The nominees for the 2013 Golden Globes were announced bright and early this morning, and the list didn’t feature a ton of surprises. Perhaps the most surprising part is that these men and women have all kept truckin’ with their acting careers despite having made some hilariously bad role choices in the past. Congrats guys, you’re an illustration of the enduring human spirit! Or maybe you all just got better agents…
To be fair, folks like Leonardo DiCaprio, Helen Hunt and Joaquin Phoenix when they made their turkeys, so they didn’t know any better. But not everyone in this list has that excuse! Ben Affleck might have a GG nod for best director with Argo, but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that he helped bring Gigli to life. And why have we all forgotten that The Good Wife’s Julianna Margulies was in Snakes On A Plane, or that Alec Baldwin appeared as Mr. Conductor in the children’s train movie Thomas And The Magic Track? It’s pretty priceless!
Let’s dive deep into the IMDB page of these acclaimed thespians and pull out some truly amazing forgotten films. It’s like cinematic naked baby photos! And always remember: You too can still rise to the top, even if you’ve made a movie as bad as She-Devil.
[Photo: Getty Images]
If you thought we couldn’t work Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael and Michaelangelo into a post with Julia Roberts, you would be wrong. (That’s why we are professionals.) There is a very important reason to write about both of these things today: Some mean guys are intent on ruining our sacred memory of ’90s things that were kind of not that great to begin with.
First, there was Michael Bay’s announcement that his reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would change a key element of the Turtles’ backstory: They are now aliens instead of mutants. And there was outrage! Robbie Rist, the voice of Michaelangelo in the first movies, accused the director of “sodomizing” the franchise. Ouch.
“Fans need to take a breath, and chill,” Bay wrote on his own forum last night. “Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”
We can’t remember how many years ago we heard the infamous “Richard Gere got a hamster stuck up his bottom” legend — suffice it to say that over many years it passed into folklore and we were considering passing it on to our children as a bedtime story, then to our children’s children. It’s nice to have these traditions, no?
But unfortunately, Richard Gere himself has ruined our dreams, by actually confronting the long-running rumour and nixing it. “I stopped reading the press a long time ago. Lots of crazy things came up about me at first, especially from the tabloids. There is an infamous ‘Gere stuck a hamster up his bum’ urban myth. I just decided not to pay attention to any of it. It’s a waste of energy,” he told Metro.
There’s something squeamishly embarrassing about the fact Gere knows about this rumour. Who told him? We want to meet the guy or girl that actually went up to the silver fox and asked him about his ass and a small rodent-like creature. Still, in the meantime, we’re going to have to seek out a new celebrity, and a new totally improbable rumor to pass along. [Photo: AFP]
Never have so many known so little about one rumor. The words Richard, Gere, and gerbil became intractably linked over a decade ago, the story going like this:
Back in the early ’90s, Richard was allegedly admitted to a Los Angeles area hospital with a foreign object lodged in his rectum. Only he and the X-ray machine know for sure, but the object was reported to be a gerbil, either alive or dead (we’ll let you make the educated guess). According to the rumor, Richard had been participating in a sexual activity called “gerbilling,” wherein a gerbil is used in an attempt to attain auto-erotic stimulation. The incident, if true, would have taken place while Gere was riding high from his Pretty Woman success, and while married to uber-fox Cindy Crawford.
Though Richard has never directly addressed the rumors, they’ve persisted, making their way into the cultural consciousness — with everything from a South Park episode to the gerbil-in-question’s very own MySpace page.