filmed, we could potentially get a glimpse of Lindsay’s meltdown on TV. But that would require Lindsay signing a waiver to appear on the show, which she…wouldn’t do? Let’s check the pattern again. It’s the only way to know what to expect!
In case forcing the crew of The Canyon to take off their clothes before her nude scene hadn’t convinced you, this rumor confirms what we’ve long suspected: Lindsay Lohan must be so much fun to hang out with, other celebs quickly forget about all her arrests. And her car accidents. And I Know Who Killed Me. According to the New York Post, Lilo has allegedly been cast in an upcoming music video from Lady Gaga‘s new album ARTPOP. Seeing as how the news emerged only days after Lohan spent the night hanging out with Gaga at the Chateau Marmont, maybe Lindsy should book a whole bunch of celebrity sleepovers! Not in a filthy way, you pervs. We mean in a Boogle-playing, Chex mix-eating, Poltergeist-watching kind of way. Oh wait, that’s starting to sound sexy too. Hmmm….
So maybe Lindsay did get Gaga her part as La Chameleon in Robert Rodiguez‘s Machete Kills like we postulated. Tit for tat, ya’ll! Anyway you slice it, Lindsay’s innate awesomeness must have played a big part in landing her the role, considering the fact Lady G could have any actress she wanted star in her videos. Gaga could have someone build a time machine, travel back to the ’50s and bring back Marilyn Monroe if she really wanted to! Marilyn probably wouldn’t be as much fun at a sleepover, though; she’d be too busy screaming at having been kidnapped through time.
[Photo: Lady Gaga's Twitter]
Lindsay Lohan is currently showing us that the road to Hollywood “comeback” is a long one, fraught with made-for-TV movies and bit parts in movies with a numeral greater than 3 in the title. LiLo is apparently inches away from signing on to appear in Scary Movie 5, due out in January of 2012. According to E! News, her rep says she has not officially inked the deal yet “as of right this moment,” but producers insist that they have her nailed down. The film is supposed to be a “reboot” of the spoof series, which has been going strong since 2000. Should we take that to mean they couldn’t get Anna Faris to agree to come back?
The film is also rumored to get an extra dose of “scary” with Charlie Sheen, returning to the films even though he was violently killed off in the last installment. But hey, hookers and a drug called “Charlie Sheen” don’t pay for themselves. It’s unknown if those two will share any screen time, but if they do the amount of white powder consumption between the two (past or present) is so mindbogglingly high that it will probably cause the screen to look like this. Spooky!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Lindsay Lohan has remarkable powers of persuasion. That can be the only explanation for how she got an entire film crew to strip down to the boxers while she was shooting her latest nude sex scene. She doesn’t seemed to have scads of likablility these days, so we have to chalk it up to masterful, Jedi-like powers of debate. The pants went down on the set of The Canyons last week, when the former Playboy centerfold admitted to being uneasy about going topless in front of the crew of ten dudes. To feel better about it all, she asked the moviemakers to strip down too! Someone should tell her that you’re only supposed to imagine the room is full of naked people. Actually doing it is kind of overkill.
According to TMZ, the guys initially dragged their feet a little bit, but they eventually came around. And therein lies the mystery, one which may never be solved. Maybe they were just on a tight deadline. The film costars is adult film star James Deen, so maybe that was his official porn star set advice for getting over first nude-day jitters.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Earlier this month, we heard stories about Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga and Lana Del Rey striking up a friendship and having a little slumber party at the Chateau Marmont in L.A. We kind of shrugged it off as one of those fever dreams we have after writing too many blog posts. Also, they were reportedly just playing board games and watching old movies, so we really didn’t believe it. But yesterday, Gaga posted pics from their ladies’ night on her LittleMonsters.com site.
Before we go on with the story, we just want to state that we’re really frustrated with Lindsay Lohan for getting into car accidents all the time. Not because she’s “Lindsay Lohan”, but because she could really hurt herself and other people. With everything going on in the world these days, it behooves her to respect and take care of … well, human life. We may have written a haiku to Lindsay about her lack of driving skills this week, which sounded like it was in jest, but seriously girl, stop driving if you can’t handle it. You could injure yourself and other people. This latest accident happened yesterday, and luckily wasn’t serious. But she needs to stop testing that luck! Li.Lo was shopping in Beverly Hills on Wednesday afternoon and was driving her black Porsche Panamera whilst in the area. She was on Sunset Boulevard, and it seems like she could not judge when to brake on time, as she bumped into the back of a stationery silver Mustang. That’s right, it was moving, and a woman sitting in the car, explains, “We were sitting at a light and somebody hit us.” What went down after, is that Lindsay’s male companion apologized for her actions and gave the Mustang passengers his phone number. He said they had to jet off before the paparazzi kicked into action. So far, the damage to both cars has been minimal. But Lindsay’s Porsche has seen trouble before because she slammed into an 18-wheeler last month and she ended up in the emergency room. And let’s not even get into all the other accidents she’s been in. She just needs to stop driving, period.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Related: A Couple Of Wise Words To Lindsay Lohan As She Slips Into The Driver’s Seat Of Her Car
This headline feels like an ode. It may as well be, because we honestly felt like writing one when we saw pictures of Lindsay Lohan rolling out of the Chateau Marmont last night. Well, more a haiku, than an ode. If you would like to write one too, please do. We’ll trade notes! And this will help you nail your five-seven-five. You’re welcome.
Look Mama, no hands,
Is not a good look for you.
Try to focus, gurl friend.
Essentially, this haiku condenses what we really want to say to Li.Lo. Read more…