Shy’m, we just wanted to sit down and briefly discuss your NRJ Awards dress, okay? Actually, could you not stand directly facing us? Great. We’ll admit, the bottom of the dress you wore on Saturday in Cannes was the start of a flawless Grecian goddess gown. You’re gorgeous, you’re French, you sing R&B: it’s hard for you not to knock a red carpet look out of the park. But the top…?
We’ll just say it: the top of your frock looks like a spun sugar corset embedded with fiberglass. Or Yeti hair. Why did you hire a Yeti to make your spun sugar corset, Shy’m? And why did he spend so much time on the abs section? We also wanted to touch on how your name sounds like you borrowed it from a minor Kristen Wiig character in an SNL sketch (possibly Deep House Dish?) but we just do not have the time. Here, borrow our jacket. Your top is also…sort of see-through. You knew that? Oh, Shy’m. Shy’m. No.
[Photo: Getty Images]